Aren't kids afraid of their parents anymore???

[tiff211]

DD5 has already started the "testing phase". DD14 never sassed me, her big thing was lying and she was so horrible at it.

Last night, DD5 was in my room and she kept touching things on my dresser. I kept telling her to stop, until finally I warned her that if she did it again, she would have to leave. Well, of course she did it again and I told her she needed to leave. She just stood there so I told her she had until the count of 3, she turns to leave and says, "alright, I'm going, calm down already!" And it was the way she said it. I looked at DH like "oh no she didn't!". I run after her and grab her arm and do the real close in the face mom thing and tell her we do not talk to mommy like that. She also drama queen so of course she started sobbing hysterically for about 10 seconds. Then DH talked to her and she came and apologized and she gave me a hug. I know she is at the age where she is seeing what lines she can cross. I keeping trying to remember that!!!

 

[lw49033]

I hardly had any spanks when I was young-38 now-but my parents had a look, or they would say my whole name and I knew I was in for it. My grandmother was the type to make you go pick your own switch and not be funny and pick up a little twig and wash the mouth out with soap-but I didn't know what that was a bad word.

Yeah, I got soaped and spanked for bad words, and I can still taste it when I'm tempted to cuss, lol.

 

[Kirby]

I believe that children should know that there are consequences for bad behavior/decisions. Too many parents threaten but never follow through. And as other posters pointed out, too many are afraid that their children won't like them if they discipline them. They want to be their children's friends when in reality, the children want a parent.

With our kids, they know that we mean what we say. When the kids were little, they did get the swat on the hand or the behind from time to time but as they got older other punishments such as no tv/computer/video game time became more the norm. Now that they are teenagers, we rarely have to discipline them (knock on wood).

I also seem to be seeing here lately where parents just don't seem to make time for their children. Maybe it's because my own are teenagers and that's who I'm around mostly. But the children who are on their own the most seem to have the worst attitudes when it comes to their parents. Their parents are just caught up in their own little worlds.

 

[CherCrazy]

Many parents are afraid to discipline their children today, but sometimes you can't blame them. If you spank your child, and they tell a teacher, you're thrown in court and can lose custody of your child.

A case made the news here several years ago about a little girl who complained to a teacher that her grandfather "tickled" her and she didn't like it. Family Services was all over the case. The mom, who lived with the grandfather, lost custody of her child. Turns out, the guy really was only tickling her, innocently, but that child was taken away from her family for months.

A friend of mine made the mistake of slapping her teenage son in public. He was WAY out of line and is bigger than she is. She didn't lose custody, but is now on the "LIST" for Family Services.

I hope that every family watches SUPER NANNY! I think she is great! She uses tough love and doesn't put up with nonsense.

 

[Crankyshank]

I think the parent as a friend aspect is a big contributor. Also I think in many cases kids are so over indulged that they think the world revolves around them and so there's no healthy fear of the consequences of negative behavior.
Like many have posted before, my Mother could get us all in line with the look. We got good grades and acted properly in school because we knew there would be hell to pay at home if we didn't. We didn't get to go out places and do things unless we behaved and if we acted up oh boy were there consequences! I think a healthy fear of what will happen if you act up is essential when building moral character until the person is of the age and maturity level to make those decisions on their own.

I had to drop something off to my mother a few weeks ago at work. She works at a hospital and they had some sort of screening for kids that involved bloodwork - I don't recall what it was. I sat in the waiting area and was shocked at the elementary school age children screaming and kicking and hitting! not just their parents but the medical personnel. and the parents just gave a half laugh and a half mumbled apology. DH and I looked at each other and just cringed. Eventually my Mother got fed up and started administering the look to the kids acting up. the few I saw shut right up Maybe the problem is that some parents need lessons on how to give the look

 

[noseybuddy]

MY DD(14) flipped my husband the bird today while we were driving by her because she didn't like something he said, and then about 20 mintues after that, she didn't like something I said and said that f word to me. I couldn't believe it. I went after her to tell her that, that behavior is not acceptable and I will not tolerate it. She then told me to hit her. What bug is up her butt today. I think she got the hitting thing from watching Desperate Housewives last night. So I told her hitting her would be to easy that I am going to punish her instead. I told her she couldn't go out this weekend with her friends. Then she tells me she wasn't saying that phrase to me, that she was saying it to herself. Yeah right! Once they get into highschool they develope bad mouths and total disrespect. Gotta act on the punishments.

 

[jenks0718]

I can not count the number of times I have been at the mall and heard young kids talk to their parents in a way I wouldnt treat a stranger. The ones who get me are the kids who yell and get cocky with their dad. I would have NEVER spoke to my dad like this in public or private for that matter. And the mom's just walk on by like it is no big deal. One little girls screamed, "I hate you Mom!" outside of the Build A Bear. The mom pulls her to the side and quietly tells her that "You heart mom's feelings." What????? The only thing hurting would be that kids behind. IMO

 

[Kirby]

My daughter has told me a time or two in the past that she hated me and I told her "but I love you". That shut her up because she was only trying to hurt my feelings and I wouldn't let her.

