Anyone with a relationship like this?

[imabrat]

For the past 15 years and 7 months I've been in the womb and alive,my dad and I have made very little time to hang out and do things.
We have our own lives,and never have time.
We have none of the same interests,and are constantly butting heads about things.
Even little things about which way the wind is blowing the balloon.

When I was diagnosed with cancer,my dad finally realized he never spent any time with us(meaning the family).
Before cancer,he was good for basically only a paycheck.
He replaced me,my sister,and my mother with his computer,his job,and ciggarettes.

So,he jumped from one extreme to another.
From barely paying attention to me to being up my rear end 24/7.
We solved all the problems,except smoking.
His daughter having cancer,having a divorce,and parents dying from effects of smoking haven't stopped him from smoking.

Now he is trying to make up for the lost time.
He bought tickets to a concert for a band called Evanescence.
Without asking us first!
I can't STAND that band.
In fact,you could even say I hate it,as does my mom.

He's also starting to make up for lost time with money,thinking money will make us happy.
At least my mom and I spend the money on useful things,like clothes,gas,and bills.
My sister spends it on subscriptions to RUNESCAPE on the internet or toys she touches once and never plays with again.
But,whatever.
Now he's starting to hand out money,but not equally.
It started in January in WDW.
He spent close to 75$ on my sister to play on arcade games.
Did I recieve 75$ too?
Nope.
You need to be fair and share everything.

Last week he bought my sister ANOTHER Sims computer game worth 40$,and I still haven't seen that 40$.
So with the 40$ I expect the 30$,which is supposudly how much the tickets are.

I am just so frustrated with him.
GRR.
Has anyone dealt with anyone like this?
If you have any advice,I'd really appreciate it.
Also,If you just don't get along with one of your parents,I'd like to hear your story.
Thanks in advance,
Sonya.


PS - If you are an Evanescence fan, does it seem normal that a concert ticket would be 30$?
It just seems like a concert ticket would be waaay more money...like in the 100s or something.

 

[Disney.Ears]

I'm sorry for this Sonya

My parents and I have a great relationship. My mom and dad wouldn't try to "buy" my love but they don't have that problem. So sorry I can't help..

 

[pigletgirl]

It seems to me like he doesn't want to face the truth, that his daughter was sick. I think he's internalized it, and so he doesn't want to face it, which in lead turns into favoritism.

Hang in there....its rough I know. Sometime, could you go have coffee with him and talk things over?

 

[Tinkerbell424]

I don't get along with my dad. I haven't talked to him for a few monthes or seen him.But my mom made me answer the phone a few days ago because he was in the hospital. We both knew nothing was wrong with him but of course I had to answer the phone. Now he thinks I am going to come over every saturday to clean his house and hang out with him.
He took my pirates dvds over 4 monthes ago to watch and still has not returned them. I told him to just keep it and a whole e-mail explaining how I did not want to come over on saturday...grrrr.

I don't feel comfortable around him.The only thing we have in common is the way we look and that I am his child..BLAH.

-rant over-

 

[Sparx]

I'm sorry you're going through this, on top of everything else, sonya.

i have a friend who's mother is like this. they used to live in New Jersey, her mother worked in nyc on wall street. (needless to say, she knows how to handle money) when my friend was in the third grade, her mom was in a bad car wreck, and had a bad surgery. she is now disabled. (its her knees and back. she can still walk and drive and all that, but shes sick and sore a lot)

to compensate for her daughter basically growing up alone, she readily hands out her credit card or cash. she spends 2,000 dollars a year on her daughters birthday PARTY. (not presents, the PARTY)

money can make you happy, but it doesn't make you feel loved.

 

[disney100666]

well, I guess I'm close with my parents, but not up there butt like I was a few years ago. now, I like to be alone, with everything, like watching T.V I like to be by myself and my parents are like "concerned". it's just because I was up their butt for 12 years and now, I'm not there like freaked out. I just like to be aloneeee..

ok rant over.

 

[xo juicy splash]

 

[::Snow_White::]

I'm sorry Sonya.

