Avoid entitled/spoiled kids going to Disney World

[addiedisney]

I have to admit I have good kids. They have been fortunate enough to travel around the world (because of my husbands job) and live in third world countries. They understand they are fortunate to have the lives that they do, live with freedoms others do not enjoy, and not worry about having food on the table.

My question is this… How do we keep our kids grounded and help them “earn” the Disney experience so that they get even more satisfaction out of the trip, rather than give them a feeling of entitlement? Like many of you we go often to Disney World. In fact we go almost every year. Do you think this spoils kids if they just expect the family will go?

Does anyone have any reward chart ideas or anything that has worked for your family? Going on the trip is just part of being in the family, but I was thinking of “upgrades” that could be earned by good behavior, work around the house, etc. Things like desserts, ordering from the adult menu, Disney dollars etc. Do you expect anything in return for providing your kids this experience? Especially if you are taking your family more often that the "once in a lifetime" trip.

Any thoughts???

 

[ryels]

I like your ideas. We also try to go every year and we let our kids know that we should all be grateful for doing so.

In our case, we give up a lot of other things so that we can go to Disney. We live pretty frugal lives so that we can save up for our Disney trip. Sometimes, our kids will ask if we can go out to dinner to some really nice place that they love or go to some expensive event and I'll ask them if they would rather go out to eat tonight or go to Disney in a couple months. (Disney always wins!)

We are also at the point now that we don't give our kids a lot of spending money at Disney. We make them set aside a portion of their money throughout the year. My son got quite a bit of cash this Christmas and wanted to spend it right away. I told him that he could do that now, but I told him to imagine what he could do with that money at the Lego store in DTD if he held onto it.

Another idea that gets everyone involved is to take a large container (milk jug or something similar) and have everyone put all their change in it in between Disney trips. We have done that and ended up with close to $100 by the time our trip came. I told the kids they could have whatever was in there when the trip came. They had fun filling it up throughout the year and trying to guess how much was in it. It definitely gave them the sense of working towards it, even if it was in small ways.

 

[bowbat]

Honestly, we don't reward good behavior because good behavior is expected. To paraphrase Chris Rock, "You're SUPPOSED to be good!"

That said, we make it clear to him that going to Disney is a privilege, and we are lucky to be able to do go. Our luck could change, so enjoy it while it lasts.

 

[keishashadow]

Honestly, we don't reward good behavior because good behavior is expected. To paraphrase Chris Rock, "You're SUPPOSED to be good!"

That said, we make it clear to him that going to Disney is a privilege, and we are lucky to be able to do go. Our luck could change, so enjoy it while it lasts.

well said

OP one thing we have employed when raising (our now adult, or so the law says lol) children is in whatever country we visit we find a local charity and support it, typically an orphange. The Children's Hospital near WDW is a good choice to tie into a disney vacation, they do great work.

 

[PrincessTiffany]

We have 4 children and we go to Disney at least once a year. Our kids love Disney, we all love Disney, but I don't know if they really "expect" it. As a family we usually take 3 vacations per year and usually a couple of weekend trips per year. We do let them know it is a privilege and not every family can do this. We always sit down as a family and talk about where we want to go and what we want to do. Disney is always on the list, and always gets picked, but if the day comes as the kids get older and the majority of us don't want to go in a particular year, then we won't. We also don't give them spending money at Disney anymore, if they want to buy souveniers or extras, then they have to save their money for that - I figure we've been enough I don't need to buy that "once in a lifetime" Disney vacation keepsake anymore. Also, we tend to rotate all of our annual trips around free dining promos, so all the food including desserts is included, and we stay at the value resorts, so it's not one of the more expensive trips we take during the year.

