Are we horrible parents?

[MaleficentandGoons]

I was always told "Never wake a sleeping baby" AND it's their schedule not yours LOL. My son (he is now 4 1/2 months) didn't have a schedule until last week and he kind of made that schedule himself. He was getting cranky at around 7 every night so I started feeding him (he's now on cereal YEAH!) at that point and putting him in his crib. He gets up around 6 a.m. -- he's sleeping through the night now -- but I waited until HE was able to tell me what he wanted (in his own way of course)

I say what works for some kids might not work for others and only you know you're child/household best. As long as you're not endangering your child's health (which you are obviously not) just do what you feel is right.

yeah cereal and sleeping through the night! i'm still pumping and supplementing but i can't wait for the addition of cereal! I've been spoiled because DD slept through the night since week three.

 

[mjkacmom]

My babies schedule was sleep from 8 pm - 7 am, nap from 9 - 11, 2 - 4. At about 15 months, morning nap was dropped, and naptime was 1 - 4.

I know many parents who didn't have a schedule. They could go when they wanted. I, personally, loved the schedule. I knew I had time with DH, and for myself. Even if we were having a hard day, I knew that I just had to make it until naptime. The downside was that there were no 2 pm birthday parties for us! The upside was I never had to wake a sleeping baby to pickup someone else from school (preschool pickup was 11:30, and I had a teen come over around 3 so I could pickup elementary school kids).

Edited to add, my first "created" this schedule by 3 months. When #2 was 6 months old, he wasn't napping on a regular basis, and was still getting bottles in the middle of the night, so we Ferberized him in 2 days into the schedule, and both baby and mommy were MUCH happier.

 

[steph124ny]

Your baby is really young for a schedule. If your child is happy and healthy, then do whatever works for your family. My 3rd child was a night owl. Going to bed at 7pm wasn't going to happen... period. All the books in the world weren't going to change that. So no worries....just do what works and don't accept judgements from outsiders. Their children are not the same as yours.

 

[zoemurr]

not having a schedule. My kids were always (and still are) very flexible. We always ate when we were hungry and slept when we were tired (which was always late to bed, late up as I was SAHM and DH works late).

I can't tell you how many times we would be out with another family and as soon as 5:30 hit their kid would melt 'cause it was dinner time, or at 7pm they would need to go to sleep. I loved being able to do most anything with them because we didn't have to eat/sleep at an exact time. They are some of the few kids that could stay up late and still be happy if we wanted to eat out or watch fireworks. I'm always surprised at the families that go to Disney and are back in the room early to stay on schedule. We stagger our days so we have a late night then a sleep in day, and even at 11/8 they will nap at Disney, but Disney after dark is too much fun for us to miss every night. (We have done this since they were little.)

I also felt bad when my first was born and we had her up at 10pm most nights. but it was common for DH to work 'till 7pm and we could sleep in the next morning. She is now 11 and has to get up at 7am for school and it's fine.. although by choice she would still be a night owl.

 

[starsweeper]

Honestly, I think you should just follow your instincts for what works for you. Every child/family is a bit different, and what works great for some creates problems for others. If your baby is happy, and your family is happy - you're doing great!

We had twins, so I did tended to schedule things out of necessity...I would have never slept if THEY didn't eat/sleep at the same times, as I didn't really have any help for feedings, baths, laundry, etc (dh works 10 and 12 hour days/nights)! I also made sure to bring them into their nursery to sleep in their beds at 9pm every night...just so they would get used to the difference between "night" sleep and "day" naps.

I have found that I did much better when I followed my "gut instincts" as a mom, than when I tried to follow some advice from well-meaning friends/in-laws or books.

btw-If you think the advice about "scheduling" is bad, just wait until you get to the age when "they" think your kids should be potty trained.

