Assault At School Question

[dfchelbay]

My son is a senior in high school, he is 19 due to repeating a grade. He was in gym class a few days ago, playing basketball. Another boy shot a ball and it rebounded off the hoop, hitting a girl on top of the head. All the kids laughed, which I don't think was appropriate, including my son. The girl came after my son accusing him of hitting her with the ball. He denied hitting her and tried to walk away. She pursued him and shoved him against the wall and proceeded to grab his testicles and squeeze as hard as she could. He tried to push her off and the both tripped, falling to the floor. He tried to get up and she bit him, hard on the ribs. it broke the skin and he is still bruised and you can see the individual teeth marks 3 days later. He was able to get away and told he told her to back off.

He didn't tell us until late that night. He didn't report it at school either. His school has a zero tolerance policy and he was scared to get suspended, even though he didn't retaliate. His school also has quite a bullying/gang problem. He told me their saying is, "Snitches get stitches."

We went to the school the next morning and reported the whole incident to the assistant principal, the principal was in a meeting. He listened to my son's explanation and took pictures of the bite. He said he would need to question the girl and all the students in the class, because the substitute teacher had left the class unattended.

He questioned the girl, who said they were just playing. He told her that she was obviously not telling the truth and sent her back to class. He then questioned the other students. They all said my son did nothing other than try to get away from her. A few said it looked as if he had her in a head lock, but they couldn't really tell. My son was asked to tell the story again and was asked if he put her in a head lock. He said that he hadn't, that he was just hunched over trying to keep her from hurting his testicles any worse.

He was called in again today and asked to repeat the story to the principal. He told him the same things. The principal then says that they are in a touchy situation because the girl is 15 and there was no adult there.

I am really angry. It isn't my son's fault that he was assaulted or that the teacher wasn't there. I'm mad that the teacher left thirty kids alone in gym class. My son shouldn't have to be afraid of retaliation from other students, the school, or this girl's family if they decide they want to file a warrant on him as a grudge. I really don't care about her age, although the law will, she attacked him.

What should I do? Should I take a juvenile petition out on this girl? She was suspended for 5 days. Should I speak with an attorney? I will, money is tight, but I will do what's necessary. I'm sorry this is so long, just need some advice.

Actually, from a legal standpoint, she sexually assaulted your son in addition to the physical assault. IF there's any hint of retaliation, then I would file assault and sexually assault on her. What kind of person grabs the genitals of another person? She's disgusting.

 

[dfchelbay]

Can someone explain the bolded to me? I'm sorry, I just don't see how filing a report "protects" anyone.

Legal protection is what they're talking about. She's underage, there was touch in the area of genitals, she claims they were just goofing around and she can/may claim that the 19 year old boy and her at 15 were tussling about. It serves to protect the male from future allegation she may make. There will be a paper trail from the beginning of events.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Yes, the above explains it.

If it were to go any further... either being pressed by this girl, or the school, he needs a sworn, official, statement on file.

The school seems to keep interrogating him and looking for holes in his story, and looking at further allegations being made by this girl.

They have mis-handled this from the very beginning, from the point where there were no staff at all during a class in the gym.

They know this.
They will do anything now to protect themselves, NOT this student.

 

[Wishing on a star]

She is the one who stated that her dad was really angry and wanted to come to the school to confront my son. Wouldn't you be concerned? She obviously has anger issues, what if her dad is the same way?

I just looked back, and saw this in one of the OP's first updates....

In light of what we have been seeing in the news.....
If what the OP has said here isn't enough to warrant somebody wanting to be protected, I don't know what is....

 

[IheartMickey]

This makes me sick that schools still aren't doing what they should about sexual assault. In 8th grade I was sexually assaulted by 3 boys every day straight for a month. Teachers saw and did nothing and when I went to the guidance counsellor she told me "Boys will be boys." And did nothing. I didn't tell my mom about it until several years later. It's been 13 years since then and it sickens and saddens me that a lot of schools still aren't doing what they should. I'm so sorry about what happened to your son.

 

[mjkacmom]

I still don't believe this is a sexual assault. For whatever reason (mental illness? history of abuse?), this girl lashed out in a typical self defense strategy. Yes, she assaulted the OP's ds, but in such a way that would be acceptable if he was indeed attacking her. I think the groin attack would be equal to eyeball poking, in this situation. I don't see anything sexual about this event.

http://bobfightfast.hubpages.com/hub/Top-5-Self-Defense-Moves-For-Women

Now, if she bit him in the butt, it would be a whole different story, since women aren't told that butt biting is a good self defense move.

