Asperger kids in selective high schools? Interviews, etc.

[NotUrsula]

DS is 12 now, in 7th grade. Our city has pretty dismal public schools, except for one magnet with VERY selective admission criteria. There are also several good private high schools that have much the same sort of admission process. They look at more than just grades and test scores, and there is an interview as well as an entrance exam.

DS has the IQ score to qualify, and he tests well, but he doesn't have a resume of extracurricular or volunteer activities and he is pretty hopeless at interviews with strange adults (tends to curl up on the chair, twist his body in knots, etc. Lack of eye contact is the least of it.) His grades are all over the map, because he also has a learning disability that makes writing difficult for him (so classes that require a lot of writing are his weakness.)

He needs a good supportive school so that he can do decent work, but I'm having nightmares about getting him through the admissions process. Has anyone been through something like this with an Aspie?

College doesn't worry me so much, because by then he'll be much more mature and will have been forced to do volunteer work as part of school requirements. At 12 he's just not there yet.

PS: Moving to another district for public school isn't a viable option. We live in a paid-for home right now, and taking on a large mortgage (and the taxes to match) would torpedo our retirement savings situation.

 

[bookwormde]

As for the private schools call them and see if any are interested.

For the public schools, if you belive your child can not recieve an appropriate education to meet his potential in the standard schools and the magnet shcool would then it is time to call and IEP meeting and start the discussion.

bookwormde

 

[NotUrsula]

For the public schools, if you believe your child can not recieve an appropriate education to meet his potential in the standard schools and the magnet shcool would then it is time to call and IEP meeting and start the discussion.

If only it were that simple.

The problem with the standard public schools isn't simply a matter of the quality of the instruction -- I'm afraid that it is more a matter of surviving four years without getting stabbed. I've got the means to keep him out of that atmosphere, so I'm not going to subject him to it.

The magnet school is required by consent decree to do their final selection strictly by lottery. Every year about 800 qualified students compete for the 90 open slots in the freshman class. *IF* he can get through the qualifying process, the odds are still at least 8-1 against his being admitted. Obviously, we have to have a Plan B.

Most of the private schools are open to accepting kids with learning disabilities, and we won't be considering those that are not. However, he still has to go through the process like all of the other applicants, so I'm casting about for tips to help him get through it.

 

[a1tinkfans]

90 slots for 800 kids, school where you have to worry about personal safety (stabbings ) and you have an Aspie that has to get thru an intervuew for "school", goodness, your plate is full.
I just want to wish you and more importantly, your son the very best in his educational pursuits. As a mom of an Aspie in public HS now...I am very aware of the issues and concerns....fortunately for us,we had a VERY positive experience freshman year and are anticipating (and hoping) for the same this year. I have an amazing kid if I do say so myself

I think that IF the school is made aware of the situation BEFORE the interview, that they, like everyone else/educators, would understand/know that his disabilities are not a reflection of his capabilities to potentially excel where he is able too. Knowing it and accepting it are clearly two different things...Finding a school system that embraces diversity and supports their strengths while "dealing with" (for lack of better words) his weaknesses is often difficult. The important factor is that the SCHOOL is prepared to deal with the situation and provide the means necessary to insure you son what HE needs to succeed!
Again, wish I had some advice for you, but I do not...again, best of luck to your family!!!

 

[bookwormde]

If you do not beleve your child can get an appropriate education (and that includes addressing any safey issues that are heightened by the aspergers) then you have every right to fight for an alternate placement.

Express your concerns to his IEP team.

bookwormde

 

[NotUrsula]

Bookwormde, I appreciate your advice, but in this situation, that right won't help him. The district is legally barred from granting any student a placement in this school (or any other of the district's magnet schools) outside the lottery system. That FAPE tactic has been tried before to get around the lottery, and every family that has tried it has lost in court.

 

[bookwormde]

I was actually referring to a private school paid for by the school district.

