Babies -What has changed? Advice for newbie Grandmoms

[Turn the Page]

Yes, this! My mom still comments on how tight the straps are for my son (he's 3 now). I'm like, yes, that's the POINT.

We live in Florida so never had to deal with coats in the car until last Christmas, when we spent 3 weeks visiting the in-laws in Seattle. We had to keep reminding them that he should NOT wear his coat while in the car seat. We gave him a blanket to use in the car and put on the coat when we got to our destination.

And car seats expire. That's a thing now, too.

My mother fought me on that one all the time. She called me anal for refusing to use an expired car seat when DD5 was born and kept arguing and pushing over how tight the straps were, letting him wear a big, poofy winter coat (and we live in Michigan so those coats are thick), and even how tight the car seat was installed in the car.

Now my boss is older than my coworker and I. Not a ton, about 15 years or so. Anyway, her daughter is now having her babies and she asked us why her daughter was so adament that the kids not have coats on in the car seat and we explained it to her and she said "oh, ok. Maybe I will keep a blanket in the car for them." #grandparentgoals right there. I aspire to be like that if and when I become a grandmother.

 

[DisneyMomx7]

Everything has changed since I had my older children - lots since I had the younger ones.
I definitely defer to the parents!

No blankets or crib bumpers - they sleeps in "sleep sacks"
Sleep on their backs, not stomachs
They are in car seats/booster seats forever
They are much older when they start solid food.

The biggest change for me is that they aren't supposed to give babies water not - it was encouraged
when I had mine!

 

[Travel60]

Thought of another one ....no TV until after age one. Pediatrician said something about the "flicker rate" and the eyes and the brain.

 

[BayouQueen]

I have four grands under age four. Just do whatever the parents want and enjoy those babies. There are a lot of new rules you have to follow.
One thing that drives me crazy is the babies all sleep in those zip-up blanket things, instead of footsie jammies like my kids did. I feel like it really stunts their muscle development and crawling, etc. They can't scoot around or try to stand up!
But it is what is is. They are great fun!

 

[barkley]

Safety issues: put baby on their back to sleep is the main one

i was curious what the current recommendation was. when my kids were babies it was on their sides so we lived with the 'sleep wedge' to keep them in place.

an old piece of advice but appreciated by everyone i've passed it on to who tried it-put a dimmer switch on the light in the room the baby will sleep in/be changed in. it is a godsend to help both the baby and yourself get back to sleep if neither of you have been blinded by that bright flash of light turning on.

 

[pineapplepalms]

One thing that drives me crazy is the babies all sleep in those zip-up blanket things, instead of footsie jammies like my kids did. I feel like it really stunts their muscle development and crawling, etc. They can't scoot around or try to stand up!

I don’t think it affects their development since they only wear the sleepsacks when they’re sleeping. They’re just a safer substitute for blankets so they don’t kick them off or get tangled/suffocated by them. When ours got more mobile we used the sleep suits that have legs, like the ones by Love to Dream or Kyte Baby.

 

[BayouQueen]

I don’t think it affects their development since they only wear the sleepsacks when they’re sleeping. They’re just a safer substitute for blankets so they don’t kick them off or get tangled/suffocated by them. When ours got more mobile we used the sleep suits that have legs, like the ones by Love to Dream or Kyte Baby.

Not sure. We always used the thick, warm footsie sleepers, so no blankets to get caught up in. I just kinda remember our kids amusing themselves more in the crib — doing push-ups, scooting and rolling around, which led to crawling and then standing. Our grandkids in the sleep sacks seem to cry right away and want out of the crib when they wake up — no goofing off.
But I just do as I’m told. And the kids get mobile soon enough anyhow so no big deal.

 

[pineapplepalms]

Not sure. We always used the thick, warm footsie sleepers, so no blankets to get caught up in. I just kinda remember our kids amusing themselves more in the crib — doing push-ups, scooting and rolling around, which led to crawling and then standing. Our grandkids in the sleep sacks seem to cry right away and want out of the crib when they wake up — no goofing off.
But I just do as I’m told. And the kids get mobile soon enough anyhow so no big deal.

I'm not sure how much that has to do with the sleepsacks. We used footed sleepers as well as the sleepsacks for all of our kids. Heavier weight in the winter and lighter in the summer. Our oldest would cry when he woke up, but our younger ones would roll around and play. Same methods, different kids. They all developed similarly in terms of scooting, crawling, standing, etc. No issues with development.

 

[Lidibug]

I became a grandmother in October!