 

[IheartMickey]

But he wasn't attacking her. How can you compare poking in the eye to squeezing testicles? I just don't get it. It wasn't self defense.

 

[angwill]

In our local high school, gym class is not separated by grades. The class is a mix of both boys and girls from 9th to 12th grade. Students are assigned to gym class based on when there is an available opening in their schedule (gym class is the last one scheduled here after all other academic and elective courses, it's offered every period of every day) I don't see how it's that hard to understand.

ETA: Your son is very lucky that he didn't get suspended. In our local high school, there is a zero tolerance policy for fighting (I disagree with it, but thats a different subject). In ANY fight or altercation like this, ALL students involved are automatically suspended. It keeps ther kids from jumping in a fight to help, and it eliminates the school as a judge trying to determine who started the fight and why. Unfortunately, it punishes the innocent at times. Last year one of my daughter's friends was sitting at lunch eating lunch with some of her friends and she got jumped from behind (and injured) and she was suspended along with the girl who jumped her, in spite of numerous witnesses that she didn't even see the girl coming at her until it was too late. For this reason I have always told my daughter that if someone starts a fight with her, since she's going to get suspended anyway, she might as well defend herself.

Our schools have this rule as well and I told my son the same thing about defending himself after an incident in middle school where a kid really beat him up punching him in his face repeatedly. He said he didn't fight back but he did swear at the kid while it was happening and just tried to get away because he didn't want to get in trouble for it. He got suspended right along with the abuser and lost his privilege to go on his 8th grade graduation trip with his class. This is in a bully free zone school too. It is really stupid and now he is told that if someone hits him like that again he should defend himself from now on. Pretty stupid rule if you ask me.

 

[mjkacmom]

But he wasn't attacking her. How can you compare poking in the eye to squeezing testicles? I just don't get it. It wasn't self defense.

Both are considered good defense moves for women who are being attacked by males. In this case, I think the charge should just be assault. I do not think humiliation was the intent. I think she intended to hurt him in any way possible. If she pulled his pants dowthat would be different.

 

[100%Disney]

Nothing more was said Friday, but she was at school. I asked him if they suspended her and he said the principal had said she was suspended the day before. He doesn't know why she was at school. I guess I'm going to need to make a second trip to the school on Monday. I really don't think they want to do anything to her due to her star basketball status.

In NC you can't just file a report on sexual assault and not press charges. The DA would get the report and probably take out a juvenile petition on her. But it wouldn't follow her even if she were charged because juvenile records are sealed. The suspension would be more damaging as it would be on her high school transcript and any college could investigate it.

I'm just angry about them giving him the third degree and doing nothing further to her.

 

[Mickeyrella]

OP I would consult a lawyer and not allow your son to be questioned by anyone without you present. It seems you have a bad feeling that this is going to go further. Trust your gut.

I agree

 

[PaulaSB12]

I still don't believe this is a sexual assault. For whatever reason (mental illness? history of abuse?), this girl lashed out in a typical self defense strategy. Yes, she assaulted the OP's ds, but in such a way that would be acceptable if he was indeed attacking her. I think the groin attack would be equal to eyeball poking, in this situation. I don't see anything sexual about this event.

http://bobfightfast.hubpages.com/hub/Top-5-Self-Defense-Moves-For-Women

Now, if she bit him in the butt, it would be a whole different story, since women aren't told that butt biting is a good self defense move.

From the description the op gave there was absolutely no excuse for what she did, either the bites or the groin attack. It wasn't defensive because he would have needed to be actually attacking for that, accidentally being hit on the head with a ball does not need someone to sexually assault someone and at 15 she is well old enough to know better. She needs to be prosecuted for bodily harm for the bites and sexual assault for the groin injury.

 

[sam_gordon]

Legal protection is what they're talking about. She's underage, there was touch in the area of genitals, she claims they were just goofing around and she can/may claim that the 19 year old boy and her at 15 were tussling about. It serves to protect the male from future allegation she may make. There will be a paper trail from the beginning of events.

There will be a paper trail of what HE claims happened (I'm not saying this is made up). Does whoever file first get the benefit of the doubt? From a LEGAL standpoint, I still don't get how filing "protects him".

Let's say he doesn't file. The girl files a report claiming he assaulted her. Before they do anything, wouldn't they investigate?

Sorry, just not getting it.

 

[Wishing on a star]

I still don't believe this is a sexual assault.

Wow, just wow....
Somebody walks up out of the blue, and grabbed a person of the opposite sex in the genitals.. How in the he!! is this ever NOT a sexual assault.

