Are you breastfeeding a toddler?

[robinb]

I am the odd man out here. My DD is 18 months old and still BFing, however at this point I wish she was not or would at least cut back to once or twice a day. I work full-time an hour away (not by choice mind you), and feel like most of the time I am with her is spent BFing. I also have very little support for extended nursing. No one in my family, even extended family, made it past 6 months. DD is a very strong-willed toddler and has no desire to stop nursing or cut back. I want to be able to cuddle her without BFing sometimes.

My opinion is that the breastfeeding relationship is a two-way street. BOTH parties need to want to continue the relationship for it to work. I was perfectly happy nursing for an extended period of time. If I was not happy doing it, I would have quit or cut back. There is no reason why your 18 month old can't understand that nursing is just for wake up and night-night or whatever times you decide. Oh ... and I know strong-willed. My DD looks angelic in the picture in my signature but she's not!

Good luck! I have to admit that it was nice getting my body back to myself.

 

[Amaris]

I am still here, still nursing. DS will be 5 next week. I keep hopng he'll self wean, but it just doesn't seem to be happening. I've curbed it significantly to only upstairs in bed before bedtime, but he still asks regularly.

I am SO glad to hear there are other extended nursers! My 3 1/2 year old son self weaned, but my DD was still going strong at four, so I had to cut her off, lol! ( After the age of 2, however, my kids were on bedtime nursings only.) She is 10 now and I SWEAR she would still be nursing had I not cut her off. I had believed the self weaning thing but I think for some kids it does not apply. My DD did not talk until after she was five, so I think the nursing was a comfort/bonding thing, so I am glad she nursed until four, it was something she needed.

However, had you told me I would BF before I had kids, I would have said NO WAY and I had heard of kids nursing two years and that was a disgusting thought to me at the time. It just goes to show you, until you nurse your own children and experience that bond, you can't say what you will do. This may be Jo's problem on SuperNanny. What a stupid thing she told those parents. UGH!

 

[cats7494]

From the supernanny website:

"Dear members,
This week’s show has clearly created an emotional response. We sincerely apologise if the episode has caused offence, it was certainly not our intention to imply that there is a ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ time to stop breastfeeding. There is nothing wrong with breastfeeding at 14 months – if that is what best suits the mother and child!

In the show, Mrs. Walker said she wanted a change she was delighted with the results. She was exhausted by carrying her 15 month old baby around for much of the day, given that she ran a daycare out of the house and looked after two of her own children plus a nephew.

Jo made it very clear that it was Mrs. Walker’s decision and at no point did express an opinion about an appropriate age for a mother to stop breastfeeding her child – because every family is different. Many mothers continue weaning until their child is two or more – it all depends on the needs of the mother and baby.

The Supernanny team aims to give a balanced view of the breastfeeding issue - please see our ‘Breast is Best’ and Breastfeeding – your questions answered articles. Again, we apologise to any viewers who were distressed by the show, and invite you to continue sharing your opinions in the Supernanny Forum.

- Supernanny Team"

I still think the show was offensive and did not give a "balanced view of breastfeeding". Interesting they did respond to people's complaints a little bit. I wish they would do more!

 

[DisneyPhD]

From the supernanny website:

"Dear members,
This week’s show has clearly created an emotional response. We sincerely apologise if the episode has caused offence, it was certainly not our intention to imply that there is a ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ time to stop breastfeeding. There is nothing wrong with breastfeeding at 14 months – if that is what best suits the mother and child!

In the show, Mrs. Walker said she wanted a change she was delighted with the results. She was exhausted by carrying her 15 month old baby around for much of the day, given that she ran a daycare out of the house and looked after two of her own children plus a nephew.

Jo made it very clear that it was Mrs. Walker’s decision and at no point did express an opinion about an appropriate age for a mother to stop breastfeeding her child – because every family is different. Many mothers continue weaning until their child is two or more – it all depends on the needs of the mother and baby.

The Supernanny team aims to give a balanced view of the breastfeeding issue - please see our ‘Breast is Best’ and Breastfeeding – your questions answered articles. Again, we apologise to any viewers who were distressed by the show, and invite you to continue sharing your opinions in the Supernanny Forum.

