Anyone esle get complaints from pre-k teacher?

[mommy2savannah]

Pls. tell me I'm not alone!

My dd (turns 4 in Nov.) began pre-k 3 wks ago. I have gotten several complaints from the teacher that she doesn't listen, can't keep still in her seat, and doesn't raise her hand and wait her turn during circle time on the rug. My dd does this @ home as well. She has serious problems listening to me and dh. I have tried so many techniques but none seem to be working. This has been going on for about 5 months or so.

Last year she was in a different school where she attended for 2 days a week for 2.5 hours. Now she goes everyday from 8 :20-2 :20. She never had any problems before and was loved by the teachers. Now she does not seem to be liked by the teacher b/c of her behavior. She also attends ballet and has never had problems there either. She is very social and smart but I am concerned about what is going on @ school.

I feel embarrased that the teacher in constantly talking to me and not the other parents. I feel like how can it only be my child that is not following the rules? DD is not violent and does't hit or push others. However it seems as though she gets pushed around a lot by the other kids. She has told me on several occassions of getting pushed and falling back. She is very truthful and always tells me everthing even the "bad" stuff she does, so I believe her when she talks to me about the other kids. I don't know what to do. She loves going to school and looks foward to it everyday. How can I make this a better transition for all of us? I feel like I have let her down by not having been able to teach her to listen!

BTW, I also have a 3 month old baby at home. I don't know if this could be affecting dd's behavior. Please give me some advice or share experiences. My heart really aches for my dd. I feel like things will only get worse and they may kick her out (it's a catholic school and they don't tolerate much)!

 

[ChrisAlli]

My son has some sitting still, listening, calling out problems last year. We started a thing where if he had a good day, there would be a sticker on a small card that said "great job today" or something like that in his bookbag, so I knew if he had a good day or not. He responded really well and if he didn't get one, we discussed the problem at home. He started K this year and as far as I know he's been fine.

 

[Keli]

Have you asked the teacher if she has any suggestions for you? It sounds like you are having trouble controlling your dd's behavior at home also so it might be a good idea to talk to someone about parenting techniques or maybe pick up a book or two to get some ideas and then just try some of the ideas they share.
Every thing you try won't work but some of them will and then you'll be able to get a handle on how to help your dd. Parenting isn't an easy job and what works for one child/situation won't necessarily work for another so you just have to keep at it.
Good luck, I'm sure you'll do fine, willingness to make the effort is the most important ingredient to success and you have that.

 

[Juliegirl1]

Sounds to me like she is having a hard time adjusting to the longer day. Have you actually sat down with the teacher and talked to her about the issues without your child around? First I would suggest talking to your child about how she feels about school and the teacher and see if there is anyone else in her class that is bothering her during class and then go have a one on one meeting with the teacher. If your daughter says there is a child who talks to her, ask the teacher to move her. Find out exactly what time lunch is and snack time and make sure your child isn't hungry. If it seems to be a teacher issue ask to have your child moved to a different class. Most schools have school counselors that see the kids occasionally to talk about their feelings. Perhaps see if you can talk to the counselor as well.

I had issues with my son in kindergarten but it seems it was because he was seated near some boys that would get him in trouble and he was always the one who was caught, not the other boys. I also believe the teacher did not handle discipline well - she was a good teacher but always had a soft voice, not a firm one and my child responds better when you sounds like you mean what you say.

A mantra I started with my son was "Eyes and ears wide open and mouth zipped shut!" and we would "zip" his mouth shut. It seemed to help and now that he is in first grade those boys are no longer in his class and he has a teacher who knows how to handle the kids and we haven't had any issues.

Good luck!

 

[mikymouse]

My four year old was a little bent out of shape when our new baby arrived and I was a little surprized how much she regressed for about the first 6 months. I would bet a new school/all day routine and new baby is a lot of change for your DD to handle.

