Baby at Bridal Shower

[SnoWhite]

Thanks to Stinkerbelle's post, it reminded me about a problem I had at my bridal shower.
One of my bridesmaids has a child. The father stays home all the time, so he can easily take care of her, but instead my BM takes the child with her EVERYWHERE.
When it came time for my first bridal shower, which was thrown by my Mom's friend, so it was mainly family and older family friends (the only "girls" there were the bridal party) she decided that she needed to bring her little girl who was about 15 months at the time.
I told her that I didn't like that idea. I think it was rude of her to assume she could bring her child to a woman's house that she had never met. It was kind of a "fancy" bridal shower at that, and this woman has very nice things, and rarely has small children at her home. She didn't ask the host, she just TOLD me she was bringing her.
When I told her that she couldn't, she got upset and told me she wasn't going to come.
Ok....the Dad could have easily taken care of the child for a couple hours, but in the end, she did decide not to come.

Is it just me, (and Stinkerbelle), or is it kind of rude to bring a child to a Bridal shower?

Lisa

 

[Jenn Lynn]

Well, at 15 months I was still breastfeeding DD and she went with me every where since DH could not feed her. If you had told me not to bring my DD I would have declined the invite. I might have been a little hurt, but would have understood. I also would have ASKED if it was ok, I would not assume.

 

[EsmeraldaX]

I think it's rude to bring anyone to someone else's house without asking first; whether that person is a baby or an adult or anything in between.

 

[liznboys]

Originally posted by Jenn Lynn
Well, at 15 months I was still breastfeeding DD and she went with me every where since DH could not feed her. If you had told me not to bring my DD I would have declined the invite. I might have been a little hurt, but would have understood. I also would have ASKED if it was ok, I would not assume.

Ditto to that!

 

[SnoWhite]

It would have been different had she been breastfeeding, but she wasn't. Not only that, but the day before she had left the baby with the father to go shopping for about 5 hours with another friend.
I guess I just thought it was strange!

Lisa

 

[bananiem]

I knew somebody like that and after I really got to know her I realized it was easier for her to take the kids everywhere with her than to listen to her husband whine about how much he had to do with the kids when she got home. So maybe since she had been gone the day before that was her "limit", you know?
I do think if the person of honor and/or the hostess do not want small children there they have that right and it should be respected.

 

[stinkerbelle]

Originally posted by bananiem
I do think if the person of honor and/or the hostess do not want small children there they have that right and it should be respected.

Bingo.

My bridal shower was held in my parents backyard...they have an inground pool. They do not have a fence around the pool, but around the entire yard. (New law is to have a fence around the pool, they were grandfathered in - they won't put up another fence until I have children.)

Anyway - one of DH's cousins wanted to bring her 2 children...a 3 year old ~cough~terror~cough~ and leave her infant with her IL's. 2 days before I find this out from DH...only by then the infant was to come too.

My mother called them and said, sorry, but her house was not safe for children. DH's cousin got real quiet on the phone and said fine.

Oh well...better to be safe then sorry.

 

[Sandy V.]

I agree that it's all about respecting the wishes of the bride to be and the hostess(es).

I have also seen some women, who, in a sick way, are trying to upstage the future bride and divert attention by bringing their child to the shower.

Granted, this is a rare exception - but the woman that I knew who did this thought that her kid was SO special that she needed to "share" him with everyone and that he should always be the center of attention. (Not by her words, but by her actions.)

 

[stinkerbelle]

Originally posted by Sandy V.
I have also seen some women, who, in a sick way, are trying to upstage the future bride and divert attention by bringing their child to the shower.

MTE

and all the attention is diverted from the bride...when she is the guest of honor.

quite rude IMO.

 

[cats7494]

Originally posted by EsmeraldaX
I think it's rude to bring anyone to someone else's house without asking first; whether that person is a baby or an adult or anything in between.

My opinion as well...

 

[CamColt]

Anytime I(or we) are invited anywhere, if the invitation is addressed to only the adults, its obvious the children are not invited and they dont come with us. If we cant make it because of that we will decline the invitation, but I wouldnt be upset over it or feel slighted. Some parties/events are for adults only.

 

[Beth76]

It's definitely rude---breastfeeding or not. If she had asked and you (and the hostess) said yes, then fine. But to just say you're bringing a baby is rude. If she was upset that you said no, then she is the one with the problem. My guess is that she wanted to "show off" the baby. But, hey, give her credit for saying something beforehand instead of just showing up with the baby.

