Are we spoiling our kids?

[DMKEDM]

Don't we all want to do more for our kids than we had? I, too, came from a "poor" (in money; rich in love) family-of-origin, but wound up doing reasonably well for myself in the working world. I gave and give my DS absolutely everything I possibly can...and feel not the slightest nanosecond of guilt over it...

My DS, now 25, is an independent, highly successful "new lawyer" working crazy-insane hours in Manhattan. He's completely responsible, thoughtful & considerate. He's a genuinely nice guy. He's generous and steady-going. I'm so proud of him I could burst.

And I gave him absolutely everything I could!

Lots of trips to Disney. Whatever toys/games/electronics he wanted that I could afford. All the special trips (he did Chile and the Amazon Rain Forest on special trips w/his high school) I could manage that he was interested in doing, as well as regular trips to visit family 1000 miles away.

And I absolutely did NOT (and do not) worry about spoiling him. His work ethic is beyond belief. He has earned his early success. (And of course there are a lot of years in which he could continue to succeed, doing ever better; or "life" could rear up and bite him in the butt and he could suffer setbacks--we just have no idea)...

I would never have considered taking him to nat'l parks--I HATE camping and there's no possible way I'd put myself thru a camping trip just so I could say I took him to a nat'l park!

Bottom line: there are benefits and burdens to having plenty; there are benefits and burdens to having "just enough;" there are benefits and burdens to having too little. It's not only all in the values we teach our kids, it's also in the luck of the draw in terms of what kind of kids we get--it isn't all parental influence (important as parental influence is). Some of it is the inherent nature of the child him/herself!

I am hugely lucky with my child...he has his "issues," of course. He's not perfect (altho as viewed thru my VERY rose-colored lenses, he comes close!). But such indulgence as I could and did give him didn't hurt him in the slightest and it made ME VERY VERY happy.

If you can't use hard-earned "wealth" to give to your kids, why bother????

To each his own...

 

[Deb & Bill]

...I would never have considered taking him to nat'l parks--I HATE camping and there's no possible way I'd put myself thru a camping trip just so I could say I took him to a nat'l park!...

My idea of camping is a Best Western versus Hilton/Marriott/etc.

The national parks actually have lots of hotels in the parks and many of them are historic. You just have to book them early. Kind of like DVC in that manner.

We've stayed in the Old Faithful Inn (that's why we bought VWL points), Old Faithful Snow Lodge and Snow Lodge Cabins (in winter, twice), Mammoth Hot Springs Hotel (we actually had a bathroom in our room instead of having to use the one down the hallway), Lake Yellowstone Hotel, Glacier Lodge, etc. Haven't done McDonald Lake Hotel in Glacier yet, but that is on my list.

So don't think you have to camp to go to the National Parks. If I had to camp, I wouldn't go either.

 

[garjanjones]

This is something I think about a lot. As of now we have 1 DS (5yo). We go on nice vacations, two or three a year. (Sometimes more if DS and I can go with DH on a work trip.) Great grandma also lives at the beach, 5 hours away which we visit often. Family has a mountain house which we also visit often. DH works hard, as do I, and we use our extra money for traveling. We have a modest home, only have nice cars because DH works for car dealership and we get awesome deals, do not eat out often (unless traveling), and because of these other sacrifices we are able to travel.
I am a teacher, and see many kids from different backgrounds. Families choose to spend their money in different ways. Some families have nice clothes, some have huge homes, some every tech gadget known to man. As long as we are living within our means, I do not see a problem with any of it.
Also, as a teacher, from what I have experienced, you do not spoil a child by giving them material things, trips, etc. You spoil them by teaching them to have an attitude that makes them think they are better than others because they do have those things. Truly, I have not seen many of those kids in Disney. Do what is right for your family, and love every minute you are doing it.

 

[Tink-n-Belle]

Yes, but my DF spoiled me with Disney. He was a FL resident and got awesome deals on a 3 bedroom villas so I'm glad we have DVC now so I can spoil my family. Before DVC we did the values.

My kids know the value of money and don't ever ask for anything. They work their tails off in school and get great grades so they deserve a nice vacation.

And the best part of DVC is that we get to spoil them for a long time and we will get to spoil the Grandkids too. But I really bought DVC so I could spoil myself.

 

[Sammie]

Only if they think that everyone does this. That is when in my opinion they are spoiled.

Just please do not let them tell you the adult where to stay at Disney. That drives me crazy on the Resort forum, when I see comments such as, "my 4 year simply refuses to stay anywhere but the Grand Floridian" Sorry but that child is spoiled.

Until my child pays the way, they get what we decide on.

If you are concerned, counter the vacations with some charity work.

 

[ToddyLu]

My brother and I grew up in the typical middle lower class ranch home with a church on the corner and the neighborhood school down the street. Both parents worked with Dad being the main bread winner and Mama's job paying for extras.

When I was about 11 Daddy started letting me balance the checkbook for our family. Of course I was not allowed to discuss this with anyone. I knew exactly what he made, how he spent it and where the money went. I saw him make the grocery list and stick to it. I saw my mother get paid each week in cash and she would use the "envelope system". She would talk to me about each envelope and I would watch as she would carefully tuck the money away.

