At what age did you/would you let DD "date"

[mickyzzzzz05]

16 for one on one dating. Going out with groups of mixed company started at 15 for both my daughter and son.

 

[shortbun]

Not the mother of a girl here but I'm an aunt of a 14 year old girl and mom of a boy. Home and group dates at 13 and 14
would be my idea of appropriate age. Alone dates I would save
til late 14 or 15. Car dates not until the girl is able to drive too
for reasons I could go into but won't. Alone dates with older boys, only after several home dates and real conversation
with the boys, ie. they are the type of kid willing to invest in you
as well as your daughter. How are they getting there and back?
You? Lots of variables-good student? responsible? boy well known? what's the movie? who's pushing it-him or her?
Good luck!

 

[JayBee]

My Ds's had their first 'date" the Fall of Sophomore year of HS-in a group in a limo for a formal "Homecoming" dance. Before that they would meet girls at school dances (7th and 8th and Freshman year HS) but didn't do a real "date".

I think Mom's that allow a "date" at a young age are the ones who will become grandmothers before their DD's are out of High School.

 

[MELSMICE]

Originally posted by JayBee
I think Mom's that allow a "date" at a young age are the ones who will become grandmothers before their DD's are out of High School.

I think that is quite an assumption to make.

I think that parents that talk to their children openly about dating & other teen issues have a great shot at having great kids. I don't think kids should date whenever they want, but I don't think there is a magic age.

My oldest DD did the "group homecoming date" (freshman at the time). They hooked up with friends & about 8 of them went to the dance together & then hooked up with another group at the dance. They met at a friend's house before the dance w/ all the parents present. They went midnight bowling afterwards which was a real issue in our house. DH & I "met" them at midnight bowling after another mom & dad drove them there but stayed behind the scenes to supervise.

DD had her first "official" date at the end of her freshman year. We met the boy, we drove, we picked up. They dated a few times but it fizzled out over the summer. My other 2 DD's are 12 & have no interest in "dating" yet. They have their first school dance this Friday & I am sure the big thing will be who danced with who.

I think every child is different & you will know when yours is ready to date. I also think that if you don't allow it just because they're not "the right age" that they could inevitably sneak behind your back & do "date" things anyway. I'm not saying every kid will do this - but as parents we shouldn't kid ourselves. The more you say "you can't do that yet" just because they're not the right age but all their friends are they more likely it is that they will somehow try to.

JMO!

 

[Lewski709]

Age set for me was 16, but I was getting around that. I was in HS at 13, so I was dating at 14. Freshman year I think is appropriate, depending on the age of the boy.

 

[luvflorida]

I think a lot of it depends on your definition of "date". Many of you say that you won't allow dating until your son or daughter is 15/16. My youngest daughter is 14 and when she was in middle school it seemed like everyone was "going out" with someone. Usually the couple didn't last very long, and they never really went "out" anywhere. There was a lot of talking on IM and phones, maybe a group of boys and girls going to the movies, and the school dances were probably the highlight of their social lives.

My daughter went "out" with a boy from the middle of seventh grade until the end of eighth grade, (about 16 months), an eternity for middle schoolers. Looking back on it now, I can't believe they were only 121/2 and 13 when they first became a couple.

Now before I get flamed, I want to say that it was a VERY controlled situation. For a long time, they only talked on the phone, (infrequently), talked on IM, and attended a few school dances, (not really as a couple, but with friends). The first few times they went to a movie together, either my husband and I or the boy's mom or dad, also went and sat in the same theatre.

They really never went anywhere by themselves. They usually spent time at each other's houses, again ALWAYS with adult supervision nearby. We ALWAYS called his parents and they would always call us before the two got together. Both sets of parents knew the rules, (NEVER allow them to be without adults nearby, no going into bedrooms, etc.). We maintained communication throughout their relationship.

Both kids were involved in other activities, (football for him, dance for her), and they spent time with a lot of friends. They did things with both families and were each other's best friend. Now don't think we were always comfortable with them being so involved with each other. I was always second guessing everything. Are they spending too much time with each other? If we limit their time together, will that just make them want to spend MORE time together?

In summary, I really think the dating issue isn't so much an age thing, but more of an individual situation. Young teens need A LOT of parental involvement. Communication MUST be open between teen and parent and between the parents of both kids. And, again, much depends on the kids themselves. I have a son who is 23, and never really was interested in dating until well into his teens, (late high school), and a daughter, 20, who didn't have a boyfriend, (she had tons of friends who were girls AND boys), until the beginning of Sophomore year).

Sorry for this being so long, but I really think it's hard to pinpoint one exact age to "date", and again, the word "date" can mean different things to different people.

 

[ladydancer]

My son's and daughter now in there 20's started dating when they were 16. Not that they didn't ask. Not that it wasn't a battle. Now they say they are glad I "stick to my guns" and said "NO". When I finally allowed them to date there dating partners were not more than a year older.

I don't think kids at a younger age are mature enough to handle a relationship. I'm not so sure alot of 16 year olds are either.

 

[LisaSt]

Iknow some adults that are less mature about relationships than alot of kids so I really don't think age is specific inthe dating wold honestly.