This was my experience. I have virtual twins (3 months apart) so most things had to be scheduled, especially since my DH travels a lot and I had no family nearby for help. That said, my kids didn't sleep well until they were 3 years old, no matter what time we put them to bed, how much they napped, etc. We tried tons of sleep schedules and other tips from well-meaning friends and family to no avail. I think because they were 3 months apart, they were just far enough in development to be slightly off-schedule from each other and wake each other at night. In our old house, we didn't have two extra rooms to separate them so we had to deal with sleepless nights. If your baby is sleeping then it's working for you. I'm sure at some point you may need a schedule (my DS does better on schedules, but DD can be more free) and you can create that.

 

[MaleficentandGoons]

Thanks! I know some might judge us for our choice but I just wondered how many others do what we do. Ella goes everywhere with me and Dh. If she falls asleep while we are in the car, so be it. Needs a bottle while i'm shopping, we can do that. I do want her to be flexible when she is older and ready to go with the flow.
I want her to continue to be happy and i think her only crying when she wants a bottle or needs to be changed is pretty good.

 

[Mrs. Charming]

DD isn't on a set schedule either. She's always been a bit of a night owl and has always gotten up later than the normal baby/toddler/kiddo. She sleeps better than most kiddos I know.

Don't sweat it. Oh, and don't let anyone think you're a bad parent. And those baby sleep books don't work for everyone! As long as your baby is sleeping well and sleeping enough, go with what works.

 

[kpm76]

not having a schedule. My kids were always (and still are) very flexible. We always ate when we were hungry and slept when we were tired (which was always late to bed, late up as I was SAHM and DH works late).

I can't tell you how many times we would be out with another family and as soon as 5:30 hit their kid would melt 'cause it was dinner time, or at 7pm they would need to go to sleep. I loved being able to do most anything with them because we didn't have to eat/sleep at an exact time. They are some of the few kids that could stay up late and still be happy if we wanted to eat out or watch fireworks. I'm always surprised at the families that go to Disney and are back in the room early to stay on schedule. We stagger our days so we have a late night then a sleep in day, and even at 11/8 they will nap at Disney, but Disney after dark is too much fun for us to miss every night. (We have done this since they were little.)

I also felt bad when my first was born and we had her up at 10pm most nights. but it was common for DH to work 'till 7pm and we could sleep in the next morning. She is now 11 and has to get up at 7am for school and it's fine.. although by choice she would still be a night owl.

I could say I am surprised at the number of kids we see out and about in WDW (or anywhere else for that matter) late at night. But you know what? I don't care because it is what works for their family and their situation. DD thrives on routine so we stick to it, even when on vacation. She naps for 2 hrs in the afternoon and goes to bed by 8pm. This is the schedule she developed for herself and we stick to it because we find she is much happier and thus so are we if we maintain it. It's what works for us. I do contract work from home and DH has some late nights so I love having a schedule. It gives me a chance to do my work at night if need be or just catch up with DH. There's not right or wrong way to do it, you have to find what works for you. Going back to the hotel while in WDW is not a big deal for us because we own DVC so we are not cramped in a small room with nothing to do.

 

[Kit'smommy]

We had a difficult time with out little one as a newborn and had to kind of follow when he needed to sleep and eat. However, we had room in our schedules to be flexible with work and childcare, so we had a long time to transition him to a more regular schedule.

Even as a preschooler and now K-5 student, we stick to a loose schedule. He is in bed at a decent time after a wind down routine on school nights and does fine in school. We are a little more flexible on weekends and holidays and will let him stay up an watch tv, play board games or do something else with us as long as he is quiet. On vacations, we stay up late in the parks as long as everybody is up for it. This means that we usually get a late start on the mornings we plan to stay out late, or we go back for a nap (great to do before the parties!).

Every child is different and every family has different needs. You are not a bad parent as long as you what is right for your family and your child is getting enough rest.

 

[sunnyd_83]

My DS, who is now three, wasn't on a schedule either. Actually he still isn't. He's also a TV watcher I stayed at home with him until he was a little over two and his father works retail, so it just worked for us. At 3 however, he's happy, hilarious, healthy, reading at a first grade level, social,doing simple math, counting to 50 in spanish and he knows about 20 random telephone numbers...so I SUPPOSE we haven't been too detrimental as parents...we'll see... Honestly we WILL be putting him on a more regulated schedule though...it's almost time for school.