In 1985, I was 16 and she paid for a 30 day trip to Europe. I worked for a year babysitting and saved for the spending money. I remember saving about $700. My brother mowed yards and bought his first Hobie Cat sailboat at age 14.

We went camping in FL each year and had the once in a lifetime trip driving to CA and back in 1978.

Brother and I both have college degrees and successful careers. His wife and my husband were raised in much the same way.

What saved us? What made us want to work and have a nice modest home, pay for a car and enjoy cable tv? Simple, the example my parents set. They got up for work every day, took us to church and had a moral expectation for us and kept us to it. They did not miss work and saved.

This Jan my brother took my parents (all expenses paid) to the Smokies. In Nov DH and I have reserved them a studio at Jambo (their second DVC trip). My MIL went with us in her own studio this past Nov. They deserve it and I LOVE SPOILING THEM!!

So I think parents have to set the example. If you are spending money, fine, but allow the child to experience paying a portion of it, saving their own money, helpingpack, etc. Take them on a wonderful Disney trip but have expectations of their behavoir allow them to learn from the experience.

 

[brettcw23]

My DH and I grew up in households that weren't exactly poor, but neither of our families had extra money to go on fancy family vacations. In my family, for our vacations we would go camping or would drive 17 hours to stay with relatives in Texas. As kids, we thought that was fun, but I was always slightly envious of the kids who had been to WDW or who had flown in an airplane! Our kids have very different vacation experiences. We travel often and typically use our DVC points to stay in 1-2 bedroom villas in WDW. However, this year, we used all of our points to go on the Dream. We did a short pre-cruise stay in Orlando, staying off-site for the first time, and in a typical hotel room. We walked in the room and my kids faces dropped. We told them that that was what a normal hotel room looked like. My 8 yo DD walked with my 5 yo DD towards the bathroom and I heard her whisper, "Come on, there has to be a secret room in here somewhere." It was funny, but part of me felt a little bit bad. I feel so fortunate to take my family on these magical trips, but at the same time it worries me that my kids seem to think it's normal to stay in the best rooms at the best resorts, to take awesome cruises, etc. and I'm hoping that we aren't creating problems in the long run. Please don't think that I'm complaining, I love DVC and the experiences we've had, but I was just wondering if anyone else has had similar feelings? Thanks

We worry about the same things. Outside of the vacations, you just need to continually remind them of how fortunate they are. My girls understand how hard we work and how much the DVC and our vacations cost. When are kids want something, we make them save for it. We don't want our kids to take these things for granted.

 

[ffcheff]

Take it from someone who also has fond vacation memories of some relatives house from when I was a child. Spoil them by taking them on real vacations. I never went to disney as a child, I never spent a whole week on vacation anywhere but at some relatives house. Not that seeing relatives is bad, but children need to be children. We will be going on our sixth disney trip in june and my kids know that it is special. So keep on spoiling

 

[jpolak]

I consider myself blessed that I am able to create these wonderful vacation memories with my DW and our three kids. As a parent I want to do more for my children than my parents did for me. Spoiling i don't know, IMO what you teach them has more impact than what you give them. Although my oldest is turning into quite the hotel snob. I keep reminding her that the one time I went to WDW as a kid I slept in in tiny pop up trailer.

 

[Greysword]

Yes, we are spoiling DD in many ways. She gets lots of stuff at the holidays, clothes when DW decides they are needed/desired, and we go to Disney (land 7 World) at least once a year. Yep, and I am very proud that we can do that for her, too.

Personally, I don't feel the need to justify it in any way. Others think DD is a caring and well mannered girl (feedback from parents, teachers, and strangers), so she is fine socially.

She is our , and she knows it.

That said, she collects her own spending money by doing chores around the house (pay for work, not a fixed allowance) for her grandparents (yep, we are in a mulch-generational home). No money, no buy is what we tell her (unless it is something useful, so she adores the office supply and book stores ).

Now, to address this...

Disney is OK for pretend. How about expanding their knowledge and adventure to include State and National Parks! Grand Canyon, the Tetons, majestic Redwoods or El Capitan!!! Not to mention the wildlife.

We did a quick weekend to Skyline Drive late fall. We saw more deer than we could count and then we saw a black flash. On the other side of the 3' stone wall a young mama black bear shuffled her three cubs up a tree..turned toward us, stood up and stared at us. NOTHING at WDW matches that for excitement.

Buy them each binoculars and let their imaginations fly free!

Oh yes, we ended our weekend at Thomas Jefferson's magnificent Monticello.


Sure, spoil them at Disney then help them to explore the World. You will never regret it.

Here is my philosophy on Disney and the outdoors.
First, Disney is not pretend. It is a real magical place with fairies, rocket ships, and giant mice. It also has hard working people, great food, and an efficient business model that wows everyone that comes in contact with it. We stop to talk about what is going on around us. We talk to the people in Epcot World Showcase and other cast members to find out where they are from (lots of people from the planet New York ).

