Baby at Bridal Shower

[hentob]

Yes! Yes! Yes! You are so right! I am one of those mothers who look at adult only events as just that. A time to be away from kids. My kids or anyone else's.

Just wanted to tell you that I liked what you wrote

 

[Sandy V.]

You leave the Disboards for a day look what you come back to!

I posted page 1, but came back to read the thread, and found this line among the discussion:

"There are actually many of us that dare to love being with our children. "

Pretty blanket statement to be making about those that request an event be adults-only, and for the parents that make the choice to attend and leave their kids at home.

A well-reasoned choice was made by the shower's hostess not to include children - and any invitee had the option of attending per the "rules" or staying home with their child AND not being peeved about it.

And I STILL stick by my original thought - most invitees are considerate people - but there are always rotten apples whose ulterior motive is to upstage the guest of honor! Not enough facts to know if this was the case here.

 

[Lachesis00]

This sounds like so much fun!!

I am amazed at the women who can't be apart from their child for a couple hours. I am not talking about a newborn but a child who should be eating solids by now.
I find it kind of creepy (and yes I am a mother, but I liked having a couple hours to myself, no child, no husband, just being with friends) those who do not want to get out on their own for even an hour or two.

Even if the child is part of the wedding, I thought a shower was for adults only. I do not see what is so complicated about this concept.

How selfish of the gal bringing the child... as it's the brides day... period. I can see if it was a tiny baby but not a toddler who has a father sitting at home who could watch her.

Originally posted by Lisa F
A bunch of female friends and I try to get together every year for a "girls weekend." Generally this involves a lot of bad for you food, alcohol, chick flicks, conversations about sex and laughing your head off from the second you walk in the door until you collapse at 3am from exhaustion. It's just about the best time all of us have all year.

 

[totalia]

No one said you HAD to bring the child. If you want to leave the child at home, then leave it. That's not the same thing as being told your child isn't welcome by the hostess.

Thanks Pooh Girl 71. I'm glad to know that someone else has these kinds of parties where children are quite normal and accepted.

 

[Planogirl]

WHY does the child have to go everywhere with the Mom? Why can't the child spend time with the other parent?

As for the previous day's shopping trip making a difference, I assume that the lady knew about the shower well in advance. I would say that if she could only attend one without the child that she made the choice that it would be the shopping trip. If I'd been faced with the same situation, I would have put off the shopping but that's just me.

 

[birdiesunshine]

Originally posted by totalia

Thanks Pooh Girl 71. I'm glad to know that someone else has these kinds of parties where children are quite normal and accepted.

Don't get carried away now, just cause some of us on here think that some things should be done without children doesn't mean that we don't think children are normal. I love children. As a matter of fact I have one that I miss everytime I'm not around, but she doesn't have to be at every adult event I attend!!

A question for the women that never want to go to anything without their little ones......... If they get invited to a birthday party, do you feel the need to attend if you are not invited? If so, I'm sure they will start resenting that around the age of 10!!

 

[aprilgail2]

Originally posted by birdiesunshine


A question for the women that never want to go to anything without their little ones......... If they get invited to a birthday party, do you feel the need to attend if you are not invited? If so, I'm sure they will start resenting that around the age of 10!!

I have yet to be at a birthday party that my child was invited to that every parent has NOT stayed....no one at my daughters age just drops off and leaves. My neighbors child is 8 and when she has her childs birthday party at the house all the parents still stay though I am sure that will stop soon.
As far as the poster who asked why everyone can't leave their child home with the "other parent"...well some of us don't HAVE an "other parent" to leave them with!

 

[Pooh Girl 71]

Well, I have done plenty of stuff without my child, so it's not that I feel the need to take her everywhere. DH and I have gone away many times without her. Nothing beats quality time with the grandparents if you ask me. The same child has also spent every summer with her great grandmother in KY since she was 2, just like I did.

I did attend birthday parties with her until she was about 5. I would never dream of dropping a toddler/pre-schooler off at a party alone. More so because I wouldn't want to overburden the other parent.

 

[Pin Wizard]

A friend of mine brought her baby to a baby shower of mine. Didn't bother me at all. I would much rather have her there with the baby than not have her there at all!

 

[birdiesunshine]

Why am I not surprised that the point I was making was missed.
The point was, our kids don't need us to do every little thing with them just as we don't need to do every little thing with them. I wasn't talking about b-day parties for toddlers.

I'm signing off this thread as it is not serving any purpose anymore!!

 

[Pooh Girl 71]

No need to get huffy birdiesunshine. I got your point and answered it.

 

[Jenn Lynn]

Originally posted by Pin Wizard
A friend of mine brought her baby to a baby shower of mine. Didn't bother me at all. I would much rather have her there with the baby than not have her there at all!

Exactly!

 

[PatriciaH]

Originally posted by totalia
A child is NOT a friend. It is a mother's baby. It is part of her body, not a buddy.