My daughter lives 20 minutes away from me and I watch the baby for her four mornings a week at her house while she works upstairs at her online job. It's the best part of my day!

Don't kiss the baby! This is a big no no due to RSV, etc. My granddaughter is breastfed and just starting solids at 6 months. We started them at 4 months when my daughter was a baby. Oh, and rice cereal is out due to arsenic concerns.

 

[nancipants]

Thought of another one ....no TV until after age one. Pediatrician said something about the "flicker rate" and the eyes and the brain.

Yeah we definitely broke this rule. LOL. He wasn’t really interested anyway until he was older.

 

[Frwinkley]

We just had our first grandchild 6 weeks ago. This baby girl is literally all I can think about!

We absolutely defer to my daughter and son in law. They're the parents--they will know this child better than anyone else. They've done all the research and reading and quite frankly, I'd rather just follow their lead.

At this point, we will do anything to be of help to them. We don't impose, overstay our welcome, or expect them to feed us. We make our visits brief, and often bring food for them to eat whenever they feel like it. We want to be invited back....a lot!! They live about 40 minutes away, and we've seen them about once a week since the baby was born.

 

[UnderneathAMagicMoon]

Totally agree on car seats… once experienced older relatives trying to take my son out of his while the car was still moving (just pulling into the driveway, but still) and realized there is definitely a big generational divide there. Car seats are iron clad, written in stone, no exceptions not something to mess with. I don’t think that was the case in the 80s.

While many here have talked about following the parents lead, I would add that you can probably also share your wisdom / experiences as a parent if it’s done in a “just shooting the sh**” kinda way and not a “Telling you how to live your life” kinda way. I remember gushing to both sets of grandparents about baby led weaning. The pediatrician totally sold me on it and I did a lot of research - it looked great! Little did I know my son would have sensory issues, and I wouldn’t realize it until later. Baby led weaning did not work at all the way it was “supposed to” and I had to take a structured, behavioral approach to slowly get my son used to solids. I was a little crushed. I really appreciated that the grandparents didn’t lecture me (well, not too much) about what I should be doing or what they were sure would work. But they did share funny stories of picky eaters in our families and the weird crap we ate in the 80s, and hearing stories of people who had “been there done that and it turned out ok” relaxed me somewhat. I think it’s a fine line between sharing experience - which can be very valuable - and not coming across as pushy.

 

[Turn the Page]

I will say this also, my oldest just turned 17 and my second biological child just turned 5. Even in that space of time things changed so much.

It is so hard to keep up with the latest trends/recommendations. When DD17 was born they recommended back sleeping but you were to rotate them with a rolled blanket under them so they were on their left side, flat on back, and then right side and then back and forth each night to avoid flat psots on their heads. Both of my kids would immediately roll over onto their bellies as soon as I laid them down, even before they rolled over while awake, so I gave that up really early.

Seriously, a couple of years ago I went to wake DD up, I think she was about 13 at the time, and she was sound asleep, on her belly, knees tucked up under her hips. Her butt was about 2 feet in the air. At least I assume it was her butt, I have also gone in to wake her up with her feet on her pillow. Kid moves a lot in her sleep.

 

[Turn the Page]

We just had our first grandchild 6 weeks ago. This baby girl is literally all I can think about!

We absolutely defer to my daughter and son in law. They're the parents--they will know this child better than anyone else. They've done all the research and reading and quite frankly, I'd rather just follow their lead.

At this point, we will do anything to be of help to them. We don't impose, overstay our welcome, or expect them to feed us. We make our visits brief, and often bring food for them to eat whenever they feel like it. We want to be invited back....a lot!! They live about 40 minutes away, and we've seen them about once a week since the baby was born.

One thing my ex MIL said is that when their kids were babies, any time her in laws came over to visit they always brought a pack of diapers with them to give to them and how that was so nice.

I will point out that said ex MIL never brougth diapers over to my house but that is neither here nor there. I always thought it was a nice thought and maybe you and your DD and SIL would too.

 

[luvsvacation]

My kids are 21 & 19 so I’m (hopefully) a few years off from having grandkids. However I am a career nanny and have been taking care babies pretty much my entire adult life. I assume I’ll be continuing to care for babies up until the point I would have grandkids. I typically start with a family who has their first (usually around 12 weeks) although I’ve also started with a 6 week old and a newborn.

