Anyone know how to prevent or stop temper tantrums?

[Minnie824]

DD2.5 is going thru a little 'phase' since the new baby has been here, and now with me back at work the last few weeks, its gotten worse. She finds the littlest thing to whine about then starts screaming and jumping....even if we give in, she finds something else and carries on. We've tried yelling, ignoring, taking things away, time outs..doesn't matter, nothing works. BTW, its not always when the baby is around either...last night, baby was sleeping, DD was getting all the attention and still did it. I figured someone here must have gone thru this before. Any advice?

 

[IMGONNABE40!]

I've never had a 2 year old (we adopted DS when he was 4) but what we did when DS would start is sit down and mirror the behavior. I think it freaked him out to see someone acting like that and he would soon stop. Often we would all start to laugh! Don't know about a 2 year old though.

 

[oogieboogie]

Ditto that. Lots of times, we just give them the silent treatment: Ignore them and don't respond at all.

 

[hydster]

AAAHhh yes the temper tantrums! Pleasant aren't they?? LOL My 5 year old is still the king at tantrums around here. For our family we have found out that while it would be nice to be able to predict with any kind of certainty when or where these little episodes will happen it's not possible. Kids only throw tantrums when they work. Odd isn't it that kids never seem to kick and pound stuff on the floor when they're alone in their room? They would much prefer to have an audience than do it alone. We decided that we couldn't do much to stop them but we can change the location. We don't change THAT it is happening we change WHERE.

We offer our 5 year old a choice. He gets mad because something isn't going his way. First I add a little humor to it like WOW That is a 7.5 on the tantrum scale...pretty good for a local boy like you. Then it usually escalates where we give him a choice...You know when you scream in here it hurts our ears so would you like to go to the basement or to your bedroom? Usually the screaming intensifies so we say OOOHHHH up to an 8.5 pretty impressive. Now since it is so high the best place for a tantrum like that is in your bedroom. Let me open the door for you. Would you like your light on or off??? We take him into his room or wherever and it's not always easy but we shut the door and walk away. Usually after a few extra little "bursts" of energy and anger he decides he's alone and it didn't work and he comes out pretty calm and it doesn't take him long in there..maybe 5-10 min at the longest to get calmer.

Another tactic we've had great success with is the "Giant Step" where when he is on the ground throwing his fit we do a HUGE GIant step over him while we head for the door quickly to go outside before he can yell hey wait for me. At least wait for me isn't a tantrum.

Another thing is to make sure you don't lose your composure and scream back at them. Handling temper tantrums in our house is always better if we do it in soft voices and don't even try to reason with the thrower. We found the best message to send is that the screaming or whatever is ok for now as long as we don't have to see it or hear it.

Some of our friends were horrified afraid that he would really hurt himself if he was left un-attended during a tantrum. We just made sure that the room was cleaned out of anything really dangerous or valuable (hence his bedroom or the basement guest bedroom). Usually the tantrum will cease pretty quickly for our 5 year old if he's alone and no one keeps adding fuel to the fire. If he does sometimes hurt himself like knocks his knee or bumps his head we are very compassionate with him afterwards about it but we use that as a lesson that a tantrum can result in you being hurt as well as our ears being hurt.

Temper tantrums suck but we've found these ways work the best for our family. Others may disagree but we read about these ways in our Parenting with Love and Logic book that we bought from our Elementary school because that's how they deal with kids during the school year. It seems to really help cut down on the problems and the tantrum length as well at least in our house.

Heidi

 

[HollyJoy]

My best advice to you is to try not to get upset at her. Tell her in a calm voice that you will not listen to her when she acts this way, then walk away. Let her throw the tantrum, but don't cave into what she wants or they'll just continue. Good luck!

 

[Missy1961]

My dad was a social worker. My brother used to throw tantrums all the time. My dad suggested my mom ignore him. She would make sure he couldn't hurt himself, but that was it. He was so shocked he got no attention for his behavior he soon stopped. Of course, this only works at home. Out in public would be another issue. (my brother never did it in public).

 

[CEDmom]

I agree with the other poster who said to just make sure your child isn't around anything that can hurt him and just ignore it. Whatever you do resist the urge to give in. That only prolongs the agony for you. It's amazing how quickly kids will stop doing this once they realize it doesn't work. If you're out in public I'd just remove him to a quiet place and wait it out.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I suppose you need to anticipate triggers as well. I knew that my girls were either hungry or tired and then I would have them sleep, eat or play quietly. A routine they can count on is a great way to be ahead of the game for my dds.
Adding extra "hugs" into their day works wonders too! You'd be surprised.
Avoid taking them shopping works if they throw tantrums inside a store. Worked for me. It was also a nice break to "get away".

Sometimes I needed to get out of the house for at least an hour to recharge myself. That helped me be more calm when my dd's moods kicked in.

Now they are 7 & 13....I just send them to their room or hug them depending on the situation.