- Supernanny Team"

I still think the show was offensive and did not give a "balanced view of breastfeeding". Interesting they did respond to people's complaints a little bit. I wish they would do more!

Thanks for posting this. I agree with you. It is a half felt apology and only on the website, not on the show. I hope they will be more sensitive towards this topic in the future and it is good to hear they are listening to our feedback.

Thanks for the compliment. I think when I do go back to work I would like to do more parent support at least part time. I am a new parent support volunteer at the hospital where DD's were born, but have been pretty inactive lately since the kids keep my busy. Next year youngest DD starts preschool so I should have more time to devote then. I do miss it sometimes.

 

[cats7494]

Talking with my DH last night he informed me that he thinks I should start the process of weaning our dd 13 months. He is concerned about dependency issues and the fact that I am sometimes the only person that can calm her down.
I have shown him the research refuting this but he does not necessarily believe it - he is pretty cynical sometimes.
It is frustrating to me because I am not ready to wean her and she is not ready either. I did tell him that I will not wean her - that I truly believe she still needs it. She does nurse a lot right now and I can always give her comfort that no one else can and that frustrates him.

I really feel sad about this...I wish I had some more support on this! No one else in my family breastfeeds so I feel quite alone sometimes. Any suggestions?

 

[CampbellScot]

I've always enjoyed this thread. I intend to breastfeed my own baby...probably not past the point that they have teeth, but I've gotten a lot of good insight here.

But I'm not sure why everyone is so angry that a mother wanted to stop breastfeeding her baby. It's a personal choice isn't it? Some people are big believers in EBF and that's great...others are not. Does one have to be more right than the other? If you want to do it great! If you don't...that doesn't make you a bad mother. That poor woman was exhausted and being bullied by her kids. Her little girl wouldn't let her mom put her down for a second.

I just think there are two sides to every story is all. I appreciate Jo Frost. She is putting it out there that we do not have to allow our kids to abuse us and walk all over us just b/c that was the "trend" for a while. Children nowadays are OUT OF CONTROL. Giving them everything they want when they want is hurting them terribly in the long run. We need to help our kids learn age appropriate ways of coping with anxiety. That isn't wrong. It's being a parent and helping our kids grow. If EBF is what is right for your baby/toddler and for you, GREAT...but it's not the opinion of every mother out there.

I think the show might have done a better job in showing that Jo was merely following the wishes of the mom.

 

[DisneyPhD]

Talking with my DH last night he informed me that he thinks I should start the process of weaning our dd 13 months. He is concerned about dependency issues and the fact that I am sometimes the only person that can calm her down.
I have shown him the research refuting this but he does not necessarily believe it - he is pretty cynical sometimes.
It is frustrating to me because I am not ready to wean her and she is not ready either. I did tell him that I will not wean her - that I truly believe she still needs it. She does nurse a lot right now and I can always give her comfort that no one else can and that frustrates him.

I really feel sad about this...I wish I had some more support on this! No one else in my family breastfeeds so I feel quite alone sometimes. Any suggestions?

When my oldest was breastfeeding past a year only knew one or two other mothers who were still breast feeding. At the time that DD weaned herself at 27 months (read my body ran out of milk because she was taking less and less of it) I had nursed the longest of anyone I knew. Except of course for myself and my own mother who nursed me until I was 3 years old. So in that way I did have support (and from my DH too.)

I just knew it was still right for her and me and didn't listen to anyone else.

It wasn't until later that I started meeting other mothers who extended nurse, and by the time my 2nd child came around people just sort of expected it of me. Even though when she was 12 months old we found out she was allergic to milk and eggs. For me to breast feed her I had to cut all milk and eggs out of my diet (even the smallest trace amounts.) I did this for a year and people thought I was a bit nuts (except for my DH, mother and best friend.) She has started to outgrow it and we have much more freedom in our diets. She is mostly weaned at this time. She stopped nursing about 3 weeks ago, but did again a few days ago. I think she just wanted to try. The milk has been gone for a while. My guess is that will be the last time she nursed.

