Assisted Living: Please Tell Me Your Experience With It

[MIGrandma]

Does anyone have a parent living in an assisted living complex? My Mom is 73, and wants to go into one. She has been living on her own for about 3 years, and has done just fine but in the past several months she's been more forgetful, and a couple days ago she took an extra heart pill.

She can still bathe and dress herself, feed herself, all of that sort of thing but she's wondering if she could still get into one.

I don't know if a person has to need more help with things than what she really does, or not.

And I'm not sure she could afford it. Would Medicaid help to pay for something like that? I know when my Dad (he had Alzheimer's and couldn't do much of anything for himself at the time we put him in) went to the nursing home Medicaid did pay. They allowed my Mom to keep all of Dad's SS and his pension, and her own SS (mostly because she was paying monthly rent on an apartment, didn't own their own home).

I know I would feel more comfortable with her going to an assisted living place, and I know at this point she would love the social aspect of it and she wants to go. She does not want to move in with us, and there is a vacant house right next to us where DH's parents used to live and she could move in there (would still have to pay rent to DH's Dad) but she doesn't want to do that either, for many reasons. She feels assisted living would be best for her.

So, can anyone fill me in?

 

[AKL_Megs]

It's REALLY, REALLY expensive.

Have you considered a Senior Housing Community? Like an apartment, but with planned activities? They also usually have buttons/buzzers/pulleys in each room in the event of an emergency. BUT, you aren't "assisted". You also still get all of the "activities" and social interactions.

I want to say DH's great grandmother was in one (Sunset) for a few months until they couldn't afford it anymore. Then she had to go.

 

[golfgal]

Unfortunately assisted living is not something Medicare/Medicaid help out with, you need to pay for it out of pocket. It can be very expensive but it doesn't have to be. A lot depends on how much help you need.

First, for her though, is to start with a doctor's appointment to make sure there isn't something causing the memory loss-a medication, anemia, etc.

The SOCIAL aspects of senior living are great though. Most places have varied levels of aid needed so chances are she could probably just go into a senior housing, that has some staff on hand for emergencies but you really take care of yourself. You can pay for extras and medication set up would be one thing you could "buy". As she needs more help she could then move into assisted living and then maybe a nursing home. I would start touring places near you as waiting lists are often long.

She MIGHT be able to get some in home help with medication set-ups that would be a lot less expensive then an assisted living place.

 

[AshleyW]

I can't help TOO much, no one in my family lives in assisted living, but I did work at an assisted living facility for a few years.

If she can still function normally (minus the heart pill scare), she might want to look into an Independent Living facility. Our assisted living place had an independent living facility attached to it. Basically, they're just apartments for the elderly, but they can get medication help if needed. They also provided meals a couple times a week in a dining room.

The assisting living portion was still like living in an apartment, but you could get help with a larger variety of things: laundry, medicine, bathing, housekeeping, etc. Plus they provided 3 meals a day, and during the time I worked there, every resident but 2 ate all of their meals in the dining room.

Both places provided in-house activities, activities outside of the facility (trips to the mall, parks, stuff like that) and transportation to doctor appointments.

 

[brerrabbit]

Worry not, there's a place for her! We are on our second go round with Assistated Living. My Mother lived in one for seven years till she passed away and my MIL is currently in one. My Mothers was a full range assistated living facility. The lowest care level was in a seperate building and some of the residents still drove and had their own cars. The rooms came with a kitchen area so they could cook for themselves and call buttons in case they needed help. They could take care of themselves and if they ever felt like not cooking they could go to the main building and have dinner in the dining room. The next level was where my Mother started and was a room with a bathroom and a sink, microwave, and mini fridge. They ate all their meals in the dinning room and the van would take those that were able on outings to go shopping several times a week. They had assistance if they needed it and had planned activities and the residents played a lot of cards, and dominoes. The level where my Mother was when she passed was the Memory Support Unit, where residents had Dementia or Alzheimers and were given help bathing, getting dressed, going to the restroom and even eating if needed.

Both of the ones we delat with were very good and they even have beauty salons in them to get their hair done and manicures. Basically new resident's family's pick the level of care needed in consulting with the directors and go from there. They can be expensive. My Mother's cost started at $2,100 a month and was $3,300 a month in the end. My MIL currently pays $3,600 a month for her's but she is in an Alzheimers unit.