What is happening to this world that a child is given less consideration and acceptance than ever before?

There was a time when this kind of thing (refusing a baby to be accepted into a shower or a wedding) would NEVER have even been considered.

It's only recently that this seems to have popped up where the child is treated more as a nuisance than as a beloved member of society. No wonder children act up. They are treated like they have a communicable disease that kills on contact.

Parents don't spend time with them, they aren't accepted into things like showers or weddings (which are part of life), and worse, then everybody wonders why children act out.

A child is not a convenience/inconvenience, they are part of life.

I find it shocking some of the things I have been reading.

Originally posted by froglady
What time was this?

I grew up in the 50s and 60s, and certainly didn't go to any showers, and only a few weddings, until I was in my teens!

No one thought of bringing a toddler to a bridal shower. If a mother couldn't leave the child, she declined. I saw very few small children at any of the weddings I attended (and one spring, I attended one every weekend in May and June!!!) because only children who were close family members were invited. I assume that the other mothers who were invited got sitters or just didn't attend.

ITA. Children always "had their place" in the past. You never saw children at R rated movies, out in bars/restaurants at night and they were never invited to dinner parties, adult gatherings, etc..

 

[Pin Wizard]

Finally! LOL! I was trying to edit my post this afternoon when I couldn't get back on the boards. Any way...Of course, I would check with the guest of honor to be sure bringing a child was okay. If not, then I wouldn't attend. I've done this plenty of times. My friends are well aware of my being a single parent. I always ask them if DS can go with me. I must be truly blessed in the friends department, because they always say...bring him! If not, then one of their older kids will watch him for me. If not, I don't go.

 

[Planogirl]

I can see that these things might be difficult for parents who don't have the "other parent" available. But the OP said that the father was just sitting at home and I don't see why he couldn't take care of the baby for an hour or two. That was my point.

 

[mrsheppo]

My DD had her bridal shower 2 years ago. One of her friends brought her 5 year old without asking if it was okay. Every picture from the shower has the little girl in it. The mother was even encouraging her daughter to help open the gifts.

I love children but I would not even think of bringing one of my teenagers to an event that they were not invited to.

 

[lulubelle]

The point is that the CHILD WAS NOT INVITED! Period. It was rude and selfish to bring the child. We can all speculate as to why the BM did bring her, but it really doesn't matter. Regardless of the situation, it was a party for adult women only - TO HONOR THE BRIDE TO BE. It doesn't matter what you say, sometimes the occasion is more about someone else than what is convenient or best for you. Leave her at home or do not attend.

And before you flame me, I do have a daughter and my common sense has told me through the years that adult only functions mean she is not attending.

 

[totalia]

Here is the point, I'm planning a get together for me and my bridesmaids before I move out of the country. We are going out to Banff to spend some time in the hot springs. I'd rather it just be us girls but if my sister decides that bringing her son with her is important, then I am not going to be rude enough to say anything to her about it.

The point is that... why should it be wrong to bring the child at all? Why should someone be so adamant that a child is not welcome that they would risk a friendship over it? Why in the world would anyone ever be so selfish as to insist that a mother put THEM before her own flesh and blood?

 

[hentob]

If somebody doesn't want a child at an event, it is their business. I think a lot of mom's think "Well, _my_ child is very well behaved. _My_ child is so mature. So _advanced_ for their age. _My_ child will sit like an angel and won't make a peep."

Children are just that. Children. They are going to cry, throw tantrums, be disruptive. It isn't cute when a little child starts opening gifts. It isn't cute when a child demands that one of the gifts be opened that they can play with it (Happened at a friend's shower and the mom of the child thought it was _so_ cute. Ugh!). It isn't cute when a child takes a bite out of a food item (catered by a very expensive restaurant) and screrams "Yucky!". It isn't cute that a child runs towards the camera every time it is going to snap a picture. All of these things I have seen happen at ADULT ONLY events where people chose to bring their children, because they thought it did not apply to them. Their child was special. So well behaved.

So, if you feel like you must spend quality time with your child, please don't take them to a place where they were not invited. Take them where they can act like children. A playground? A children's museum? Etc.

It's ok to be an adult without a child attached to your hip.

Hentob

 

[aprilgail2]

Originally posted by lulubelle
. Regardless of the situation, it was a party for adult women only -

I have also not been to a baby shower or bridal shower in the past 5 years where the men have NOT also been invited....its really no longer a "women only" thing...even for my baby shower years ago there were men, women and kids...I am SO glad that the person throwing my party invited kids also, I loved thaving them up there with me opening the gifts with me etc...and yes...they are in every picture and I cherish every one of the pictures with all the kids next to me! Especially the ones that have Matt in it who passed away a few years later!
Last time I will post on this thread...if you don't like or want kids at your parties, fine, but I won't attend any stuffy party that feels that way.