Are you always asked to bring a dish or dessert

[lecach]

Yep - my mother in law can be really odd about some things, usually just money related stuff like charging us for food. Before we got married she'd buy a shirt or something that she thought my husband would like and then tell him what he owed her. He always felt obligated to pay for it even if he didnt like it. She doesnt do that anymore.

Here is a non-money related odd thing: We invited her to go with us for the 4D ultrasound of our baby next month. My Mom is going and since this is the first grandchild we thought she'd be thrilled. Mother in law said "no, I dont think I want to do that". I thought that was weird too.

Oh well. It could be worse. We basically get along and I know she'd do anything for me if I needed it. She's always treated me like I am part of the family.

 

[kimbac3]

because everyone comes HERE!! On the rare occasion I do go to someone else's house I'm always asked to bring something.
Although I rarely ask anyone to bring stuff other than soda or chips/pretzel. I love to cook and I don't mind.

By the way...I don't charge my guests!

Kimba

 

[poohandwendy]

I also usually host family meals, if it is a holiday we all determine who brings what. If it is a non holiday, I usually just say 'bring yourselves" because it is easier to just make the meal on my own.

If I am invited to someone elses home, I ask what I can bring, if they don't offer a suggestion I bring wine or a small gift (like candles or something).

My mother always stressed not going emptyhanded.

 

[princess pooh]

I've never been asked to bring anything but I always do anyways. I keep a few wrapped bottles of wine around just in case of a last minute dinner invite.

 

[sweet angel]

Sometimes asked, sometimes not. More often than not we bring something anyway.

A few months ago my friend hosted a sort-of bachelorette party for my other friend. On the invitation she asked everyone to please bring something. Well, only me and one other invitee brought anything (me - spinach dip and veggies; the other person - a cake). The hostess had veggies and beverages -- that's it (but didn't put the veggies out since I had brought some). Someone (not the hostess) finally ended up ordering pizzas.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

That is so bizarre charging family members for a meal. I can see friends getting together at a house and all chipping in for take-out, etc. I can see having a pot-luck and everyone bringing something. Or just volunteering to bring something. But charging a family member. I think that I might invite her over and charge her! Or invite her over and tell her that since she's family you won't charge her. LOL

T&B

 

[disykat]

We usually do potluck and everyone brings something. I don't think I've ever requested, everyone always asks because that's just the way everyone does it.

Occasionally someone will have a more formal party where they don't want anyone to bring anything. In that case, I bring flowers, wine, etc. I would never show up with food the hostess wasn't planning on - that to me would be rude.

I can't even have someone over for coffee or tea without them asking what they can bring.

 

[mommytotwo]

No, but we always bring something. Whether it is homemade or store brought.

 

[Dopey Sharon]

Originally posted by lecach
For holiday meals at my mother inlaws we're told what to bring. Sometimes she'll tell us to bring rolls or something like that. THEN she tells us what we owe - like on Easter she told us we owed her $18 for the chicken salad she purchased - and we are the ONLY 2 people in the family that dont even eat the chicken salad!!!

A few weeks ago she invited us to her house for a meal - she and her aunt and uncle were going to the farmers market and fixing a dinner of fresh veggies and buying fried chicken from one of their favorite restaurants. We went - and were charged about $20 for 1/3 of the cost of all the food! We didnt know that we were going to be paying so we had to pull all of the cash out of my purse and DH's wallet to pay since we werent prepared. Then of the leftovers that were left we didnt like any of them so we didnt even get a second meal out of it.

My Mom would never in a million years charge us for the food she has at her house. And of the few times we've had them over we have never charged them or asked them to bring anything. In fact one time my FIL needed to go to the grocery store to get more soda since we hadnt bought enough and we gave him the money to pay for it.

I had to pay $5 a head for an Easter dinner, one year, at my in-laws!

 

[totalia]

Never even occurred to me lol.

 

[powellrj]

Originally posted by lecach
For holiday meals at my mother inlaws we're told what to bring. Sometimes she'll tell us to bring rolls or something like that. THEN she tells us what we owe - like on Easter she told us we owed her $18 for the chicken salad she purchased - and we are the ONLY 2 people in the family that dont even eat the chicken salad!!!

A few weeks ago she invited us to her house for a meal - she and her aunt and uncle were going to the farmers market and fixing a dinner of fresh veggies and buying fried chicken from one of their favorite restaurants. We went - and were charged about $20 for 1/3 of the cost of all the food! We didnt know that we were going to be paying so we had to pull all of the cash out of my purse and DH's wallet to pay since we werent prepared. Then of the leftovers that were left we didnt like any of them so we didnt even get a second meal out of it.

