At what age

[rie'smom]

would you put your daughter on birth control? I'm an older mom-49-and my daughter is 13. In the "should I be concerned"thread,I posted about the girls in my daughter's class being,ahem,sophisticated. I really don't think that the majority are having sex but kids today are waaaayyyyy more ahead in this area than we were.
I was trying to do a poll but i'm not that savvy.

 

[KelNottAt]

That's a hard question. As the mother of a 12yo, it's been nagging at me in the back of my mind. (And my DD is still "young" physically and socially.)

I'd like to think that I'd never have to "put" her on BC. I'd prefer that she come tell me it's time. But, in a worst case scenario, by then it could be "too late."

I really don't know the answer. I'll follow this thread with interest.

 

[poohandwendy]

I would never 'put my DD on BC'. I would (and have) made sure my DDs know the option is always available to them via ongoing, frank discussion and making sure they have access to a regular gynecologist starting before they are sexually active. And they know their doctor/patient relationship is one where they have total privacy.

ETA, I think regular gyne visits should be commonplace, from the time a girl develops sexually. Just like a PC doctor. The gynecologist should not be seen as a doctor you only visit when there is a problem or a pregnancy. The relationship should start BEFORE there is an issue. JMHO

 

[pearlieq]

I think it has to be her decision. I'm all for birth control, but 13 is just waaay to young to be having sex in any circumstance! I'm not usually about absolutes, but in that case she's just too young, period! Have you discussed that with her? What does she have to say?

If she were 16 or 17, it might be a different discussion.

I started the pill at 15, but that was solely for health reasons. Boys didn't enter the picture for a few more years!

 

[rie'smom]

I would never 'put my DD on BC'. I would (and have) made sure my DDs know the option is always available to them via ongoing, frank discussion and making sure they have access to a regular gynecologist starting before they are sexually active. And they know their doctor/patient relationship is one where they have total privacy.

ETA, I think regular gyne visits should be commonplace, from the time a girl develops sexually. Just like a PC doctor. The gynecologist should not be seen as a doctor you only visit when there is a problem or a pregnancy. The relationship should start BEFORE there is an issue. JMHO

You're right I do need to take he to the gyn.We have had the talk . I've told her that even though she may be physically ready,she's not emotionally ready. However, about the not putting your child on BC,what if a situation arises where things "proceed" before a girl gets on BC. It might be too late if she gets pregnant. I'm just trying,as much as I would wish that she not have relations until she's older,to be aware and not to hide my head in the sand.

 

[singingpixie]

That's a tough one. I started birth control for medical reasons when I was 17, but by then I had already had sex with my boyfriend. I was just relieved to have a legitimate medical reason to go on the pill so I wouldn't have to hide it from my mom. The option of telling her the truth wasn't there for me- I love my mom, but in high school the idea of her knowing I was sexually active terrified me (nothing against her, I just had this fear of disappointing her).

I like the idea of starting a regular obgyn visits when she matures sexually, that way she has an outlet to discuss things like this that doesn't necessarily involve you. In a perfect world she would tell you before she wanted to have sex, but many teens don't. I was a good kid, and even now at 22 I still haven't discussed anything involving my sex life with my mom! (Although after living with my ex for 2 years, she probably assumes). I had friends in high school who had their obgyn tell their moms that the pill was for medical reasons when really it was mostly for birth control. Not the most honest approach, but at least they were protected, and they also had the doctor explaining how they needed to protect themselves from STDs as well.

 

[NMAmy]

The pill does not protect against STD's. So, it would not be my first line of defense for my dd.

My dd is 16. She is not sexually active but I've given her all the information. She knows how to prevent pregnancy and protect against STD's. She knows that I strongly advise that she waits until she is older for her own sake and she knows the reasons why I think that. She also knows she can always come to me and I will help her to protect herself. But I would not put her on the pill without also giving her condoms.