 

[beattyfamily]

Originally posted by Pop Daddy
planning on mid forties

 

[chell]

Originally posted by JayBee
I think Mom's that allow a "date" at a young age are the ones who will become grandmothers before their DD's are out of High School.

That is not the case in most of the young mothers I know. Most of them had parents who were way to strict and the kids had to rebel.

 

[luvflorida]

MELSMICE- You must have been posting at the same time I was. I agree with everything you said!

At 12, the big thing was "who is going out with who", even though nobody actually went anywhere. The big social scene was middle school dances and even then it was an unwritten "law" that you NEVER walked into the dance with someone of the opposite sex. Girls always arrived with girls and boys with boys. I never really understood that!

 

[skuttle]

At 12/13 I had met a couple of boys at the movies or school dances or parties. My mom obviously knew about the boys at school dances or parties, not sure about the movies. It woudl be a group of girls and we would meet a group of boys (never just one on one).

At 14 I went on my first date. Met my DH and started dating him at 15...that was in 1994....we were married in 2000.

BTW...we were married three years and I had graduated from both college and law school and DH was completing college (he got a late start) when we had DS. So my mom wasn't a grandma before I finished highschool just because I was allowed to date at a younger age than most listed here.

 

[LisaSt]

My DW and I had our daughter (oldest) before we got married and she was allowed to date early not that she did but it was allowed and so was I mind you I didn't start till after 16 when I blew out my knee and hockey was now no longer my number 1 priority.

 

[MELSMICE]

Originally posted by luvflorida
MELSMICE- You must have been posting at the same time I was. I agree with everything you said!

That is so funny, because as I was just reading your post I thought "what this person wrote is exactly the way I feel"!!!

As you said "dating" can mean different things. I think open communication is more important than setting an age limit. My twin DD's were in 6th grade last year. They told me that so many people were "going out". Well, "going out" meant sitting next to each other at lunch, maybe holding hands on the way to the bus & IMing each other.

I also agree with chell.....................many times the kids with very strict rules & parents that won't talk or budge on a situation are the ones that rebel & get in trouble.

I tell my DH that parenting is sometimes a game. You just have to play the game better than your children & know that you have to be the winner.

 

[Keli]

We had told our dd that we would allow her to date when she was 16 years old. She had her first date on her sixteenth birthday (which had been lined up for months, she was very ready to start dating! lol)

 

[BibbidyBobbidyBoo]

I wasn't allowed to date until I was 16- and even then many times we'd have to take my sister (2.5yrs younger than me). ugh!

My oldest DD is only 10 (11 in Jan) now- so it's something in the back of my mind for the future but haven't made up my mind yet. (if DH had his way she'd be atleast 20 before dating LOL) Honestly I think I'll have to wait to decide on that depending on her maturity level, how "close" we are as she goes through her teenage years (meaning if she becomes distant, misbehaves in ways that would make me less trusting, etc. you know...)
But if we're close/communicating well still and I can trust her still in all ways and she shows a maturity level I think is necessary... I might let her date earlier than 16. Maybe not the MOVIES- but things like going to a football game together, school dance parties or other school activities- or going skating or other activities that don't involve sitting in darkness. LOL The movies will have to wait a bit I think. LOL

In other words I'm not stuck on an "age" for my children- it will depend on them and our relationship at that point as well as their maturity level. Education will always be a factor too... if it disrupts their grades/etc.- they might not be ready.

(ps. honestly I don't think dating at an early age is going to be an issue with my eldest daughter unless she changes a lot real quick like. She's almost 11 and isn't interested in boys at ALL ... yet. And I mean isn't interested in them nor interested in wearing "hip" clothing- honestly she doesn't care a whole lot about how she looks either. Basic hygiene and that's it. Now for my 4yr old daughter? SHE I'm worried about... she's already been into how she looks, dresses, etc- total girly girl for years now and already talks about her "boyfriend" at preschool. My girls are so different from one another LOL)

 

[tiggerlover]

I think group outings (boy/girl) in 7th and 8th grade is okay and one on one dating not until a bit older. I didn't have my first one on one date until 9th grade and nothing real serious until 11th grade.

 

[MELSMICE]

Originally posted by BibbidyBobbidyBoo
Maybe not the MOVIES- but things like going to a football game together, school dance parties or other school activities- or going skating or other activities that don't involve sitting in darkness.

Don't kid yourself - there are dark corners at those school dances & all kinds or corners & dark coves at a football game with those bleachers!

Like my mom always said "just because you don't have a bedroom & a bed don't think I'm dumb enough to think you can't or won't do something"!!!

 

[ladydancer]

Originally posted by MELSMICE
Don't kid yourself - there are dark corners at those school dances & all kinds or corners & dark coves at a football game with those bleachers!

Like my mom always said "just because you don't have a bedroom & a bed don't think I'm dumb enough to think you can't or won't do something"!!!

You are absolutely right!

 

[The Mystery Machine]

To me when you the parent drops the kid off and then the kids go to the movies or a dance I really consider that just "going out".

A "date" is when the person picks you up at the house and drives.

I have let my 13yo daughter meet her guyfriend (he is not a boyfriend according to dd ) at the movies a couple of times at the mall.

I think things have to be examined as it comes. If the "guyfriend" was someone I wasn't comfortable with I might have a different perspective.