Anyone have trouble with step daughters mum being funny

[libbylast]

hi

Really fed up, told step daugher taking her to disney in nov just found out her mum has said we cant go for the amount of time we want as its her b day, is it me but whats more important 1st trip to disney or a 29 year old b day.

Plus fed up we gotta pay amendment fees to reduce our hols from 15 days to 12!

Sorry for moan!

 

[disneyjunkie]

hi

Really fed up, told step daugher taking her to disney in nov just found out her mum has said we cant go for the amount of time we want as its her b day, is it me but whats more important 1st trip to disney or a 29 year old b day.

Plus fed up we gotta pay amendment fees to reduce our hols from 15 days to 12!

Sorry for moan!

Did you and your husband let the mother know all of the details in advance?

As far as which is more important, why does one have to be placed ahead of the other? It's possible for the child to join you on your trip and be back in time for her mother's birthday.

(I have to wonder why the father would have planned the trip during the mother's birthday in the first place. )

Yes, you'll have to pay to change the dates, but if that's what it takes to keep the peace, go for it.

I have to admit, there's no way in the world I would have agreed to let my son's dad and his stepmom take him to WDW for the first time without me. There's no way in the world I would have missed out on my son's first trip.

 

[tomthebarncat]

You are being selfish. Maybe it is important to the mum to spend her birthday with her daughter. Maybe they have some family tradition of doing this. Who knows but for you to post this and be pissy about it, is just plain selfish. I know that I would rather be with my mum on her birthday then anywhere else in the world. As a child we looked forward to birthdays and they were quite often very important to my single mom. On her deathbed, she told us stories of what we did and how special those times were to her. I never realized how important they were to her until she mentioned it to us as she was dying. Disney is not going anywhere and you should have discussed travel dates, etc with the mum before you booked anything. So please accept some responsibilty for this issue.

 

[SplashMountainMama]

I have to admit, there's no way in the world I would have agreed to let my son's dad and his stepmom take him to WDW for the first time without me. There's no way in the world I would have missed out on my son's first trip.

I have to agree here. As a mom, I think it would be really hard not to share that first Disney experience with your child. Although, one way or the other someone's probably going to miss it so I'm not sure how you could get around that.

 

[xoprincessmomxo]

hi

Really fed up, told step daugher taking her to disney in nov just found out her mum has said we cant go for the amount of time we want as its her b day, is it me but whats more important 1st trip to disney or a 29 year old b day.

Plus fed up we gotta pay amendment fees to reduce our hols from 15 days to 12!

Sorry for moan!

Did you guys talk about it before you planned the trip? We have planned a trip for August and are taking my husband's daughter, but we have discussed the arrangements and times we are going all ready...that way there is no confusion later. With custody situations like that, it's always important to plan everything out with the other parent before any money is paid. Sounds like your husband and his ex have some talking to do....And remember, 12 days at Disney is better than NO days at Disney!

 

[wilderness01]

Did you and your husband let the mother know all of the details in advance?

As far as which is more important, why does one have to be placed ahead of the other? It's possible for the child to join you on your trip and be back in time for her mother's birthday.

(I have to wonder why the father would have planned the trip during the mother's birthday in the first place. )

Yes, you'll have to pay to change the dates, but if that's what it takes to keep the peace, go for it.

I have to admit, there's no way in the world I would have agreed to let my son's dad and his stepmom take him to WDW for the first time without me. There's no way in the world I would have missed out on my son's first trip.

Maybe that is when he had the child per the custody agreement?

 

[Aneille]

hi

Really fed up, told step daugher taking her to disney in nov just found out her mum has said we cant go for the amount of time we want as its her b day, is it me but whats more important 1st trip to disney or a 29 year old b day.

Plus fed up we gotta pay amendment fees to reduce our hols from 15 days to 12!

Sorry for moan!

Is she really 29 years old or is that a typo? Because if she's turning 29 I don't understand why Mom is involved.

If its a typo and she is still a child then without more information I don't have an opinion.

 

[DVCLiz]

Is she really 29 years old or is that a typo? Because if she's turning 29 I don't understand why Mom is involved.

If its a typo and she is still a child then without more information I don't have an opinion.

I think the mother of the step daughter is 29. It must be that the OP has remarried a man who has a small child with his previous wife - at least, that's what I am getting.

 

[disneynewbee]

Well as a mother I would let my kid go whether it was my birthday or not. The childs interest should always come first and I would assume a child would rather be in Disney then celebrating my bday. I might not be happy but I would sacrifice for my child. Maybe your dh could offer to give up additional custody time so that the mom could make up the missed birthday with the child. I don't know I hope you guys can work it out.

 

[Aneille]

Oh its the Mum's birthday not the childs.

Well then I wouldn't stop my child from going on vacation because it was my own birthday unless we had special plans that could not be cancelled or would be very difficult to cancel.

As an adult I could celebrate my birthday on any day and it wouldn't matter to me.

I even have my kids celebrate their own birthdays on different days if its midweek.

Unless there is another issue (which I am sure there probably is) I would be upset as well.

 

[AMaloy314]

I can tell from reading the previous responses that this post is not going to go over well, but I'm pretty flame resistant, so here goes....