 

[antmaril]

My mother-in-law is 84 and lives in a senior living community. She is in the early stages of Alzheimer's and has almost no short term memory. However, she still interacts with people, can dress herself and bathe. Since she can't remember to take pills, my brother-in-law pays for an "ala carte" service where someone comes every day to give m-i-l her pills. She eats in the dining room. Of course, she has made friends and they are aware of her short term memory issues. I think if she forgets to go to the dining room for dinner, someone will go get her. She has a one bedroom apartment in this lovely complex. It is like a beautiful resort.

While this option is not cheap, it is certainly less expensive than assisted living. Perhaps this is something that could work for your mother.

I see you are in Michigan. If you want some details, send me a pm.

 

[walden]

Honey, I do so understand the question. We have been there and done that. My FIL, aged 84 (dementia, CHF, and diabetes) has been for the last 4 years in what we call here a Continuing Care Community. Yes, he is now on Medicaid. Even one year in a Care Facility usually drains resources, and he never got Long-Term Care insurance, such as it is. He is in a very good place though.

My state (MA) mandates that each AL takes some Medicaid people. The AL do have to transfer individuals if the nursing needs are excessive. AL here is primarily for the competent, some of whom drive, and who just need help. Most do a great job. I volunteer at one, and almost want to move in myself! You do want to check them out though because not all AL are great.

Our family feeling was that it was better to have my diagnosed dementia FIL in a continuing care community (one that went from AL to skilled nursing) that could take care of him when he got worse without moving him and disorienting him again.

Please understand that every state has different criteria, eligibility and descriptions of AL. Check this out for your state. It might be of some help.

http://www.assisted-living-directory.com/content/michigan.htm

FYI, we tried having my FIL live with us, but it just made him unhappy. And it was honestly too much for us. He was in the aggressive stage of dementia, which was not who he really was. It was hugely hard to deal with. We felt we had failed, but are now happy that we did "fail" because he has better medical care now than we ever could have given him and he seems happier with strangers taking care of his personal needs. His medical and dementia needs are now really completely beyond us. He gets very good care where he is today.

It is so hard to make these decisions. Good luck.

 

[Traveliz]

You need to check with Senior services in your state as each state is different -- in Illinois a person who only has SS and Medicare/Medicaid and little other in assests is eligible for assisted living with the cost being their SS check minus 90.00.

Without knowing what your state's policies are it is hard to give a blanket answer.

Liz

 

[golfgal]

You need to check with Senior services in your state as each state is different -- in Illinois a person who only has SS and Medicare/Medicaid and little other in assests is eligible for assisted living with the cost being their SS check minus 90.00.

Without knowing what your state's policies are it is hard to give a blanket answer.

Liz

Are you sure that is for assisted living and not a nursing home?

 

[Buckalew11]

My grandmother was in assisted living until she died. She loved it. She had to pay out of pocket and when she went in it was 2200. a month. By the time she died, it was about 2600. That is more than her first house on the ocean in the '30's!

Paying for care is a scary thought. So much $$$. I hope I just die quick instead.

 

[minkydog]

You need to check with Senior services in your state as each state is different -- in Illinois a person who only has SS and Medicare/Medicaid and little other in assests is eligible for assisted living with the cost being their SS check minus 90.00.

Without knowing what your state's policies are it is hard to give a blanket answer.

Liz

MIL had a similar situation in Florida. She had no assets and only a small SS payment each month. We found her a facility that was covered by her check and still left her with some pocket money.

When MIL went to assisted living it wasn't her idea. She is alcoholic and was having psychosis. She was no longer able to take care of herself or her home. SIL took her to involuntary detox, then after a week or so she took her to the assisted living facility. MIL didn't want to go so it was difficult. Eventually she came to terms with it.

Assisted living is just what it says--it's for people who need some supervision and assistance with laundry, medications, and meals. It is not for someone who needs full care. MILs assisted living situation was plain but adequate for her needs. She had a private room and bathroom. She had her makeup table & TV, and all her 59 Tshirts hanging up everywhere. About 2 years ago she began failing physically. She developed serious staph infections in her foot. I was very concerned and told DH & his sister that she needed more skilled nursing care. I was afraid she was going to lose the foot, it was so bad. Finally, she fell and broke her hip. After that the decision was made. She went to a nursing home last year. Once again, she hated it and complained bitterly(she's always been a big complainer.) But lately I've noticed that she is more content. I think she gets it now.

Good luck with your mom, whatever she decides. DH & I have discussed this very subject and decided that when the time comes we won't hesitate to move into assisted living. I'd rather live with people than live alone and I don't want to live with my children. So a senior living facility of some kind will be the choice of the day.