I don't have much advice but I noticed that I really needed to spend extra time with my DD alone, give her lots of praise when she did things well, and lots and lots of hugs and encouragement. I always tell my oldest children to put on their "listening ears" before we head off to school.. just a little reminder of what I expect out of them each day. My father gave me the best advice... children do what you expect of them. I find this true no matter the age or the circumstance.. so make sure your DD knows what you need her to do with her behaviours. Good Luck with all your transitions.

 

[PollyannaMom]

Is the baby waking her up at night? I know my DS concentrates much better on homework when he is well rested, but is very wiggly if he's tired.

 

[Sandi]

8:20 to 2:20 every day for a 3 (almost 4) year old is a LONG day. It might just be too much for her. Any chance you can shorten her days?

 

[Stephres]

My son has some sitting still, listening, calling out problems last year. We started a thing where if he had a good day, there would be a sticker on a small card that said "great job today" or something like that in his bookbag, so I knew if he had a good day or not. He responded really well and if he didn't get one, we discussed the problem at home. He started K this year and as far as I know he's been fine.

We did the sticker chart last year when DD (then 4) was crying at school a lot. She was crying over everything so I made a chart with 4 things on it (no crying at school, brushing your teeth, etc.) within the first week the teacher reported that she had stopped the crying completely. She loved collecting the stickers! It is frustrating when you feel like the teacher is singling your kid out, but try not to take it personally.

 

[Maggie Ann]

Hi! My DD will also be turning 4 in November and she is currently in a 4 year old pre-school program as well. I have just tried to contact the teacher to check up on something I noticed. DD brought home her work - a page with three items on it which was to be colored in red. DD colored the first two items, not scribbling but definitely not inside the lines either. The third item was colored by her friend and you can see the difference between the two "artists". My question to the teacher is why did the friend color the last item - maybe my DD had to use the restroom or maybe DD colored the last item on her friend's page. But my concern is that DD is the youngest child in her class (her birthday is 4 days before the school cut-off), that she might be struggling to keep up and the last item was colored by the friend to bring her up to speed. I may be over-thinking this too much but it is a concern of mine at the moment.....

 

[Princess Roo]

I'm *sure* you're not the only one, so I hope you're not beating yourself up over it. I think I would see if there is a time when you can sit down with the teacher to work out a plan that you can follow at home and school and give your daughter some consistency. It does seem strange that the teacher is singling your daughter out, but maybe there is some miscommunication/misunderstanding somewhere? If you truly are concerned that she might get kicked out (which to me seems very extreme for a non-violent behavior this early in the year) then having a plan in place where you are working with the school should help to delay that a good bit I would think. Good luck!!

 

[K and K's Mommy]

I think there could be a couple of things going on:

From my experience, my two older kids took 3-4 months to get back to their normal selves after a new baby.

I am a teacher, although not endorsed in early childhood, I have done a lot of research since having my own kids. I do not believe a three year old should even be sitting much in the classroom. They learn best through play. I do see benefits of circle time, but it can take more than three weeks to learn to raise hands for a three year old. Yes, the kids should be doing things to strengthen fine motor skills, but I don't think they should be sitting long at a table.

Her day is very long, and her body is going through a big adjustment. My kids didn't go that long until kindergarten. It took my oldest about 6 weeks to not come home exhausted. My DD only took a couple of weeks to adjust, but she turned 6 at the end of August. (Indiana's cut-off is Aug. 1 which I think is a good thing.)

As someone else mentioned, I would have a conference one on one with the teacher. I would not be embarassed at all. Everything you say is very normal for a lot of preschoolers. I would think the teacher would know that.

 

[Camno's Mama]

I was a pre-school teacher for a while before having my boys, and I think that this behavior is completely normal, especially because of the changes going on in your daughter's life. Having a new sibling is a big deal and most kids have to take their time adjusting to that.

