Anyone have 2 daughters about 5 years apart?

[GoinToDisney]

I'm pregnant with my second daughter, and my older daughter will be 5 by the time the baby comes. What can you tell me about having 2 girls this far apart? Do your girls get along? Any suggestions to make the transition from being an only child for 5 years to being a big sister any easier? My daughter will be adjusting to full day kindergarten just before the baby is born, so I am trying to prepare for these transitions the best I can.

 

[Sparkie]

My girls are 4 years and 8 months apart. (I also have a son who is the oldest- he was 8 when the baby was born and my daughter was almost 5)

Initially my daughter had problems with transitioning from being "the baby" to the now "middle child" (even though that was never a term we used). I remember we used to talk about "when the 'new' baby comes...." and she looked at me and asked me if she was the 'old' baby.... talk about GUILT!!

My son who was 8 years older than his littlest sister was alway protective of her. My daughter saw her little sister as an intrusion to her life. She took it so far as to tell the school counselor that we didnt love her and that there was nothing special about her.... Do you get the idea that she is overly dramatic?- LOL!

Things got much better last year. (age 12 and 16) My girls have always done dance classes but last year they did competition dance together. They did some numbers separately and they did some numbers together, and they did their first duet. I really saw my girls bond as sisters- finally. They would practice together, helped each other with hair and make-up and costume changes. Having something that they did together that they both were equally good at has brought them closer together. This year they started sharing clothes- (house rule... you have to ask first- or I will not protect you when your sister murders you- lol!)

So.... I guess I dont really have any advice on "how" to aid in the transition but from my experience with my girls.... there seems to be a bigger maturity gap between age 2 and age 7 for example but that gap seems to get smaller as they approach their teen years.

Try not to stress too much. Treat each child as an individual. Enjoy what is different and special. I remember I worried too when I was pregnant with my second child.... I knew I loved the first one so much that I was somehow afraid that I wouldnt love the second one enough or that somehow my love for the first would be dimished if I had to share.... but what I found is there was something special about each of them and I guess I do love them "differently" but I love them "equally"

 

[Eeyoreloverforever]

I actually got pregnant right around my oldest daughters 5th birthday.

I won't sugar coat it for you. It has been rough. They argue terribly, but that could also be personalities.

Like the previous poster, my older daughter seen her little sister as an intrusion into her otherwise perfect life. She is a bit of a drama queen!LOL

They do love each other though and there are moments that I can see that. We do our best to let them each live their own life. I tried my best to not have the older ones life change too much right away.

I don't think there is an easy answer as to how to make them get along. The are different kids with different personalities and the age gap may not have anything to do with how they get along.

Just do your best and let them both know that you love them. We have kids to share our love, not so they can have a best friend. If they end up best friends well, bonus.


Congrats!!

 

[heartofdisney]

My daughters are 5 years apart,actually 4 years and 10 1/2 months apart,but my oldest started kindergarten when I was still pregnamt with my youngest,who I had in November then.
Actually,maybe I was really lucky,but my oldest daughter was great with my youngest daughter.When my youngest was born,she was estatic to have a sister.We always included my oldest daughter in taking care of the baby,and she loved it. We also always made time for her.I was given a second baby shower for the new baby,and everyone brought small gifts for our first daughter as well. I won"t say there were never any moments with sibling rivalry,but you get that that no matter what.But as my daughters grew up,they were also always very close.My oldest daughter was always very protective of her little sister,and my youngest looks up to her older sister alot. At times this even becomes a hindrance to me,because my older daughter sometimes takes the role of a second mommy to her sister...which I constantly have to remind her who the real mother is. However,I know she only means well,and wants the best for her sister. And sometimes,she does have inside imformation that I may not have because her sister has confided to her.lol. But they are just really close and look out for each other.They were the only children I had,so I think that also helped them to bond so closely. Now,at age 16 and 21,they are still very close,like to hang out together,and even though they each are busy with thier own lives now,my oldest daughter will still make time to drive 30 miles and come pick up her little sister to sleep over,or go see a movie,or out to eat. I love seeing the friendship they have between them.Don't worry about your daughters....just give them each your love and time,and everything else will fall into place.

 

[karliebug]

My daughters are 5years and 6 days apart. They are now 14 and 19 and bicker constantly but actually got along great until the last year or so. One thing I did at the hospital was to buy the older one a big sister present from the baby. How could you not like someone who gives you presents? I also let her help put the powder on the baby,fetch diapers,etc. I even got her a new doll so that when I rocked my baby she could rock hers. She was a great big sister until the recent squabbling which I think has more to do with them both testing me than not getting along with each other.

 

[mjkacmom]

Well, no transition problems, since dd already had a brother, but dd12 loathes dd8 - it started a few years ago. However, dd8 and dd6 are best friends. Dd12 also gets along pretty well with ds11 and ds6. Dd8 has to be the most kind, gentle, easy going child on the face of the earth, and dd12 is definitely more spirited, so it might be a personallity issue.

