Anyone else know someone like this?

[Katie's Butterflies]

Do you have any mutual friends? Does she do it to them?

No, we don’t have any mutual friends. However, I know she does this to others as I have witnessed it, and she has shown me things her friends “gave her” or “let her have”. She does it to friends, co-workers even complete strangers!

 

[Cinderella94]

No, we don’t have any mutual friends. However, I know she does this to others as I have witnessed it, and she has shown me things her friends “gave her” or “let her have”. She does it to friends, co-workers even complete strangers!

Something is wrong here...if you can come up with a way to gently suggest a psyche evaluation I'd use it .

But seriously...don't have her at your house anymore. Ask yourself: does the stress of her doing this outweigh the positives of your friendship? If it does, then cut her loose. If you can put up with it, then take the advice of a PP and keep repeating "I'm not willing to part with that" until she gets it.

 

[Katie's Butterflies]

i USED to have a friend like this-she would ask for things, and if you didn't give it to her, she broke whatever it was, so you couldn't enjoy it anymore. we didn't remain friends very long.

WOW, I had a classmate like that in 1st grade…

(((ducking)))

No need to duck, I don't throw things well, not usually

Not to be mean or snarky at all...but why do you keep giving her the things she asks for...even sometimes?

You shouldn't feel awkward. You could feel angry, but why the heck would you feel awkward when she asks something so out of line? .

Honestly, very good questions. However, I am still trying to answer them myself. The most obvious reason- I’m a spineless-people-pleaser who is trying to learn to set boundaries.

You do realize why she does this to you, right? It's because you let her.

Yep.

 

[Mrs.Malone]

NO, never!!

This is so abnormal and I think you've been around this "friend" too much if this seems even remotely normal or tolerable to you.

 

[tasha99]

Well, I think you should stop giving in to her. Explain nicely again and again that it's not okay to keep asking for things. I do think it's possible that she's a nice person. I also think she has an issue--quite possibly one that is a "diagnosis." Sounds like she doesn't get social cues at all. Is it just with that, or other things as well?

 

[momof1princess]

OP, as we southerners say, bless your heart you're obviously a super-nice person who wants to give this woman the benefit of the doubt. unfortunately, people like her take advantage of that. i'm still reeling over the fact that she tried to convince you to give her your dad's therapy ball! holy carp that takes some SERIOUS balls! (no pun intended)

 

[JoShan1719]

I'm not sure "friend" is the word I would use for her. "User" maybe. I hope you didn't give her the groceries.

The word I thought of was Moocher. I've never had a friend like this. I could honestly say I probably wouldn't hang out with someone like that, no matter how nice they are. How does she not see how she looks? I couldn't imagine going to a friend's house and asking outright for things!

 

[MistressMerryweather]

Honestly, very good questions. However, I am still trying to answer them myself. The most obvious reason- I’m a spineless-people-pleaser who is trying to learn to set boundaries.

I hear ya. I come from a long line of "spineless-people-pleasers". LOL
I actually took a class in setting boundaries about 10 years ago. It was the best thing I ever did.
It was based on this book, "Boundaries: When to Say YES, When to Say NO, To Take Control of Your Life"
The title sounds like an infomercial, but the concepts were really great. It is also a "bible/spiritual" book, but if you are not into that you can still get all the meat out of it and spit out the parts you don't apply.

 

[Disney Doll]

NoI do not know anyone like that and if I did she would not be my friend for long and if for some reason we had to be acquaintances, she would not be invited ot my house.

Really, my repsonse to her would be like that to a child...if she kept harping on having something of mine I'd say "I said no once and don't intend to have to say it 14 times. Stop asking".

 

[Styx Fan]

I would never let her in my house again.

But, if you choose to continue this relationship, how about offering to sell the items to her.....and not making it cheap!

"Sure, it's your for $40"

"But I don't want to buy it!"

"Well, how do you think I got it?"

"Thats more than it cost at the store!"

"Yeah, but my time in going to the store, shopping and selecting it is worth money also, and that's my rate....or you can go to the store!"

 

[fall08CP]

I had a roommate like that in college. She was a nightmare.