I just wanted to offer you support. There are studies out there of the benifits of it and many women who do nurse past infancy. More then you think. In fact as your continue past the 1st year you will find more women who did, they just don't talk about it as much. The MDC site mentioned on this thread has many moms that nurse past the 1st year and really recommends child lead weaning. The biggest benefit for me is being able to nurse them through a cold or illness, or even better yet they don't get as much colds and illness. As said on this thread by many moms, the 2nd year is the bonus year. The easy year nursing. The pay off year.

Here are some websites already listed on this thread, but it is a big thread and hard to sift through.

http://www.mothering.com/discussions/forumdisplay.php?s=&daysprune=&f=310

http://www.breastfeeding.com/

http://www.drjaygordon.com/development/bf/index.asp

http://www.lalecheleague.org/nb.html

http://www.kellymom.com/

all of these sites will have good information for you.

Best of luck. Let me know if you need anything else, including support or just encouragement.


Now CampbellScot no one here is criticizing the mother on supper nanny for weaning. It is her choice and we find it wonderful she nursed as long as she did. Our complaints come from the tainted view that supper nanny presented to the mother to encourage her to wean, and then praised her decision to as the "right one". I can't remember her exact words, but it was anti breast feeding and did paint it in a negative light. On the page before this I stated how I personally would of handled the situation differently, but that is just my view. There are other better ways it could have been handled too. Up until that point all of Jo's advice had been working. This mother had no real choice but to trust her in this mater.

If it had been handled like I expressed, and the mother still choose to wean I would have no issue with it at all. In fact I would have been pleased they showed an extended breast feeding mom on T.V.

I agree about the show in general helping set an example that parents should set up and enforce boundaries for our kids and help establish more healthy relationships. The other methods she used with the older kids I don't have a problem with. I am less then thrilled with the cry it out with the baby and felt that could of been handled differently too, but am not as knowable on that topic.

Oh as far was nursing until the kids get teeth. Both of my girls started getting teeth at 12 weeks. You might just change your mind too. They learn fast that biting = no food. They won't bite.

 

[AngieWin]

Talking with my DH last night he informed me that he thinks I should start the process of weaning our dd 13 months. He is concerned about dependency issues and the fact that I am sometimes the only person that can calm her down.
I have shown him the research refuting this but he does not necessarily believe it - he is pretty cynical sometimes.
It is frustrating to me because I am not ready to wean her and she is not ready either. I did tell him that I will not wean her - that I truly believe she still needs it. She does nurse a lot right now and I can always give her comfort that no one else can and that frustrates him.

I really feel sad about this...I wish I had some more support on this! No one else in my family breastfeeds so I feel quite alone sometimes. Any suggestions?

My dh has mentioned some things about weaning our 19 month old. But after a trip to the ER after 6 days of vomiting and diarhea, he changed his mind. He couldnt keep anything down but breastmilk. The dr was so wonderful and told us that the only thing that kept him from being dehydrated was nursing and complimented us on continuing. He even put it in our discharge papers. DH hasnt said a word since.

I hope it doesnt take an event like that for you. I hope he turns around!

 

[chobie]

I've always enjoyed this thread. I intend to breastfeed my own baby...probably not past the point that they have teeth, but I've gotten a lot of good insight here.

But I'm not sure why everyone is so angry that a mother wanted to stop breastfeeding her baby. It's a personal choice isn't it? Some people are big believers in EBF and that's great...others are not. Does one have to be more right than the other? If you want to do it great! If you don't...that doesn't make you a bad mother. That poor woman was exhausted and being bullied by her kids. Her little girl wouldn't let her mom put her down for a second.

I just think there are two sides to every story is all. I appreciate Jo Frost. She is putting it out there that we do not have to allow our kids to abuse us and walk all over us just b/c that was the "trend" for a while. Children nowadays are OUT OF CONTROL. Giving them everything they want when they want is hurting them terribly in the long run. We need to help our kids learn age appropriate ways of coping with anxiety. That isn't wrong. It's being a parent and helping our kids grow. If EBF is what is right for your baby/toddler and for you, GREAT...but it's not the opinion of every mother out there.