 

[XxCuriosityxX<3]

 

[Ms.Squeakers]

I'm sorry you're going through this, on top of everything else, sonya.

i have a friend who's mother is like this. they used to live in New Jersey, her mother worked in nyc on wall street. (needless to say, she knows how to handle money) when my friend was in the third grade, her mom was in a bad car wreck, and had a bad surgery. she is now disabled. (its her knees and back. she can still walk and drive and all that, but shes sick and sore a lot)

to compensate for her daughter basically growing up alone, she readily hands out her credit card or cash. she spends 2,000 dollars a year on her daughters birthday PARTY. (not presents, the PARTY)

money can make you happy, but it doesn't make you feel loved.

I agree

My dad and i are so alike infact i look JUST like him except a girl version and i act JUST like him, We are almost like twins the only thing that i got from my mom is the use of our creative brains, the way we handle things, and our leftienest (my mom WAS a leftie but her teacher in 3rd grade FORCED her to write with her right hand... )

but anyway i almost never spend time with him since he wakes up at 6 works out in the gym for a wile eats and gets dressed and goes to work at 8 and then his job is DONE at 8 but DC traffic and Metro make him come home LATE LATE LATE!! He really doesnt it like it but i understand i guess...

Sometimes i wish on the weekends we could just hang out and maybe do some weekend trips to washington DC but i dont know...


and to think that I thought I had it bad before reading this is completely selfish and rude of me


Im sorry Sonya
Why do things always come hard down on you?

Your the bravest person i know of.


Hugs and Love (virually through the heart),

Mouse

 

[Fluffaball]

Sonya that is such a tough thing.

My adopted parents and I have a wonderful relationship.

As for my birth parents they didn't seem to give a darn about me since I never seen my Dad and my Birth Marmee was more interested in her drug habit then me she got rid of me or they took me away from her never to be seen again.

My 1st foster parents were really a piece of work. They didn't even try to have a relationship with me. They just abused me.

So I know it is hard for you Sonya, but at least your Dad seems to care a little bit and it may not be the right way of buying love he is trying.

 

[keypooh90]

Aww...*hugs* Sonya. Im so sorry that your Dad doesnt treat you very well. It's not right that he's trying to buy you things to make up for his lack of caring and love for you.

My dad died when i was 3 and then my mom remarried twice but both guys were abusive alcoholics so since i was 13 its been just me, my mom and sister.

 

[AngelInDisguise]

Well yes in a way I know how you feel.
It feels horrible. My dad just ignores me. The other day he said.."......you being 12 or 13 or however old you are..." I was like, what? YOU are ME DAD and YOU don't even know my age? That seems pretty wrong to me. My dad thinks he can make up with going to Disney or buying me something extra. =[

 

[DramaQueen]

I thin kyour dad probably just doesn't know HOW to show affection for you. I think that happens with alot of males. You see Dads & Husdans & Boyfriends BUYING theirs for the ones they love, because they don't know how else to show that they care.

Also the fact that your dad hasn't really interacted with you and doesn't know you very well probably adds to that problem, because he maybe doesn't know how you would respond to him.

Sounds to me like he's trying though. He's trying the only way he knows how to. And I don't really think it shows favouriteism to buy one daughter something and not the other. You're probably getting it back in some other way that you don't realize.

Like this summer, my sister got REALLY into golf and my parents paid 400$ for golf lessons and 1000$ on a brand new set of clubs. And I kinda felt like' ahh man! they're bying here all this cool stuff an i've got nothing'
but then i realized, they are paying for my education!! which is ALOT out of their pockets and I shouldn't be complaining that I'm not getting MATERIAL things.

ANyways, I think it sucks that you feel this way and I hope everything works out for you! YOu've just gotta try and stay positive and give your dad at least a LITTLE credit for trying. Some dads don't even do that much.

 

[taz]

Sorry to hear you gotta go through this too.

I think that you should be happy that he is trying too do stuff with you rather then not doing anything at all.


Hope Your Problem Gets Better.

 

[disneychick2721]

Aww Sonya,
I think you should try and connect some how. There has to be something, Television Show, Music, Movie, ..... Disney? Find something to connect with, and just move on from there. Sonya you dont deserve this, money cant buy you happiness or love.