 

[bananiem]

You can try praising her when she's acting appropritaely. "I like it so much when we can play this game nicely together" and give a big hug for example.
Also, when ignoring a behavior you will often see it escalate before dropping off dramatically. The trick is to not give in during the escalation. Working with preschoolers for 6 years I found praising the good behavior and ignoring the bad (when possible) worked well. Having a safe spot for her to go to is a good idea as well. Try not to focus on when she's misbehaving because that age will even see that as attention, therefore a reward.

 

[Micca]

Just promise me we'll go to WDW within the next 6 months, and I'll behave

 

[swea_pea1]

Funny.....we just got back from dinner where my 2.5 yo (who doesn't typically tantrum) threw one in the middle of the restaurant. I did what I used to do with DD5.....got close to his ear and whispered to him that we'd have to leave if he didn't stop. He had to stop just to hear what I was saying. Luckily it was a minor tantrum because he wanted to sit on mommy's lap to eat If it had been a bad one, I would have just scooped him up and gone out.

This too shall pass.....DD grew out of it pretty quickly when she figured out it wasn't getting her anywhere. The important thing is not to give in to it.

 

[LittleMissMickey]

What about ten year olds that throw tantrums and kick things in public? We had a tantrum today that lasted a good...FOUR HOURS! How do you remedy this? Because these weeks get really long as I babysit for a bugger of a kid! Any advice is certainly welcomed! PM or on this thread would be great!

Ashley

 

[KristiKelly]

Just walk away. DS never has these, so when DD threw herself on the floor kicking & hitting the floor, Dh & I were asking each other, "what is she doing?" then I said, "I think it's a tantrum". We watched & just kinda smiled at first, we'd never seen it first hand, then we just stepped over her & walked away - she stopped a couple of minutes later.

 

[Tigger1]

Why stop them. Watch, laugh and get the camera out. Something to show them when they are a teenager or have children of there own.

Tigger

 

[Pop Daddy]

spank

 

[shortbun]

With older children, you can problem solve when a tantrum is
not happening-ask about how they feel before and after, ask
what they want you to do. With a 2yo, you just have to make
sure they are safe and leave them alone. DS only had one. It
started in a grocery store checkout aisle-he still hates those.
I said no, stuck to my guns, carried him to the car-into the house
and ignored him. I did not answer him again when he kept pleading/screaming for the candy. He never did it again. I was
very lucky!!!

A ten year old that tantrums and has no known dissability has
a problem that needs to be solved. Not by a sitter or parent but
by a professional first. Ten is too old for tantrums unless the
child is totally spoiled and you as the new grownup are not buying
into it. Scary!

My nephew tantrums and he is ten but he has learning
disabilities and is autistic with a touch of OCD.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Originally posted by LittleMissMickey
What about ten year olds that throw tantrums and kick things in public? We had a tantrum today that lasted a good...FOUR HOURS! How do you remedy this? Because these weeks get really long as I babysit for a bugger of a kid! Any advice is certainly welcomed! PM or on this thread would be great!

Ashley

Does this child have disabilities? ODD, anger or impulse problems?

If not then you employ the same method. Remove yourself or the child from the situation. Do not make contact unless respect is given to you.

Maybe he was just "mad"???

 

[LittleMissMickey]

Thanks for the help, those of you who had thoughts on my ten year old tantrums...

I know the parents give into him when he throws a big enough fit, but not all the time. Sometimes they punish him then revoke the punishment. Sometimes I give him a punishment (they have certain procedures they have asked me to take), and then THEY revoke it. This seems to be a parenting issue, which makes it very hard because now he NEVER listens to me without having to call them. Now, htey pay me a good amount of money every week, and their son calls them at least once a day with a problem such as this. If I were them I would let whatever the babysitter said stand and forget about having to play good cop-bad cop all day long. I must be wrong, though.

I would think that these tantrums were just being "mad," except they happen almost on a daily basis. The other day he tipped over all the furniture in the living room and then headed for the couch. He has kicked me in the past. He will literally melt down screaming. It is VERY hard to deal with.

He has been tested for ADD, but aside from that his mom thinks this is pretty normal. It is sad, because today we had to leave the bowling alley because of his "tude" and his sister had to suffer. I am not for punishing the other siblings, and would have much rather had him sit out the next game. I think he may have some time EBD, possibly Oppositional Defiant? As a teacher, it is hard to work there because I want to suggest these things but do not feel it my place.

Oh, I only work there for three more weeks.... This has been the longest summer job of my life!

Ashley

 

[luvmarypoppins]

I used to have a temper tantrum mat. I told them, that it was ok if they acted like that but they could only sit on the mat during that time and they could not get up or off until they were done with their tantrum. If they got up, I put them right back on. I basically ignored them too. My oldest ds at almost 2,k used to scream all night long and make himself throw up. I got a mat and put on on the carpet. I told him, throw up on that! Easy to wash. DH would give into him, sometimes, not me. He grew out of it. It was probably middle ds who I always used the temper tantrum mat for. Good luck. You will survive!