I think the show might have done a better job in showing that Jo was merely following the wishes of the mom.

Who said anything about her being a bad mom? No one here has even suggested that they were angry at the mother, we were angry at the implication that breastfeeding a toddler is wrong.

Why would you even imply that we were saying that? That is the allegation of some the women who chose not to breastfeed for whatever reason, that those of us who did have superiority complexes, of being "Nazis", of thinking any mom who does not BF is a bad mom. Yet here we are on page 28 and several months since the thread started and no mom has suggested that. I'm really sick of the accusation that moms who breastfeed think those who don't are bad moms. That is complete BS.

What we were upset about it, at least me anyway, was the sneering look on Jo's face when she saw the baby breastfeeding. Yes, it was the mothers choice and that is fine. But watching the show it looked as if breastfeeding a 14 moth old is abnormal and holds the baby back from developing.

And I completely and utterly disagree with you about kids today being out of control. Only some are and those are the ones we see on TV, edited to make them look even worse, so the show works.

About the teeth thing, mine started getting them at 4 months and I'm really glad I didn't wean them at that age.

Oh and I agree 100% with DisneyPhD.

 

[hannahsmomma]

Jo Frost did actually use the words that the mother was not allowing the child to develop normally and that is what bothered me. The child was a baby, 14 onths old! I do however agree that there has to be some boundries. Now that ds is 27 months, I am trying to limit his around the clock nursing to bed time, nap time, and 1st thing in the morning. There are days when I am ready to say the heck with it and cut him off cold turkey, then he crawls up in my lap starts to nurse and play with my hair and I just melt. I know the end is nearing, 2 1/2 is about the limit for me, and I know I will miss it terribly!

I also agree with the teeth thing. Mine were 5 months when they got teeth and they learn quick that bite=no milk!

 

[cats7494]

Thank you for the links and the support here! I have been to a few of those sites and they do have great information.

I think if I just keep on doing what I have been doing - breastfeeding her and showing DH that it is normal and important it will be ok. I think it is just hard on Dh that he is not able to comfort her as I do. I would just like a little more support from him. My parents and brother are really supportive but some other family members do make comments. Honestly I kinda ignore the negative comments. Like I said - I am the ONLY mom who has breastfed their kids on my side of the family AND on DH's so it is certainly not the norm in my family circle.

 

[toesmom]

Thank you for the links and the support here! I have been to a few of those sites and they do have great information.

I think if I just keep on doing what I have been doing - breastfeeding her and showing DH that it is normal and important it will be ok. I think it is just hard on Dh that he is not able to comfort her as I do. I would just like a little more support from him. My parents and brother are really supportive but some other family members do make comments. Honestly I kinda ignore the negative comments. Like I said - I am the ONLY mom who has breastfed their kids on my side of the family AND on DH's so it is certainly not the norm in my family circle.

I can sympathize because my dh thought I was nuts when dd now 8 was still nursing at 3 and then 4 and then 5. But you know, she just did not want to stop, and I did a lot of research that confirmed it was still very very beneficial to her immune system and brain development even that she nursed past 2 years old. She eventually stopped on her own, but I heard my share of comments from many people. I just sort of did what I felt was right.

Now ds3 still nurses regularly and shows no sign of wanting to stop.

It's tough because by the time kids are 1 year old they begin to love nursing for many reasons: the milk, the closeness to mom, it's really very relaxing for them... and if you don't stop before they begin to really love it and are attached to the nursing, then you have a really hard time stopping it until they are ready to let go.

I was thinking about the supernanny program, what if the mom was asked to just completely give up something she needed or was used to everyday. For example, coffee. Just stop having coffee forever. Oh, you can have tea as a replacement (ie sippy cup), but no more coffee. That's a pretty good comparison in my eyes. I would have a hard time giving up coffee that easily; and I don't expect a baby/toddler who has learned to love and enjoy nursing to just give it up so easily.

