Anyone ever felt guilty?

[kupperman]

My husband and I are planning a 5th anniversary trip next March for the two of us at WDW. We took our DD3 last December when we went with my MIL. I'm starting to feel guilty that we are not taking our DD with us. I know when we are down there that we'll talk about her constantly and we will miss her. Has anyone ever felt guilty not taking your child with you? Should I take her even though its supposed to be our anniversary trip for just the two of us? What would you do?

 

[christinadei]

I'm in the same boat. Me and DH are planning on spending our anniversary there at the end of July without DS5. I'm feeling bad. I'm going to just get over it though becuase we've never been alone and there are things that we want to do that we can't do when we are with him. It will be a totally different trip. But we will take DS again and we just took him in may. So he'll be okay. But yes, I do feel bad about it. I'm sure I'll miss him and at times i want to just bring him with us. But it's important for me and DH to have special time alone, so that's what we will do. Of course, I'll end up spending all the time thinking "Kason woudl love this" and spend all our money buying him souvineers.

 

[pooksma]

Same deal happened here. We are celebrating our 10th and my DH said he could not go to WDW without taking our 4 yr old DS. SOOOOOOO he's coming with us. I too would have spent my time thinking of DS and how much he would have enjoyed the trip, so there was no question about him coming along.
I must admit though, a small part of me wishes it was just the 2 of us for some much needed alone time.

 

[lillygator]

Just us, but I know we could never go to WDW or any vacation for that matter, without our girls....now that isn't saying that we may spend a few evenings alone without them once we are all there....

 

[Jackie0824]

I think there was a discussion about this on another Disney board.. ANyways. I couldnt go to Disney without my kids... I mean for me its a magical place, and just as magical for the kids. I love looking at their eyes when they see the Castle for the first time(well the first time that visit, we have been many times before)or when they see the characters walking around. Its so priceless to see their faces.
But, Im just a big old sap. I will be married 12 yrs this Aug, and we have 3 kids. We have never been on vacation without them. I dont want to do it. I figured they will be grown and out of the house quicker then I would like , and then me andmy husband will be free to take vacations alone.
With all that said. I remember my parents going away without us kids, and we turned out just fine
I have friends who travel without their children as well, and everybody is fine with it.

 

[kupperman]

Thanks for the replys everyone! I'm still torn on the issue. I guess I have to discuss it with DH some more. Please keep the replys coming! It'll help us make a decision.

 

[Laurajean1014]

It's natural to feel this way, although, I'm not saying you should.

If you love someone or something very much, and (plan to) leave it, even for a short time, you will feel anxiety because you feel you are distancing yourself from that person.

Distance can be measured by inches and by the heart. Although, you may be hundreds of miles away from her, she will still be filling your hearts with love. You will still be thinking fondly of her, talking to loved ones about her and her health/safety. I am sure you will be shopping for her, as well.

Remember, she is here because of you and your DH. She wants you to be happy (because this makes her happy) and if this will make you happy (less stressed, whatever), then it's fine. You need not feel anything but joy.

 

[kupperman]

It's natural to feel this way, although, I'm not saying you should.

If you love someone or something very much, and (plan to) leave it, even for a short time, you will feel anxiety because you feel you are distancing yourself from that person.

Distance can be measured by inches and by the heart. Although, you may be hundreds of miles away from her, she will still be filling your hearts with love. You will still be thinking fondly of her, talking to loved ones about her and her health/safety. I am sure you will be shopping for her, as well.

Remember, she is here because of you and your DH. She wants you to be happy (because this makes her happy) and if this will make you happy (less stressed, whatever), then it's fine. You need not feel anything but joy.

That was beautifully said! Thank you so much for saying that! I'm starting to feel not as guilty now. Thank you everyone for your thoughts and opinions and sharing your experiences. I love these boards!

 

[AngieWin]

We have a similar but different situation.

DH has 2 kids (10 and 11) from a previous marriage and they have gone to DL twice and WDW once in the past 5 years with us. We now have a 2 year old DS(went to DL once with us) and are expecting another DS in September. I would love to take advantage of some of the special deals and airfare sometime before the 50th anniversary. It would be easier planning and 50% less $$ if we did not take the older kids (both the little boys would be under 3, so no park admission and discounted or no airfare and the older kids are considered adults in almost everything now.)

DH and I have been to WDW on our honeymoon without the kids, but this would be a different situation if we took the little boys and not them. How guilty would we feel and how could or could it be explained to the older kids?

 

[rgribik]

We have taken mini vacations to the Dis without the kids(there are 5 of them), and they have been just fine. We make sure they get to go again soon after us. Oh sure, they moan and we feel alittle guitly, but a happy Dad and Mom make a happy family. We usually only go for 4 days, and the kids stay with Gram(which they think is a vacation), but it recharges us. We will take a trip in Jan. by ourselves then take them down in July for the 2006 year. We let them know the trip isn't because we want to be away from them, but we do need alittle time to do grown-up things( It is great to know my dinner doesn't have to include chicken fingers or fries). If you approach it right, it can be an adventure for everyone. And they do love to see what we find to bring home to them. Go - Have fun- Enjoy !!!

quick edit: I just saw the post before me, and that is alittle different. I would have a hard time taking some kids without the others, and how does the dh feel about leaving his kids out? That may start some bad feelings with the step-kids.

 

[nowellsl]

We have a similar but different situation.

