ARRRGG! DH's sibs do it again

[HOGFAN]

...pick out an expensive gift for the in laws with the expectation that everyone will split the cost! Usually it comes out to be anywhere from $100-150 per family. This year it is a big screen TV.They do this every Christmas(and usually birthdays too) and every year I tell DH that he needs to okay it with me before he agrees for us to go in on a gift. DH has been unemployed for almost a year and we are 'supposed' to be cutting back this year. Whats more facinating is that BIL(who suggested the gift) doesnt have a penny to his name and wont be able to pitch in his part anyway. BTW, he lives with the parents so he will benefit from the new TV. I blew up at DH for once again doing this and he sarcastically said he would call sibs and tell them I said we couldnt do it. GREAT!! Now I come out looking like a you-know-what.

 

[Bluestars]

I would be upset about this too. If my siblings did this without asking me, I would tell them I couldn't participate in the group gift.

It sounds like your husband may be embarrassed about being unemployed and that makes him hesitant to tell his siblings he doesn't want to do it. Unless your husband has also done this when he was employed, then maybe he just doesn't like confrontation.

Honestly, if our family couldn't afford to contribute to an expensive gift that we never said we would, then I would not have a problem saying so, even if it was to my husband's siblings.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Why do you pay for it? I would tell the to go pound sand (the DISfriendly version).

 

[BelleWDW]

Id tell them "sorry" with DH unemployed -WE CANT AFFORD IT!!!

Do it

 

[clovergirl5]

...pick out an expensive gift for the in laws with the expectation that everyone will split the cost! Usually it comes out to be anywhere from $100-150 per family. This year it is a big screen TV.They do this every Christmas(and usually birthdays too) and every year I tell DH that he needs to okay it with me before he agrees for us to go in on a gift. DH has been unemployed for almost a year and we are 'supposed' to be cutting back this year. Whats more facinating is that BIL(who suggested the gift) doesnt have a penny to his name and wont be able to pitch in his part anyway. BTW, he lives with the parents so he will benefit from the new TV. I blew up at DH for once again doing this and he sarcastically said he would call sibs and tell them I said we couldnt do it. GREAT!! Now I come out looking like a you-know-what.

I would say that you just can't do it this year. And the coming out as a you know what...I have been there and that sucks. It very unfair cause now its made out to be your fault I know how you feel.

 

[pyrxtc]

My Sibs try this all the time. We tell them no and they split it between the 4 of them. Their big gift that they want to do for my Dad is a car, a 1957 classic fully restored. I don't think so ! It will only cost us about $7,000 each ! We said no and for now they will settle wiht us splitting the cost of putting a dock up in thier backyard to extend out over the lake. Haha !

 

[hereyago]

Um, just say no. I would rather look like the you know what, then be out of 100-150 I really can't afford to spend. Food and bills are more important than a big screen t.v.

 

[Luv Bunnies]

I agree. Just say no. And then buy the in-laws something on your own that fits your budget. The siblings have no right to spend your money for you.

 

[minkydog]

What is your husband thinking? Of course you're gonna be upset--he's unemployed and ya'll are strapped. Would he go out and buy YOU a big screen TV? I doubt it--he's unemployed and can't afford it. If he won't stand up and say NO to his sibs, then you are certainly within your rights to do it for him. And if they think badly of you, tell them to buy the TV themselves. Let's see how far that goes. I'm sorry, but the TV idea is really irresponsible.

I've gotten burned a few times by my sibs too. I love 'em, but now we give our own individual gifts. It's much better for our relationships. My mother is perfectly fine with the small things we give her. In fact, it makes her feel very guilty if we spend a lot on her. So we give her practical things that she wants and nobody gets feelings hurt or gets mad.

 

[HOGFAN]

To answer another posters question: DH just doesnt wanna be bothered with picking out(or suggesting) a gift on his own. So, he goes along with whatever the sibs suggest. He did this even when he was gainfully employed.
What makes me really mad is that he doesnt consult with me even tho we have this same discussion/argument every year for the past 20 years.

 

[Minnesota!]

Um, just say no. I would rather look like the you know what, then be out of 100-150 I really can't afford to spend. Food and bills are more important than a big screen t.v.

ditto. Stand up for yourself! Who cares what they think of you. My IL's all think I am queen ***** - and I couldn't care less. I stand up for myself and my family. I will go against anything they say if I am not comfortable with it.

 

[wdhinn89]

...pick out an expensive gift for the in laws with the expectation that everyone will split the cost! Usually it comes out to be anywhere from $100-150 per family. This year it is a big screen TV.They do this every Christmas(and usually birthdays too) and every year I tell DH that he needs to okay it with me before he agrees for us to go in on a gift. DH has been unemployed for almost a year and we are 'supposed' to be cutting back this year. Whats more facinating is that BIL(who suggested the gift) doesnt have a penny to his name and wont be able to pitch in his part anyway. BTW, he lives with the parents so he will benefit from the new TV. I blew up at DH for once again doing this and he sarcastically said he would call sibs and tell them I said we couldnt do it. GREAT!! Now I come out looking like a you-know-what.

I would be pissed at my husband and not my in-laws. He is the one who agreed to chip in. He should have said no, I can't afford it.

 

[HOGFAN]

Oh, believe me I am!!

 

[Katy Belle]

For a few years my siblings and I have been getting a big gift for my parents and splitting the cost. Sometimes my sister participates and sometimes she doesn't. We understand that sometimes money is tight, etc. This year she is pitching in on a new mattress set for our parents. We try to be very open and let everyone make their own decisons

 

[mom23boys]

I am sorry you are going through this again. Maybe next year you or DH should tell his siblings around Thanksgiving that you are getting your own gift for your ILs so they know you will not be chipping in for a family gift.

 

[SleepyMom]

I would tell them you will match whatever BIL is putting in for the gift. He suggested the idea and then has no plans to help pay, but will be watching on it... sounds more like a gift for him than the parents. How many other siblings are going in on this gift? I would talk to them and come up with a gift that is actually for the parents, not the BIL, and then decide if you want to go in on it.

 

[HeatherC]

Sorry that they are doing this again. But...if you say yes like you have the past 20 years, they will continue to do it. Just tell them nicely you have no money to pay for it and will be buying your own gifts in the future. They may be mad...but so what. They're adults and will get over it. Not trying to be mean, but if you let them do this, they will continue to do it.

Wishing you the best!

 

[dawson5]

Tell them you'd love to pitch in and that you have $xx amount and that is it.

 

[Lionqueen2]

I'm wondering how your DH's parents would feel if they ever found out you were pressured to contribute to a gift you couldn't afford. If I received that kind of gift and later learned it was a financial burden for one of my kids, I would feel awful. This is not what gift giving is about. The best gifts are the most thoughtful, not the most expensive.

 

[MerMom60_94]

It sounds to me like your husband already committed to pitching in so I think it is unfair of you to back out altogether. You should now give some amount toward the t.v. The issue here is not your in-laws. They ask and he answers so why would they think otherwise? At the end of this Christmas season tell your husbands siblings this is your last year pitching in for a large gift. Next year, YOU have to be proactive and bring up the topic before anybody else does and tell them nicely in front of your husband that you won't be able to participate in a joint gift due to financial constraints. Take charge and stop waiting for everybody else to change their ways.