In the end, you really have to do what feels right for you and your family. Sometimes, it requires providing additional information to family members who question your decision to nurse more than 1-2 years. Hugs to you

 

[DisneyPhD]

Cat7494, I can understand your Dh's point about feeling left out. That is pretty natural. Her coming to your and only you for comfort is a good thing. It is about bonding and trust. She will learn to trust others too, based on the trust she has with you. Having said that there are things that your DH is going to be able to do for DD as she grows that no on else can. Think about your older DD. Does dad reach her in a way that others can't? I know for my DD daddy is her strength. It is him she wants when she is scared and wants to do things she is shy about. It comes in time. Don't worry about only you being able to comfort her, just be happy you can.

Also as hard as it is to be the only breastfeeding mama in your family, you are paving the way for any others. The decision to breast feed came naturally to me (even if the actions didn't at 1st until we both learned how to). I have so much added respect to mothers who do breast feed, and wasn't themselves.

Like Angiewin my DD had a number of moments that continued nursing was beneficial in ways you can't anticipate. When my oldest DD was 18 months old she dislocated her elbow at day care. Because they didn't see it clearly it meant 2 to 3 hours in the E.R. to find out what was wrong. After a painful round of x rays, DD was the only one who got dinner that night. The E.R. doc who walked in the cubical to find her nursing with mom said she couldn't figure out how we clamed her until she came in, and was so pleased she was nursing.

My younger DD's allergist feels that her breast feeding and extended breast feeding has helped her out grow her allergies the way nothing else she or any doctor could of done for her.

 

[Daydreamer64]

Talking with my DH last night he informed me that he thinks I should start the process of weaning our dd 13 months. He is concerned about dependency issues and the fact that I am sometimes the only person that can calm her down.

Tell him you and the baby are working on weaning every day. I'm sure that the baby doesn't nurse every two hours now like she did when she was a newborn- does she?

If you really feel that it's not time yet- most babies naturally wean between 18 and 24 months- and your heart tells you to continue- you have two choices- either stand up for yourself and the baby or quietly continue to nurse in the bedroom, car ect...

Please don't let anyone, yes, even Daddy, make you second guess your natural instincts about nursing. If she is allowed to wean on her terms and in her time, as long as you are comfortable nursing, the weaning should be uneventful, little to no crying and so on. My DS#1 weaned around 2.5 years old and DS#2 weaned around 20 months- he didn't have time to nurse- he wanted to follow big brother around all the time! DS#3 is still nursing with gusto!

I was adopted and the only person on both sides of our families that decided to nurse. Everyone gave me grief- "Why do you want to do this? It's very time consuming, I'll give you money for formula, What if someone sees your skin/breast/nipple..."( I see more skin at the water parks then I have shown in all the years that I've nursed in public).... it went on and on. I finally told them all I would hear no more about the subject- YOU HAD YOUR CHANCE TO RAISE YOUR KIDS THE WAY THAT YOU WANTED TO- NOW IT'S MY TURN - BACK OFF!

If you haven't already done this, you could introduce a sippy cup to her, get her used to it so you can take it with her to visit non-supportive family. Also, tell DH that she still needs nutrition at night and you refuse to allow her to have a bottle because the juice, cow's milk and what not, will cause sugar to sit on her teeth and cause cavities ( baby bottle rot ), breast milk straight from the source does not so this! And, why get her started on the bottle if she doesn't already use one- it's just more work to wean the baby off of the bottle down the road.

The older she gets, the less she'll nurse naturally because she will get interested in playing and exploring her world. I noticed that nursing dropped off quite a bit when my boys were just a few months over a year.

It was very frustrating for my Dh with our first born. Dh was actually jealous around DS#1's first birthday when DS would not have anyone but Mom to calm him down - with nursing. He said, " You never have time for me anymore! " I couldn't believe I heard that come out of a man who whole heartedly supported me being a SAHM and nursing.


I set him straight pretty fast- my first reaction was PLEASE grow up! I told him that we all have times in our lives when it's not all about us. Childhood- all about us, adulthood- all about each other/us, family times- all about the kids, grown family- back to all about us- and maybe the grandkids too, then retirement, all about us again!

