Are these parents wrong? What would you do?

[eeyore kelly]

The child likely has an IEp or a 504 and her teacher would need to be aware of it. We don't know if it is gossip or need to know. I believe the teachers need to know.

 

[DawnCt1]

It reminds me of a story I heard about a young boy who was terminally ill. The parents left strict instructions that he was not to be old of his prognosis. One day his parents came in and he told them that Jesus had visited him the previous night in a school bus and that He would be coming for him soon. He shared this with his parents who immediately flew into a rage, accusing the hospital staff of revealing the situation to the child. I guess there are two lessons here. One is that children know, even if they aren't told. And the second of course, is that Jesus comes to us in ways that we can understand.

 

[mickeyboat]

I am sorry the parents have put you in such a difficult position. PD coming your way.

As far as the parents' decision not to tell the little girl what is going on, that is their right. If it were me, I would be more forthcoming with my child. But there may be factors unknown to us. Only the parents have all the information to know what is best for the child. They know her temperament, they know all the medical facts, they know what other situations the child is faced with at home. Maybe they feel it is better for her to enjoy her life with limited vision now, instead of spending all her time feeling sorry for herself and worrying about what is going to happen. I sure would hate to be in their shoes, but it sounds like they have their daughter's best interests in mind.

I am sure my parenting decisions have been questioned from time to time. My father in law never ceases to let me know that he doesn't agree with all of my choices. But they are mine to make. I am not perfect, but I am doing the best I can.

Denae

 

[Maleficent13]

Originally posted by CRB#33
We should accept gossip because it's a fact of life????? How about doing what's right?!!!! And in schools, if a parent finds out you are talking about their child, they have legal cause to go after you for disciplinary action. Is it worth the risk? Is it that much fun to talk about others?

Gossip is sick entertainment.

Never said it was fun to talk about others, nor do I disagree with you that gossip is not a good thing. It is, however, human nature for most, especially if they see a situation that is distressing to them. I have come to accept that no matter how I personally feel about it, it's going to happen.

Also, again, I did advise her not to say anything, for fear of discipline or legal action. I guess whether it's "worth the risk" is up to the individual. The OP strikes me, however, as less a "gossiper" and more a concerned educator.

 

[eeyore kelly]

The OP strikes me, however, as less a "gossiper" and more a concerned educator.

ITA!!!!!!

 

[CRB#33]

Originally posted by Maleficent13
Never said it was fun to talk about others, nor do I disagree with you that gossip is not a good thing. It is, however, human nature for most, especially if they see a situation that is distressing to them. I have come to accept that no matter how I personally feel about it, it's going to happen.

I can't accept it and I confront it when I hear it and put an end to it.

The OP strikes me, however, as less a "gossiper" and more a concerned educator.

I'm not coming down on the OP at all. I said that in my first post that it wasn't her fault. And she has since clarified that the SW was told to share the parents wishes. I also acknowledged that in my last post.

 

[Maleficent13]

Originally posted by CRB#33
I can't accept it and I confront it when I hear it and put an end to it.

I applaud you. You certainly care more about it than I do.

I've hijacked the OP's thread enough; sorry about that.

 

[Kendra17]

Oh, I feel so bad for this little girl!

In some places, once a social worker is involved, though, things change. Social workers have treatment plans, care plans, etc. . .therefore, for whatever reason she is under this social worker's care, everyone--including her teachers and parents, are considered her team of caregivers. Each member of the "team" would have to then be on the same page.

It's early in the school year, but I'd guess that there will be "team meetings" regarding the little girl's progress, school needs, health needs, etc.

edited to add: as a teacher, concerned about this student, couldn't you call a meeting to discuss all of this, maybe with handouts or something, that would make your "opinion" (which I definitely share) more valid?

 

[CRB#33]

Originally posted by Maleficent13
I applaud you. You certainly care more about it than I do.

Probably because I've been the subject of some very nasty gossip in the past

Guess I could calm down though

As far as highjacking, you're right....sorry Jeafl. Hope this situation works out for the best.

 

[DawnCt1]

Originally posted by Kendra17
Oh, I feel so bad for this little girl!

In some places, once a social worker is involved, though, things change. Social workers have treatment plans, care plans, etc. . .therefore, for whatever reason she is under this social worker's care, everyone--including her teachers and parents, are considered her team of caregivers. Each member of the "team" would have to then be on the same page.

No matter what the care plan is; the school can't override the decision of the parents, regardless of how stupid it is. While its an awful decision, it isn't "child abuse". I am sure that the child's pediatric opthalmologist is facing the same frustration with the parents. Sadly, she will know soon enough.

 

[dg39]

What a sad, sad thing for the little girl and her parents to be going through. While I really can't comment because Thankfully I was never and hope never to be put in such a position as these parents. But what I do know and feel whole heartedly is that what ever decisions about my child are to be made by myself and my husband and the school and everyone in contact with my child must abide by them. I'm sure these parents have their own reasons for keeping this from there little girl. If I were in the OP position I would just keep telling her to speak with her parents and change the subject as fast as I can.

 

[Toby'sFriend]

what a sad story.

As a parent I have absolutely no idea how I would handle such a tragedy. I guess I would try to evaluate my child and make my decisions based upon what I thought was best given their current maturity and mental status.

I can't really comment on all the rest except to say Social Workers, teachers, and other personnel really are not allowed to discuss many issues without calling a meeting, notifying the parents of the meeting, and giving the parents a chance to attend. Of course it happens, but school personnel get themselves into trouble reguarly with hallway conversations. Everybody is right when they say to be careful.