It is very hard to tell what arrangement had been discussed between parents before reservations were made, but I doubt that anyone would book a 15 day trip without having checked that schedules were/should be clear, whether that means talking with Mom or already having visitation scheduled. Either way, it doesn't sound as if the mother is being very accommodating. Her ex-husband is letting her know almost 1 year in advance that he wishes to take the child to WDW for 15 days. Her birthday overlaps the trip by 3 days, either at the beginning or at the end. It is difficult for me to imagine that she can not bring herself to celebrate a few days earlier or later so that her child can spend 3 more days at WDW. Obviously, the trip dates can't be shifted as the trip is being shortened, so it is probably based around work vacation times, which are not apparently flexible in this case.

I'll have to be one of the first to say that this mother sounds very selfish to me. I agree that birthdays are a big deal, but in the vast majority of cases a 15 day trip to WDW is a HUGE deal. If this mom were truly putting her child's needs and desires above her own, I seriously doubt that she would be shortening the child's trip.

I'll also add that divorce sucks, no matter how you look at it, but parents really need to be grown-ups and put the children first. For those of you that would deny your child a trip to WDW with their other parent because you wouldn't want to miss it, SHAME ON YOU! Divorce usually means that one parent or the other is going to miss out on some things. That is the nature of the beast, but to deny your child something so wonderful as their first trip to WDW because you are not the parent taking them is just wrong. How would you feel if the shoe were on the other foot, and your ex was saying the same things that you are?

[Stepping off my soapbox now and frantically searching for a nearby fire extinguisher... ]

To the OP, I'm sorry this is happening to your family, but I think that you may need to prepare yourself that this won't be the last time something like this will happen. Enjoy the 12 days you have, and though it may be very hard, remember to not say anything negatively about the mother in front of the child. Someone has to be the grown-up!!

 

[uva185]

whats more important 1st trip to disney or a 29 year old b day.

I think thats pretty selfish on your part.

Birthdays happen once a year and have special emotional ties attached to them, Disney vacations can happen anytime.

I know when I was younger (12ish-14ish) I went to a hockey game on her Birthday, and while she never admitted it and in fact did give me permission to go, she was upset I went as she wanted to celebrate her birthday with me.

Why do you have to shorten the trip? Why not start the trip earlier?

 

[Aneille]

I am surprised so many people are siding with the Mom but it probably has to do with how important bdays are to those families.

To me a birthday is just another day. I don't have any emotional ties to the day I was born. We celebrate it but if I had to celebrate it a week earlier or later as long as I got a phone call from my kid saying "Happy Birthday, Mom I love you" all would be well.

If this was the DD's birthday it would be more important in my view. Because I do have emotional ties to my kids birthdays, but not so much that I would deny them 3 extra days in WDW. I can reflect on their birth without them being here. And what better gift to give a kid then to allow them more days in WDW.

 

[SharpMomOfTwo]

Its really hard when your divorced. I know, for myself, if DH and I were to get divorced, we would discuss still having a family Disney vacation. Ofcourse we would stay in different rooms, and the children could choose which room they want to sleep in on each night, but something like that is important enough to us to put our problems aside and do it for the kids. In my little family, we have been talking about the kids to Disney since before they were born! I know that in the event of a divorce, neither party would even dream of taking the kids to Disney without the other. It wouldn't be fair to the parents, and it certainly wouldn't be fair to the kids. They want to experience everything, and they want to do it with both of us.
Ever thought of asking the birth mother to come along? Bruce and Demi do it with their new spouses/significant others, so can regular folk! Its no longer about us people, its about our kids.

 

[meandtheguys2]

Why didn't you check with the other parent before scheduling? Thankfully, neither of my parent's would have scheduled such a thing without verifying with the other. It is all about respect.

 

[Aristomommy]

These details should have been discussed in advance. I know many people here are very attached to Disney and I would have a hard time having a child go there without me. But not everyone shares this feeling and who knows maybe her mom couldn't afford it even if she wanted to go. Maybe the mom agreed and has now changed her mind? This is all speculation until more information is given. Good luck to the OP.

 

[Darcy03231]

Step-mom and Mom here. There is no way I would schedule a trip like that without first checking with my ex-husband and my husband's ex-wife. That's just asking for trouble. Luckily my ex and I get along great and any trip I take the kids on is fine with him, which makes things much easier on me as with DH's ex-wife we have to stick to the Court ordered schedule without any deviations, which is really too bad for the kids (this is by her choice).

As a mom, if my child(ren) were offered the opportunity to take a trip like that and would miss my birthday, or even if it were over their birthday, I would let them go in a heartbeat. I can always celebrate with them on a different day. While I would miss them, to me its about them, not me.

 

[disykat]

Like others, I'm confused by your post. Had you agreed on dates and the mom has changed her mind. I agree it would be selfish to keep her dd from a trip with her dad simply because she'd miss her birthday. However, it sounds like there's more going on - like maybe a lack of communication about the dates? Perhaps she's concerned about the length of time her dd will be away?

 

[bumbershoot]

Sounds like the OP, from her wording, is not in the States. People might want to keep that in mind when considering the custody rules that might not be the same way wherever the OP is, and also in the amount of planning and money that might have been put into this possibly overseas trip.

 

[disneyjunkie]

and also in the amount of planning and money that might have been put into this possibly overseas trip.

You don't plan a trip of that magnitude without making sure the plans work for both families.