The biggest piece of advice I’d give is not to follow the Dr recommendations to the letter. The thing I see over and over is moms trying to do everything “right” and stressing themselves out! Also I’ve come to realize the Drs “advice” is often just their own personal opinion! They are just saying how they think things should be done. It’s just their opinion, yet because they are the dr. The new parents hang on every word the way the won’t when aunt gurtrude gives her advice. When my kids were little, I had thankfully already worked in childcare long enough, that I had my own opinions already, and I was able to separate my drs medical advice from his opinions on childrearing.

I will also point out to my kids the way the dos and donts have changed many times over the years and tell them that the current advice isn’t the be all end all. In another 20 years, the current advice will be considered obsolete. I’ll let them know that I’ve been raising babies since the late 90s and all the babies I have cared for have grown to be adults and are just fine, so none of this is as important as it feels at the moment.

Basically I’ll tell them to relax and enjoy!!

 

[mjkacmom]

Totally agree on car seats… once experienced older relatives trying to take my son out of his while the car was still moving (just pulling into the driveway, but still) and realized there is definitely a big generational divide there. Car seats are iron clad, written in stone, no exceptions not something to mess with. I don’t think that was the case in the 80s.

While many here have talked about following the parents lead, I would add that you can probably also share your wisdom / experiences as a parent if it’s done in a “just shooting the sh**” kinda way and not a “Telling you how to live your life” kinda way. I remember gushing to both sets of grandparents about baby led weaning. The pediatrician totally sold me on it and I did a lot of research - it looked great! Little did I know my son would have sensory issues, and I wouldn’t realize it until later. Baby led weaning did not work at all the way it was “supposed to” and I had to take a structured, behavioral approach to slowly get my son used to solids. I was a little crushed. I really appreciated that the grandparents didn’t lecture me (well, not too much) about what I should be doing or what they were sure would work. But they did share funny stories of picky eaters in our families and the weird crap we ate in the 80s, and hearing stories of people who had “been there done that and it turned out ok” relaxed me somewhat. I think it’s a fine line between sharing experience - which can be very valuable - and not coming across as pushy.

I graduated HS in 1985 and didn’t even start wearing a seatbelt until the 90’s. My mom always made sure that if she was driving other people’s children they sat in the back because the passenger side door would open if not locked, both my sister and I fell out. Granted, I had a couple of minivans that took a few minutes to get the sliding doors to close and it worked only while driving, my kids’ friends knew the drill.

 

[Mysterian]

As someone who used to be a baby, I can tell you much has changed.

As for babies today, I can only tell you that they are babies much like we were, and will one day become adults, who are no longer babies.

I hope to publish my groundbreaking research in a new book for parents, so my publisher says I can't post any tips here.

 

[tcufrog]

Not sure. We always used the thick, warm footsie sleepers, so no blankets to get caught up in. I just kinda remember our kids amusing themselves more in the crib — doing push-ups, scooting and rolling around, which led to crawling and then standing. Our grandkids in the sleep sacks seem to cry right away and want out of the crib when they wake up — no goofing off.
But I just do as I’m told. And the kids get mobile soon enough anyhow so no big deal.

Both my sons were swaddled and slept in sleep sacks. They started crawling at 8 months and walking at 10 months. They're now 12 and 16. It's amazing how much has changed since we had them and that wasn't that long ago. What I tell every new parent is that while there are some ironclad rules such as no honey until the age of 1, a lot depends on the actual baby. That's why there are so many parenting books. My kids are very different from each other so we've had to parent them differently. For example, DS16 was very attached to his pacifier and had trouble giving it up while DS16 would spit a pacifier across the room when you put one in and it didn't matter what kind it was.

 

[UnderneathAMagicMoon]

I graduated HS in 1985 and didn’t even start wearing a seatbelt until the 90’s. My mom always made sure that if she was driving other people’s children they sat in the back because the passenger side door would open if not locked, both my sister and I fell out. Granted, I had a couple of minivans that took a few minutes to get the sliding doors to close and it worked only while driving, my kids’ friends knew the drill.

I remember in the 80s the super scrupulous parents made all the kids in the car share the two or three lap belts so that everyone was buckled up. I don’t think car manufacturers even make lap belts in 2023!

 

[mjkacmom]

I remember in the 80s the super scrupulous parents made all the kids in the car share the two or three lap belts so that everyone was buckled up. I don’t think car manufacturers even make lap belts in 2023!

My first vehicle as a new parent was a ford windstar in 1996, has to trade in for a Honda Odyssey in 2003 when we had #4/#5, only minivan with 5 shouleer belts.