As for raising grateful kids, Disney or no Disney, it's about being conscious of the message you are sending everyday. For us, we attend church regularly and I coordinate our church/community food panty that helps feed the needy in our area. I often bring the kids with me when I have to shop for the food pantry and help me restock when needed. Also, they are involved with our church's children and youth activites and there's always a seasonal focus on differnt mission opportunities. During the summer we spend every other Wednesday helping to feed the needy at the Salvation Army during their lunchtime rush. We also make a point of donating to a local Faith Rescue Mission a couple of times per year and I have the kids pack up their stuff and go with me to make the donations. This summer our church is sponsoring a mission trip to Zambia, Africa and my husband and I are thinking of going and taking our oldest daughter. Anyway, there are some other mission-type things we do and I think this is a good way for us to teach our kids about being greatful and appreciating the things we have. That's just our family, I'm sure there are other things that other families also do to help promote gratfulness.

 

[elainesj]

I think it comes to your daily lives. I grew up in a wealthy family - but my mother was always careful about waste and she was pretty frugal regardless. She was also very careful not to let us realise we were wealthy. I truly believed we were middle class until I was in my teens. But it's not until now that I'm grown and have a family of my own that I realised what a comfortable childhood I had.

Even though we went on vacation every year to someplace exotic, I didn't feel "entitled" and I wouldn't have blinked much if my parents had said we couldn't afford a trip one year.

I was spoiled, but not...kwim?

I don't worry too much about it - we're not wealthy by any means - solidly middle class I would say. That said, my kids have been very privileged to do a lot of things and have multiple opportunities to do things every year. I'm just careful to say "no" fairly frequently and try to drum into their heads that money doesn't grow on trees.

Right now we are planning a cruise and the kids are doing various chores to earn spending money while on the cruise. My son has saved up about $30 (which he thinks is a lot LOL!) and my daughter has saved about $10 or so. I told them anything extra they want to do like arcades, souvenirs, late night kids club, etc that I haven't planned for - they will have to find a way to pay themselves out of their chore money.

A lot of whether it's a problem or not depends on your kids personalities. I think my brother still feels somewhat entitled and my parents are always having to bail him out of some mess or another. But that didn't happen to me.

E

 

[PrincessV]

I know it's not quite the same situation, but as nearby residents, we're at WDW often enough to consider it a second home - but I really don't think my son is spoiled by that, or has any sense of entitlement because he visits WDW often. Maybe that's just a by-product of it not being a once-a-year destination, or maybe it's how I approach our Disney trips, maybe some of both:

There are no expectations of souvenirs; if my DS wants to buy something there, it comes from his allowance.

Some trips, I've saved for a a few nice meals; other trips are low-budget. I'm just up-front about that and explain from the outset how much we have to spend and on what we will and will not be spending money.

I point out regularly that the only reasons we're able to spend as much time at WDW as we do are that A. there's only two of us, making the cost of a visit much less than that of larger families, and B. we don't have transportation costs added in. He knows that isn't the case for a lot of folks.

For us, I don't see a connection between good behavior and going to WDW; we behave well because it's the right thing to do and we go to Disney because we make some choices about how and where we're willing to spend our time and money. That said, I AM that parent who says in the middle of the MK, "If you don't behave properly, we'll go home right now"... and my DS knows we will, lol!

 

[Colleen27]

We travel a lot with our kids, though not overseas yet, and don't feel like it spoils them. We all make sacrifices because we like to travel, in the new things we don't have and our modest day to day lifestyle, and so far we haven't had issues with them acting ungrateful or simply expecting that our travels will just happen. The older two remember that it wasn't always this way. We had lean years when they were younger and there was a time I thought we'd never be able to afford a family trip to somewhere as expensive as WDW, much less take those kinds of trips every year.

I think it also helps that we live in a small town, rather than in suburbia where they'd likely have a more homogeneous frame of reference from their peers. When I was a kid my brother and I were quite spoiled because in our little world the things we had and did were things *everyone* had and did - everyone went on vacation every year, everyone wore name brand clothes, everyone got a car at 16, etc. It just seemed normal and we did take it for granted. There's a lot more economic diversity here, and my kids have friends who travel more than us but also have friends who have never been out of Michigan, and friends who have more/better toys and electronics than us as well as friends who don't have much at all. I think that gives them a different perspective than I grew up with.

