Anyone feel guilty leaving kids too "often"

[nkjzmom]

First of all, I don't know how to define too "often".

Second of all, other than occasional movies/dinner we don't go away but MAYBE once a year and that's a big MAYBE when you factor in the four pregnancies and nursing babies for the first year.

So, having gone away to Gatlinburg, TN for a weekend for our anniversary in Sept. and then having friends and family take care of the kids/house after donating a kidney to my brother, should I go away to St. Louis for 5 days while my husband is on a business trip? My sister and her husband would stay at our home (we don't pay them, but we "give" them things, like my husband has purchased parts and built them a computer, this time we're thinking of a digital camera) and get kids to school and keep the younger ones.

Now, my problem is my guilt. I have always had this nagging feeling of guilt when leaving my children with anyone. Not that they won't be taken care of or that they will be sad, because they're great at having friends and family come to "play" with them. But I feel like I'm shirking my duties. Sound weird?

I think that after the surgery his being away will be a great way to get me back into the full swing of things, I'll be fully in charge...I've still been going only on and off what with the holidays and having family visiting and helping out. But he would like me to go with him, and I love St. Louis. I could walk along the river and under the Arch for hours.

I told him that I just feel like it's too soon to ask for more help from Andrea and Tim. I don't want them to feel like we're abusing them. So, what would you do?

 

[amid chaos]

My MIL told me once that getting away and renewing your relationship with your DH makes you a better mom.

 

[Blondie]

I wouldn't know....we've never been away without the kids. EVER!

 

[kidzmom3]

I may not be the best person to answer, because I do not have a lot of experience getting "away". In the 10 years I have been married to my DH we have taken 1 2day weekend and 7 1 nights away from our 3 kids. That said, it sounds like you have had some tough times lately and a break would be a benefit to both you and your DH. If your kids are happy and safe with relatives who are willing to watch them, then maybe its your clue to go. Either way, take good care of yourself, and good luck.

 

[Michelle]

Go. Enjoy the time with your husband. Kids need to understand that a parent's marriage is important too, and YOU will come back refreshed and renewed.

Guilt is a part of parenting, but you know that your children will be happy and well taken care of. Go and enjoy.

 

[CamColt]

I think what you have done, and what you have planned sound fine. IMO, there is nothing wrong with getting away once in a while. Everyone needs an occasional break from their jobs or they wont be any good, even if the job is being a parent. You seem to have been through a lot lately, and a nice break would probably be good.

We get a partial day and full night alone probably about 4x a year(weddings, DH holiday party, anniversary, etc...). There are a few other times where we get a few hours for dinner alone. Other than those occasions, we have only had 1 vacation without the kids which was last summer...1 day/night in WDW then a 3 night Disney cruise. That vacation was well deserved and it was wonderful! I dont feel guilty for going at all, because a short break was good for everyone.

As long as you arent ditching the kids and going away every weekend, I think you should be fine. Good luck in your decision.

 

[addicted_to_WDW]

DH and I haven't been alone more than one night since DS was born 8 years ago. I would LOVE to go away for a long weekend but DH thinks that's unfair to DS. What about being unfair to meeeeeeeee?

Anyway, if you can get the time away and it isn't traumatic for your kids, I say go for it!

 

[dalepool]

Let your kids get involved with the planning.....excitement of the trip to stay with relatives--or reliable family friends can be great fun for them. I'd I can remember once my parents needed to fly to South Dakota for my grandpa's funeral---( In those days flying was out of the ordinary). Well my brother and 2 sisters who stayed home had a great time--we each got to stay a night with a friend until the other grandparents arrived to take care of us....The kids will probably have a wonderful time ----So you should to.

Oh, by the way----Giving a kidney is such a wonderfu gift. As I only have one kidney that is not preforming well--I know how worried I am----Even with all my brothers and sisters--- doesn't look like when the time comes they will be able to donate to me. ( My younger sister did find out if she blindly donates a kidney I will move up the list for a donor kidney. It's like she gave me hers----but no really....Keeps me going. I've lived with one kidney for 48 years---born with 3 had 2 removed when I was 2. Sorry I got off topic.

PattyN

 

[imgoingtodisney]

DH & I have NEVER been away without DS who is now 10.5 - never hired a babysitter for him, never had family watch him overnight.

We have left him once for an hour while we went out.
We have left him occasionally in the past 6mos while we are both working - Im only 1mile down the road

 

[The Mystery Machine]

First off being a mom is the definition of guilt. And we always have that "what if" in the back of your mind. BUT
I am waiting for my guilt as DH is waiting for his company to bestow the "San Diego" trip on him. It means I HAVE to go. Awww. We are going to pay my mom to watch the kids, 6 & 11 dds. (she can't afford to take her work off without pay)
The last time dh and I was away was to Dallas about 3yrs ago.
Will my mom take care of my kids like I would, NO...but all I ask for is alive, happy, full. My mom will cook Grandma style for them.
OK is it obvious? Bring on the guilt. I need a break.

PS Go and have fun with hubby. You never know when the next time you can do it. I love just having the 2 of us...

 

[Serena]

I've never been without my kids either, but I may not be the best example of what to do or not do.

 

[Keli]

For the most part I don't see anything wrong with leaving your kids for a few days occasionally. As far as whether it's too much, well, that's something that only you can decide. It doesn't sound like you are planning anything excessive to me though. If your family is willing to watch the kids then I would give the whole thing a lot of thought and go with my gut feelings.

 

[nkjzmom]

Thanks for all of the replies! For those of you who haven't ever been away, does that include not going out on "dates" either? If you haven't gotten away is it a matter of just not being able to, or choosing not to? It's only been the last year/two that we've actually been able to A)afford to, and B)not had a baby nursing!

I am a firm believer in the fact that Moms and Dads need dates. We weren't always Moms and Dads and we need to practice using our real names with each other!! If we don't nurture our relationship how can it grow? Our children need to see us show how much we care for each other...like when I got a sitter to "kidnap" Rich from a late night at work to catch the premier of his latest Star Trek movie...they think it's great that we do cute things for each other like that....they love a good surprise!

My concern is that I feel selfish going away right now, after having relied on my family to help so much after the transplant.

Mystery Machine...have fun in San Diego. My mom grew up there and loved it!!!

dalepool....thanks for the great ideas....and you'll be in my thoughts and prayers. My brother was sick since he was 3 and had his first transplant at 4 so I understand alot of what you're going through. Good luck!

addicted....you sound just like my husband!!! Maybe we should get mine to convince yours!!!