 

[kim_o]

We have a schedule in the sense that the kids are in bed by 8pm every night. Mainly because I need some relaxation and down time to recharge. Nap time is generally around 2, but if we're doing other things - no harm if naps happen at some other time, if at all. I don't have to be home at a specific time just to ensure the kids stay on a schedule. As far as eating - whenever they're hungry.

 

[frtchr]

Our daughter is 15 wks and we don't have a "schedule". She goes to sleep when shes ready, which is about 9pm, and wakes up at around 5 or 6. Nap-time happens whenever she falls asleep. We just don't see why people put there kids to bed at 6 pm? Can someone clue me in?

If that works for you, awesome. But please don't judge those of us who have schedules. My kids go to bed between 7:00 and 7:30 PM. They get enough sleep and are happy, intelligent, healthy kids. Plus, my husband and I get time alone together, and that makes US happy. Every parent has to do what he/she thinks is best without explanations or apologies.

 

[PrincessMom4]

I agree with everyone. Whatever works for your family. If routine works then great; if you don't follow a routine and that works then great. I have 4 kids and we have a routine, BUT it is very flexible accounting for life's ups and downs. My oldest child has autism so we really don't have a choice, plus there are three other siblings to manage and care for too.

 

[mjkacmom]

Thanks! I know some might judge us for our choice but I just wondered how many others do what we do. Ella goes everywhere with me and Dh. If she falls asleep while we are in the car, so be it. Needs a bottle while i'm shopping, we can do that. I do want her to be flexible when she is older and ready to go with the flow.
I want her to continue to be happy and i think her only crying when she wants a bottle or needs to be changed is pretty good.

I don't think scheduling or not has any bearing on later personalities. I scheduled mine (it's much easier once siblings start to arrive, and activities, like mommy and me classes, playgroups, etc. start to happen), and I had 3 very laid back children, and 2 more intense. I have a friend who didn't schedule, and she has 2 very laid back children, and 1 who is SO intense. I think it's genetic - I'm intense, DH is laid back, my friend is laid back, her DH is intense.

My first only cried when she had needs, my second cried most of the time! Parented them exactly the same. Ironically, the first one is one of my intense ones, my second has yet to develop any sense of urgency, almost to a fault!

 

[irisesareblue]

My girls are 20 and 22 now but when they were younger we kept to a schedule mainly for my own sanity as their dad was in the military and away a lot - it meant that I got 2 hours by myself at the end of each day without children to read a book, do some housework or just be by myself.

One child on a different routine is okay if it is your first but when that second one comes along and has a different routine, it might be a different story!

If you get them on a schedule when they are babies, it is also much easier to maintain once they reach school age or start going to daycare if you need to go back to work.

I am not an expert but I also believe that routine gives children a sense of comfort. They adapt quickly when they are younger to any set routine.

don't worry about messing your baby up - we all have made mistakes - it's part of parenting. You'll be fine - just do what you feel is best.

 

[msmama]

15 weeks is still pretty young.

I'd say by about 5 months my DS kind of set his own schedule where he'd have a regular morning nap, a regular afternoon nap, and then a more regular bedtime. Then I just started fitting my stuff into his schedule.

More of a routine than a schedule though. Whatever works for you, though!

 

[AmyOB]

If what you are doing works for you, I wouldn't be to concerned about not having a "schedule"
You will find that your baby will start falling into a pattern. Once she starts eating solids you will find yourself feeding her around the same time each day. As she starts sleeping consistently through the night, you will find her wanting to go down for her naps at about the same time everyday. So eventually she will kind of make a schedule for you.
Don't stress to much about it.

