Attendant accomodations - Who pays?

[VickyWDW]

I have been reading everywhere that the Bride and Groom are responsible for the accomodations of their attendents. This would be an unexpected addition to our budget, but we would do it if it is common and expected. We are already helping out some family members for whom it is a financial stretch, but it would not be a burden for our attendants. They would have come anyway even if they were not in the wedding. Don't mean to sound petty, just wondering what others have done.

Thanks,
Vicky

 

[Marty Moose]

I've never heard that...

I was moh at my friends destination wedding and paid my own way...and she will my moh and will be paying her own way.

I think it's pretty much common for the attendants to pay for their own lodging. I'm wondering if maybe they mean it's the b&g's responsibility to secure lodging (ie, making sure there is a reserved room for them, but not pay for it?)?

I'd be interested in what others have to say...

 

[Tinkerbellz]

My plan is to pay for their dresses, shoes, accessories, etc. , but accomodations? I wasn't planning on footing the bill for that. I will also pay for the Welcome party meal and the breakfast following the ceremony. I certainly hope that will be sufficient.

Both of my attendants know approximately what it may cost for the trip.

 

[dsnyfan6/18]

All of our attendants paid for their own dresses, shoes, etc. and their accomodations.

 

[LuluLovesDisney]

I spent over 1000 in transportation and lodging, plus costs for my BM dress, shoes, etc. when I was a BM in a wedding far away from where I live- with gift, bachelorette party, dress, etc. I spent close to 2000 to be there for my friend's wedding.

I think that it is a sweet gesture, if you can afford it, to help others who truly can't. However, it is not a requirement by tradition, etiquette or anything else. If they are financially willing and able to pay, I don't think you should feel obligated.

 

[ferretxxxferret]

I agree with everyone here: you do not have to pay for their trip or accommodations. While it would be a lovely gesture to do so, its not required as far as etiquette goes. I dont think anyone would really expect it either. No one would have a destination wedding if this were the case!!

 

[Fairy_Tale_Bride]

My entire family came to the wedding and they paid their own way and for their Resort rooms...plus gave me wonderful wedding gifts! It is not expected and how could it be with the amount of money the bride and groom has to put out? I know my family paid for half of our wedding and we paid for the other half...plus the Disneymoon. It's a lot of money at one time. Lots of debt to pay off.

 

[ItGirl753]

I have heard of some brides paying for it all, but as a bridesmaid I always paid for all of my own stuff! If we ever set a date, I certainly won't be able to pay for that stuff!

 

[VickyWDW]

Thanks for all your input. I had never heard of such a thing either but all the etiquette websites and books say that you should pay for the lodging of attendants. Our attendants are able to pay themselves, but we will offer it as courtesy (we are having 4 attendants) and say if they wanted anything more than a value resort we couldn't do that. I don't expect them to take us up on it, but we'll see.

Thanks so much!
Vicky

 

[pixie08]

I don't think you have to do anything you don't or can't do. We would love to pay for everyone's accomodation but that would be for us with a 14 peron bridal party just crazy I am buying my bridesmaids dresses (they are responsible for altering and shoes) and giving each person in our party a $250 amex giftcard to use toward hotel etc but that will only cover like 2 nights at the asmo and some food and most are staying 5 plus nights.

I think as long as you are understanding of the parties needs (ie if someone financially CANNOT make the trip you shouldn't be disappointed) and get dresses that are afordable than that is nice. Maybe you can do something a little special like a small disney giftcard for them to use there? Just a suggestion.

 

[dsnyfan6/18]

I acutally asked the girls to be my attendants after we knew they were going to be coming to the wedding. i gave them the option, isaid that i knew they were paying so much $$ to come down there, andt hat being a bridesmaid was totally another expensive expense, so i would I would understand if they did not want to be BM. they of courese said they would, which made me happy!

 

[janine]

All of our guests paid their own way.
I paid for all the bridesmaids dresses and accessories, their hair & makeup and my Mums hair & makeup.

 

[LuvTony0508]

FAIRY TALE BRIDE, looked at your wedding pics. They are awesome. The pics at Magic Kingdom were really cool. Was it truly the fairy tale you expected? It certainly looked like it.

 

[Rustyflwr3]

You are definitely not expected to pay for anything for your attendants! I however, am paying for my BM's dresses...but thats it!! not the shoes, not the accessories, transportation, accomodations, etc! My fiance is also paying for the GM tuxes

 

[hmp2z]

We paid for MOH dress & best man tux, but only for 1 night hotel accommodations. After that, they were on their own.
Cheers!
Heather W

 

[wendy46001]

I'll agree with everyone, its nice if you can afford it, but not required ...my DH and i paid for the wedding ourselves, so it just wasn’t in the budget...that being said we where up front with the expenses when we asked them to be in the bridal party ...They all went above and beyond to join in the magic...and while all of my girls spent the night with me before the wedding (slumber party at GF) they paid for their own dresses, accommodations, etc etc...

 

[ead79]

Here's the deal as best as I understand it. According to etiquette rules, the bride and groom should pay for their attendants' accomodations. However, these guidelines are referring to an at-home wedding. In other words, since I live in Atlanta, if I had my wedding here and some of my bridesmaids were from out of town, I would be expected to cover their hotel cost. However, there don't seem to be any etiquette guidelines about destination weddings. Since everyone is from out of town at a destination wedding (including the bride and groom), usually the bride and groom do not pay for attendant accomodations. Of course, it's always a nice gesture if you can afford it, but with a destination wedding I don't think you should feel obligated to do it.

I will also mention that the idea of ever paying for attendant accomodations seems to be falling by the wayside. I was just a bridesmaid in a wedding this past weekend that was out of town, and I paid for my own hotel room. I think most attendants would assume that they will have to pay it for themselves. If it's a big financial struggle for someone, you might consider helping them out though.

 

[JandJ]

Like ead79 said, paying for attendant's accommodations doesn't really happen anymore. I was in two out of town weddings in the past 5 years or so and I had to pay for my own travel expenses, accommodations, meals, dress, etc. We did pay for my MOH's dress and accessories and she stayed with me the night before the wedding, so of course we paid for that night's accommodations, but she was our only attendant, my niece, and 17 at the time, so that just made sense. Don't feel obligated to pay, it's really nice if you want to and you can afford it, but as others have said, people understand the cost of agreeing to be in (and attend) a destination wedding.

Best Wishes

 

[littleladykaty]

this is how I see it...if you ask someone to be in your wedding they have to weigh whether they will be able to afford to do it or not. I'm sure they would say up front "I'd love to, but I could never afford to pay for xyz..." If they say yes then most likely they are assuming responsibility for themselves. I bought my sister's dress and shoes b/c she couldn't afford them (or b/c she is the baby of the family and has an uncanny ability to get people to buy her things!) But everyone else paid for their own things. I did get them really nice Thank You gifts!

don't worry about "shoulds" or "have to's"...your friends are doing this b/c they love you not b/c you are paying them to!

 

[twojo21]

theres not really a set rule on that its a nice gesture but not necessary. that said we did pay for our attendants accomodations while at disney for 4 nights & a 2 day park ticket.