I talked about how fast time flys and how very soon the baby would be on his own and off of the breast. I had already been using a sippy cup for juices and some pumped milk. He is a christian man and I took the time to show him the Bible and read over where it talks about marrage and then family- the Bible even talks about nursing. He settled down after that. I think I shamed him enough.

Then I got pregnant with DS#2, when DS#1 was 16 months old- ( I reminded him that he helped ) he was on board 100%. Between the two oldest boys I nursed for almost 4 years straight, some of that time tandum nursing.

Babies go through clingy stages- for us it was Mom only for months. As they boys got to around 15 to 18 months and started to play with us like rolling a ball or playing chase games, then Dad was the one they wanted to play with, change diapers and feed the dinners.

My 15 month old still nurses, the older they get the less they nurse. By 12 months it was mostly for sleeping and a few times a day for comfort. I always knew when the boys were getting sick because they wanted to increase nursing times because they felt ill.

I'm not anti-bottle, just feel that breast milk is best no matter the delivery method. DS#1 would not use bottles at all, he would take a paci, DS#2 had my milk in bottles, BF and paci, DS#3 will not take a paci but did ( not now ) take my milk in a bottle and fresh from Mom.

**Dh fed the bottle takers and I saw no difference in the attatchment issues to Dad. All kids go through stages where they want only one certain person ( Mom or Dad ) for what ever reason.

So, just tell him that you have been weaning her, he just hasn't noticed-

 

[chobie]

About the only wanting mommy: my son was like that, he literally wanted nothing to do with his Dad until he was past one. Part of the reasons was because my DH gave most of his attention to our DD when he was home, which wasn't a lot because my DH worked so many hours including nights and weekends. I don't think it had anything to do with BF because my son would also take a bottle of formula when I needed a break, its just that he was very clingy with me that first year of life. Slowly he started identifying more with Dad and now at 9 my son is more close to his Dad than I.

Now my DD, was a constant nurser, but she was Daddy's girl from the first moment on. I sometimes thought I was nothing but a food supplier for the first year. She would nurse furiously for a while before opening her eyes and then always looked surprised to see me there. Her first word, at 4 months, was Da. She learned several other words before Ma. She would wake herself up from the deepest sleep when ever he came home even if she was upstairs behind a closed door.


The reason I'm sharing this is because I don't want lurkers on this thread to get the impression that BF stands in the way of the babies bonding with Dad. It doesn't, plain and simple. It might take a little more effort on Dads part to find other ways to be involved with the baby at first, but thankfully there are hundreds of ways to bond with the baby other than nursing.

 

[Reese]

I have found a lot of the times DD gets fussy and cranky only when I'm around to nurse. When I go to work she is fine. DH says out of sight out of mind. Somtimes it's frustrating for me because it seems all she wants from me is milk, we can't just snuggle like she does with Dad. So nursing has no way affected the her relationship with Dad.

 

[cats7494]

Thank you all so very much for your support! I am so very glad that I told Dh that we are not ready to give up breastfeeding and I stood my ground.
I printed off several reports (especially a great one from the AAP) and he read them over the weekend and now says he understands why I am doing it and believes in me.
I am thankful for all of your support - I was feeling down and not really appreciated.

 

[FayeW]

I didn't watch the show. I used to like Supernanny before I had my son, now not so much. I would have flipped out if I had seen this particular show! I will be writing to ABC along with you guys! Thanks for posting!

Why on earth would you write to ABC about a show you didn't even watch? How could you possibly be offended by something you didn't even see?

 

[hannahsmomma]

Has anyone had any luck weaning cold turkey with a 2 year old? It is time and he is not going to give up willingly! Any suggestions would be helpgul. I weaned dd at 2 1/2, but it was very easy and she was as ready as I was. DS, not so much, but I am really ready!

 

[DisneyDiva13]

I haven't read all the posts yet, but I just wanted to say that I think ALL of you nursing mothers are AWESOME. I was not able to BF my two sons, unfortunately. I tried everything, but it just didn't work out. I think what you all are doing is great and anyone who has a problem with it needs to just mind their own business. Perhaps they should be forced to eat all THEIR meals in private.