 

[tlstyxx1]

I think it depends on your daughter. You should be very familiar with your daughters friends and the behaviors she and the friends are demonstrating (or trying to hide). My daughter just turned 15 and is just beginning to show the "boys" interest (hiding in her room on the phone, trying to keep messages secret on the computer). I have always been frank with her about what is acceptable behavior and what isn't and I have very clear rules. That being said...I also am not naive...she will do what she wants when she feels she is ready despite what I say or do. Right now BC isn't an issue for her but it is in the back of my mind and I'm sure it will be discussed in more detail before too long.

I would suggest that you sit your daughter down and have a general discussion about what the girls in her class are doing or talking about and get her impressions about how she feels about those issues. Throw in some questions like...what woudl you do, under what circumstances would you, etc. Maybe then you will have a better understanding of where she stands.

Good luck!!

 

[1DISNEYLVR]

I've been through this. Like many of you, I hoped that DD would let me know when the time came or at least would get herself on birth control either from her doctor or a clinic. Unfortunately she did neither of those things. Without going into details, I found out she was having unprotected sex with her boyfriend when she was 16. Thankfully, she did not end up pregnant & I insisted she go on the pill. I made the appointment with the OB/GYN. I brought her to the appointment & I gave her the pill everyday. I still do, along with some other medications she needs to take daily. She is now 18 & doing well. She knows now what disaster an unplanned pregnancy as a teen could have been for her, but at 16 she just did not have the maturity to realize it.

 

[Cool-Beans]

The second she asked for it.

And if I suspect she's started having sex, I'll push for it.

 

[poohandwendy]

You're right I do need to take he to the gyn.We have had the talk . I've told her that even though she may be physically ready,she's not emotionally ready. However, about the not putting your child on BC,what if a situation arises where things "proceed" before a girl gets on BC. It might be too late if she gets pregnant. I'm just trying,as much as I would wish that she not have relations until she's older,to be aware and not to hide my head in the sand.

I totally understand what you are talking about. I had a talk with my gynecologist about how to approach it. He basically told me that what he does with young patients is tell them that they can call the office at any time and make an appt for themselves OR be counselled on how to get the protection they need if they feel they cannot come in, for whatever reason. He also always asks them before they leave their visit if they would like some condom samples, just in case there is ever a need or if they have a friend who may need them.

You can only do the best you can and really, the rest IS up to them. There is obviously no fool-proof way to prevent something from happening if they make a decision that results in pregnancy or an STD. You can only line up the best offense possible by making every option available to them and always keep the lines of communication open.

 

[rie'smom]

I really appreciate all of your responses. She's going to high school this upcoming school year. We have grade school and then high school. My boys who are grown have told her that some of the older boys scope out the new girls and target those they think will play along. While I don't think she's the playing along type at this age,my boys have given me a few new wrinkles and many more gray hairs since informing us of this fact.
Everyone seems to be on the same page with communication being the most important tool. Thank goodness,my daughter and I still have open lines. I'm hoping that we can maintain this relationship throught the turbulent teens.

 

[Kath2003]

I went on the pill at 16. My mother wasn't happy about it because she didn't want me on the pill for years and years. I wasn't on it as BC but I became sexually active during the two years I was on it. I never relied on the pill alone as BC during this time and always used condoms - partly because I didn't trust the pill but also partly because I didn't trust the guy to remain monogamous to me. I came off of it because I wanted a form of birth control I could rely on, and I didn't trust myself to remember to take the pill EVERY day. I also got myself a boyfriend I could trust.

 

[mrsltg]

Like others have said, I won't be "putting" my dd's on birth control - it will be something they'll need to do. I plan to keep communication open (as much as possible with teens) but I won't tell them they will be taking birth control because "I say so." I also don't think I'll be bringing them to the gyno beginning at puberty. I would have been mortified to have a pelvic exam at 13years old and incredibly uncomfortable with the thought of being examined in that way.

I would talk to your dd and just keep talking. If she's comfortable she'll be more likely to turn to you for advice and then you two can decide the best course of action together. Good luck!

