Anyone familiar with co-power of attorney documents?

[Patio]

I have 2 friends, that are sisters and are co-powers of attorney's for their mother, who is an alzheimers' patient, in the event their father passes away first. The father had his lawyer draw up a document stating that their mother is to remain in her house as long as she lives. He does not want her put in a nursing home. If the daughter's sign this document and the father passes away first, can the daughter's have the right to put their mother in a nursing home, if she becomes too hard to handle at home? Or are they bound to this document even if they can't properly care for their mother? Thanks for any help or advice!

 

[Servants of Evan]

Once he passes, they are in charge. They become the sole living guardians of their mother, and are responsible for making the descisions regarding her care. His wishes are no longer enforcable (and I'm shocked that any attorney would knowingly write such a thing). Anyway, at that time she could be placed into a nursing home. Alzheimers as many of you unfortunately know, requires a level of care that very, very few individuals are capable -- let alone the incredible mental and physical strain it causes on a family caregiver.

 

[VickiVM]

Excellent question! I'm curious to see if anyone knows the answer to this. Just by virtue of the fact that he had this stipulation put into this document implies that after his death, these are his wishes. However, it seems strange that even after a person's death, one would be bound to honor this kind of request because of the cost and difficulty it would be to fulfil.

My father-in-law passed away 2 years ago from complications related to his Alzheimers and the end stages of this disease is frankly too overwhelming to manage from home. My mother-in-law kept him at home as long as she could and it broke her heart to put him in a nursing home, but keeping him in his own home would have required round the clock nursing care because he literally was not able to do anything for himself. That kind of critical care is phenominally expensive. She was already paying close to $3000/month just to have him in a nursing home. I can't imagine how much private in-home care would have been.

Curious to know the answer to your friend's legal question.

 

[Patio]

Thanks for your replies! My friend is willing to sell her home and move in and take care of her Mom, but, she is also concerned that she may not be able to follow her father's wishes shall he die first and her Mom is too difficult to handle. Any other thoughts?

 

[VickiVM]

Thanks for your replies! My friend is willing to sell her home and move in and take care of her Mom, but, she is also concerned that she may not be able to follow her father's wishes shall he die first and her Mom is too difficult to handle. Any other thoughts?

Taking care of an Alzheimers loved one is so different than caring for patients with other diseases. There is a huge emotional toll on the caregiver. I would suggest the sisters go to a support meeting to start connecting with others going through the same thing.

I think one of the hardest things for a caregiver to do is admit that this is more than they can physically and emotionally handle.

 

[clh2]

I know that Alzheimer's is a very difficult condition - for everyone involved.

What happens if at somepoint, their father is no longer able to take of their mom?

It about devastated my grandpa when he needed to have my grandma (who was suffering from Alzheimer's) put in a nursing home. Unfortunately, my grandparents were both 87 at the time, and my grandpa just couldn't physically help my grandma any more.

There are many wonderful nursing homes that have specific care units for Alzheimer's patients.

Until you have actually experienced someone who has suffered from Alzheimers, it really is very hard to comprehend the amount of work that this will entail. Assume at some point, an Alzheimer's patient will need the use of a wheelchair. (read - is your parent's home wheelchair accessible?) My grandma would wake up in the middle of the night, and would be disoriented, and would try to get out of her bed, and fall, and really hurt herself. This type of situation is monitored closely in a nursing home. In addition, nursing homes have patient lifts, and other assistive devices that can help caregivers get in and out of the bath.

I don't mean to sound harsh towards their father, there is no doubt he has the best of intentions. Unless he has a boatload of money available for them to get a private nurse, he is being unreasonable in this request.

Is it possible that the attorney allowed the language because he knew it was not enforcable once their father passes away?