My Mom would never in a million years charge us for the food she has at her house. And of the few times we've had them over we have never charged them or asked them to bring anything. In fact one time my FIL needed to go to the grocery store to get more soda since we hadnt bought enough and we gave him the money to pay for it.

We must be related. My in-laws do the samething. My MIL never has any of the holidays at her house. If I don't have them we don't have a meal. One time about 10 years ago we were all invited over for pizza, (something they had never done) and when they called to order it my FIL said get out your checkbooks, that will be $5.00 per person ($20 for us). We had always paid whenever we invited them over, would never DREAM of charging for food at our house.

 

[kathyk2]

I've always been to ask if I should bring something to cookout or holiday meal. My family would never charge guests that they invited to their home.

 

[ksjayhawks]

lecach

The next time my mil invited me over for a meal, I'd have hubby say something like--"no thanks, we need to start saving money for the baby's college fund. We'll drop by later."

Who knows if she would get it or not, but at least you would feel better. Tell hubby he needs to talk with her about this.

 

[lmk]

Gulp, you guys are all making me feel really cheap..... We often throw parties for a large number of people - anywhere from 25 -100. Usually we have pool parties and have a barbeque. We generally provide the bbq - ables and booze and ask people to bring salads/ desserts etc. If we had to supply everything, there is no way we could invite the numbers we do and our parties have generally been viewed as some of the best around. Now I'm second-guessing myself wondering if our friends curse us under their breath every time we ask them to bring something??? Of course for smaller more intimate gatherings we look after everything. Am I stuck in the university potluck scene??? Help!!!!!

 

[slo]

I am not always asked, but I always insist that I should.

 

[sweet angel]

We generally provide the bbq - ables and booze and ask people to bring salads/ desserts etc

I'd rather do the salads/desserts myself (with whatever people might happen to bring) and let them bring their own booze. There's no pleasing everyone as far as alcohol. Everyone has their favorites.

That said, every bbq we've been to this year saw us carrying a LARGE cooler of drinks and some form of food contribution, whether it was requested or not.

 

[powellrj]

Originally posted by lmk
Gulp, you guys are all making me feel really cheap..... We often throw parties for a large number of people - anywhere from 25 -100. Usually we have pool parties and have a barbeque. We generally provide the bbq - ables and booze and ask people to bring salads/ desserts etc. If we had to supply everything, there is no way we could invite the numbers we do and our parties have generally been viewed as some of the best around. Now I'm second-guessing myself wondering if our friends curse us under their breath every time we ask them to bring something??? Of course for smaller more intimate gatherings we look after everything. Am I stuck in the university potluck scene??? Help!!!!!

I think the difference is knowing up front what is expected. If you call and ask people if they would like to come to a pot luck at your house then you know you will be bringing something before you accept. The difference is when you are invited to a function and then get a phone call telling you what to bring or in my MIL case how much you owe. I will always offer to bring something to a function, but don't call the day before and tell me I need to bring potato salad, just ask me to bring a salad or a vegtable or a dessert right from the start. I don't mind paying if I know up front that I will be paying for our share of the meal.

 

[gina2000]

I always offer to bring something. I figure it's really nice that I've been invited and I'd like to make the hostess' job a bit easier. If she doesn't want anything, I'll bring flowers or wine. It's her choice if she wants to use the wine or not.

I have no problem chipping in for a party if told ahead of time. It may not be Emily Post but if it's the only way that person can throw a party and I know it, I'm not blindsided. I wouldn't appreciate not knowing ahead of time, though.

At a BBQ, I always bring food. Most hosts provide the meats, breads and drinks. I bring salads, desserts and whatever else they may ask for. That's a casual, fun event (and it should be for everyone, including the hostess) and I'm happy to contribute!

 

[IMGONNABE40!]

My Grandmother would refer to those who did not bring something as arriving with one arm longer than the other. It is ingrained in me that you always bring something. If the hostess prefers that I not bring a food or drink, I always bring a hostess gift--flowers, candles, wine bucket--something.

 

[robsmom]

Originally posted by lmk
Gulp, you guys are all making me feel really cheap..... We often throw parties for a large number of people - anywhere from 25 -100. Usually we have pool parties and have a barbeque. We generally provide the bbq - ables and booze and ask people to bring salads/ desserts etc. If we had to supply everything, there is no way we could invite the numbers we do and our parties have generally been viewed as some of the best around. Now I'm second-guessing myself wondering if our friends curse us under their breath every time we ask them to bring something??? Of course for smaller more intimate gatherings we look after everything. Am I stuck in the university potluck scene??? Help!!!!!

For what it is worth I think that is perfectly normal and acceptable. The person in a group or family who has a pool usually ends up with alot of the summer gatherings. I think that your guests want to help out. just remember to try to let them offer and then say "sure howe about ....". then you know you are not insulting anyone by making them feel that they have to bring something.