Are you your family's only planner?

[mdelano4]

I used to try to make it a democratic family event. Sit down for dinner with DW and 3 kids to discuss Disney plans. Very democratic. After disagreements and refusals to give in, it's no longer a democracy. Vacation planning is now a dictatorship here. This is what we are doing and if you don't like it stay home. Ok, so not quite, DW plans it with me, but don't tell the kids.

 

[mckennarose]

I am the primary planner for our family, however we go to WDW every year and I do ask for input from my family as to where they would like to eat or things to do. Because we go often my family has a frame of reference for "how things work" in Disney. You wrote that this is your first trip so your DH and DD don't have a clue yet on where to eat and what rides/shows they like. That can take some pressure off you because Disney is very impressive for a first timer, no matter where you eat or what you ride!

If you asked them to help with planning and they won't, then just make it clear that they don't get to complain later. I think that once they get there and experience the magnitude of Disney they will be thankful that you did your research for them.

 

[MaryLovesPoohBear]

Sorry to say that I don't have to deal with any of that. Okay, I'm not sorry, I'm actually pretty happy about it.

Now, I have a small family, so that helps. And no little kids, also a benefit when planning. And I know what each family member likes.

So, I do all of the planning. And they don't complain.

I've also done some planning for friends and that has worked out as well. Although I've just done fastpasses and parks for them.

This year will be different. I am planning a trip for a friend and me. We are having a girls week in September.

I've never to been to a theme park with her, and I'm not 100% sure what she likes. We'll see.

 

[disneydarling07]

Our last trip was a land and sea with the hubby's friend and his son. He insisted that he trusted me to make ALL of the plans. From the hotel to ADR to FP. He left EVERYTHING up to me. He wanted nothing to do with planning, he just wanted to go along and do whatever I had planned. I asked MANY times for input, suggestions, what they wanted to eat...I got nothing from him.
Fast forward to the trip...he hated that our room was so far away from the main building. He hated that we stayed at a "kiddie" resort (Art of Animation), he hated that I "wasted" FP's on stuff that he felt didnt need a FP. I booked an ADR at Via Napoli in Italy...only to find out his son hates italian food.
He didnt like the rooms on the ship. It was my fault that the day we booked a dolphin swim, it rained...lol.
It was one of the worst trips to Disney ever...I take that back..It was the ONLY trip to Disney that I did not completely enjoy. I forced myself to make the best of it, but lesson learned!!!
Not only will I never travel with this guy again, I will NEVER make vacation plans for anyone else outside of my immediate family. I get a top 10 To Do list from my family and they have a blast putting it together.
I've planned every minute of every day and they love it!!
When I posted on FB that we booked another trip, this guy was actually offended that we didn't invite him to go again...lol

 

[livyy]

My friends and my parents are APs. For both groups of people, I am the one and only planner. From fast passes to dining reservations and resort bookings, I'm in charge of everything. I always ask for any park, food, or ride preferences, and go on from there. I am the leader and everyone follows my lead throughout the trips. Do I like it? Absolutely love it.

 

[srwarden1928]

I always did all the planning. DW would choose about half of the restaurants for ADRs. Of course some of the ones she picked were ones I would have picked anyway, so I felt like I was choosing 75-80% of them. But which park on which day, touring plans, even which ADR which day was my planning.

 

[keepswimming76]

I am the planner, somewhat by choice. But I ask for DH input when it comes to booking the big stuff - flights, resort, etc.
We've gone several times with our two kids (7 and 10) so I know what they like.

I do get aggravated because I ask for opinions on restaurants and rides and our schedule and sometimes get aggravated with DH because he's always like 'Whatever, it doesn't matter because it will change.' I am always explaining that yes it does sometimes change but that's sometimes necessary as I try to perfect our plans and sometimes things change like reservation options or park hours.

 

[vallygirl0221]

I am the only disney planner for several families LOL with the exception of one friend who I sometimes travel with who equally likes to plan I usually put everything together for any trip I take or even trip I don't take. I usually try to just make suggestions when asked but it almost always dissolves into we trust you. For the most part I love it, I think of it as almost a puzzle and I love the chase of a good hard to get ADR.