 

[Serena]

I knew my oldest would never come to me to ask before doing anything. She never did with anything else, I expected no different with sex.
What I did do is to talk to her. I also let her know where she could go and who to call so she could be protected beforehand.
I told her a baby was the very least of my worries. STD's, especially HIV scared me to death.
I also told her that no matter what, I loved her and we would get through anything.

My youngest is 15. I expect to have this conversation again soon.

 

[Amlee]

I would say it varies from girl to girl. The lifestyle and maturity are all things that should come into play.

 

[MushyMushy]

The second she asked for it.

And if I suspect she's started having sex, I'll push for it.

Same here. I hope my DD will be comfortable enough to ask for it, but if she's not, I won't hesitate to bring it up to her. And I'll definitely push condoms!

Sexual activity aside, if she has the kind of periods I have, I'll definitely talk to a gynecologist about putting her on the pill for that. There's no need for her to be miserable.

 

[LadyShiva]

*scratching my head* I'm not trying to be rude here, but is there a reason you are all mentioning the pill? There are more methods for BC than just the pill, and I wanted to mention them -just in case- you were not aware of them. My mother and mother-in-law were not aware of them in recent conversations, so I'll go out on a limb here and post descriptions:

1. Patch. It is the birth control pill, delivered via a patch worn for a week. It allows for delivery of hormones without worrying about missing a pill. It also has the concern of blood clots and should not be used by smokers. Saint John's Wort and antibiotics also interfere with effectiveness. Here's a link to describe more: http://www.kidshealth.org/teen/sexual_health/contraception/contraception_patch.html

2. Shot. Depo-Provera is the brand name. It is not affected by antibiotics because it disallows release of an egg. Link, and read it carefully! : http://www.kidshealth.org/teen/sexual_health/contraception/contraception_depo.html

3. Ring. Monthly release of hormones, antibiotics and herbals interfere with effectiveness. Smokers should not use it. Link: http://www.kidshealth.org/teen/sexual_health/contraception/contraception_ring.html

4. IUD. Lord, I hope your teenager is unable to use this, but you might want to research it for yourself. These are only to be used by women who have had pregnancies that have stretched their uterus (trying to avoid saying "full-term"). There are 2 types. One is copper and lasts 10 years; the other uses hormones and works for 5 years (Mirena). Doctors don't really know why the new, improved, not your momma's IUDs work. There are various theories about the IUD irritating the uterus enough to block implantation of a fertized egg. Link: http://www.kidshealth.org/teen/sexual_health/contraception/contraception_iud.html

If I have offended, I am sorry. I just wanted to mention the different methods to those who may not be aware of them. I was rather shocked that my mom and MIL did not know about these.

Brandie

 

[CEDmom]

My DD is only 7 and thinks loving any boy other than daddy is yucky so I have some time. Anyway, my concern would be more about protecting her against disease than pregnancy. Not that I want my teen daughter pregnant but it's doubtful she'd die from that.

Unless things change she will get the HPV immunization when she's 12 and in a few years we'll start talking about her protecting herself when the time comes. As far as putting her on birth control I think that would be sending her a conflicting message. I know a lot of people feel that way about the HPV shots but for me that long term insurance whereas birth control is for the here and now.

 

[mrsltg]

*scratching my head* I'm not trying to be rude here, but is there a reason you are all mentioning the pill? There are more methods for BC than just the pill, and I wanted to mention them -just in case- you were not aware of them. My mother and mother-in-law were not aware of them in recent conversations, so I'll go out on a limb here and post descriptions:


If I have offended, I am sorry. I just wanted to mention the different methods to those who may not be aware of them. I was rather shocked that my mom and MIL did not know about these.

Brandie

Didn't offend me at all. I think most people talk about the pill by default. Also, the pill is something that can be stopped immediately if there is an adverse reaction whereas the Depo shot is not good for people with clotting issues, the IUD is, as you say, meant for someone after pregnancy, and the ring, well, I would venture a guess that most young women are not yet comfortable enough with themselves to insert it properly. But, yes, there is a lot on the market these days!