 

[totalia]

I don't understand why her actions were a big deal.

Of course she brought her child with her, she's a mother and loves her baby.

My sister brings her son EVERYWHERE and feels like she's left behind something incredibly important if he's not with her (she also calls 50 times lol).

At my sister's bridal shower, we had no less than 4 very very little baby's at the shower and not a single person even considered protesting it. Yes, they got alot of attention because they are children, but its not a burden, its something happy.

Baby's are part of life and should be welcomed with open arms and alot of love regardless of the location (so long as it isn't something like a crime scene, a horror movie or anything else violent) or situation.

Perhaps I view things differently since my family has lost so many family members over the last 5 years, but I have no problem with children. It is my family rebuilding itself from previous losses. I can't think of anything more wonderful than a chance to hold and play with my cousins children.

 

[Beth76]

Originally posted by totalia
I don't understand why her actions were a big deal.

Of course she brought her child with her, she's a mother and loves her baby.

Yes, but in this case the child was not invited and was not welcome. That is the right of the hostess and the guest of honor. Would you bring a friend to a shower or a party that wasn't invited? It's the same thing. We have to remember that children are individuals, not extentions of their parents.

 

[dianeschlicht]

I think it is obvious that a bridal shower is meant to be an adult party. With all the goings on at a bridal shower, a small child ( 15 months is a toddler, not an infant), would not only be a distraction, but also might not be safe. If the invitation was sent to the woman only, she should leave any and all children at home or with a sitter. If it was a family type shower where children and husbands were expected, that would be different, but this sounds like it was meant to be a somewhat formal tea like affair. Not at all appropriate for a toddler to attend.

 

[CajunDixie]

The father stays home all the time, so he can easily take care of her, but instead my BM takes the child with her EVERYWHERE.

Ok....the Dad could have easily taken care of the child for a couple hours, but in the end, she did decide not to come.

Not only that, but the day before she had left the baby with the father to go shopping for about 5 hours with another friend.

Sounds like you're jealous of the friend she went shopping with. There is a huge difference in sitting around a wedding shower and shopping (going in and out of stores, in and out of a vehicle, having a stroller and shopping bags) for 5 hours. There are actually many of us that dare to love being with our children. That do not have other people watch our children because we'd rather spend time with our kids than to attend things like a shower, where some people might feel so insecure with themselves to be jealous of a baby. You told her the baby wasn't welcome and she chose to spend her time with her child over you.....get over it. She respected your wish not to have the child there so respect her choice to spend time with her own child rather than at a "fancy" bridal shower.

If she was upset that you said no, then she is the one with the problem.

No, the OP has the problem if she can't accept that her friend chose time with her child over time at a party.

 

[stinkerbelle]

Originally posted by CajunDixie
No, the OP has the problem if she can't accept that her friend chose time with her child over time at a party.

If you can't say something nice...

I respect what you are saying...but you really don't have to be so harsh.

JMO

and - for the record - this 'friend' is a Bridesmaid in the OP's wedding...I would be very hurt if one of my BM's didn't show up to my shower.

 

[totalia]

A child is NOT a friend. It is a mother's baby. It is part of her body, not a buddy.

What is happening to this world that a child is given less consideration and acceptance than ever before?

There was a time when this kind of thing (refusing a baby to be accepted into a shower or a wedding) would NEVER have even been considered.

It's only recently that this seems to have popped up where the child is treated more as a nuisance than as a beloved member of society. No wonder children act up. They are treated like they have a communicable disease that kills on contact.

Parents don't spend time with them, they aren't accepted into things like showers or weddings (which are part of life), and worse, then everybody wonders why children act out.

A child is not a convenience/inconvenience, they are part of life.

I find it shocking some of the things I have been reading.

 

[Beth76]

Has this wedding taken place yet? If it hasn't, I wonder what's going to be done with the child during the wedding.

I don't think the OP has any problem at all. She has every right not to want a small child at her fancy shower. Especially at someone's house that is not conducive to children. If this woman is so into her child then how could she leave her for FIVE WHOLE HOURS to go shopping. I still think that this woman was upset because she wasn't able to show off the child at the shower.

 

[stinkerbelle]

Originally posted by totalia
A child is NOT a friend. It is a mother's baby. It is part of her body, not a buddy.

Once the child pops out - it is it's own being...

don't mean to sound crass...