Baby Showers for Unplanned Pregnancies (Young Mothers)

[morethananyonex]

A couple weekends ago a girl one of my younger brothers goes to school with had her baby shower (I believe she is 18, and graduating HS this year). He told me there were some parents of his friends that were disgusted with the idea of rewarding this girl for her behaviour, and thought it was completely wrong for her to have a baby shower. What do you guys think about this?

IMO, the young mothers with unplanned pregnancies need the help aspect of a shower far more than the majority of older mothers, and if family is okay with it I don't see anything wrong with "celebrating a mistake" as it was so lovingly put.

 

[disneyismyname]

A couple weekends ago a girl one of my younger brothers goes to school with had her baby shower (I believe she is 18, and graduating HS this year). He told me there were some parents of his friends that were disgusted with the idea of rewarding this girl for her behaviour, and thought it was completely wrong for her to have a baby shower. What do you guys think about this?

IMO, the young mothers with unplanned pregnancies need the help aspect of a shower far more than the majority of older mothers, and if family is okay with it I don't see anything wrong with "celebrating a mistake" as it was so lovingly put.

I don't see the problem of having a nice baby shower for the young mother. I can see why some of the older women would be upset by it, given their generation. But ..they should keep their mouths shut. Did these said parents go to the shower? If so, why did they...if it was "rewarding" bad behavior.

 

[KandD]

Whats done is done. If she doesn't get the necessities as gifts then she will probably be using state cash assistance to get them...most high school students do not make enough to support themselves, never mind a baby.
I don't see it as rewarding the bad behavior. Once the baby is born hopefully the girl's parents will make her be responsible for the baby and not "take over".

 

[staley7580]

Huh.. I was a young mother with an unplanned pregnancy. I was 20, and I lived on my own.. I was so grateful for all the stuff I got at my baby shower! I wasnt aware that only planned babies deserved a baby shower.

 

[morethananyonex]

I don't see the problem of having a nice baby shower for the young mother. I can see why some of the older women would be upset by it, given their generation. But ..they should keep their mouths shut. Did these said parents go to the shower? If so, why did they...if it was "rewarding" bad behavior.

From what I understood it was a shower for friends, so the children of these parents were the ones who were invited and went. I think a couple of the girls friends wanted to throw one for her.

Whats done is done. If she doesn't get the necessities as gifts then she will probably be using state cash assistance to get them...most high school students do not make enough to support themselves, never mind a baby.
I don't see it as rewarding the bad behavior. Once the baby is born hopefully the girl's parents will make her be responsible for the baby and not "take over".

Thats how I feel too.

 

[SaraJayne]

Every baby should be celebrated, regardless of the age of the mother, marital status, or if it's baby number 2 or 10 for Momma.

 

[disneyofcourse]

I know people who will act outraged and disgusted if they know of a teen getting a baby shower. I think all babies should be given a baby shower if the mother agrees to it/wants one.

 

[TB'sWidow]

Huh.. I was a young mother with an unplanned pregnancy. I was 20, and I lived on my own.. I was so grateful for all the stuff I got at my baby shower! I wasnt aware that only planned babies deserved a baby shower.

This I too was 20 with an unplanned pregnancy. Mary

 

[Katy Belle]

Its kind of tricky isn't it? I tend to lean toward supporting, rather than punishing. I would attend the shower.

When I was young I had a friend who bashed pre-marital sex to all of us girls who ran around together. She swore she would wait until marriage, on and on and on she talked about this. We should wait, she was going to, on and on. Fine. Your choice. Well....as things go... she got pregnant and then got married. She happened to have her baby at the same time as a good friend who got married and then pregnant. Someone had a joint baby shower for them. It did feel a bit weird...like perhaps the one who followed the "rules" should have gotten better treatment. But...we were happy for both of them and they both needed the STUFF that babies need!

 

[NaLisa]

I can understand not being overly enthusiastic about attending a baby shower for a high schooler, but there is a baby on the way and he/she will need things. Casting judgment on the girl will not make the pregnancy go away. Time to be gracious.

 

[4nana]

Shame on those judgemental 'Holier than Thou' parents unless they've walked a mile in her shoes . Personally, I don't see a shower as a reward, the baby is innocent and should not suffer the conquences of it's parents lack of responsibility. IMO, each baby deserves some type of shower, no matter the circumstances. Life is going to be hard enough for young mother as it is and I'm betting shower was a real pick me up for her, plus receiving baby necessities is a big help.

 

[tlbwriter]

You know, I'm a little uncomfortable with this kind of shower, but for a different reason. I absolutely do not think pregnant teens should be shunned or punished, but I do hate to see them glorified. How many girls see the "stars" of Teen Mom on the cover of People and think "how cool is that; she's famous?" How many girls see their friend or classmate walking around with a cute baby and think "oh, how sweet, someone to love!" How many see a snappy stroller or carrier and think it's an awesome accessory, just like a new bag? So yes, it makes me a teeny bit uncomfortable when someone gets a lot of attention and glory for being a teen mom, particularly when her peers are there to witness it.

But more importantly, I would never want to punish the mother or the baby, and heaven knows they are probably going to need a lot of help. So I wouldn't have any problem with them having a shower. I would just kind of hope the attitude (at least in front of her peers) is "we're here to help you through a difficult time" and not "ZOMG, baybeeees are wonderful, everyone should have one RIGHT NOW!!!!!"

Yeah, I'll probably get flamed for this.

