Attention All Married Ladies out there I NEED your help and thoughts!!!

[Miniefan]

Hi and good evening ladies, I really really need some help out there. I am having some marital conflict at home and I would love to get your feedback and comments on the issue I am facing. My dh and I have a fairly good relationship we get along and agree on just about everything...except all of his extra activities. My dh is an active 29 yr old with tons of friends and things he likes to do. Between owning 2 small businesses, going to the gym, playing baseball, riding his motorcycle, riding his ATV, and his guys night outs it is sometimes hard to see just exactly where I fit in.....After another arguement about his "guys night out" tonight and him making the comment that one night a week out with the guys is not that bad I would like to know what you guys think.....Do your hubbies have tons of extra activities that do not include you? If so how do you feel about it. Please take the poll and feel free to let me know exactly how you feel about it.
Anxiously awaiting your thoughts and comments,
Kim

 

[tiggerwannabe]

It sounds like your opportunity to have a girls night out

How long have you been married?

 

[Alicnwondrln]

thats hard. Its ok to see friends and do stuff but important to spend time with each other as well
how would he feel if you were out as much as he is??

 

[Miniefan]

We have been married for 8 years, we do get to spend some time together and I guess the guys nights out really wouldn't bother me so much if it didn't seem to be so important to him.
Kim

 

[goofy's friends]

I think you need to make plans as well. Go out with friends, have activities that you do--hobbies, workout, etc. Ask him for a compromise--one datenight a week, one night that you both have your own plans, one family night, etc. Find things to do together like workout, rent movies, cook, etc. that would give you more time together and make it easier for him to go out if he has given some time to the relationship. I fell into the trap of "needing" my man too much and it put too much stress on both of us. These are the things we did and so far it is working.

 

[Miniefan]

I do have my own activities they are just usually during the weekday when they do not affect our time together as a couple or a family....I didn't mean to give the impression that dh and I don't get along we actually have a really good strong marriage and family, just sometimes I think I let things bother me a little more than they should. I think this particular week has really taken a toll on me..... Last week Dh worked the whole weekend, worked late every night this week, and then tonight when he gets home at 8:30 he springs it on me that he is going out with friends....I guess it just left me a little miffed tonight and I wanted to find out if this is a norm in most people's relationships or if I am just the big (beep) in the minority.
Kim

PS As soon as the window of oppotunity opens I will turn the tables and see how he likes spending his evenings alone!!

 

[Rafiki Rafiki Rafiki]

Does it really just boil down to one night out, or is it something more?

Is he out at bars drinking with them or in some other place where he's meeting women...or is it a game of poker at one of the other guys' houses?

Are the friends single and looking for women, or are they all married and leaving their wives at home too? If they're all married, could this become couples' night instead of boys night out?

If these guys are all single, I think you should encourage him to help you find other married couples to spend time with. It just works out better that way.

DH and I had this sort of problem when we were about the same age as you. I had a problem with it because I heard and saw how they acted when the wives weren't around. I wasn't really secure enough in myself or in our marriage at the time to say it that way.

At this point in our lives we really don't have many couple friends...mostly because we're renovating our home and have our hands full with our three daughters. Your marriage will probably become more that way if you have kids. So, for now, do what you can to find activities to keep yourself busy AND find more to do as a couple.

I know it will work out...

 

[CPM]

I actually wish my husband would get out more!! I go out more than he does with my friends. If he does go out with his friends, it's usually to golf or go to a baseball game.

However, I wouldn't want him going out all the time or being as involved with as many activities as your DH.

 

[palmtreegirl]

My DH use to go out on "guys nights" a lot when we were dating and before we had kids. But afterwards he just stopped, wasn't my choice, I didn't mind at all, he just chose to stop going all by himself. It's because his friends never grew up, they still went to the same bars we did when we were all younger. They turned into those creepy older guys in the corner of the club and Dh wanted nothing to do with that.