For the most part this has worked but like @disneydarling07 it works better with some people than others. We went on a trip of 5 adults and it planned from rope drop to close basically every night (as requested) and a friends husband mentioned on the last day or so being disappointed that there wasn't more down time so we dropped the rest of the plans for that day besides FPs and ADRs and everyone had free time to do what they wanted. In the end the hour reading on a bench and time he spent exploring the tree house made up for the fact that he had to be up early every morning for him. My only truly bad experience was the all girls trip we took that my sister went on, I asked her what she wanted to do and she just said "I trust you" and even though I sent her schedules and touring plans she proceeded to be a sulky brat for the entire 3 days she was there because we weren't sitting at the pool and shopping the whole time, refusing to get on even easy rides like HM claiming she was afraid it would be "too much" for her stomach after her breakfast of a kids portion of oatmeal at BOG. That one kind of resolved itself as we still had 7 days to enjoy after she left so I just let the stress leave with her and enjoyed the rest of the trip. She only made herself miserable I was at Disney World.

I would say if you can narrow things down for some dining reservations or something and then present an either or option for some stuff to let others be involved in the "planning" as well so you don't have to carry all the pressure for the success of the trip nor the brunt of it if something ends up being not what everyone imagined. Also tell them both they need to pick 1 ride they for sure want to do so you can make fast passes.

I would say best advice if things go south when you get there is to be calm and adapt. If you are staying on site guest services can be really helpful and can make it easier to shift gears if all of a sudden no one wants to go to AK and wants another day at MK instead etc. since you are all adults it should be easier. Also maybe try to schedule or plan for a little solo adventure time. Make a fastpast for example at 3:30 and then a ADR or plan to eat at a certain location at 6:00 and have the time in between be solo adventure time or let them take the wheel to explore something they didn't even know was an option because they didn't help with planning.

I think the best thing you can do is just stay calm and remember Disney is set up for you to succeed in having a magical vacation, even if things go wrong or not everyone is happy all of the time there is always magic around every corner and Disney goes out of their way to make that happen so when in doubt ask a cast member they love to help and to "make someone's vacation"

 

[StraightToDumbo]

The great thing about being made the planner without borders is that you can plan what you think is a good trip and they have little recourse to complain. Try to take everyone's tastes into account and let the chips fall where they may. Just manage your expectations, because SOMEONE will be unhappy with some aspect of your planning.

 

[GirlintheBullCity]

When we go to Disney it's only me and my kiddo. I do 98% of the planning and ask him to choose between dining on specific dates and for fast passes. It works for us!

 

[TheGoofFather]

When it comes to Disney trips, I am the main planner by far.

I do try to get feedback from everyone, but I definitely do the lion's share!

Btw: I don't mind one bit! I love it!

 

[Burgundy Rose]

My experience is a bit different - I'm the sole planner but only to protect my boyfriend. Seeing that 2018 will be our first trip to Disney World (+ Universal + DCL!), I told him I'd take one for the team and spoil myself and organise everything so he can be surprised once he's there. Going to World has been our dream our entire life so I don't mind not having any help if it means one of us gets to experience everything unspoiled. I'm trying not to look at things I don't NEED to look at to keep the surprise for myself too while still planning as much as I can to make sure we can sit back and relax once there. It's a hard balance!
I've managed, incredibly enough because it's my number one passion, to avoid most things Wizarding World of Harry Potter for the past seven years so I could have the full experience so I'm trying to save World for him.
I'm actually liking planning it all for him because I know he'll be over the moon with what we'll do, and it's nice to be able to put together a few surprises along the way I can't wait to see his face when we're finally going to enter Magic Kingdom for the first time! We both love Harry Potter AND Disney but I know I'll be the one sobbing on the floor as soon as we spot Hogwarts.

 

[LilTinkFan]

I wish! When it's our little family alone, I plan everything. I tried getting input, then made my plan, secured ADRs, etc. about a month to go my dh and oldest started asking and I gave them dinings' number. Said if they could get us adr where they wanted at time we agreed on, fine. Didn't happen. After we were there three days, no grumbling at all. They were so glad we had a plan and breezed through.