 

[Kendra17]

Originally posted by DawnCt1
No matter what the care plan is; the school can't override the decision of the parents, regardless of how stupid it is. While its an awful decision, it isn't "child abuse". I am sure that the child's pediatric opthalmologist is facing the same frustration with the parents. Sadly, she will know soon enough.

yes, you are correct. By "being on the same page", I meant that the social worker probably didn't betray any confidences. She probably is obligated to share information with the teacher and parents that she gets. I certainly don't mean the teacher should override anything. I do think that sharing her opinion with the parents, based on the teacher's knowledge, would be valid.

 

[Jeafl]

Just to clarify a few things--I am not the child's teacher. I am merely a classroom aide and a playground supervisor. Basically I was told all the information by the school social worker because I am in charge of her while she is outside for recess. They are very concerned that she will get hurt on the playground because she can't really distinguish borders of similarly colored items. She also has trouble with bright sunlight, darkness and her peripheral vision.

The parents had called a meeting with the principal, her teacher, the school nurse and the social worker. The social worker then called a meeting with me and the other aide that is involved in this case. The parents have asked that all teachers in the school be aware of her problem in case of any problems in the hallway, cafeteria, etc. We are the only support staff that know about this. Because of HIPPA regulations we are not allowed to discuss it with anyone else, which is as it should be.

Basically, that's why I am venting to the DIS. I figure you guys are anonymous enough that I could bounce it off you for opinions. I cannot legally discuss it with even my husband, so it's kind of frustrating. I figure since nobody really knows where I live, what school I work at, the child's name or anything else, I am pretty safe.

 

[Disneyland_emily]

I also feel sad for the little girl. Kids are not stupid they know when somethings up and when something isnt right even if they cant describe what it is and why. and alot of things get made worse when they dont have anyone they can go to for help to try to explain things to them. They start to make their own conclusions to things with their limited knowledge (an example from my life is after I lost 2 daughters my son who was 4-6 at the time- even though we were completely honest with him over the situations had "figured out" that it was his fault that his sisters had died. One was he drank all the milk and that killed his sister (she died in a car accident on the way to the store) to his 7 year old brain A=B Was it wrong? Yes but thats how it "made sense" to him

As for this little girl- Legally you cant do much but sit there (gotta love the law) I dont know if you have a child therapist on staff or what not but Id try to go that route and have them talk to the parents over it and have the therapist talk to the little girl about it- I think alot of things "get discovered" by the parents when they hear their child talk about her side of it (I know it did me to hear my sons view of things)

-em

 

[tiggerlover]

Originally posted by bananiem
I'm so sorry you are in this position. In my opinion the parents are doing a horrible thing by keeping it from her and making her think she'll be fine. If they handled it better she WOULD be fine. She'd be getting the help to deal with it now. Since they're lying to her I can't imagine how much resentment and anger she'll have toward them when she finds out the truth. She'll feel like it's something to hide and be ashamed of. Sounds to me like she's figuring it out on her own.
Oh, those parents have my blood boiling...
I'll send you some pixie dust though.

I totally agree, this child needs to know now so she can deal with it, but it is her parents job to do the telling. I feel so sad for this little girl.

 

[mom2alix]

Originally posted by Jeafl
Just to clarify a few things--I am not the child's teacher. I am merely a classroom aide and a playground supervisor. Basically I was told all the information by the school social worker because I am in charge of her while she is outside for recess. They are very concerned that she will get hurt on the playground because she can't really distinguish borders of similarly colored items. She also has trouble with bright sunlight, darkness and her peripheral vision.

The parents had called a meeting with the principal, her teacher, the school nurse and the social worker. The social worker then called a meeting with me and the other aide that is involved in this case. The parents have asked that all teachers in the school be aware of her problem in case of any problems in the hallway, cafeteria, etc. We are the only support staff that know about this. Because of HIPPA regulations we are not allowed to discuss it with anyone else, which is as it should be.

Basically, that's why I am venting to the DIS. I figure you guys are anonymous enough that I could bounce it off you for opinions. I cannot legally discuss it with even my husband, so it's kind of frustrating. I figure since nobody really knows where I live, what school I work at, the child's name or anything else, I am pretty safe.

I completely agree that this is putting you in a horrible situation and I'm glad that you have some place like this to come to vent. It sounds like you are doing exactly as requested by the parents and following your professional ethics. Obviously the situtaion is very stressful for you and you need someone who will listen without compromising your need to keep this information private. I'm glad you can come here and get some support.

I wouldn't handle this situation the way these parents are handling it either. Children have very vivid imaginations and the truth may be much less scary than what she might think is wrong with her. Hopefully they'll realize how upset and suspicious she is becoming and will decide to tell her soon.

 

[Beth76]

Originally posted by Jeafl
[BWe have been instructed to tell her nothing except that her "eyes don't work too good, but that she will be fine".

... but they said they are waiting for the perfect time and place. [/B]

So, when is the "perfect" time to tell your daughter that she's going blind?


If I were you I would just tell her that her "eyes aren't working" like you're instructed too. I would leave out "but you'll be fine." They can tell you NOT to tell this girl anything, but they can't force you to outright LIE to her. If she persists, tell her to talk to her parents. If she keeps asking them, hopefully they'll realize that they need to tell her.