 

[FreshTressa]

Does teaching count as a guys night out??

DH rarely goes out without me, so when he does, I don't mind. He works a lot, so we don't get a lot of time together, but when he does have spare time, he usually chooses to spend it with the family.

You can't "change" him though....if that is what he enjoys and you nag him out of it, he might resent it. He needs to be there because he wants to be...just my opinion.

 

[ilovepcot]

Guess I'm fortunate.....have never been faced with this problem. DH and I have a network of friends that all enjoy doing things as couples. Some of us take trips out of town and sometimes even out of state. The men often times will go to a sports bar while the two women are shopping but we always meet up for dinner and drinks. Afterward we plan an activity that includes all four of us. Works great and keeps communication wide open!

 

[MouseWorshipin]

DH goes out about once a week with work people, but is home around 7:30 -8:00. He also has a sports thing that he does weekly during its season in winter, and Golf (stupid, stupid Golf!) during summer, which can be long days with that 19th hole... And every so often there is a hunting trip, or a fishing thing.

I cannot imagine not going out with my girls. I totally look forward to it, and we do it almost every week. I also like to go shopping sometimes and can make most of a day of it at the mall. And every so often there is a trip to WDW!

If I asked him to stay home - if I were sick or something - he would. I have NEVER felt abandoned or neglected.

We DO do stuff together, but we do our own stuff, too. It works for us!

 

[LindsayDunn228]

The only people my hubby would go out with is his brother and best friend, and they are my friends too, so we do a lot of things together. There have been a few times he's gone without me, which is perfectly fine with me. Once they start talking about computers and Star Trek, I usually tune them out anyway

 

[slo]

My DH is on our volunteer fire dept. and there are times that these guys go out together - maybe 5 times a year. I'm glad that he has friends to go out with and bond with.

I don't know how I would feel if it were once a week - I've never been put in that position.

 

[we3disneygo]

good luck.

 

[siouxi31]

My husband goes out about once a week and I have no problem with it at all. It may be because most of our married life he worked evenings and I'm accustomed to him being gone at night. I enjoy it. I don't like to go out so when he's gone I just curl up with a movie or a book.

 

[Christine]

My DH used to go out regularly with his high school buddies. Usually just hanging at one of their houses, drinking beer, etc. I was never interested and I really didn't care if he went.

Now, he rarely goes. His hobby, though, is cycling and he goes out on a ride once a week and sometimes more often. As long as I'm not left "holding the bag" so to speak, I don't mind. In fact, I enjoy having him out of the house. I like the quiet. Whenever he's home, there's always some stupid sports thing on the TV and it's blaring.

 

[Buckalew11]

DH bikes and run with his buddies every day. Every once in a while they'll go out to eat to plan a biking trip. As far as going out like drinking with his friends, nope, he's long over that. I do a girl's night out about once a month. I think it is important to have separate interests but as a married couple I think time should be worked in for you as a couple. Are his buddies married or settled?

 

[Disney Doll]

DH goes out every once in a while without me, but really, not too often, and they are usually events that he has been going to for years. We are fairly involved in Irish activities in our area, so we just finished with the "busy season" around St.Patrick's Day, where there are a couple of events that are "men only" that he has gone to for years...literally since he was a teenager...so they are "traditions".

Your DH is bit younger though, and sounds like some of his buddie sare still single, so he wants to be single guy/married guy. You know, hang with the guys, and not let the "old ball and chain" tell him what to do.

Talk to him and tell him how it makes you feel when he seems to want to be with his friends more than you. Before you do that though, make sure he's not "running away" because there is a deepr rooted problem.

 

[Skywalker]

The only thing my husband does is go about once a month to the horse races with a buddy of his. That doesn't bother me because otherwise he is always with his family. I don't "go out with the girls" either, I'm a homebody type so I just don't. I'd rather have people over or hang out all together and my husband is the same way.

If he spent as much time doing other things as your husband seems to, then yes, I would have a problem with it.