When we went two years later with dh extended family---too many cooks. Too little advanced planning. Every communication about the trip was "it doesn't matter as long as we're together." Ha! Totally false.

 

[Auntrosie]

Sorry to say that I don't have to deal with any of that. Okay, I'm not sorry, I'm actually pretty happy about it.

Now, I have a small family, so that helps. And no little kids, also a benefit when planning. And I know what each family member likes.

So, I do all of the planning. And they don't complain.

I've also done some planning for friends and that has worked out as well. Although I've just done fastpasses and parks for them.

This year will be different. I am planning a trip for a friend and me. We are having a girls week in September.

I've never to been to a theme park with her, and I'm not 100% sure what she likes. We'll see.

My sister, my BF and myself are doing a "Girls Trip" in September also. My BF has not been to Disney in 40 years. She is so excited. I can't wait.
MaryLovesPoohBear have a wonderful vacation!

 

[Auntrosie]

I'm the planner for small family groups i.e. me and the DH, Me and the DS, Me and the niece and nephew. When we go extended family , 7 of us, its myself and my sister. They always complain and it always aggravates me "oh well". Recently, I had a chance to go with my cousin and her husband's lovely family, 7 days. Their family has its own planner and she is great! It was wonderful to be a person in the group just "showing up". Fast Passes "Bomb" ADRs "Bomb" I really enjoyed that trip. I love the planning and the researching but it was great to just go along with the schedule. I felt for her when she was peppered with the same questions over and over What park are we going to tomorrow? Where are we eating dinner? What time are we eating? Just like my family does to me and it's okay really I don't mind that much but it was a great break for me. She and I had a good laugh about it as I understood exactly how she felt.....

 

[bellenbooks4me]

I am the planner for my family as well, and (for the most part) it usually goes pretty smoothly - BUT, i do get frustrated sometimes. Usually during the planning times, my DH is not very forthcoming with giving opinions (and I swear I think that when I talk to him about the planning or what I am working on for our trip that he is only half listening to me or just agreeing with whatever). Then on our last trip his only "complaint" was not having enough down time in the mornings (not a morning person). But he, this is Disney and an early start is what its all about - the snooze you lose is a real thing with Disney parks (for rides, entertainment, meals, everything). So, I do my best to ensure that I pick restaurants & character meals that take into consideration my kiddos and the whole family (particularly focus on kiddos though, as Disney character meets and meals are really for them - and ME, as I love Disney), and try to focus on FPs for rides we all enjoy or want to ride. I try to make it magical and I hope they know how much work this takes (checking on times and days for ADRs, FPs, and other events to make reservations, signing up for ADR finders, etc...). In the end, I know what I plan is magical and memorable & that's what matters.

 

[Jess_S]

I'm the only planner in my family too. Sometimes I get a really vague request along the lines of, "I want something yummy for dinner," but generally I get no input from anyone. The kicker for me is that my husband will periodically mention that he does not have any input into vacations as if I have usurped the planning role from him (rather than begging him for input, getting none and then just doing it myself). I did, however, receive an apology from my husband after our last vacation because he realized he had been a wet blanket leading up to the trip and then felt guilty when he ended up loving everything I planned.

So I feel your pain, OP. I think you should accept that you aren't going to get input from anyone else and plan what makes sense to you.

 

[DisneyWitch]

I am the planner - like some have suggested, I do the "this is what I'm about to commit us to...speak now or forever hold your peace" and if they say nothing, we go with my plans. My philosophy is, if you don't contribute, you can't complain. Personally, it allows me to do the things I want to do. No one has left WDW unhappy yet, so I guess I'm doing well enough.

 

[TwinkleKS]

Nobody comes between me and my Disney plans . We actually use a guide that takes care of the in the park planning and would do everything for us if we wanted. But I like to choose which park we go to on what day, where we eat, when we eat, where we stay, etc. Everyone knows its my thing ... I also know my family and their likes and dislikes at Disney pretty well, so I take some of that into account. That being said, I'm going to the CP on Christmas Eve regardless.

 

[NYCgrrl]

In house travel agent, cook, payer of funds, picker of restaurants, proper packer of clothes and stylist but not bottle washer.
You've got to put your foot down somewhere.