Are the later High School years better?

[westjones]

My twin DDs are 14 and going to be Freshmen this year.

We have been going to Disney since they were 4 and we LOVED it. As a family, we did the matching T-shirts, Disney Vacation Count Down calendars, we have been on the Disney Cruise (8 times), to Disneyland (2 times) and WDW so many times I forget.

OK, my 14yos have such negative attitudes now. Not about going to Disney (they still want to go--we are leaving in 3 weeks), but about so many things. They never agree, they fight with each other all the time (in a 'girl' way, with words, not physical fighting). I am not enjoying this time in their lives. Every day has its ups and downs. They can be VERY happy, and then the next day they are miserable because someone said this or that about them, or they weren't invited to join in something with other friends...or whatever. It is so stupid. And I am SICK OF IT!

Anyway, I am not looking forward to our trip in 3 weeks. I don't like hanging out with my kids anymore. That last time we were at WDW (spring break in March), they looked at me like I was a Loser because I wanted to sing along with the song at COP! We always used to do this! They are NO fun now!

SOOOOOO..... my question is this. Will they become fun again in the later years of high school, or does this "attitude" era stay around all through high school? Several people have told me that middle school (which they just finished) is the worse time, and that Freshmen year is just like middle school, and then it get better.

What have those of you with older kids observed. Don't get me wrong. My kids are good kids. And when they are happy, it is great, but their moods can swing so fast I don't even want to try to guess their moods.

I am serious thinking of getting rid of our DVC because I just am not enjoying them anymore, but if they might become "fun" to be around again at some point, I will hang on to it. We have a Disney Cruise booked for next spring break (and are going with friends, so I can't cancel it), but after that I am banking points and am either going to sell or look into renting until I know I can go have fun with my kids again.

Is there hope?

DJ

 

[smola09's mom]

Hang in there! I have a 16 y.o. DS and he is a lot more pleasant now than he was in middle school. Just remember that being a teenager is hard in this world. As your 14 y.o's. get older they will mature and be comfortable with themselves and with your love of Disney.

 

[Aliceacc]

My kids are much younger, but I've been teaching high school for 22 years.

Your kids sound absolutely typical, particularly about the "not singing" part. They're at the age where they live in fear of not being exactly like their peers. If every single mom was singing, they would be mortified if somehow you chose not to. Yet at the same time, they're desperately trying to forge out a unique (but not TOO unique) identity for themselves. Being twins must make that even more fun.

HS freshmen can change with the wind, particularly girls. By the middle of sophomore year, they become (for better or worse) the people they'll be as adults.

So hang in there-- it won't be much longer before they're people again.

(I've pretty much decided that when my older daughter hits puberty, she's being shipped off to a convent school in Portugal-- and my sympathies to the people of Portugal at that point. I love her to death, but even without puberty it's all highs and lows-- SUCH a drama queen. And this is at age 8!!)

 

[nessz79]

Another high school teacher here.

From a teacher's perspective, freshmen can be very difficult to teach from a maturity perspective- they are a lot like middle schoolers. Sophomores are better, especially by the middle of the year (I teach sophomores). Juniors and Seniors are the best. Very mature in comparison.

However, as they get cars that will be a new hurdle. A lot of kids stay out later than they are supposed to, etc, etc. Depends on each kid though!

 

[KitKat_Tink]

I can say from a high schoolers point of view our additudes get much better after freshman year. More towards the middle of sophmore year do we start acting "normal"

 

[Lisa P.]

There's hope around the corner.

We've also found that vacations run more smoothly when they each have a friend along, especially once they're halfway through high school. We make sure that our expectations are clear before we leave, regarding how much freedom they'll have vs. accountability to us, how much family time we expect to spend together and that we expect them ALL to treat one another with the utmost kindness and respect, remembering that it's everyone's vacation and not just their own, respectively. It's worked for us.

Have the added space, bathrooms, TVs and comforts of (at least) a 2BR timeshare makes ALL the difference for us. Vacationing with teenagers in a hotel room or studio villa or 1BR/1bath villa is just no fun at all. They need their space and so do we. HTH!

 

[westjones]

There's hope around the corner.

We've also found that vacations run more smoothly when they each have a friend along, especially once they're halfway through high school. We make sure that our expectations are clear before we leave, regarding how much freedom they'll have vs. accountability to us, how much family time we expect to spend together and that we expect them ALL to treat one another with the utmost kindness and respect, remembering that it's everyone's vacation and not just their own, respectively. It's worked for us.

