Are you good at making conversation?

[Jenn Lynn]

I am not and because of that I come off as being a snob. I am more the observe and listen type of person. I tend to hang back from the crowd rather than join in.

Well, tomorrow I am forcing myself to join the Newcombers Club Playgroup they have here. It is a club for people who are new to the area. I keep telling myself that I need to do it for DD, but I know that I need to do it for myself also.

Does anyone have any tips for me? This is my biggest obstacle and fear that I am facing tomorrow. I know everything will be fine, but right now I am nervous!

Thanks!

 

[powellrj]

I am awful, but its something I make myself do. Take a deep breath and put a smile on so that you look friendly, with kids its easier because usually they will make the first move. good-luck!!!

 

[FOJMO]

I am usually very good at making conversation, but not such much when my DD was little. I could never get into these SAHM groups, play groups, Time Out For Mom groups, etc. I was on "adoption leave" and all of my friends worked (whether they had kids or not).

I knew I wasn't going to be a SAHM, so I didn't feel comfortable with the coffee clatches, Tupperware parties, play dates, etc. etc.

I make better conversation with adults when it's not just about the kids. That's probably why we don't socialize much with our neighbors. Most of the women are SAHM's and have small children, and most of the men are sports, beer, sports, beer, sports, beer, etc.

Just be yourself and maybe latch onto one or two people instead of looking at the group as a whole. Then, you'll find you're being introduced to more and more as the meetings go on. Pretty soon, you'll be heading up the Welcoming Committee! Good luck!

 

[Serena]

I'm not good at it either. My suggestion is to just go. There are other kinds of people who are really good at it and will take you under their wing so to speak. You don't know how much fun you will have unless you do go.

 

[CEDmom]

I'm not good at making conversation either but I actually find it easier now that I'm a mom. Just making a comment about someone's child (nice of course ) can spark a conversation. Also asking for opinions or advise, even if you don't need or want it, can start the ball rolling. I work part time but some of my neighbors are SAHM and it took awhile for us to find common interests. Give it a shot, you never know.

 

[chesirechik]

I'm awful - I feel shy and completely uncomfortable and feel like the other person (people) think I'm a moron. So instead they probably think I'm stuck up.

I try to put on a brave face, but I usually just end up being quiet.

 

[SuiteDisney]

no

 

[snoopy]

Awww Jenn Lynn, I know how much you've been looking forward to this! Trust me, there will be others that feel the same way as you do!

Some tips that I've learned over the years. Most people like to talk about themselves. First thing you want to do is learn their name, and use it as much as you can. Then try and find out their interests. Or perhaps even compliment them on something they are wearing, like this: "that is a beautiful bracelet you are wearing, does it have any particular sentiment to you?" - in other words, try and word your questions so you have lots of room for response.

And most importantly, be yourself! I think you will be fine, you seem like such a sweet person here on the DIS! Hope you and Avery have a great time! Let us know how it turns out.

 

[BWVDenise]

Oh, I was JUST thinking about this very thing today! Funny you should post. And the comment about the "snob" thing is so true, too. People don't think that you might just be "reserved."

***********, you crack me up!

 

[nativetxn]

I'm pretty good at making conversation, well, at least I'm pretty good at talking a lot.

If you can pick out at least one positive thing about someone's child and tell their parent about it, that usually breaks the ice and makes them smile.

Your daughter has beautiful hair, your son is so precocious, what a great smile little Ichabod has, Gertrude is really advanced with her eye hand coordination, Billy is quite athletic...yada, yada, yada

You get the idea. It works, honest. I'm sure someone has complimented your daughter before, did it make you feel more shy or did you warm a little towards that person?

When all else fails compliment the parent, that works too. Nothing outrageous, just say something nice.

 

[mamajoan]

Yes I am good at it.... LOL some would say too good at it..!
I have always been able to make others feel at ease when in new situations.... really I am not bragging.. my mother always said I had the gift of gab!

Smile.... really.. it is important
Be interested in what others have to say.... keep an open mind
Be prepared with conversation starters.. if you have a difficult time talking to people then it is good to have a back up plan.. so having a few topics to choose from that would be appropriate for the group is a good thing. ie: sharing local information about summer programs for kids, restaurants, crafts, books, traveling antedotes....

