Anyone ever delay child's First Holy Communion?

[taximomfor4]

We are considering delaying dd7's...dh asked her if she wants to do it this year or next (I didn't even know he was going to ask her). SHe said, immediately, NEXT year. We aren't terribly observant, to be frank. In fact, we are a mixed-religion family. The kids are raised Catholic by dh, and I support him but am not Catholic, myself. The other 3 kids have all gone to PSR (and church not-very-often) with dh, and we are very open about the different religions in the family.

DD7 doesn't seem confused about religions, I just don't think she feels ready for the big deal of taking communion. Like she is buckling under the sense of importance or something? DOn't know how to describe it. SHe is the baby of the family, and can be very mature in some situations but immature in others. She did her 1st Reconciliation (Confession) in the fall, but cried throughout, because of the importance of the moment. She's quite sensitive.

Has anyone done this delay? Pros and Cons?

 

[ReneeA]

DS8 could have taken his First Holy Communion last year. To be quite honest, he acts a bit young for his age, and we didn't feel he was ready last year. We have a small, very close knit parish and the nun that runs the program didn't say anything to me regarding DS not taking that step last year. Makes me think she agreed with the decision.

Anyway, DS is much more comfortable taking part in the services this year, actually pays attention during mass and likes Sunday school this year. He also asks lots of questions later. I feel he's ready this year.

The only con I can see is that because he is so tall for a (just turned!) 8 year old, the Eucharistic ministers are always trying to give him communion. I have to vigorously shake my head in order for them not to attempt it. They probably assume he's much older than he is because he's close to 5' tall right now.

 

[Nancyg56]

I did not delay but in your situation it may be a good idea. Once children take this step they really are encouraged to observe more diligently. They are taught how to be a practicing Catholic so she may become confused. I am not passing judgement as I certainly have no room for that but it is something to consider.

My DGD is 8 and made her Communion last year. DH and I take her to Mass and catechism classes. DD and DSIL support this but really are not observant. We have found that in our own lives we need to be more observant in order to give her an example to follow. We never felt too guilty if we missed Mass before but now that my DGD knows that she is supposed to go it is hard not to. Anyway, it is really a big decision and commitment so if your DD wants to wait I think i would agree.

 

[mjkacmom]

I remember there was actually an opt-out form for this very reason. If she wants to wait, I'd let her. ETA, I think this is actually a very mature decision on her part - hate to admit it, but for my girls, it was all about the dress!

 

[Eeyore'sthebest]

OP - I just want to applaud you for thinking that this is okay. Taking part in the sacraments is a huge deal to the church and shouldn't be taken lightly. I like the fact that you, DH and your DD are feeling uncomfortable enough to think about delaying it. If, and when, she is ready then approach the church about completing it.

There should be no pressure. Our DD goes to Catholic school so she was very excited about completing her's. However, I have a boss that only sends her son to CCD classes, doesn't go to church and participates to the bare minimum that is required. She laughs at me because we attend mass regularly. She gets upset when the church wants them to participate in something when her kids have soccer or basketball or something else she has deemed "more important". She's having her kid do it to make the ILs happy. I prefer your attitude!

 

[taximomfor4]

THanks, everyone! I know we can do better, in attending mass...and I know our family's variety of religions gives the kids a ton to think about. DH stated last night that dd wanting to wait makes him realize that attending mass needs to become more of a priority. To be honest, the only mass I take the girls to is when we are at a feis (Irish Dance competition). Those on Sundays tend to have a Catholic mass to start the day. It's hard for me to go to mass, but I have always been enthusiastic about the kids' religious experiences. I know it sends signals of ambiguity to the kids, but with family made up of this huge variety of different beliefs, it's something they learn to deal with. I feel much better about dd's (and DH's ) decision, I want dd to be confident and feel good about each sacrament and her religious growth.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

If the child is not ready, then don't do it. Some churches are pretty good throughout the process to try and not pass a child on through out of ritual. But others may not care so much.

My friend doesn't actively attend church. Her DD is doing her first communion this year in 3rd grade.

I wasn't even baptized until my 20s and got my first communion then.

While 2nd grade is traditionally the time to do it, you shouldn't do it just for that reason alone.