Both of my kids told me, when they were younger, they were going to run away. I asked them "do you want me to help you pack?". That sounds cruel but you really can't give an inch or they will take a mile.

Another problem that is growing steadily is that some parents do everything for their children, even get them out of trouble. So much that kids now a days feel like they can get away with anything because mom or dad will save them.

 

[RitaZ.]

It's a fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants kind of endeavor, and most of us are doing the best we can.

Exactly!

 

[Steffi]

And some of it I think is kids now know that they can call Social Services if you hit them and I have heard kids say that to their parents

My niece tried that on her mom (my sis) once. Niece was out in their front yard, cussing, yelling, and just being unbelievably horrible and disrespectful. Sis, who had never hit her kids, ever, threatened to smack Niece across the mouth if it continued. Niece triumphantly told Sis that she'd call Family Services on her if that happened. My sister calmly told Niece, "That's something you'd better think about long and hard before you do it. I might go to jail for the weekend, but they'd never let you come home." That stopped that threat dead in the water.

 

[BeNJeNWaFFLe]

Unfortunately a lot of parents want to be their childs friend instead of their parent. I also see a lot of parents living vicariously through their children. They have their children do all the things they wished they did as kids.

Now I am not afraid of my parents. I was afraid of the punishments they would give. Well not so much my dad, he is a softie. My mom, she was and still is the punisher. You didn't even have to commit the crime and you knew exactly what she was going to do. That alone stopped me from doing some really stupid things. Sure I got spanked a few times for whatever I did. I was a very independent child and wanted to do whatever I wanted to do. And sure I ate soap a few times. My brother was the one who ate soap so often he started to enjoy it. My parents are not my friends. They are my parents. I respect them. I graduated college in May and still live at home and I still ask permission to do things. I am not off the hook yet.

 

[CJMickeyMouse]

I hate hearing people use the excuse that they can't spank in public because someone might cry abuse. We used the look - and another option involves a firm grip on the ear. If the child chooses to fight, there will be a lot of pain involved. But if they just give in and 'follow the ear' then there will be no pain. Leave it in their hands.

 

[VSL]

A few things we all agree on then:

- parents need to be parents
- discipline needs to be followed through with, whatever discipline method you use (ie, don't make threats and then let it drop, actually do something!)
- parents want respect, not fear, from their kids

 

[lw49033]

CPS are not the big bad wolves people imagine. Yes, they are jerks, and yes, they will b.s. you every chance they get, but if you know the law better than they do (not too hard a task) they won't have a chance to make you one of their cases, let alone steal your kids. Most people don't know that you don't even have to let a social worker in your house without a warrant or a legitimate emergency. Nor do most people know what the law in their state says about the difference between discipline and abuse. That's why CPS gets away with their scams....knowledge is power!

 

[DVC Sadie]

I think the parent as a friend aspect is a big contributor. Also I think in many cases kids are so over indulged that they think the world revolves around them and so there's no healthy fear of the consequences of negative behavior.
Like many have posted before, my Mother could get us all in line with the look. We got good grades and acted properly in school because we knew there would be hell to pay at home if we didn't. We didn't get to go out places and do things unless we behaved and if we acted up oh boy were there consequences! I think a healthy fear of what will happen if you act up is essential when building moral character until the person is of the age and maturity level to make those decisions on their own.

I had to drop something off to my mother a few weeks ago at work. She works at a hospital and they had some sort of screening for kids that involved bloodwork - I don't recall what it was. I sat in the waiting area and was shocked at the elementary school age children screaming and kicking and hitting! not just their parents but the medical personnel. and the parents just gave a half laugh and a half mumbled apology. DH and I looked at each other and just cringed. Eventually my Mother got fed up and started administering the look to the kids acting up. the few I saw shut right up Maybe the problem is that some parents need lessons on how to give the look

ITA. Besides what you already posted above I also believe that some of the problems stem from chilfren having children, Unfortunately we see a lot of this not only here but other places as well.

 

[tw1nsmom]

I have no interest in being my childrens' friend. But fear? Never! Fear of what? Rejection? I lived with that one growing up...wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. Physical pain? I don't think so. Why do we do things to our children that would get us arrested if we did them to a perfect stranger?

My children respect me. They know that we have limits and consequences. I respect them enough to let them know how to behave and what the consequence/punishment will be if they misbehave. They know that I'll love them no matter what. When they're in time out, they know why, that it was fair, and that it doesn't change the way I feel about them.

You can have control of your kids without them fearing you.

FYI...The vast majority of the time my children are very well behaved and I get many compliments from teachers and strangers.