 

[Hannathy]

Neither of mine had a set schedule. Still don't at 11 and 18! I can't stand the cry it out philosophy so I never put mine to bed until they were asleep or very, very tired. Both are great at self regulating now. They know when they are tired and go to bed. They have never had a set bedtime. They are very flexible and can adjust to changes in routine without a hitch.

Do what you want with your baby and as long as you and your DH are happy with it that is all that matters.

 

[brymolmom]

OK - here's the thing. My kids were on a schedule. A bit less so now that they're 6 and 7 but they still go to bed between 8 and 8:30. I know a ton of people who were schedule-less and honestly if it works for you and the kids aren't overtired or whatever due to staying up til all hours, it is fine.

A couple of comments though:
1) When you invite over friends for a 'glass of wine' and then your kids are up with the adults and the Disney CHannel is on and then they get overtired and are crying at 10pm - this is not fun for those you invited. Don't get me wrong- if you invite my FAMILY over - no problem. But if you invite the ADULTS over and I get a sitter, I make the assumption that it is an adult evening and don't really enjoy getting the opposite. I love having my kids on a schedule so that I CAN easily invite adults over for some 'grown up' time after the kids are in bed.
2) If you choose to let your child go to bed 'whenever he/she is tired' that is fine - but please don't act like those of us whose kids go to bed att 8:00 just 'happened upon' kids who miraculously go to bed on their own early. This was work and discipline to get to this place. I get so many 'WOW - I WISH I could get my kids to go to bed like that!' comments ALL the time (esp. when they were like 3 and 4). And I'm like 'well...you ARE the parent, if you REALLY want it, then you can do it (with time and effort and discipline)'. So while I don't have a problem for those who really DON'T want this. Don't just let the kids go to bed 'whenever' but then complain and 'wish' that it was otherwise - it IS in YOUR control to do so (in most cases, I'm sure there are special needs, etc. when this is not the case). And, IMO, if you think that at sometime in the future you might want this - it is MUCH easier to start at a young age.
3) Babysitters LOVE working for me! I know many neighbors they do not say 'yes' a lot for. My kids easily go to bed, know the routine, and the sitter then gets paid for watching TV for a couple hours after.
4) When I'm not feelign great or just had a bad day - those extra hours I get when the kids are in bed are invaluable. Just to veg OR to go to bed early myself. I can't imagine having to stay up with them on some nights!
5) Our high school bus comes around here at 6:30...I figure my kids will no longer be going to bed at 8:30 by then - but really - many high schoolers I know go to bed at 11 - 12. Now I'm not to this point yet but my current thinking is that this will NOT be the norm in my house. I really think most kids in order to perform their best, need at least 8 hours of sleep. So it's good that they know now that I determine the bedtime - cuz I still want it to be reasonable when they have to wake up at 6am on weekdays.

I still remember my good friend coming over when dd was about 9 months or so...and hearing her coo and talk in the baby monitor my friend said 'oh - doesn't sound like she's tired, can i go get her and bring her out to play?' and I said 'How am I ever going to teach her that 8:00 is bedtime if I don't actually have her go to bed at 8:00?'. So I started early. Is it always perfect?? NO WAY! We have our 'scared' nights and bad dreams and the rest. But the majority of the time it is VERY GOOD.

 

[MaleficentandGoons]

My girls are 20 and 22 now but when they were younger we kept to a schedule mainly for my own sanity as their dad was in the military and away a lot - it meant that I got 2 hours by myself at the end of each day without children to read a book, do some housework or just be by myself.

One child on a different routine is okay if it is your first but when that second one comes along and has a different routine, it might be a different story!

If you get them on a schedule when they are babies, it is also much easier to maintain once they reach school age or start going to daycare if you need to go back to work.

I am not an expert but I also believe that routine gives children a sense of comfort. They adapt quickly when they are younger to any set routine.

don't worry about messing your baby up - we all have made mistakes - it's part of parenting. You'll be fine - just do what you feel is best.

There will be no second child! haha She is it! She has been in daycare for almost three weeks now and has adapted well.