You might even just skip Sunday school all together next year. Ours pretty much keeps everyone together. My middle DD could have done it this year b/c she started Sunday school early. I was unsure if it would be a problem later on. I regret holding her back in PK4 Sunday school in retrospect b/c she was very ready to have it this year. But there was no way to predict what her maturity level would be and based on calendar, she won't be second grade until next year.

I tried to bump her up this year but was denied. I understand why. But she was ready if they would have allowed it.


And for future reference--you should do the same thing for confirmation. Don't force it just b/c of age/grade. Have her do it when she is ready.

 

[okeydokey]

There is nothing wrong in delaying until she feels ready and it actually means something to her. However, in many parishes you can't simply present her at the beginning of the year and have her get in the communion class for that spring. In ours you have to attend class regularly for at least the year before the first communion year in order to receive. There is a lot to learn about the faith and the sacrament.

 

[Mom-to-2-Princesses]

The only con I can see is that because he is so tall for a (just turned!) 8 year old, the Eucharistic ministers are always trying to give him communion. I have to vigorously shake my head in order for them not to attempt it. They probably assume he's much older than he is because he's close to 5' tall right now.

At our church if the child is not taking communion they cross their arms across their chest -- the right hand on the left shoulder, etc. I have seen this done at several Catholic churches.

 

[ReneeA]

At our church if the child is not taking communion they cross their arms across their chest -- the right hand on the left shoulder, etc. I have seen this done at several Catholic churches.

Hmmm...I've never seen that done at either of the churches I've attended. Interesting.

 

[PRmamiDEdos]

DD waited a year because her BFF entered religious education late and they wanted to do the FHC together. Wasn't a big deal IMO.

 

[mom2boys77]

My son is making penance this Saturday and First Communion in May. He is a nervous wreck. He is a very shy kid and the idea of going in and telling the priest his sins has him so worried. OP-I think it's great that you are listening to your daughter if you feel she isn't ready. I personally think the kids should make the sacraments when they are much older and truly grasp the importance of what they are doing.

 

[swald91]

Honestly, if you & your family aren't active participants as far as going to church and no one has issues about the First Communion ceremony-I wouldn't bother. If your family isn't consistent as far as going to church-you can always let them make the decision when they are adults-they have classes where they can be baptized, receive communion & confirmation all at the same time. I had a friend do this. Now...if you have in-laws that REALLY want it...sorry, can't help you there

 

[beattyfamily]

At our church if the child is not taking communion they cross their arms across their chest -- the right hand on the left shoulder, etc. I have seen this done at several Catholic churches.

Yes, that is what anyone who goes in the Communion line but doesn't want or shouldn't receive Communion should do so that the priest knows not to give you Communion but can still bless you.

I've seen many children do it and also adults as well. My daughter did it until she received her First Communion.

 

[johnsontrio]

DS8 could have taken his First Holy Communion last year. To be quite honest, he acts a bit young for his age, and we didn't feel he was ready last year. We have a small, very close knit parish and the nun that runs the program didn't say anything to me regarding DS not taking that step last year. Makes me think she agreed with the decision.

Anyway, DS is much more comfortable taking part in the services this year, actually pays attention during mass and likes Sunday school this year. He also asks lots of questions later. I feel he's ready this year.

The only con I can see is that because he is so tall for a (just turned!) 8 year old, the Eucharistic ministers are always trying to give him communion. I have to vigorously shake my head in order for them not to attempt it. They probably assume he's much older than he is because he's close to 5' tall right now.

We avoid that problem on our side of town by having the children or any person not receiving communion approach with their arms crossed against their chest. The Priest or Deacon will give them a blessing instead. We occasionally take DD's non-Catholic friends with us to Mass and they do this as well. If your Parish doesn't use this practice you could suggest it.

Oops, sorry... Didn't read all the responses before posting this. It makes it easier for those giving communion also.

 

[PollyannaMom]

I'm a TA for 2nd grade CCD, and I have a 3rd grader in my class right now. (Parents waited and enrolled this child and a younger sibling together.) It wasn't a problem at all.

 

[Art 1]

My wife has been a CCD teacher for many years and helps run the program at our church along with confirmation. They have 115 first communicants this year and that is the yearly average. They often have students that are older. The main thing that bothers them is never seeing the child at church after they receive first communion. If a child misses more than 3 times they are let go. Often it's the grandparents who make sure that a child goes thru with classes.