Baby shower situation...

[Myothername]

One of my co-workers is 24 weeks pregnant and we always do a shower for someone who works here having a baby. The problem here is that this girl is a very high risk pregnancy. She never made it past 6 weeks before but with some good specialists and treatment she may make it to 32 weeks. Doctor does not want to go past that date and he is not sure she will even make it that far. She is at risk to have the baby die in utero at any minute. We want to do a shower but are thinking we should wait to see how things turn out.

Anyone had this kind of situation and how did you handle it?

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Have the shower after the baby is born. In fact it is traditional to do it this way in most cultures.

Just tell her that we will throw you a shower after the baby is born. Be upfront about it.

 

[DSNY4ever]

If she is a co-worker, she might not be around after the baby is born (but if she is I see nothing wrong with doing it after). Wouldn't the shower be done right before maternity leave anyway- so can't you just wait and see what happens? If she makes it all the way to maternity leave she'll most likely be fine, and this seems like it will be a special birth to celebrate if they have had so much trouble.

 

[m&m's mom]

Have the shower now.
24 weeks is viable. They could take the baby now and very good chance it will be fine.
MY almost 14 year old DD was a 24 weeker a long time ago and tons of advances have been made. It will not be a "walk in the park" but odds are in her favor.
I would hate to think my friends and co-workers were on a death watch for my unborn baby.

 

[Chelley00]

Honestly, ask her. She knows what situation she is in, and she may have a preference. She may not want to jinx herself by having it before, or she may look forward to the distraction and celebration. People who have high risk pregnancies are very aware of how things can turn out, and have very definite choices.

Good for you thinking about her feelings

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Have the shower now.
24 weeks is viable. They could take the baby now and very good chance it will be fine.
MY almost 14 year old DD was a 24 weeker a long time ago and tons of advances have been made. It will not be a "walk in the park" but odds are in her favor.
I would hate to think my friends and co-workers were on a death watch for my unborn baby.

Come on, death watch?

I guess I am picturing someone who is very high risk as on bedrest at home and not at work.

If the coworker is still working then I would just go ahead with the shower now or ask her.

 

[anniemae]

I would ask her. I am sure she would appreciate it if someone talked to her, it seems like it is the "elephant in the room" so to speak. She knows the office will want a shower for her, but she also knows that everyone knows her situation. She may want a shower before to celebrate and ease her mood, or she may not want to jinx anything. Either way, I would get it out in the open and let her know you want to do whatever makes her the most comfortable and causes the least amount of stress for her.

 

[kaytieeldr]

I agree with the "talk to her" faction. I'm from one of those cultures that believes having a shower before the baby is born is tempting fate (but then, wouldn't you think by the same token, having a bridal shower before the wedding would be equally tempting fate? ) but that's not the issue here. See how the mom-to-be feels, and follow her wishes.

 

[Kimberle]

I would ask her. My dd was born @ 29 weeks & no one had a shower for me. I was sad and felt like people didn't want to waste their money in case something "happened." *I* wanted to view my pregnancy as normal as possible. Some people don't want anything until after the baby comes, no matter how un/eventful the pregnancy.


No right, no wrong. But I would ask her preference.

 

[mtemm]

most showers I've been to were held when the mom was around 30-35 weeks. I wouldn't likely have one this early regardless.

eta, re-read and had missed the part about her not going past 32 weeks. I would ask what she would like. I love the idea of the bedrest shower/pamper mommy shower. bedrest is awful! worth the end result, hopefully, but it is draining and boring and scary all at once. I think cydsipe's ideas below are great.

 

[cydswipe]

Can you do a "pamper mommy" shower?

If it's really the elephant in the room, when the baby arrives some people may not hesitate to give a baby gift.

Is she on bedrest? Alone at home or at the hospital? How about a shower by mail then? I lived to far away for a shower for my 1st DD. Every few days I would receive a gift from a girlfriend.

To keep w/ the pampering theme... how about gift certificate for supper, massage, pedi/mani, journal, gas card, new bathrope, PJ... Packages could be delivered on seperate days..


Heck, even a card shower would cheer her up if she's alone on bedrest. Bedrest is draining!

Good luck and best wishes!

 

[DisneyJen0504]

Do a shower right before she goes on maternity. If that is not possible, I would skip it and take up a collection for a gift following the birth that someone can bring to her after the baby is born.

 

[Mrs. Charming]

I'd definitely just ask her. She's probably stressing over all the things she has to buy and whether or not she's going to have a shower or buy it all herself!

Infertility is a witch, and thinknig you might lose your baby, and knowing that you'll delivery that early is really scary. My heart goes out to her! Been there, done that!

 

[southernbohemian]

I would go ahead and give her the shower and here is my reasoning:

Unless she herself is waiting to buy everything after the baby comes (unlikely), she will be buying baby stuff and gifts help.

This could possible be her only child - so let her enjoy the (few) perks of pregnancy.

If the baby does not make it, she will be devastated. Having enjoyed a shower and having gifts to return won't make it any easier, but I don't think it could possibly make it worse.

Waiting comes off a bit like your co-workers aren't willing to gamble their money that her baby will make it. Send a vote of confidence and good feeling by having the shower. Your support of her will help her during this very difficult time.

 

[design_mom]

I agree with those that say ask her. I think I'd say something like "As you know, we always do a shower for co-workers who are expecting. When do you think it would be convenient to have yours?" That gives her the opportunity to say "lets wait" or "Oh, anytime! I can't wait!"

We adopted our children (internationally) and several friends offered to host a shower in anticipation of our adoption. I was not comfortable doing it until we were home and everything was finalized. We did end up buying some of the items we needed for ourselves... but I was okay with that. They had a nice party for us after we got home instead.

I have a friend who has suffered several late-term losses... and I know she feels the same way about doing much baby-related prior to the baby being born. Not everyone might feel like that, but it might be best to ask.