Have the added space, bathrooms, TVs and comforts of (at least) a 2BR timeshare makes ALL the difference for us. Vacationing with teenagers in a hotel room or studio villa or 1BR/1bath villa is just no fun at all. They need their space and so do we. HTH!

Since we have twins, they can hang out together and we are considering letting them go off by themselves at spring break next year (they will be 15 1/2 by then, we haven't decided yet, we need to see their maturity level at that time).

We are also planning to only go to WDW once a year instead of twice (like we have) because of the cost, but this will also allow us to get a 1 bedroom (or a 2 bedroom at OKW) instead of studios which give them some space.

Of course, these plans all depend on IF we continue to keep our DVC. DH said to just hang in. He wants to keep our DVC and maybe we will just skip a year (bank points) if the kids seem annoying at spring break this coming year (like they were this past year). We only have 150 points, so I guess it won't hurt to hang on to them. We own at BCV and have 'hopes' of one day going (just DH and I) to the F & W festival/event at Epcot in the fall when we no longer have to follow a school schedule.

DJ

 

[westjones]

I can say from a high schoolers point of view our additudes get much better after freshman year. More towards the middle of sophmore year do we start acting "normal"

Thanks! This is good to hear.
DJ

 

[westjones]

Another high school teacher here.

From a teacher's perspective, freshmen can be very difficult to teach from a maturity perspective- they are a lot like middle schoolers. Sophomores are better, especially by the middle of the year (I teach sophomores). Juniors and Seniors are the best. Very mature in comparison.

However, as they get cars that will be a new hurdle. A lot of kids stay out later than they are supposed to, etc, etc. Depends on each kid though!

Thanks! The car thing is a whole other issue. We are not getting them cars (can't afford it), but I know they will want to take ours and well....this will be a new chapter in our lives I am not ready to think about yet.

DJ

 

[Suzanna1973]

As a mother of a DD17 and an ex teenage girl myself....may I just say...GO WITH GOD!!! For the next several years, the beautiful baby girls you use to know and love are going to be replaced by these mutants known as teenage girls!!! You are no longer cool, and shocker of shocks...You are no longer smart. But rest assured, I grew out of it....still hoping my DD will grow out of it...I know I have a couple more years to go!


hang in there, and know that in Missouri....someone is hangin right there with ya!!

 

[nessz79]

Thanks! The car thing is a whole other issue. We are not getting them cars (can't afford it), but I know they will want to take ours and well....this will be a new chapter in our lives I am not ready to think about yet.

DJ

My parents couldn't afford a car for us either (I'm 29 now so it wasn't TOO long ago, haha) nor would they let me borrow their car. I hitched a lot of rides from friends. To be honest, it probably prevented me from getting into more trouble than I did...I was a pretty good kid, but I still did stupid things.

 

[PatsMom]

My DD (now almost 17 and going into her senior year) got much better after middle school. I think it was her sophomore year that the "Disney Magic" came back for her. Now she and I are back to singing when we feel like it even if we don't sing well. And she has a ball planning the trips. That was one thing that seemed to help is that we put her in charge (within reason) of planing. She picks the resort - we don't always get her pick because of the timeframes for reserving DVC but she did get lucky and got Villas at the Wilderness Lodge last February. And the year we added on we had a bunch of extra points and splurged on a preferred view one bedroom at Boardwalk for her. And we are trying Old Key West this summer. She also gets to plan our meals - one sit down per day. And she does a schedule of which park we will go to on what day. She has a great Excel spreadsheet to keep track of all this. And since she is an only child we let her take a friend last February and she thought that was great fun. She also has a friend going with her this August. The December trip she's not sure about - besides the fact that I think airfare is going to be really high, we are taking her out of school and I don't know if she has a friend who's parents will allow that. What we've done is the provide the hotel, and I pay for all the meals. The friend's family has to pay for tickets and airfare. Hang in there - if they are like my DD your daughters will be singing the COP song in no time at all!

 

[Darcy03231]

I have teenagers (DD -16, DS -14) and have lived through the teenage years with two others (DS - 24, DD -20). Your children are definitely normal teens!! They will eventually turn back into the children you know and love, but be prepared for a few not so great years.