DH has 2 kids (10 and 11) from a previous marriage and they have gone to DL twice and WDW once in the past 5 years with us. We now have a 2 year old DS(went to DL once with us) and are expecting another DS in September. I would love to take advantage of some of the special deals and airfare sometime before the 50th anniversary. It would be easier planning and 50% less $$ if we did not take the older kids (both the little boys would be under 3, so no park admission and discounted or no airfare and the older kids are considered adults in almost everything now.)

DH and I have been to WDW on our honeymoon without the kids, but this would be a different situation if we took the little boys and not them. How guilty would we feel and how could or could it be explained to the older kids?

I think this would really upset the older kids! I wouldn't leave them out.

 

[happygirl]

I'd take her, and the night you want to go do something, you can leave her at one of the kid clubs

 

[AngieWin]

quick edit: I just saw the post before me, and that is alittle different. I would have a hard time taking some kids without the others, and how does the dh feel about leaving his kids out? That may start some bad feelings with the step-kids.

The older kids take 2 week long vacations with their mom every summer and at some point we will have to address that with the younger ones on why they can't go. I would like to do something just for them, but I wouldn't want there to be bad feelings with the older kids. I did ask dh what he thought and he said he would prefer not to leave them out. The trip we took this spring with all 3 kids was unfortunately for me not as magical with the preteen attitudes and temper tantrums that we encountered daily with the older ones.

 

[SylviaL]

DH and I took a short trip alone last May (Sat -Mon) and left DS3 and DS2 with my sister. We felt terribly guilty about it esp. b/c the Friday before we left, DS2 had a fever and was miserable. But, our plane tix were bought and everything was set so we went.

Even though we missed our boys terribly, we had a fabulous time and did all the things that we couldn't do with them. We took the Segway tour at Epcot which was awesome. Spent a day at Universal and rode all the thrill rides (the Mummy was our favorite). Had a very romantic dinner at Emeril's Tchoup Chop which was one of the best meals we have ever had. We shopped (which is a luxury for me b/c DS2 starts screaming once we enter a store) and bought lots of presents for the boys (none for ourselves). It was wonderful for DH and I to spend time alone together.

Our boys were fine. I thought DS2 would be mad at me when we got back but he was normal. It was also so nice to travel with just carry-ons!

 

[dtsaos]

The older kids take 2 week long vacations with their mom every summer and at some point we will have to address that with the younger ones on why they can't go. I would like to do something just for them, but I wouldn't want there to be bad feelings with the older kids. I did ask dh what he thought and he said he would prefer not to leave them out. The trip we took this spring with all 3 kids was unfortunately for me not as magical with the preteen attitudes and temper tantrums that we encountered daily with the older ones.

Sorry but I just have to say that whatever vacations the boys take with their mother has NOTHING to do with your kids period so you shouldn't have to explain anything to YOUR children in regards to this. Your kids may wonder at some point and wish they could go with their older brothers but bottom line is it shouldn't even be an issue because your DH's ex did not give birth to your kids and has no responsibility towards them. Your DH however did father his two oldest sons and their happiness is therfore largely his responsibility. You have to respect them as your own in regards to matters like a family vacation or they probably will resent you.

 

[pinkdiamonds1007]

Hi, This is coming from someone who had originally had a Southern Carribean Cruise planned on Royal Carribean, for 7 nights, just hubby and I celebrating our 5 year wedding anniversary!! lol , we lasted about 2 weeks maybe, I lost $75 bucks canceling our cruise, and about 2 days later, we booked Disney..and then I lost my mind, becoming an addict on the board. lol

I think that time away just for a couple is SOOO important. But at the same time, I have such a hard time doing it, and although my DH talks big, he was the first one to say..lets go to Disney instead of taking the cruise. We are now doing a small weekend thing together in the Poconos for our anniversary and doing Disney as a family in December. I hope you guys figure out whats best for you..i know its a hard decision to make!!

Good Luck and have fun with whatever you chose.
Nicole

 

[Beth E. (NJ)]

I love Disney! That's why I'm here. That said, I've done Disney with DH, without DH, with one kid (the other at home) with both kids, and with my parents as an adult but without my own family.

On the kid free trips with DH we missed the kids bunches. We kept saying "They would love this" or "They would love that." But at the same time it was good for us to have the time to be us. It was fun doing the attractions and the meals that we wanted to (and it was nice not listening to any whining -- except for that from my DH LOL).

We thought of the trip as a time to recharge our parenting engines. Since our kids had been there before they were telling us which attractions we should go on and what meals we should not miss. We bought them souveniers and took lots of pictures. And guess what -- that had a great time with the grandparents while we were gone.

Go and have fun -- you deserve it!

 

[MommytoMJM]

I too could never consider not taking MJ with us on a vacation.....it would kill me, I can barely go on a date without her....

 

[Chris]

Same deal happened here. We are celebrating our 10th and my DH said he could not go to WDW without taking our 4 yr old DS. SOOOOOOO he's coming with us. I too would have spent my time thinking of DS and how much he would have enjoyed the trip, so there was no question about him coming along.
I must admit though, a small part of me wishes it was just the 2 of us for some much needed alone time.

I am with you, I could never take a vacation to Disney without the kids!
Barbados maybe, not Disney!

 

[roadtripper]

The best gift you can give your daughter is a happy home in which to grow up-- starting with a happy marriage. Have a great time, and happy anniversary!
PS-- We've done it, and our kids survived-- your DD will, too!