Are you a highly sensitive person?

[luvflorida]

I've been doing some research lately trying to figure out why I'm the way I am. I've thought it could be self-esteem issues, worry/anxiety issues, a bit of OCD maybe, lack of self-confidence, but none of those things truly seemed to fit. Well, maybe the worrying part.

I've read quite a bit about the make-up of sensitive people, especially highly sensitive people, and I really think it hits home for me. All my life I've been told I need to develop a thicker skin, or to stop being so shy, or to be more of a joiner. I've also always been really in tune to other people's feelings, sort of an intuitive thing. I just ordered two books online. One is The Highly Sensitive Person by Elaine Aron and the other is The Highly Sensitive Person's Workbook by the same author. Guess I'm too sensitive to go to the bookstore and purchase these books in person.

I've been overly sensitive all my life and now I'm to the point where I want to deal with it. My youngest daughter is also a highly sensitive person. Gee, wonder where she got it from.

Has anyone else here dealt with similar issues? Any other highly sensitive people here? Anyone else familiar with these books?

 

[spacemountain]

I'm a very sensitive person but mostly for other people. I have even felt bad for the "bad guys" in some movies. I hate to see anything happen to anything that somebody really loves. Like if a favorite vase of a friend breaks, I will cry. When it comes to myself, though, I am a bit thicker skinned. My feelings can still get hurt fairly easily but I never show anyone.

 

[Christine]

I am not a highly sensitive person but both my aunt and cousin (aunt's daughter) are extremely sensitive. I have spent years trying to figure out what it is with them. They seem to really have self-esteem issues. They think that people think less of them. Any humorous remark is taken the wrong way, almost as a slam against them. It kind of amazes me actually. My cousin also works with me and it is a problem in the office. She takes everything as a personal offense to her from the way my boss might look at her. If my boss is in a bad mood and is just being quiet, she is SURE that it is all because of her. If he talks to her about ANYTHING, she is constantly reading something into his tone of voice or how he said something and she assumes that he is getting in a "dig" at her or that he doesn't like her. And she couldn't be more wrong. But her sensitivity has made him extremely nervous and everyone else. We all kind of walk on eggshells around here and keep all conversations to shallow, surface, small talk.

 

[lindakmonty]

I think I am a very sensitive person...but as far as feeling bad for the "bad guys" no way!!! I'm getting better...but I've always been very sensitive and easy to cry while watching certain movies...or in church or something. Maybe b/c my grandfather was a preacher and it brings back so many memories of sitting w/my grandmother for all those years!!! I use to let things hurt my feelings much easier...but I'm much better about that now. Traveling all over and meeting so many different types of people. Plus my dh being in the military has helped me a lot. How he handles things..and people... has helped me a lot. I've learned that people will only treat you the way you ALLOW them to treat you! That alone has changed my life a lot!

my ds5 is also so sweet and sensitive...I love that about him He just makes you melt!!! We just have to teach them to stand up for themselves and support them all we can.

 

[Snowysmom]

I am definately a highly sensitive person. I don't believe I have self esteem issues as much as I am a quiet, somewhat shy person. I don't have a problem with that. Other people tell me I have to stop taking things so personally but my answer is, then stop making personal remarks to me. Also, I don't believe that I should have to take personally insulting "jokes" either. I have gotten more vocal over time especially since having to be an advocate for my kids when they were younger and now for my father who is in a nursing home. I do get angry when TV commercials tout the newest drug for social anxiety disorder/shyness. I know some people are very anxious in social situations but shyness or being highly sensitive is not a medical disorder. That book looks interesting. I'll have to see if the library has it. Just my 2 cents worth.

 

[Christine]

I am definately a highly sensitive person. I don't believe I have self esteem issues as much as I am a quiet, somewhat shy person. I don't have a problem with that. Other people tell me I have to stop taking things so personally but my answer is, then stop making personal remarks to me. Also, I don't believe that I should have to take personally insulting "jokes" either. I have gotten more vocal over time especially since having to be an advocate for my kids when they were younger and now for my father who is in a nursing home. I do get angry when TV commercials tout the newest drug for social anxiety disorder/shyness. I know some people are very anxious in social situations but shyness or being highly sensitive is not a medical disorder. That book looks interesting. I'll have to see if the library has it. Just my 2 cents worth.

Snowysmom--There is nothing wrong with not wanting to be personally insulted. I guess the question is: is the person *really* personally insulting you or are you taking it that way? In the incident with my cousin that I wrote about on this thread, she takes perfectly innocent remarks and somehow twists into a "slam" about her. I will try to think about it more to give you an example. Given that I work with her, I hear what it being said to her, in the tone it is said, and in the spirit of how it is intended, and I can't understand how/why she gets her feelings hurt. Over the years, everyone has discovered her "sensitivity" and it has become her reputation. Chances are, if several people are telling you that you are too sensitive or thin-skinned then there might be an issue. She's had so many people tell her this (which further irritates her) and she still believes that everyone else has a problem and not her.

I think I did post about her several weeks ago. A co-worker was really busy with meetings one day and he rushed around asking many of us different things. His tone was brusque and he was very "to the point." I took it has "Oh, wow, he's really busy and stressed." She actually came to me and said "Employee XXXX talked down to me. His tone of voice was very critical and just because he thinks he is better than me doesn't mean he can talk to me like that." She then went on to say that "just because HE lives in a big beautiful house and I don't doesn't mean he is a better person." She was ticked. I was dumbfounded. I made the mistake of telling her I felt she had misread the situation. She didn't speak to me for 2 weeks.