 

[castmember19]

You know, I'm a little uncomfortable with this kind of shower, but for a different reason. I absolutely do not think pregnant teens should be shunned or punished, but I do hate to see them glorified. How many girls see the "stars" of Teen Mom on the cover of People and think "how cool is that; she's famous?" How many girls see their friend or classmate walking around with a cute baby and think "oh, how sweet, someone to love!" How many see a snappy stroller or carrier and think it's an awesome accessory, just like a new bag? So yes, it makes me a teeny bit uncomfortable when someone gets a lot of attention and glory for being a teen mom, particularly when her peers are there to witness it.

But more importantly, I would never want to punish the mother or the baby, and heaven knows they are probably going to need a lot of help. So I wouldn't have any problem with them having a shower. I would just kind of hope the attitude (at least in front of her peers) is "we're here to help you through a difficult time" and not "ZOMG, baybeeees are wonderful, everyone should have one RIGHT NOW!!!!!"

Yeah, I'll probably get flamed for this.

Not flaming at all, but I don't agree with the whole teen pregnancy being glorified thing and never have. Shows like Teen Mom or 16 and Pregnant hardly "glorify" anything. The girls on those shows are often shown suffering if anything. Their baby daddies start cheating, they drop out of school, they don't have the money to buy necessities, and so on. I just have always thought that it would have to take a really dumb teenager to say "Oh, I want to be like them!" or "I want a cute diaper bag as an accessory!" and get pregnant for that reason. I just can't see it happening.

That being said, this issue is often discussed on 16 and Pregnant. There have been a few episodes where the friends of the teen will want to throw a baby shower and the parents either said no or refused to show up.

 

[december]

x

 

[LuvLDM]

You know, I'm a little uncomfortable with this kind of shower, but for a different reason. I absolutely do not think pregnant teens should be shunned or punished, but I do hate to see them glorified. How many girls see the "stars" of Teen Mom on the cover of People and think "how cool is that; she's famous?" How many girls see their friend or classmate walking around with a cute baby and think "oh, how sweet, someone to love!" How many see a snappy stroller or carrier and think it's an awesome accessory, just like a new bag? So yes, it makes me a teeny bit uncomfortable when someone gets a lot of attention and glory for being a teen mom, particularly when her peers are there to witness it.

But more importantly, I would never want to punish the mother or the baby, and heaven knows they are probably going to need a lot of help. So I wouldn't have any problem with them having a shower. I would just kind of hope the attitude (at least in front of her peers) is "we're here to help you through a difficult time" and not "ZOMG, baybeeees are wonderful, everyone should have one RIGHT NOW!!!!!"

Yeah, I'll probably get flamed for this.

No flames from me, I think you make an excellent point.
I think you can be highly supportive of a pregnant teen but not glorify teen pregnancy, very important distinction IMO.

 

[tlbwriter]

Not flaming at all, but I don't agree with the whole teen pregnancy being glorified thing and never have. Shows like Teen Mom or 16 and Pregnant hardly "glorify" anything. The girls on those shows are often shown suffering if anything. Their baby daddies start cheating, they drop out of school, they don't have the money to buy necessities, and so on. I just have always thought that it would have to take a really dumb teenager to say "Oh, I want to be like them!" or "I want a cute diaper bag as an accessory!" and get pregnant for that reason. I just can't see it happening.

Well, I hope you're right. I used to think the same thing (in fact, I heard those shows should be mandatory viewing for all teenagers) but that was before I started seeing them on the cover of People. Now I just worry that they're turning into role models for girls who are desperately unhappy in the "real world." But like I said, I hope you're right.

 

[NaLisa]

I don't watch reality shows so I've not seen any of those mentioned, but I can't imagine how they could glorify a teen pregnancy. Even as a teenager, I pitied those girls who had babies in high school; they give up so much of their youth. My mother was pregnant with me her senior year and I know how hard things were for her being a teenage mother.

 

[FredinFL]

I see nothing wrong with it. That baby didn't do anything wrong, every baby should have a shower with gifts specially given to them. They all deserve that much. I think it small minded and mean for people to wish to deprive mother and child of a shower. Get a hobby people.

 

[daisax]

I had heard that the 16 and pregnant show glorified teen pregnancy, and then I watched a couple of them at the gym, and thought it did anything BUT glorify their situation. They're uniformly miserable. Of course some of the doom surrounding them is no doubt my adult perspective on their foolish choice in boyfriends, but I don't think my opinion would have been all that different at 14 or 15 if I had had the same show.

The more I do genealogy for my family and friends' families, the more I find that many, many, many, many women through the ages were pregnant when they got married. The difference was that back then if they didn't move away to give the kid up for adoption (otherwise known as "visiting an aunt out of town") they got married. The girls now are not "looser" -- those that don't choose abortion are just hung out to dry while the guy moves on with his life. Back in the day, they'd get married (some tragic marriages resulting, of course), and while people would raise an eyebrow at the sudden announcement and start counting on their fingers, they'd get the wedding and the baby shower and nobody was all that horrified, even if they did tsk tsk.

Either women were never as virtuous as mid-20th century media try to convince us, or historically there are a lot of babies born after 6 and 7 month pregnancies.

Instead of wanting to punish the girls for having premarital sex, we should be holding the boys to a higher standard than we currently do. No, they don't have to get married -- sometimes moving out together is the worst outcome -- but they should have to step up and support their kids and be expected to do so by both sets of parents AND the community of friends and neighbors.

 

[shirleyb]

The one show that to me really seems to glorify teen pregnancy and teen sex is Secret Life. I really dislike that show. All those kids talk about it sex, they seem to have no other dimension to their life other than sex.

I haven't seen the reality ones.