Appropriate amount for LI, NY wedding gift?

[frannn]

DH and I are going to a Friday night wedding at a catering hall in Long Island, NY. Haven't attended a wedding in a long while, so not sure of the appropriate amount to give. DH knows the groom for years, as they are volunteer firefighters together in our town. We have just paid out $$ for parties we have cohosted, repairs to my car, and our WDW last month, so we can't be overly generous, but definetly want to give a decent, appropriate amount. You've all been extremely helpful in the past, so hoping you have the answer to this one as well!

 

[mjkacmom]

I'd give $300.

 

[JustineMarie]

I would give $250 - 300.

 

[kimisabella]

$300/couple is the going rate now

 

[kpm76]

I give a gift based on my relationship with the couple (i.e. I give more to family and really close friends) not based on the location of the wedding or the formality of the event. My DH's cousin recently got married and it was at a very casual hall and the food was catered BBQ. BTW, it was great! I gave the same amount to him as I did my cousin who recently got married in a 5 star hotel. We are generous and try to give the couple a nice cash gift that will help them start their married life together. However, I do not subscribe to the notion that I should give more to brides and grooms living in NYC or LI because the cost per plate for my meal is outrageous. That was their choice and also their choice to invite me. I am not "paying" for my meal, I am giving a gift to the couple. We have lots of family in the NY/NJ/CT area and this subject always comes up. DH has a relative on LI and they had this lavish wedding and bragged about how the food was going to be over the top and we'd have top shelf alcohol all night. I thought, "well, good for you if that is the way you choose to spend your money." Funny thing is, the coupled complained when people were "cheap." They expected guests to essentially fund their wedding. They put up the cash initially but expected reimbursemt. Unreal......

 

[megthewonderful]

I am going to an extravagant wedding in Queens in a few weeks for one of my friends from college. My husband and I decided to go with $300.

 

[everylastbreath]

No less than $300, If your really close I would go $400.

 

[Ava]

Related question - if I am in the bridal party, are we also supposed to give a wedding gift? For what it's worth we can't really afford any of it, but I felt too bad to say no when I was asked to be a bridesmaid.

 

[frannn]

DH also had to buy a new suit yesterday to be able to attend. I'm considering asking other people we know that are going, but don't want to be tacky. Guess I'll have to think more about this.

 

[frannn]

Related question - if I am in the bridal party, are we also supposed to give a wedding gift? For what it's worth we can't really afford any of it, but I felt too bad to say no when I was asked to be a bridesmaid.

I could be wrong, but since the bridal party is considered close friends/family to the couple, they usually give more. Maybe I'm wrong?

 

[disney67]

As for my wedding i recieved as low as 50.00- 75.00 a person up to 100.00 to 200.00 plus a person i guess it all depends on how close you are to them and what you think is a avg amount . good luck

 

[NeverlandClub23]

Around here $100-$150. To the NE weddings (NY, NJ, MA) I've been to it's usually customary to give about $300 (which by the time we pay for travelling up there and staying it ends up costing a small fortune).

 

[everylastbreath]

I could be wrong, but since the bridal party is considered close friends/family to the couple, they usually give more. Maybe I'm wrong?

Right, Family/close friends ALWAYS give more, that includes bridal party, that's why the expense should be considered BEFORE accepting. The expense can mount up quickly.

I'm on LI, Son just got married last year- I know the cost of weddings here- reasonable ones, not even extreme ones. It's EXPENSIVE and rule of thumb is you cover your plate, which is appox. $150 each, so a "nice" gift would be $200 ea / $400 per couple.

 

[jerseygirl81]

My sister and I were talking the other day and she told me she heard the average cost per plate is $200 now, I believe it does depend on the expense on the wedding as well. Linda

 

[MUFFYCAT]

Is it up to $300-$400 now?
I'm glad we don't have any weddings in the future.

 

[EthansMom]

I think that $300 is steep for a wedding gift for a friend. I know that it's the societal norm for NY/LI but it's not as if you, as a guest, got to pick how much the couple spent on the wedding. And I'm sure your friends wouldn't want you to go broke trying in the process of attending their wedding.

I'd give an amount you could afford. Personally, I think $200 for a friend is still pretty reasonable without being offensive.

 

[Ava]

Right, Family/close friends ALWAYS give more, that includes bridal party, that's why the expense should be considered BEFORE accepting. The expense can mount up quickly.

The bride is my cousin and I do not really want to be in this wedding, but I felt bad saying no. I've never had a wedding myself so I have no idea how much a plate costs. The wedding is in MD and the reception is at an Elk's Lodge so I doubt each plate is that expensive.

 

[StefnMike]

Give whatever you want to and can afford.

This is coming from an '06 Long Island bride. I would never expect my guests to give me more money just because my wedding was on Long Island. I got everything from gifts (I LOVE my bread machine) to cash.

Just out of curiosity...where is the wedding?

 

[disney1995disney]

I got married on Long Island (wife born and raised there).. Back in '95 we got about $150-$200 from guests I would say.

The $300 estimate others have given does not seem far off.

Back then, our price per plate was low $70. But that was a long time ago. Most people pay their plate fee (per person). We go to wedding on long island all the time since her relatives still live there. I know we never go less then $250. Wife has some system that her and her sisters figure out. Lol I am a guy and not in the loop about how the reach the value, I am just there to cut the check.

 

[espana94]

I know we never go less then $250. Wife has some system that her and her sisters figure out. Lol I am a guy and not in the loop about how the reach the value, I am just there to cut the check.

Ok, why doesn't my husband get this???? Married 22 years and he still doesn't realize that all he has to do is say "OK, Honey. Whatever you think is best."