As far as ways they contribute directly or earn extras, there's not a lot. We have a family change jar that we all toss into that gets used in part for souvenirs. The kids love sorting the jar into sets of 2 quarters and 1 penny to stack in their M&M tubes for pressed pennies. But beyond that we don't do anything specifically trip-related. They both help with our summer garage sale, which pads our vacation fund, but they'd be helping with that regardless of what it was being used for. Same goes for the gardens that shave a bit off the grocery bill, the DIY projects that save on hiring out household work, etc. I'm lucky in that our kids have picked up on DH's & my attitude towards life and would rather see/do things than have things, so our souvenir budget is very small - pressed pennies, a pin or two for each of the older kids, a plush character for the youngest. But it also means that add ons aren't a big incentive for them. My 10yo has been saving her money for a while because she wants to do a little shopping in the Japanese store; my 14yo isn't because to him shopping is just an interruption of ride time.

 

[DisneyMim]

We have been going to WDW forever. My kids have been going since they were very little, 2-3 times a year in addition to other vacations, cruises, beach trips, etc. They are adults now and I am so proud of my kids. They have ALWAYS known they were very very lucky and have always been very grateful for every trip. My husband worked for years in a well-known urban HS and my daughter is now a teacher in the same city, the same city where my husband and I grew up. There are very rich people and very poor people just doors away and my kids grew up seeing all kinds of people. I think this helped them. They know that not every one gets to go to Disney. We give to charities every year. We never did the reward system. Our kids knew what was expected of them, behavior wise, school wise, etc. They both worked and paid for part of their college education, took loans and are (or will be) paying them off. As I said, I am very proud of my kids. They are responsible adults who are well aware of the world. They have tolerance, respect, and are everything that my husband and I could every ask for. Kids learn by example and I think that as long as the parents live their lives the way they want their kids to, kids grow up to be wonderful adults. Just my little ole 2 cents.

Enjoy The Magic!!

 

[shalom]

My question is this… How do we keep our kids grounded and help them “earn” the Disney experience so that they get even more satisfaction out of the trip, rather than give them a feeling of entitlement?

In our family, it's less about spoiling the kids, and more about my husband's conviction that "We have a great time going to National Parks/on other freebie vacations, so why should I pay for something pricey?" Which in practice means that the first time we go somewhere he considers pricey (SeaWorld, Disney, etc.), he'll pay all or part of the ticket, the kid pays the rest, and after that, they're on their own. Meaning the second time they go, they have to buy their own ticket and own food if they buy it there (or make their own sack lunches).

Mind you, they get allowances generous enough to cover that sort of thing, so they're subsidized, but still, they either have to go without other stuff to go to a park, or earn some extra money by working more.

I think it's perfectly possible to go to Disney every year and indulge your kids in all kinda stuff there without creating entitled kids, so long as they have been exposed to the fact that not everyone is fortunate enough to do that, and so long as they are told the reason they get to go is that they are fortunate (not better). Even though they're paying their own way, my kids could easily enough develop an entitled attitude of "well, anyone can get to Disney if they work at it." It's less about avoiding entitlement, and more about developing an attitude of gratitude.

 

[SaraJayne]

My DS has friends that have never left the state of WI (which completely baffles him).

He realizes how fortunate he is to have parents that can afford to (and want to!) travel. As a child raised by a single mother, I never had the opportunity to travel until I was grown.

I definitely realize how fortunate I am as an adult to have the opportunities I do.

 

[GSUJillybean]

I don't use Disney as a reward, because I can't see canceling the trip for any bad behavior a 4 year old could throw at me, and I don't make idle threats.

That said, I spend a lot of time explaining to Henry that we are SO lucky. That we have a cozy house to live in and good food to eat and warm clothes, and that, because we have these things, it's our job to help take care of the people who aren't as fortunate as us.