We are having similar problems with ds at his new pre-school. The teachers were coming out every time he had school and telling me the "bad" things that he did. I was a little disappointed in that, since I believe that early childhood education is a time for children to learn to love school. Our job as educators at that point is to show them that learning is fun, and I think that learning through play is crucial for driving that point home. Maybe the day is too long for her, or maybe the teacher is just stressed because it's a new year and she's trying to get through the beginning of the year bumps. But hopefully, she comes out and tells you the good things, too. Your daughter needs to hear those things as well.

Definitely reinforce her good decisions, and try to talk out the not so good ones. And let the teachers work through some of the other stuff. Ultimately, it's their job to teach them what proper "school" behavior is. Asking her about her day and staying involved, which it sounds like you do, will go along way in supporting her!

And maybe find out the reasons she does some of what she does. My ds was not saying the pledge during circle...he was not even standing up and hid under the table one day. When we asked him why he was doing that, he told us that he couldn't remember the words and that there were too many kids in circle and that it was too loud. So, we worked on the words and we talked more about the other kids (he was more specifically intimidated by a couple of the louder boys), and he's getting much more positive feedback from his teacher now. He participates in circle, etc. I also made sure that I told the teacher why he was acting out, IMO, given what he told us. It makes it easier for them to work with him, too.

Sorry, this is so long, I guess you hit on a nerve with me! Good luck!

 

[penguincrazie]

Maybe the school is too structured for her at her age? Have you considered another environment? If she did well in a different school last year I would lean that way.

Different kids are ready for various structure at different times. However, it could just be attention seeking because of the new baby. In that case I think working with her current teacher for suggestions would be best.

 

[Alesia]

I teach pre-k.

I think the teacher may have slightly unrealistic expectations. Your daughter is 3 years old and is still adjusting to the new school year. If there's a new baby in the house, that can definitely make the adjustment harder. Children often become more willful and stubborn when a new baby arrives. Fortunately it doesn't usually last all that long.

On the other hand, I can sympathize with the teacher a little bit, too. Having a child who doesn't want to participate in the activity the class is doing can be incredibly frustrating. I wouldn't normally even mention it to the parents unless it was really bad. I find that the best solution is time out. I tell children who refuse to participate that they can either do what the rest of the class is doing or they can sit in the time out chair, but they cannot wander around the room. I let them decide how long they want to sit there. Most of them come around pretty quickly.

I think you should schedule a conference with the teacher and see if you can get on the same page.

 

[DISNEYFOS]

Wow. So my DD turns 4 in Oct and I also have a 3 mo old at home. Congratulations!!

The Pre-K programs around here require you to be 4 Sept 1 so we are still in a three day preschool program. I think my DD is definitely still going thru a transition with the new baby. She is very very emotional and a bit more clingy but no issues with separation at drop off time. We just keep trying to make sure she has one on one time with DH and I. She probably has had more time-outs for not listening etc since the new baby...but we also cut her some slack because she had to deal with a very colicky baby sister (thank god thats over). Anyways...


I agree with the other posters about a one-on-one conference with the teacher. I do think its a bit unreasonable to expect a 3/4 year old to sit still for long. What are the age ranges for the other children in the class? Does the teacher talk to you in private rather than with the other parents around? Is there any way for you to observe the class without your daughter knowing you are there so you can see whats happening?

 

[mommy2savannah]

Oh thank you to all who have responded! I was so upset about this situation. I just felt so sad and disappointed. It's nice to know that this is not so unusual!

My dd had a better day today. The teacher said no problems! Last night she and I played "school" and waited our turn and raised our hands. My dd loved playing and I am hoping this will help her remember what she has to do in school. I realize it will take some time for her to adjust . I wish I could shorten her time there, but unfortunatley they don't offer shorter hours or less days. I too feel that the day is very long for her!

I love all the suggestions from everyone. I def. want to set up a conference with the teacher so that we can both be on the same page. As a mother, you always want the best enviornment for you child. I also want her to have a positive experience with school. Thanks for all the wonderful suggestions!!!