I think the best part is when she needs to get knocked down a notch. To recalibrate, I usually tell her that we are going to Disney for mommy and daddy, not her. This is our vacation, and she is along for the ride. Initially. she's like and then she thinks about it for a few seconds , finally I get a stern "daaaady" and a . It is awesome to watch her process it. In the end she dismisses the idea, but I can tell it is in the back of her mind. If I want to pursue it further, I will follow-up with leaving her with her grandparents, which usually gets as a reaction. . Yep, works like a champ.

As for camping and seeing the world, no thanks. I hate camping, too. I hate outdoorsy stuff, hiking, biking, climbing, camping, picnics, bleh! This is why I joined the Navy and not the Marines/Air Force. Nice sterile steel deck/walled ship with no bugs, regular beds, air conditioning, electricity, hot food, vending machines, and yes, I'll be hosed when the zombie apocalypse comes . DW and talked about it, and we have no desire to travel outside of the USA, either. Benn there, done that, and if DD wants to do it, she can join the Navy (or Army, Air Force, Peace Corps, etc), too

I guess in summary, we are spoiling ourselves as much as we are spoiling DD. So far, she is a nice person and does not feel entitled. If she starts, we'll have to recalibrate, which is our job as a parent. The fun part will be when she gets into the real world and figures out things aren't as magical as at Disney . She'll learn one way or another, but we plan to intercept it before it becomes an issue.

 

[Mouseaholic!!!]

Don't we all want to do more for our kids than we had? I, too, came from a "poor" (in money; rich in love) family-of-origin, but wound up doing reasonably well for myself in the working world. I gave and give my DS absolutely everything I possibly can...and feel not the slightest nanosecond of guilt over it...

My DS, now 25, is an independent, highly successful "new lawyer" working crazy-insane hours in Manhattan. He's completely responsible, thoughtful & considerate. He's a genuinely nice guy. He's generous and steady-going. I'm so proud of him I could burst.

And I gave him absolutely everythinIg I could!

Lots of trips to Disney. Whatever toys/games/electronics he wanted that I could afford. All the special trips (he did Chile and the Amazon Rain Forest on special trips w/his high school) I could manage that he was interested in doing, as well as regular trips to visit family 1000 miles away.

And I absolutely did NOT (and do not) worry about spoiling him. His work ethic is beyond belief. He has earned his early success. (And of course there are a lot of years in which he could continue to succeed, doing ever better; or "life" could rear up and bite him in the butt and he could suffer setbacks--we just have no idea)...

I would never have considered taking him to nat'l parks--I HATE camping and there's no possible way I'd put myself thru a camping trip just so I could say I took him to a nat'l park!

Bottom line: there are benefits and burdens to having plenty; there are benefits and burdens to having "just enough;" there are benefits and burdens to having too little. It's not only all in the values we teach our kids, it's also in the luck of the draw in terms of what kind of kids we get--it isn't all parental influence (important as parental influence is). Some of it is the inherent nature of the child him/herself!

I am hugely lucky with my child...he has his "issues," of course. He's not perfect (altho as viewed thru my VERY rose-colored lenses, he comes close!). But such indulgence as I could and did give him didn't hurt him in the slightest and it made ME VERY VERY happy.

If you can't use hard-earned "wealth" to give to your kids, why bother????

To each his own...

Boy, I hear you about camping. Even when I was young, if my bed didn't have a minimum if 4 pillows, I was roughing it. No AC? Meltdowns would occur!!

You DO know that the Wilderness Lodge is directly modeled after the Great National Park and western lodges of the US. Try El Tovar (on the registry of National Historic Places---no camping there!) 25 feet from the edge of the Grand Canyon then talk about being limited to camping at National Parks! MORE than 4 pillows!

Want to enjoy an Alaska National Park? Princess cruises has a lodge INSIDE Denali National Park, 40 miles from the base of Mt. Mc Kinkey. BEAUTIFUL property, great service, unforgettable excursions. However, no one can ever call a place with BLOODY MARY'S that good......camping!!!!!! Hahaha

Luckily for millions of us we have discovered the many lifetimes of discoveries our treasures parks offer. The Parks have been busier each year of the recession. GREAT news! But hey, ride the rapids at AK and tell people you know all about whitewater rafting. My kids preferred the Nenana River in Denali National Park, Alaska!! 20,230 as our backdrop (Mt. McKinley---tallest mountain on the N. American continent) My parents never got us that far but my children know! In fact most of my expansive travel has happened since adulthood. My parents worked hard to create the spark of curiosity in my my life even with their limited funds. I still loved our trips to broadway shows, ballet, museums, parks nearby, the beach, WDW and The Space Center AND the biggies like our big trip to the Grand Canyon.


PS

If you don't mind, I'm going to repeat the quote....."Disney is not pretend. It's the land of fairies". I LOVE it!



I understand your love of WDW. I love it too.....and you have PAID cash $$$$$ to the House of Mouse. All I'm saying is there is sooooo much else and I have never met a child who is not a "sponge" .......interested in new adventures. Why not try an Adventure By Disney? They have very interesting choices and the travel is easy. Someone else coordinates it all!