Actually Federal IDEA law supersedes any state court consent decree or injunction (but I do not mention this before since it would require a serious legal battle which has to be waged in federal district court, it is a waste of time and resources to attempt it in state court).

bookwormde

 

[NotUrsula]

It's a Federal consent degree, a desegregation settlement. Parents have challenged in Federal court in this district, and they have all lost.

 

[bookwormde]

Yea that makes it a tough one.

bookwormde

 

[BeckyScott]

I am trying to put myself in that situation.

I would say, I guess, to call the school, or go there first, and feel them out on it. If they are open to the idea of accepting children with disabilities, then they ought to easily take into consideration that he is likely to "bomb" the interview portion, and put more emphasis on his IQ and other good qualities. If they don't get that, I'd say it's also unlikely that they really understand Aspergers and you'll end up with more trouble later.

While I understand you're really wanting him out-out-out of the public schools, you also don't want him in a private school that is going to give you grief all the time. The way they approach the interview is likely a good indicator of how the rest of the year would go. You also don't want him to not act like himself during the interview, and then *surprise* when he shows up for class.

Maybe I'm just too out-there with it, but the more I think about it, the more I'd show up, let him be him, and tell them "Here he is. There are a lot of great qualities here. He's twisting because he's nervous in this situation. He's a great kid. Either you'll see how great he is, or we'll find someone else who does." (okay, maybe not those words exactly, but the idea is right)

See if they will give you a break-down of the interview, what questions are typically asked, who attends, etc, so that your son gets as much prep as possible. Maybe even having practice interviews at home. If you are interviewing at more than one school, try to line it up so the first interviews aren't at your top choices, maybe he'll get some practice and more used to the process.

 

[Forevryoung]

I agree with Becky and a step further.

If you discuss it with the schools before hand, ask them for the list of potential questions and have your son write out the answers. Bring the answers with him- as long as everyone is basically aware of the situation, I think that having his answers in front of him is a compromise. He can sit and stare at the page and read the answer if that's what he can do or he can memorize his answers and have the paper "just in case" it might make him feel more prepared because he doesn't have to think on his feet.

I can't see that being an unreasonable accommodation if it would help your son answer the questions.

 

[Schmeck]

I can't see that being an unreasonable accommodation if it would help your son answer the questions.

Except private schools don't have to make any accommodations at all if they don't accept public money. The ones around here are very, very strict about this. They seem to be much less accomodating now with the recession too.

FAPE is only that - appropriate in that the student's needs per the IEP can be met. No school can 100% guarantee a safe environment, even though we try. Unless it is documented that the student received bodily harm (or was bullied, if it is recognized in a harrassment protocol) at the school, and the school was unable to remedy the situation, (which means that he has to go back and see if it happens again ) then the 'my son isn't safe in this school' card is one that could be played by every single parent at that school, which makes it equal and thus, appropriate under FAPE.

 

[Forevryoung]

Except private schools don't have to make any accommodations at all if they don't accept public money. The ones around here are very, very strict about this. They seem to be much less accomodating now with the recession too.

I didn't specify that this would only work with the public school... Private schools don't have to accommodate (unless they take public funding)

 

[NotUrsula]

Except private schools don't have to make any accommodations at all if they don't accept public money. The ones around here are very, very strict about this. They seem to be much less accomodating now with the recession too.

FTR, all of the private schools being considered are Catholic schools. He is currently attending a Catholic grade school and *is* receiving accomodations. Our Archdiocese has a SpEd division, and they did his testing, so the schools tend to follow the recommendations as long as it doesn't create a financial hardship for them. His case is rather mild when it comes to classwork; he only needs a bit of extra time for written responses, audio versions of reading assignments (we make our own), and permission to type all of his written work. I think that if he can continue to get these accomodations he will do reasonably well in class.
He doesn't have meltdowns at school; the furthest he will go is to perhaps respond to a teacher's concern with a "tone" if he is frustrated with himself.