Ask pertinent questions and follow up questions ie... Do you know of a good mechanic here in town? Is he located next to a coffee shop where I can wait while he fixes the car? Have you ever visited a Starbucks (PEET's, Jumpin Juice and Java etc)
Look at people when you speak...you don't need to look them directly in the eye if that makes you uncomfortable.. but at least look in their direction.



If this is not a discussion group... do not be confrontational. However if you find the conversation turning to debatable subjects that is fine, share your opinion...
Try to be yourself.. posers are always noticable

I hope some of these things will help you feel more at ease.

Best wishes for a fun time!

 

[BWVDenise]

even when someone calls me on the phone (which doesn't happen all that often), and they say, "so what's new?" Most of the time I just say, "oh, nothing." Well, that's the end of that conversation! I just figure they don't really want to hear what's new anyway and they are just asking to make small talk. I'm not real good with small talk.

 

[Nutsy]

I'm with you Jenn Lynn.......I am the same.

If I feel I have something worhwhile to add to the conversation I'll say it, but otherwise I sit back & observe

 

[Pembo]

Jenn Lynn-I feel your pain! I'm terrible at making conversation! I'm good at it on the internet or phone but in person, forget it! I know for a fact that the people at dh's previous church thought I was stuck-up or a snob. So untrue!

 

[chell]

Originally posted by Jenn Lynn
I am not and because of that I come off as being a snob. I am more the observe and listen type of person. I tend to hang back from the crowd rather than join in.

Did I really write that? I'm even afraid to jump into conversations on the computer at times. Sorry that I don't have any tips for you. But I have found that if I start out talking to just one person, then I can work my way into the situation a little better. At first I have to sort of block everyone else out and pretend that it is only me and the other person.

Good luck tomorrow! I'm sure you are going to do great and have a wonderful time!!!

{{{HUGS!!!}}}

 

[RitaZ.]

I love to talk to people and to make conversation.

It's interesting to me that several people here have mentioned that they think that they are perceived as snobs if they are reserved or not very talkative at a social gathering. I don't see it that way at all. It takes more than just being quiet and reserved for me to think of a person as a snob. I can usually tell when someone is uncomfortable in these situations and I really try to get them to start talking to me. I mostly ask simple stuff to help them relax and feel at ease with me, make eye contact so that they know I'm listening to them & a friendly smile. It usually works in getting the other person to open up and continue to talk.

Don't worry about impressing the whole group on your first day, I'm sure there will be other moms that feel as you do. Like the other posters said, the kids are usually a great topic of conversation. Just smile and introduce yourself and your DD to the other moms. Before you know it, you'll make new friends and it will feel more natural. Another suggestion, look for faces that are friendly and approachable, start talking to those women.

Think of it this way, you have already made progress by deciding to join that group. It would be a lot easier to just stay home and avoid it altogether, but YOU didn't do that! You'll be fine tomorrow!!!

 

[bsnyder]

You've already gotten great advice. I'd just reiterate Snoopy's tip about asking questions. Try to make sure it's stuff you're interested in hearing the answers to, but then act interested in the answers, even if you're not, LOL! Most people DO love to talk about themselves.

And trying to make the other person feel comfortable is an important part of conversation skills. There might be someone there that's even more shy than you are. You can obviously empathize with that, so focus on getting that person to relax, to take your mind off of your own discomfort.

I hope you and Avery have a great time, Jenn Lynn.

 

[Ziggie]

I could talk for 20 minutes straight to an oak tree! LoL!!

I love a good conversation ~ and people seem to enjoy talking to me People always told me I should carve out a career in either showbiz or politics

 

[chell]

It's interesting to me that several people here have mentioned that they think that they are perceived as snobs if they are reserved or not very talkative at a social gathering. I don't see it that way at all.

I'm glad to hear you say that. Unfortunately, I have had people tell me they feel the opposite!

I can usually tell when someone is uncomfortable in these situations and I really try to get them to start talking to me. I mostly ask simple stuff to help them relax and feel at ease with me, make eye contact so that they know I'm listening to them & a friendly smile. It usually works in getting the other person to open up and continue to talk.

Sounds like you are a very kind and caring person!

 

[browneyes]

I'm more of a listener than a talker. But I can make conversation if need be.

Try to make eye contact and smiling or saying hello before you make conversation, that might help.