 

[luvflorida]

I have gotten more vocal over time especially since having to be an advocate for my kids when they were younger and now for my father who is in a nursing home.

Me too. I've always been able to advocate for my kids and have always stepped forward for them if I felt they needed it.

I've always told my very sensitive daughter that some people are just wired differently, but that doesn't mean there is anything wrong with them. It's just a matter of figuring out how to deal with it, and that's something that is an ongoing process.

It's just that lately, things have happened that have really upset me and I need to learn to let things go and not dwell on them. It's so hard sometimes not to take things so personally. And I can't stand to see anyone get their feelings hurt.

 

[Chattyaholic]

Yes, I'm a very sensitive person too. I tend to "wear my heart on my sleeve."
My feelings can get hurt quite easily. I don't know how to change that.

I don't start threads here very often, because of a few who choose to make mean remarks to me. Like one time I started a thread about McDonalds. I was eating alone so didn't have anyone to talk to, no magazine/book to read so I could really "pay attention" to my surroundings. The place was practically empty. There are two tables up front that will seat 6 people. A couple came in, ordered there food, and sat at one of those tables. I felt it was rude of them to do that. Take a smaller table, and leave the larger table for a family so the family wouldn't have to split up. A few people on the board made nasty remarks to me, hurt my feelings. I know it's "just a message board" and I don't really KNOW any of these people, but it still bothered me.

And I used to post things about work, but got flamed several times about that too. So now I'm very selective in what I choose to start a thread about. I know I shouldn't feel that way, but I do, can't help it.

So I know where you're coming from.

 

[luvflorida]

Chances are, if several people are telling you that you are too sensitive or thin-skinned then there might be an issue. She's had so many people tell her this (which further irritates her) and she still believes that everyone else has a problem and not her.

I think this says a lot and it sounds like she may have other issues going on. People have told me that I'm too sensitive and thin-skinned and I KNOW they are right.

I also know that I can't expect the world to adjust to my issues, but that I need to learn how to make myself fit comfortably.

 

[Christine]

I think this says a lot and it sounds like she may have other issues going on. People have told me that I'm too sensitive and thin-skinned and I KNOW they are right.

I also know that I can't expect the world to adjust to my issues, but that I need to learn how to make myself fit comfortably.

I know that *you* asked this question in your OP, but what do you think causes the sensitivity issues? Just curious. In everyone I know that has it, I can almost always put it on self-esteem issues.

As for shyness, I'm pretty shy and reserved and I am probably one of the least sensitive people you will meet. I'm a regular old ICE MAIDEN!!! In my own experience, there was one period of time at work where I felt that I wasn't performing well (I was new on a project). During that time, I became very sensitive to comments that were made to me or how I thought people were perceiving me. It was definitely a self-esteem issue when I finally analzyed it to death. I'm glad it went away because I really hated feeling like my feelings were getting hurt all the time. Very uncomfortable.

 

[luvflorida]

Yes, I'm a very sensitive person too. I tend to "wear my heart on my sleeve."
My feelings can get hurt quite easily. I don't know how to change that.

I don't start threads here very often, because of a few who choose to make mean remarks to me. Like one time I started a thread about McDonalds. I was eating alone so didn't have anyone to talk to, no magazine/book to read so I could really "pay attention" to my surroundings. The place was practically empty. There are two tables up front that will seat 6 people. A couple came in, ordered there food, and sat at one of those tables. I felt it was rude of them to do that. Take a smaller table, and leave the larger table for a family so the family wouldn't have to split up. A few people on the board made nasty remarks to me, hurt my feelings. I know it's "just a message board" and I don't really KNOW any of these people, but it still bothered me.

And I used to post things about work, but got flamed several times about that too. So now I'm very selective in what I choose to start a thread about. I know I shouldn't feel that way, but I do, can't help it.

So I know where you're coming from.

Wow, I know exactly what you're saying, although I don't think I've ever really been flamed on these boards, YET! I hesitated to post this thread though, because I was apprehensive about how people might respond.

Now, here's how sensitive I am. I got as far as you describing how you were eating alone at McDonald's and it made me choke up.

 

[Christine]

Now, here's how sensitive I am. I got as far as you describing how you were eating alone at McDonald's and it made me choke up.

And I was thinking "Man, she gets to go out and be alone!"

 

[luvflorida]

And I was thinking "Man, she gets to go out and be alone!"

Funny how people can view the same situation in a very different way!!

I really don't think the sensitivity issues result from self-esteem issues. I could be wrong, and I'm hoping the books I've ordered will help explain what makes people highly sensitive.

When I think of low self-esteem, I think of someone who doesn't like themselves very much, or has negative thoughts and feeling about themselves. Someone with self-esteem issues might not believe they do anything well or believe that other people are somehow better than they are.

I like myself. I believe I'm an intelligent, thoughtful, productive person. I don't know why certain things bother me that don't bother other people. I don't know why, like someone else said, I wear my heart on my sleeve. The simple answer is that everyone is different. However, the majority of people are NOT highly sensitive. I guess I really don't have a good answer.

I don't think after 51 years, I'm going to change all that much, but I'd like to find ways of dealing with the sensitivity issues. I want to toughen up I guess!

 

[luvflorida]

I know some people are very anxious in social situations but shyness or being highly sensitive is not a medical disorder.

This is very true and something that many people don't understand.