One thing we did to make family vacations more enjoyable was to not limit ourselves to WDW (DH wouldn't go anyway - I always took the kids by myself except for the first year). Each year we give them a budget and each child will pick a destination they want to go to. They are required to research the cost, what there is to do/see, etc., and make a presentation as to why the family should go there. They know they have to pick something everyone will like (ie no camping - Mom doesn't camp!!!). Mom and Dad make the final decision (and we make sure we've picked each child's vacation choice at least once). Its been a great learning tool for the kids as they all learn something in their research about cost, budgeting, and various countries. So far we've been on cruises all over the carribean, Belize, Colorado, San Diego, Antigua, Bermuda and the Mayan Riviera. Last summer we did two weeks in Orlando and did Universal, IOA, Seaworld, Wet n' Wild and Busch Gardens. We did sneak one evening in at WDW for the Pirates and Princesses Party. Some other places we've considered and are on the list for future trips are Argentina, Toronto, Washington DC, Williamsburg, Outer Banks, Alaska cruise and a Pacific cruise to Mexico. I've found my kids are much more enjoyable on vacation since they've had some say in where we go.
Since they've hit the teen years they've been less interested in WDW and more interested in other places.

 

[Disneygirl26]

I was reading your post and thought soooooooo I'm not the only with a teenage daughter I won't commit on her attitude because I always say if you don't have anything nice to say, but on the upside she tends to be an angel while we're on vacation and especially DW so I wouldn't cancel my trips with them family trips are a blessing even when the kids are being less than angels. I've heard the attitude thing lessons the older they get so I guess only time will tell

 

[CoffeeCup]

Having been a high school teacher for 38 years, I understand teenagers well. By about the age of 15-16 most kids become pleasant again (there's something about being 12-15 that tends to turn many kids into bored, rude and sarcastic people), and family becomes very important to kids again. You can't imagine how many high school kids value time spent with their parents and grandparents, how important brothers and sisters are to them, and how they love to remember family vacations and special events. By about 16 they start considering themselves to be adults, and it becomes cool again to enjoy doing children things. Younger teens are trying so hard to appear older that they can't enjoy being children, but older teens feel they have earned the right to go back to enjoying being children....just as we do at Disney World. High school seniors are my favorite age to teach, because they cherish childhood memories and are eager to create more family memories since they realize they soon will be going off to college or to assume adult lives working. If you have basically "good" kids, they definitely will improve with age.

 

[snubie]

My kids are much younger, but I've been teaching high school for 22 years.

Your kids sound absolutely typical, particularly about the "not singing" part. They're at the age where they live in fear of not being exactly like their peers. If every single mom was singing, they would be mortified if somehow you chose not to. Yet at the same time, they're desperately trying to forge out a unique (but not TOO unique) identity for themselves. Being twins must make that even more fun.

HS freshmen can change with the wind, particularly girls. By the middle of sophomore year, they become (for better or worse) the people they'll be as adults.

So hang in there-- it won't be much longer before they're people again.

(I've pretty much decided that when my older daughter hits puberty, she's being shipped off to a convent school in Portugal-- and my sympathies to the people of Portugal at that point. I love her to death, but even without puberty it's all highs and lows-- SUCH a drama queen. And this is at age 8!!)

I need the contact info of that convent in Portugal. DD is only 3 but she is a high energy ball of attitude and drama.

 

[bcinohio]

I feel the same way. We leave for WDW in 15 days and my DS(14) is driving me crazy. If I had someone to leave him with I would. He is so mouthy and self centered it isn't funny. It has been a hard year.

I was thinking militay school!!!

 

[Dallas_Lady]

Another teacher saying "Hang in there!" The do get better around 16 or so. 13, 14, and 15 can be really rough.

 

[irishprincess]

Thank you sooo much for this post!! I was feeling horrible for the way I have been feeling about my dd 14. She is miserable!! It is making me miserable. At least once a day I want to cry. Is it bad that I am glad someone is feeling as bad as me? She was always the easiest, most pleasant child around. She used to tell me " I will not be the miserable teenager who is nasty to her mom". Yeah that went out the door!

 

[westjones]

She used to tell me " I will not be the miserable teenager who is nasty to her mom". Yeah that went out the door!

OMG! My DD used to say that too! When she saw the way her older cousin acted a few years ago she was like, I will NEVER be like that......a.....well.....here we are!

It's good to hear things will get better. I will be seeing the cousin at Disney again this year. We were all together 2 years ago and she was very annoying.....NOW we are going back together again and it will be MY girls who are the annoying ones! UGH!

DJ