We shop for an angel tree child at Christmas, he's gone through his toys enough with me that he'll bring me an older toy, and say "I'm too big for this now-- can you take it to Goodwill?"

I don't know how else to do it except by example. For instance, we went into mcdonalds the other day, and there were two homeless women, and it was so cold, I bought them a meal and some coffee and gave them the couple dollars I had in my pocket. Henry said, "Mommy! That was nice how you shared with those ladies! When I grow up, I'm going to share my hamburgers, too!"

I hope that will counteract the fact that I spoil him rotten, 'cause I do.

 

[Wiloughby1]

The idea of treating an experience as special is important.

We NEVER reward with food, especially dessert. We would never want food to be considered a prize. We also don't use reward charts or behavior charts. Especially one that compares kids. It develops a sense of external self-worth.

We DO have a change jar where the kids can add money if they go out of their way to be helpful (DS4 helps DD2 clean up the Cheerios that SHE spilled without being asked, DD2 rubs DS4's back while Mommy packs a bag to take him to the ER for stitches, etc) But it is a shared jar, so they encourage each other.

They know the trip is something that happens every once in a while and it is a time to be together, not a time to shop, and it's not a prize, because we would go either way.

I think it's understanding how much work we as parents do for them and teaching appreciation. Not ever implying that the trip or the meals or souvenirs they get are earned for being good. We want them to be good because it's the right thing to do.

 

[GSUJillybean]

In our family, it's less about spoiling the kids, and more about my husband's conviction that "We have a great time going to National Parks/on other freebie vacations, so why should I pay for something pricey?" Which in practice means that the first time we go somewhere he considers pricey (SeaWorld, Disney, etc.), he'll pay all or part of the ticket, the kid pays the rest, and after that, they're on their own. Meaning the second time they go, they have to buy their own ticket and own food if they buy it there (or make their own sack lunches).

Mind you, they get allowances generous enough to cover that sort of thing, so they're subsidized, but still, they either have to go without other stuff to go to a park, or earn some extra money by working more.

I think it's perfectly possible to go to Disney every year and indulge your kids in all kinda stuff there without creating entitled kids, so long as they have been exposed to the fact that not everyone is fortunate enough to do that, and so long as they are told the reason they get to go is that they are fortunate (not better). Even though they're paying their own way, my kids could easily enough develop an entitled attitude of "well, anyone can get to Disney if they work at it." It's less about avoiding entitlement, and more about developing an attitude of gratitude.

It's a long story-- I bought a house kinda early in a neighborhood that's now really feeling the recession-- and so we're a family that's comfortable in a school district where there are a lot of impoverished, like, food-insecure level poor families, so I think about this a LOT.

I had the hardest time with Santa this year-- how can I possibly keep telling my kid that Santa brings presents to good boys and girls knowing there are kids in his class that possibly might not get anything? I can't have him equating more toys= better kid. That's no way to live.

It's hard combating entitlement at this age-- he wants everything he sees. That's normal for a 4 year old, right?

Sorry, I know that was a threadjack.

 

[GSUJillybean]

My DS has friends that have never left the state of WI (which completely baffles him).

He realizes how fortunate he is to have parents that can afford to (and want to!) travel. As a child raised by a single mother, I never had the opportunity to travel until I was grown.

I definitely realize how fortunate I am as an adult to have the opportunities I do.

This is a good point, too. My family was really poor growing up, so I don't know how to make my kid appreciate stuff while not being deprived, if that makes sense.

I'm so grateful to be able to give my kid things I didn't have, but is it stuff he'll take for granted?

 

[kaligal]

Giving kids stuff doesn't spoil them.

Giving into kids spoils them.

When you find your children whining or demanding, that's the time to start thinking "spoiled." If they are beginning sentences with, "BUT I WANT..." and "I SAID..." and you realize that somewhere along the line, they got the impression that their wants could dictate your actions, it's time to take action.

