Awkward Social Situation...need advice

[NCDisneyMom]

I belong to an organization that meets one night per week. After our gathering, some of us will go out for a bite to eat. There are 5 of us at the core, and others come or go as they can. There's me, M (male), B (female), K (female), and K's husband, J. He's not a member of the organization, but will often meet us afterward.

K, J and B have all known each other for many years. They all lived in another state before moving here. K and B are best friends. K and J have been married for 7 years. K, J, B and M all hang out outside of our organization, as well. I see them only on the night of our gathering. They are all younger than me, they don't have children, they still like to go out drinking, etc. So, while I certainly enjoy their company on our one night per week, and I consider them friends, I do not really socialize outside of this organization.

So, now the awkward social situation. J has left K. For another woman. This other woman is B...as in K's best friend. K called me to let me know. While J and B have always had a flirtation going on, they would do it in front of K, so I just assumed it was how they were...just flirtatious people. Was I ever wrong. I admire K...she never once asked me to pick sides. She understands that I am friends with both sides. She called only to let me know why she would not be at our organization for awhile.

For me, I have no part in this. It does not pertain to me as an individual, and I can retain friendship with both sides...I think. I certainly do NOT condone what B has done to her best friend...at all. But, how do I handle this the next time we have a organizational gathering? B will sit by me as she always does. Do I tell her that I know? I think I need to wait until she tells me, on her terms. But then, do I tell her that I already know? Do I tell her that I don't agree with her choice, but that I am her friend anyway?

Maybe I've just led a sheltered life, but nothing like this has ever happened this "close" to me before...I feel like I'm in an episode of Melrose Place. Any advice on how I should handle this? Thanks!

 

[Arielle22]

I would wait until she says anything. I don't see why you have to comment on not agreeing with it and being her friend. It seems you are more aquaintences then friends. If asked I would say I did know. I would also make it clear I do not want to be drawn into it.

 

[cleo]

It's just my opinion but I think K needs your support and friendship more than B does right now. I would probably tell B I know about it, that I hate how much she has hurt someone she claimed to be friends with, and, speaking only for myself, I would have a hard time retaining a friendship in the same way with B as I would with K. My contact with B would be inside the organization only, on a 'friendly but guarded' basis.

If you are willing to look past the cruelty B has perpetrated on a friend and you really don't feel it influences your feelings toward her, I guess I'd stay quiet.

 

[AC7179]

Yep, I would be supportive of thew oman who was left but try not to alienate it the others. Good luck! Sounds like a sticky situation!

 

[hiwaygal]

I certainly do NOT condone what B has done to her best friend...at all.

What about what J did to his wife? It takes two to tango...

Personally, I wouldn't say anything...but I wouldn't really want to have much to do with either J or B.

 

[paigevz]

I wouldn't say anything. If she were to tell me (or if he did), I wouldn't mention having already talked to K unless asked. I also wouldn't give my opinion unless asked....................but if they asked, they'd wish they hadn't!

 

[LoraJ]

Although I wasn't married, I was once in K's position. I wrote off both B and J from my life the instant I found out. We had mutual friends, and I knew that it must be tough for them too. But what I couldn't stand was them saying to me "Oh B misses you so much and wants to work things out". Tough! She should have thought about that before. BTW, it didn't last between my B & J. I think it was actually all over the day I found out. Must have been a game to him.

Also, the J in my story, whom I worked with and had to see every day ended up hooking up with another woman at work. I told a mutual friend about it and her reaction was "Oh, B is going to be so upset when she hears this." I was so put off by that comment. And I didn't talk to that mutual friend much after that.

Just tread carefully. Never ever say anything to K that would make her feel that you are siding with B. Don't try and mend fences or anything. I honestly doubt that K will even come back to your organization.

Good luck, you really are in a tough situation.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

You have the group that you are in, so perhaps you need to stay cordial with all involved, however, I would have a hard time being buddies with anyone involved in an active affair. I agree that I would stay out of the details and not take sides since you do not know the whole story.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Since you only associate with these people during your meeting and maybe the occassional after hours company, the best advice I can give you is to stay completely out of it. If she mentions it, be vague. Don't ask for more, if they want you to know they will tell you. So listen, more than speak.

When people are "going thru it", you try and do everything in your power to say as less as possible. It is kind of like the riot act..."everything you say will be held against you".

 

[horseshowmom]

I wouldn't say anything. If she were to tell me (or if he did), I wouldn't mention having already talked to K unless asked. I also wouldn't give my opinion unless asked....................but if they asked, they'd wish they hadn't!

I wouldn't be socializing with them afterwards anymore either.

 

[Grumpy's Wife]

Wow, that's a soap opera for you. I wouldn't say anything to anybody. Just listen and offer support.