 

[Traveliz]

Are you sure that is for assisted living and not a nursing home?

I am 100% positive.

Liz

 

[DisneyFirefly]

You need to check with Senior services in your state as each state is different -- in Illinois a person who only has SS and Medicare/Medicaid and little other in assests is eligible for assisted living with the cost being their SS check minus 90.00.

Without knowing what your state's policies are it is hard to give a blanket answer.

Liz

Are you sure that is for assisted living and not a nursing home?

I am 100% positive.

Liz

What you guys are referring to is called Supportive Living. It's essentially the same thing as AL, but it's subsidized by the state. I work at a supportive living facility in Chicago, and most of the residents like it there. My parents and I are actually trying to talk my one surviving grandmother into moving into the facility, but my aunt (who she lives with) talked her out of it.

 

[Traveliz]

What you guys are referring to is called Supportive Living. It's essentially the same thing as AL, but it's subsidized by the state. I work at a supportive living facility in Chicago, and most of the residents like it there. My parents and I are actually trying to talk my one surviving grandmother into moving into the facility, but my aunt (who she lives with) talked her out of it.

Exactly - but for all intents and purposes it is Assisted Living. And the facility I am familiar with has both residents who are subsidized by the state and those who are paying full price.

Liz

 

[DisneyFirefly]

Exactly - but for all intents and purposes it is Assisted Living. And the facility I am familiar with has both residents who are subsidized by the state and those who are paying full price.

Liz

Yes, but an actual Assisted Living Facility won't be participating in the program. In order to participate in the program, you have to be a resident at a Supportive Living Facility. It's the same thing, but the state requires it to be a SLF if you want or need state assistance. As far as I know, no ALF will allow state assistance and will instead refer you to a SLF. As you said, it's the same thing, except for where the money's coming from. At my facility, we have residents who are private pay (full price, out of pocket) and residents who receive assistance, although the vast majority of residents receive assistance.

 

[Traveliz]

Yes, but an actual Assisted Living Facility won't be participating in the program. In order to participate in the program, you have to be a resident at a Supportive Living Facility. It's the same thing, but the state requires it to be a SLF if you want or need state assistance. As far as I know, no ALF will allow state assistance and will instead refer you to a SLF. As you said, it's the same thing, except for where the money's coming from. At my facility, we have residents who are private pay (full price, out of pocket) and residents who receive assistance, although the vast majority of residents receive assistance.

Very interesting - again basically the same thing but for terms of reimbursement and where the money comes from they have to name them differently. There are two here that I know of that are supportive and they are brand new and very popular. I know a number of people from my church at the two - some pay full price, some are subsidized. Learned something new today.

Liz

 

[NotUrsula]

I just got paperwork yesterday for my Long-Term care insurance policy, and according to the charts that came with it, the average cost for assisted-living facilities in the US is $36K annually for an individual. (The cost for couples is less per-person, because they share an apartment.)

Anyway, for the OP, with regard to the meds, your mother's physician can prescribe her meds to be dispensed in measured-dose packaging, the so-called Bingo Card package. For most folks who are only mildly forgetful (not having real dementia issues) that is effective to solve the medication confusion problem.

FYI, I just hunted something useful down for you. This is the 2009 annual report for the National Center for Assisted Living of the National Health Care Association. It lists reimbursement and aid policies for all states as of September of last year. (Presumably you can look for another report to come out this September.) http://www.ahcancal.org/ncal/resources/Documents/MedicaidAssistedLivingReport.pdf

 

[Traveliz]

I just got paperwork yesterday for my Long-Term care insurance policy, and according to the charts that came with it, the average cost for assisted-living facilities in the US is $36K annually for an individual. (The cost for couples is less per-person, because they share an apartment.)

Anyway, for the OP, with regard to the meds, your mother's physician can prescribe her meds to be dispensed in measured-dose packaging, the so-called Bingo Card package. For most folks who are only mildly forgetful (not having real dementia issues) that is effective to solve the medication confusion problem.

FYI, I just hunted something useful down for you. This is the 2009 annual report for the National Center for Assisted Living of the National Health Care Association. It lists reimbursement and aid policies for all states as of September of last year. (Presumably you can look for another report to come out this September.) http://www.ahcancal.org/ncal/resources/Documents/MedicaidAssistedLivingReport.pdf

That is an awesome report and describes exactly the services in Illinois.

Liz

 

[Disneyrsh]

ok