The easiest way to unspoil kids is to tell them that you know they want X, but you don't care. Then ignore the temper tantrum. If you do it for a while, they'll stop thinking that they will and should get whatever they want, whenever they want it.

And none of it has anything to do with how much money is involved.

 

[SaraJayne]

This is a good point, too. My family was really poor growing up, so I don't know how to make my kid appreciate stuff while not being deprived, if that makes sense.

I'm so grateful to be able to give my kid things I didn't have, but is it stuff he'll take for granted?

I think most parents worry about that at some point in their parenthood.

 

[mom2maggie]

This is a good point, too. My family was really poor growing up, so I don't know how to make my kid appreciate stuff while not being deprived, if that makes sense.

I'm so grateful to be able to give my kid things I didn't have, but is it stuff he'll take for granted?

We never went on a family vacation - we visited my fathers family in another state, but never went on a vacation. My husband never went on a vacation either as a kid. We stress to my daughters how fortunate we are now to be able to go on vacations, since mommy and daddy couldn't when we were growing up, and we talk about how hard daddy works in order to provide us with a warm house, good food, clothes, and fun stuff like vacations. This will be my daughter's 4th trip to Disney (she's 6).

ETA: I think that is why its so important for me to have the vacations now - not only for them, but for us, its a week that we get to escape TOGETHER away from our everyday lives. Since my DH and I never had that, we get to be kids for a week, and love it.

 

[Chickenlady]

We also go to WDW on a yearly basis. My DS (14) has been going since he was 9 months old. In his early years, we frequently met family from another part of the country to make the trip a combined family reunion/vacation. The other part of the family are much better off than we are and their kids are spoiled/entitled. This family was always extremely generous to us (free lodging w/them, many expensive dinners, and more toys/souveniers for my DS than I can remember). DS is treated like one of their kids whenever we're all together. So the parents are above and beyond generous and loving. But DS noticed at a very young age that the kids didn't really appreciate all the money spent by their parents. When he was old enough to put his feelings into words, he would comment and "how ungrateful" those kids are. He was exposed to the same lavish generousity as these kids, but he has never expected it. DS is prob. one of the better off kids in his school (regular environment), yet he is far from spoiled. This year DH had DS figure out whether or not the dining plan would save us money or not, based on receipts from last year....great math exercise. When DS saw what it costs for each of us to eat at WDW, he was so floored that he offered to chip in from his birthday/Christmas money. DH assured him that we will pay for his food. Not sure how one child is affected by money and others aren't but I don't think its as simple as we would like it to be.

 

[jennyjinx3]

We never went on a family vacation - we visited my fathers family in another state, but never went on a vacation. My husband never went on a vacation either as a kid. We stress to my daughters how fortunate we are now to be able to go on vacations, since mommy and daddy couldn't when we were growing up, and we talk about how hard daddy works in order to provide us with a warm house, good food, clothes, and fun stuff like vacations. This will be my daughter's 4th trip to Disney (she's 6).

ETA: I think that is why its so important for me to have the vacations now - not only for them, but for us, its a week that we get to escape TOGETHER away from our everyday lives. Since my DH and I never had that, we get to be kids for a week, and love it.

We too never went to WDW or huge vacations when I was a child. In fact now whenever I talk to my parents about our love for Disneyworld, my mom feels she has to defend the fact that they didn't take us as children.
I get it though, times were very tight then and they barely scraped together the money to go to the nearby beach. For our family, we are fortunate and the kids know this.
They too save part of their allowance for "giving" and decide when and what to give it too. They see DH and I going out of our way to help people, and we do not overindulge them on a regular day to day basis.
I agree that our WDW vacations are purely about us as a family, escaping the routines, work and everyday things that sometimes stress us out. We love it and wouldn't tell them they get to go only if they are "good".
Ha! If that was the rule, even mom wouldn't get to go!! LOL