Bad In Laws

[stitch'sohana]

I can't really say much considering I don't have in laws yet but I did want to stress that life is short, too short to be treated like a doormat. I respect and admire those of you who can not let it get to you. But knowing how my dads family treated my mom only makes me dislike them more. I have basically no contact with this side of the family and it suites me just fine. I don't appreciate how they make my family feel and would never be able to fake a relationship with them. i can honestly say that one of the best things my mom taught me was to stand up for myself and not let anyone treat me like a doormat! When your kids get old enough to realize what they are truly like they will just learn to resent them. Sadly this is how I feel about them but it beats having to sit around and fake a relationship that neither of us want.
Good luck to everyone! I wish I had your patience!

 

[2MuchOhana]

Here's the latest. Crissi, I know you probably can't wait to hear this one.

Sunday night the Inlaws called. They got mad at DH and hung up on him. The following morning we get an email saying they were canceling their trip.

They wanted this trip to be a new beginning and a fresh start to our troubled relationship. DH and I thought in order to do that we needed to work things out beforehand. We had planned to get together with them the weekend of Thanksgiving to talk about what needed to in order to make this truly happen. Since we live so far away from each other this was the only weekend left to do it.

Suddenly out of the blue they invited our niece to join them on the trip to Chicago and were no longer planning on meeting us at my parent's house. They didn't think it was important. Sad thing was that we thought it was important and we sold our tickets to the Packer vs. Bears game for a loss which were for this past weekend. They knew that, too. We asked them before we put the tickets up for sale. They agreed to our offer to meet at my parent's house that weekend. They knew we couldn't make three long driving trips back to back as we told them that. We believe they were looking for an excuse to back out. They knew we wouldn't go if they brought our niece. They hardly go anywhere without her. We had asked them not to force us to see her all the time. We love her; but if we want to see her it would be our decision to not theirs. They didn't listen. They knew we wouldn't be able to say anything with her along. We politely declined to meet them that weekend under the new circumstances.

Next thing we know on Sunday they were blaming us for hurting their feelings. We refused to come see them and our niece someplace else other than where we agreed despite having sold our tickets. They said we were being selfish. They accused us of being jealous of our 9 year old niece and all kinds of things. When DH mentioned what we had given up to have been able to be with them that weekend FIL got mad and hung up the phone. We haven't heard from them since the nasty email the next morning. We believe that in their own anger and in haste they canceled their share of the trip. I guess, if they were going to act that way it is a good thing they did.

We still plan to go and have a good time with my parent's. Just thought you might like to know. It has made us my family even more if that is possible. The situation with the Inlaws is sad especially at this time of the year; but we know with the love and support of my family we will get through it.

Wishing everyone the joy and happiness of the Season. May you be blessed with the gift of health, friendship and family now and in all the New Years to come.

 

[Poohnatic]

Reading these, even my exMIL isn't that bad! She did some interesting things over the years, but never was intentionally hurtful.

My ex was having an affair and left me. His mom had treated me like I wasn't good enough for her baby for nine years. Once she met the paramour, she started calling me ALL THE TIME to try to get us back together. See, her son called and told them he'd moved out, here's the new number, don't worry that there's a woman's voice on the answering machine.
"Catholics don't get divorced"--my response "Your son is an athiest". "You love him"--my response "He obviously doesn't love me and I love myself too much to let him treat me that way"
"He just doesn't want kids"--my response "He told me he wasn't ready, that's not the same."

Ex did some damage to my car, smashing front windshield then the rear windshield six weeks later. His mom called to chat the day the second one happened, and couldn't understand why I was so upset. I changed my phone number, when my job offered a promotion across the state, I took it and used a friend's address for mail. She still kept sending me letters!

I'm very lucky this time around. My MIL may not always agree on things, but she's nice enough to say so and not make a federal case of it. Besides, she's a Disney freak!
Suzanne

 

[FOJMO]

I could swear this thread was here on the CB last week...???

 

[Amy]

I think what makes IL problems even worse is the holidays because you're blasted with all the commercials, songs, etc. about family, and everybody getting along and having a good time, and face it---there are a LOT of us with lousy in-laws.

My ILs fit right in with the "outlaws." DH has 2 brothers and 2 sisters; MIL has her 2 favorites, and it's kind of funny because they both are blonde, the other 3 "black sheep" have black hair. Needless to say, DH is NOT one of MIL's favorites, even though we're the only ones who live near MIL. She only calls DH when she wants something. Used to hear from her a lot when she was living in her house and needed things fixed, but now that she moved into an apartment, we don't hear from her at all.

Things were ok when DH and I were dating, but once we got married, MIL's attitude changed. I was the first non-Catholic to marry into the family. I was the only one to continue working when our DS's were born. I am also very up front and open with people, where DH's family doesn't talk about stuff at all. My family, we yell, tease, get it all out and everybody's fine. DH's family puts on an "act" all the time.

There are tons of things that have happened over the years, but this past summer, they planned a family reunion. MIL called to tell us about it; DH and our youngest DS were planning to go, but our oldest DS had an activity so he and I were missing it. Well, we got a call from MIL that the date was changed, but she didn't know the new date. Weeks went by and we heard nothing from anyone. A casual mention in an e-mail from DH's brother (also a black sheep) about the new date is the only way we learned the new date. Luckily, we had plans and couldn't make it anyway, but no one bothered to tell us the new date.

Then MIL calls a couple of weeks ago, laying the guilt trip on DH. Isn't it amazing that after all the crap they pull on you, they can still make you feel guilty because they're "family"? We live the closest to MIL (only a 45-min drive), and yet we haven't seen her since Jan. of 2002. Sad.

Ok, end of venting. This thread is very therapeutic.