 

[dhcoffey]

My girls are right at 5 years apart. They're now 16 and 11. At first, the older one loved the younger one to death, thought she was her personal doll. That kept up until younger one could start walking and taking older one's things. Then she became a pest, lol.

For the past couple of years, it's been much harder. They fight a lot. Like a pp said, could be personalities. They both have strong personalities. Younger one just thinks she should be able to do everything older one does.

Do they love each other? Very much so. It comes out when one of them is hurt or hurting emotionally. Then they stick together like crazy.

All I can say is good luck. It's been fun with our two and hard at times. I'm sure your girls will be fine together, part of the time anyway .

Heather

 

[mom2meiko]

my sis and i are 4.5 years apart and we are the best of friends and really always have been. sure we had our occasional fights growing up - all siblings do - but my sis (the older) always looked out for me when we were younger - really like a 2nd mother. when i became older we watched out for each other and we still do!

word to the wise - don't force the older daughter to let the younger one join in on playdates, etc. i've seen that too many times and it just causes resentment issues.

good luck and congrats!

 

[stacy6552]

I have 2 boys that far apart. Keep lots of self service snacks and juice boxes around. Things like that take the "wait til mommy is done with the baby" stuff out, which helps alot with the older one.

Do not make my mistake....When I had the first one, I vaccuumed around him while he was sleeping and otherwise did not try to be quiet around a sleeping baby, and now he sleeps like the dead. Now I made the mistake of using the baby's nap time as an excuse to keep the older one quiet for a couple of hours and now the younger one is a very light sleeper and it sucks.

 

[kileybeth]

little different situation but similar principles apply?

My first 3 children are all 5 years apart. All boys tho. The oldest would be heading out to school for first time and I would be sad and then think, ahh! I have a newborn inside that door! I felt it was the best of both worlds.

The age difference for us was wonderful in that they never displayed much sibling rivalry at all as they were each into different things at different times. When a younger one would grow a bit and become interested in something of their siblings, then it was time for something new for the older one.

We always made over the big brother role and made sure they each knew they were individuals and special because of that. The 1 to 2 adjustment was fine. the 2 to 3 had a few snags as we didn't prepare #2 as well but he quickly got over it.

I do have 2 girls and 2 boys now who are each 10 years apart. In other words, 2 older boys grown (in their 20's)and then DS16 and DS6 and also DD14 and DD4. Same story there. They are each other best friends and yet, they each have their own worlds almost sometimes, kwim?

I do think alot is personality and how you as the parents, play it. If it is all good with you, then they see that and it is all good with them. Just make sure everyone praises everyone else.

Final advice? Do NOT compare them. Thye just feel that stuff! they will be as different in some ways as they are the exact same in other ways. who cares? they are who they are and you love each of them individually and they are each an important part of your family! Make sure to have them builld each other up as they grow up as well. Nothing makes for good sibling relationships like love lived out.

Enjoy it! Our oldest is always (DS27) telling us he remembers those first 5.5 years as an only child but he is so glad he has other siblings. And the youngest tells us she is glad to be the baby. And the middle ones? They are my easy going ones, most of time.

specifically about girls, my oldest DD was the baby of the family and the only princess in a house full of brothers for almost 7 years!!! She accepted her
4th brother after that with grace and gave up her baby status but told us she was still our only princess! so when we found out DD#2 was on the way? we wondered how it would go. She was over the moon happy to be a big sister and finally have "someone to play with and understand girls" in our house full of boys! hehe.

IT'S ALL GOOD!

 

[minnie1012]

I am actually in this situation right now. I have a 5 1/2 year old and a 9 month old. My oldest cried when we told her about the baby but she got better as time went on (we told her another birthday to celebrate and have cake). I bought her books and a tee shirt etc about being a big sister. She absolutely loved the baby and school when the time came. She only goes to 1/2 day kindgergarten but I think being with the other kids and getting out of the house helped. Lately she has become a bit jealous. I think because the baby is older and doing more and we are like yeah good for you etc. We try to make sure we pay special attention to her school work and school things and have Mommy time etc. I also let her help with the baby which I think helps alot. She washes her feet in the bath, picks out clothes, gets diapers etc. She likes to be involved and not excluded. Overall she absolutely adores her sister. Just at times she wishes it wasn't all about the baby but that is understandable.

 

[GoinToDisney]

Thank you so much for taking the time to reply. My daughter is definitely looking forward to having a little sister, but I don't think she knows what she is in for. LOL! She already has a little bin of clothing, washcloths, baby blankets that we used with her when she was a baby. We had given them to her to use with her dolls, and she has set them aside saying she'd rather use them for the baby when she is born.

I have to remind myself about the comparisons and equal treatment that it is more important what we do as the parents than what others do, but at the same time, I have a feeling dh will need to talk to his mother and point out some things. She doesn't even treat him and his siblings equally, so we'll see how she does with her second grandchild coming.