 

[eeyorefan74]

I don't have much advice, but I did want to tell you you're not alone. Your DD sounds exactly like mine. She's just turned 6 and is in 5K this year. She too, is always willing to tell on herself when she's had a bad day. The first couple of weeks of school, she really struggled with having to raise her hand and not being able to talk whenever she wanted to. She's an only child, and is used to lots of individual adult attention, so I think that's part of it, although it doesn't excuse it. She's also very smart and strongwilled, and has a need to always express her opinion/get the last word in. Her school is very structured, and completely different from the preschool she went to. I can only imagine how bad it might have been if she had had to abide by these rules at 3. She's had lots of good days, but we're still receiving notes from the teacher more regularly than I would like, and I think it's going to be something she's really going to have to work on for a while until she truly "gets" it.

I've also had days when I've wondered how she could be the only kid in the class having these kinds of problems, and I've also been concerned that the teacher might not like her. I don't want her to be known as the bad kid in the class. She's very sweet natured and loving, and she adores school, but I know that won't last if she's constantly in trouble there, and in trouble at home as a result. So I totally see where you're coming from. I've worked a good bit with kids your DD's age, and she sounds totally normal developmentally. I would bet that with a little more time to get used to the school routine, she'll be just fine. My DD did fairly well at that age with a sticker chart system with a reward at the end of the week. And like others have said, it couldn't hurt to talk with the teacher to see just what she's expecting and how you might help. I know it's so frustrating and I wish you luck sorting it all out.

 

[pixiedust247]

It is developmentally inappropriate to expect a 3 or 4 year old to "sit still" in a chair. How long is the circle time? A three year old has an attention span that is about 4 minutes long ...to me it sounds as if the teacher has too high an expectation for the children in the classroom. Many schools are putting teachers into these early childhood classrooms that have backgrounds in elementary education...not early childhood.
Read this http://www.naeyc.org/about/position...00&rlead=1000&sufs=2&order=r&cq=&id=452256898
and it will give you a picture of what your child's classroom should look like. Good luck and feel free to pm me if you have anymore questions!

 

[bellebud]

just to add a thought... is she the youngest in the class? It sounds like she's in a 4yo pre-K class and she has a late bday... is that right? If all or most of the other kids are 'older' in the school year, her totally age-appropriate behavior will seem different than the other kids in the class. My kids go to a catholic school (currently 3rd and 1st grade, they've both been there since pre-K, but we did 1/2 days then). anyway, i do lunch and recess duty every day there and i was talking to a teacher about this years pre-K class. a good handful of them are still 3yo (as was my dd), and boy can you tell! nothing bad or anything, but they simply look and act like 3yo's, and the other kids who are already 4yo are closer in looks and actions to the kindergarteners. again, nothing bad, but something like when the bell rings for the end of recess, those 3yo's are still on the playset, while everyone else now knows to go to the line. when i say to the 3yo's "come on, it's time to line up", they ignore me or say "nah, i don't want to"...

they're not being "bad", they're simply acting their age. I have to go over to them, bend down in front of them, and sometimes take them by the hand to walk them to the line. they'll get it eventually, but just not as quickly as the older kids.

when my dd was in her 4yo pre-k, she entered as a 3yo and turned 4 mid october. her best friend in her class is the oldest in the class, and turned 5 mid december, 2 months after my dd turned 4, and they're in the same class, doing the same work and being expected to behave the same (we have a nov 30 cut-off), and they're almost a year apart. at that young age, a year can make a HUGE difference.

ok, don't even know if this is the case, just wanted to throw it out there. good luck... you're doing the right thing by asking for advice... i'm sure you'll straighten it all out. your dd probably just needs a little time.

 

[daisyduck123]

Hi! I'm a 1st grade teacher

I haven't read the other posts but just wanted to say that those hours are too much/long for a 3 year old, even a 4 year old. It sounds more like day-care to me. A good preschool program for that age should be a half-day program maybe 3 times a week. There is no way that they are doing "preschool" for 6 hours a day, everyday.

IMO, she is there too much (unless you are also doing this as daycare).