And, Sam, sorry if you are not getting it... But, clearly you aren't
But, that doesn't change the fact that this young man is at risk her after an incident with a 15 year old minor. When the school resource officer (police) was not called in, he should have immediately filed a report on his own.

The longer this goes on... And the more the school tries to change and twist his story to cover their own liability... The worse the outcome could be.
Already, at this time, there will be the speculation that he is only now filing a report to cover some kind of guilt related to this girls claims.

 

[Fjobe]

But he wasn't attacking her. How can you compare poking in the eye to squeezing testicles? I just don't get it. It wasn't self defense.

I agree. I would feel defiled and mortified if I had to "squeeze testicles" as a measure of self-defense, but I would do it in an attempt to save my life. It appears that she was using it as a measure of power - not defending herself. She was the offender.

 

[pampam]

My son is a senior in high school, he is 19 due to repeating a grade. He was in gym class a few days ago, playing basketball. Another boy shot a ball and it rebounded off the hoop, hitting a girl on top of the head. All the kids laughed, which I don't think was appropriate, including my son. The girl came after my son accusing him of hitting her with the ball. He denied hitting her and tried to walk away. She pursued him and shoved him against the wall and proceeded to grab his testicles and squeeze as hard as she could. He tried to push her off and the both tripped, falling to the floor. He tried to get up and she bit him, hard on the ribs. it broke the skin and he is still bruised and you can see the individual teeth marks 3 days later. He was able to get away and told he told her to back off.

He didn't tell us until late that night. He didn't report it at school either. His school has a zero tolerance policy and he was scared to get suspended, even though he didn't retaliate. His school also has quite a bullying/gang problem. He told me their saying is, "Snitches get stitches."

We went to the school the next morning and reported the whole incident to the assistant principal, the principal was in a meeting. He listened to my son's explanation and took pictures of the bite. He said he would need to question the girl and all the students in the class, because the substitute teacher had left the class unattended.

He questioned the girl, who said they were just playing. He told her that she was obviously not telling the truth and sent her back to class. He then questioned the other students. They all said my son did nothing other than try to get away from her. A few said it looked as if he had her in a head lock, but they couldn't really tell. My son was asked to tell the story again and was asked if he put her in a head lock. He said that he hadn't, that he was just hunched over trying to keep her from hurting his testicles any worse.

He was called in again today and asked to repeat the story to the principal. He told him the same things. The principal then says that they are in a touchy situation because the girl is 15 and there was no adult there.

I am really angry. It isn't my son's fault that he was assaulted or that the teacher wasn't there. I'm mad that the teacher left thirty kids alone in gym class. My son shouldn't have to be afraid of retaliation from other students, the school, or this girl's family if they decide they want to file a warrant on him as a grudge. I really don't care about her age, although the law will, she attacked him.

What should I do? Should I take a juvenile petition out on this girl? She was suspended for 5 days. Should I speak with an attorney? I will, money is tight, but I will do what's necessary. I'm sorry this is so long, just need some advice.

How can anyone say she was being attacked when he wasn't near her? From the way I understand it, the ball hit her from a distance, and she ran to the boy and attatcked him.

 

[PaulaSB12]

How can anyone say she was being attacked when he wasn't near her? From the way I understand it, the ball hit her from a distance, and she ran to the boy and attatcked him.

Because when a woman or girl attacks a male there is always an excuse. Look at posts on this boards where wives talk about smacking their spouses when I mentioned it I was told that sort of thing was a love tap not domestic violence. While we have this double standard male hitting female bad, female hitting male must be an excuse watch this
http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=LlFAd4YdQks
About 2.40 minutes they show a woman passing the woman on male violence waving her arms and they asked her what her thoughts where, her response on seeing the woman attack the man? Way to go girl he must hav deserved it. Until that reaction is changed people's views on female on male attacks will not change.

 

[sweetdana]

I would let your son tell you what he feels he wants to do. I would certainly think a police report would be called for. I am not sure what a lawyer is going to do for you. But a police report will make sure they are aware of this, it may not be the 1st time. .. and if it is aware if there is a second time.

 

[15isto2]

I would suggest getting a soliciter to contact the school rather that yourself, its amazing how a legal professional bing involved makes people sit up and follow policy.
I hope your son is OK

 

[OceanAnnie]

I agree with the posters about filing a police report. Documentation is key to keeping this thing from turning around on your son. That's the last thing you want to happen. IMO, it would be insurance and could save you from a long drawn out and costly process if the girl decided to turn the tide.