 

[kpadalik]

My girls (6 and 20 months) are 4 years and 10 months apart. From the day we told DD6 that I was pregnant, she has been nothing but excited and happy to have a baby sister! Yes, they don't always get along, but for the most part they are wonderful together. I loved having them that far apart. DD6 is a HUGE helper. And when the baby was, well, a baby, she loved playing with her and making her smile and laugh. Now that the baby is older, DD6 takes on more of the "protector" and "mommy" role. Sometimes she is a little bossy, but they do very well together. I think the hardest thing is that the baby wants to do everything that DD6 does and that's just not possible. So tantrums are common. The baby is very stubborn sometimes, which can really set off DD6. And DD6 can be a bit overbearing, not knowing when to leave the baby alone, and that sets off the baby!

We always make sure that we have one-on-one time w/ DD6. Usually after the baby is asleep, we read, play, watch a movie, do crafts, etc. We also made a HUGE deal at the hospital when DD6 came to see the baby for the first time. We made sure it was only the 4 of us, no other visitors - this was DD6's time. And we made a big gift basket from the baby for her, which was very well received. Just make sure that you give your older daughter special time with just you or DH. Even if it's running to the grocery store - we love having that little escape!

I definitely wouldn't change a thing about it. My girls adore each other and, although there is some bickering, they really get along. Try not to worry too much about it, it will all work out just fine! Good luck and congrats!

 

[Kriddlet]

My girls are about 4 1/2 years apart. They are now 11 and 6. They now are starting to argue all the time! But, DD6 has a VERY stong personality, and can be difficult.

Overall, and for the most part, they get a long great. They stick up for each other when need be, and if hurting or in pain, they make sure the other is ok. I think the hardest part is dd6 wanting to do everything dd11 is doing. Then it's me and d6 arguing LOL!

 

[Mama to Three]

My girls are almost exactly five years apart. My oldest DD went to Kindergarten about a month after DD2 was born.

My girls (and boy in the middle) get along quite well. Of course there is bickering and some antaganistic behavior, but they are siblings. The vast majority of the time they are very loving with one another and get along very well.

Good luck and congratulations!

 

[timzagain]

My daughters are 6 years apart. They are now 11 and 17.

We've been through "seasons" of getting along (or not!) Older DD thought being a big sister was great, until she reached about 10 and younger DD was about 6! Suddenly older DD didn't want to do any kiddy stuff, and younger DD felt slighted because big sis didn't want to play dolls with her etc. No major issues, but I spent a lot of time talking to each child about recognizing her sister's needs etc.

Thankfully that phase didn't last too long because really and truly I didn't give the girls the option of not getting along. I do know of families with a similar age difference where a lot of resentment was created at that stage, because the older child was expected to cater to every whim and fancy of the younger one. We tried hard to develop a healthy balance between letting each child have her own space and encouraging them to do things together.

My girls are very very close - younger DD practically worships the ground that her big sister walks on. Older DD, who is a good role model, is very loving and supportive of her lil sis! Of course there's still the occasional minor spat that is to be expected between sisters but nothing that I need to be alarmed about!

How well your children get along will have a lot to do with how you manage the situations that will arise. Just remember to treat them fairly and equally, while acknowledging their individuality.

Congrats! Best wishes to you and your family.

 

[RocketCityMama]

Another to join the club lol My dd's are 4.5 yrs apart, now 8.5 and 4. My youngest was born in March and oldest went to Kinder in Aug of the same yr.

The first month or so wasn't to bad but then my oldest realized how much time the baby took away from her and it turned into jealousy with evil eyes lol She cried and told us we didn't love her anymore and only spent time with the baby etc etc. Oh the guilt I felt and on top of it I still worked too, she would cry when I went to work...oh so sad.

Soon after that I quit work but still yet it was hard. The last yr and half has been tough, they fight like cats and dogs at times....but yet they still are soo sweet and watchful of each other too. I try very hard to spend one on one time with them both and have hubby do the same.

You are not alone!

 

[DISNEYSPORTS19]

My daughters are five years apart-now 7th and 12th grade and have always loved each other to death-no competions/no fighting over the same toys-just so happy to each have a sister.

They have told me each separately that their sister is their favorite person in the whole world-I'm only sad now that they'll "separate" now as my older daughter will soon leave for college but for us-it's been a wonderful age difference-all the older sister's friends love my younger daughter and my younger daughter's friends think it's cool to have the older sister so ENJOY it-it will work out great!@!

 

[Teacher03]

My two daughters are almost exactly five years apart. The older adored the younger and that never changed. There was jealousy at times, but nothing too bad. They are now 24 and 19 and best friends. My older still babies "the baby" and probably always will. I love their relationship because I'm not close with my two sisters, so I love it that they are so close.

 

[Peanut&Piglet'sMom]

My two are only 4 years apart and I just had to chime in. With girls, it can go in any direction!!! We've got our good days and our bad ones, but in the end, they are sisters and love one another.

Congrats on your pregnancy and good luck!