The two things I'm most concerned about are how to spin his lack of extracurricular involvement (no team sports of any kind, though he's very fit), and especially coaching him through how to respond on the issue of service to others. These schools are very big on service, but quite frankly, it would never occur to DS to volunteer to help anyone with anything, as the strongest manifestation of his Asperger's is that he completely lacks empathy. He will do it if he is required to, but he doesn't see the point at all. THAT opinion is one that I would rather he did not broadcast during the interview, because as you know, the absence of empathy tends to come off as boorishness on first acquaintance.

 

[bookwormde]

It is interesting that many parents buy into the clinical misperception that our children lack empathy, in the vast majority of cased it is just not true. What they do lack is the TOM (theory of mind abilities), which blocks the first step to the application of empathy. Once they understand the impact of a certain situation (logically) and have been taught the skills of how to mitigate a situation they often turn into the most strident interventionists (often to a fault). Also much of the more minor social issues which our children might be expected to be empathic for are by perception “self inflicted” and with logical thought should “not be a problem and should be easily self dealt with from a logical perspective”, a lot of it comes down to our children being self aware and well informed about how they are neurologically different from NTs and to appreciate the disability that NTs have with dealing with situations logically.

Exposure ether in person or when not practical by video to areas were empathic mitigation would be productive is a good place to start. Environment, animal suffering, human deprivation and so forth are typically “intense” enough with some TOM skill building and guidance form you to trigger the innate heightened sense of societal fairness and responsibility.

Areas that might be useful is visiting an animal rescue facility, a soup kitchen, a facility that cares for individuals with severe physical an metal health disabilities (particularly children), an area damaged by environmental carelessness and so forth. Of course the first thing you have to do is to explain the facts (logic) as to how these situation occur, the TOM of the impact on others (including animals) and have some practical steps that he can do to mitigate the situation.

He will never be the typical NT “social comforter” our children are “fixers” and once he has the TOM skills to understand the impact of a situation and the skills to make a difference be aware that our children’s zeal in this area con be quite intense.

It can take some time and experimentation (not to mention a lot of work on your part) and possibly stretching your boundaries a little, but once this “special ability” of our children is triggered and developed it is truly one of the most joyous part of being a parent of a child on the spectrum. Again do not expect it to be applied superficially, but quite often intensely to more long term and substantive areas (it often becomes one of our children’s areas of special interest) and we all know what that engenders.

bookwormde

 

[NotUrsula]

Areas that might be useful is visiting an animal rescue facility, a soup kitchen, a facility that cares for individuals with severe physical an metal health disabilities (particularly children), an area damaged by environmental carelessness and so forth. Of course the first thing you have to do is to explain the facts (logic) as to how these situation occur, the TOM of the impact on others (including animals) and have some practical steps that he can do to mitigate the situation.

I don't believe that ALL Asperger kids (or adults) lack empathy, or even that most of them do, but I believe that mine truly does. He's been exposed to all of the above situations in just the way you describe, and the only one that stirs him is the environmental aspect, because he thinks that wasting non-renewable natural resources is just plain stupid. He doesn't really notice physical disabilities in others unless they somehow get in his own way, no curiousity -- nothing. Even when the hardship is deliberately brought to his attention he asks what the point of bringing it up is. The only time I have ever seen him react to a visible disability in another person was a time last year when we encountered a young man at the eye doctor's office who had craniodiaphyseal dysplasia -- DS wondered if he had trouble balancing with a head so far out of proportion to his body.

DS is never ever genuinely remorseful about any misbehaviour or careless accident -- the only thing he regrets is getting punished. He isn't cruel by nature, but he really doesn't see how other people's feelings (or even sufferings) should be his concern. Even on occasions when I've gotten ill or hurt myself in his presence, he doesn't react so long as whatever is wrong with me has no immediate effect on him.

 

[bookwormde]

YEs like NTs there are some of our children who have little empathy but if the enviroment is one he keys on then build on that and use it as a tool to "expand" the definition of enviroment to more social aspects. I know it is not easy and as a parent you have tried lot of things but do not give up I am willing to bet it is in there with the right keys will blossum (often not the way that we expect). Remember the concern is going to grow mostly form a logical basis not a social basis.

bookwormde