Every time I cooked she'd say, "Mmmm that looks good!" At first I'd offer her bites or whatever, but then she'd help herself to the leftovers (that I was planning on packing for lunch the next day) and she'd eat it all while I slept. I stopped offering her food but she didn't take the hint. Instead, she'd help herself to my food when I was at work. Eventually my vitamins and prescription medicine went missing, along with some of my DVDs. Whole jars of peanut butter would be gone overnight and she'd put the empty jar back on my shelf, or an entire birthday cake that I'd made for work disappeared overnight Never did she admit, nor did she apologize. We both went separate ways and I'm realizing little things that went missing as I unpack my boxes.

She has serious issues (kleptomania and binging), and we had many talks where I tried to get her help. She wouldn't admit any guilt and suggested that there was a ghost in the apartment or someone must be breaking in and stealing my stuff- note that not one of her things ever went missing

So these people definitely do exist, and I have no idea how they make it through life. I had a good laugh about it when all was said and done because I honestly couldn't believe the things she'd done. Live and learn.

 

[hanutedmansionmomma]

Interesting!

My sister does this on behalf of her children (3 and 7) when they come over. They'll be playing w/ a toy and it's time to go. She'll say "Ask your Aunt if you can take it home"

What a strange position to be put in!

Who takes toys from places they visit? I guess OP's friend is what they will grow up to be.

BTW, I have said, yes, they can borrow it if it's super uncomfortable and the kid is clutching it at the front door as everyone is standing around ready to leave. Haven't gotten anything back over the years tho.

What I say most of the time is, "I'm glad you like that so much, we'll have it here so you can play with it next time you come over"

It must be some disorder or symptom of one. Someone should look this one up in the DSM manual for us!

 

[tiggger1]

I have a 4 year old who will not leave my MIL house without his bag of goodies...It started last year when my mil decided to give him a baggie and let him pick some treats to take home. now he usually asks for something whenever we leave. I hate it and tell him no but then MIL always says she gave it to him and he can have it. ( that's an entirely different post!) Its usually something small like bananas, oranges, or candy, but a few times its either a toy or 2 huge ornaments that are outdoor decorations! ( they were 18 inches big! Needless to say they went back to grammy's after christmas) I call him my klepto!!! Thankfully he wont do it anywhere except my mil or my moms ( usually just small decorations or knick nacks)

 

[MM27]

I wouldn't be able to bite my tongue with someone like that. I would tell her exactly how I feel about what she is doing and if it happened one more time, I would cut her out of my life.

 

[bunkkinsmom]

Interesting!

My sister does this on behalf of her children (3 and 7) when they come over. They'll be playing w/ a toy and it's time to go. She'll say "Ask your Aunt if you can take it home"

What a strange position to be put in!

Who takes toys from places they visit? I guess OP's friend is what they will grow up to be.

BTW, I have said, yes, they can borrow it if it's super uncomfortable and the kid is clutching it at the front door as everyone is standing around ready to leave. Haven't gotten anything back over the years tho.

What I say most of the time is, "I'm glad you like that so much, we'll have it here so you can play with it next time you come over"

It must be some disorder or symptom of one. Someone should look this one up in the DSM manual for us!

LOL! My situation is the opposite! My dad is always saying, "you can take that home with you if you want to." And I am the one saying "Nope. Put it down. It will be here when you come back." There's not enough room in my house or car, know what I mean?

 

[JVelasquez]

That would drive me insane! I wouldn't invite her to my home anymore.

 

[MIGrandma]

You must really, really like this person to remain friends with her. Wow. I don't think I would want a friend like that. Taking groceries out of your refrigerator? I can't even imagine someone doing that. I've never in my life known anyone like that. I have admired things in friends' homes, and maybe asked where they got it (so I could buy one of my own) but would never ever dream of asking if I could have something. That is way beyond rude and tacky. She seriously has problems.

 

[PigletsPal2]

Apparently Queen Mary (current Queen's grandmother) was the same way, just a little more subtle, as befits royalty. The aristocracy knew to lock up anything they didn't want to "gift" whenever they hosted the King and Queen. I've read this in several royal biographies, so I suspect it's true.

Queen Colleen (who doesn't covet your collectables)

 

[LuvOrlando]

OK, that is totally bizarre but I don't think I would stop being friends with her over it, I would probably just not hang out at my house.

OP I'm curious, have you ever been at her house and shown up with a big bag just to recollect your stuff in front of her saying, "Well I'm glad you enjoyed my things but it's time they come back home, I think they miss me."

 

[MichelleVW]

No. I don't know anyone like that. That's odd and I wouldn't continue being friends with someone like that.

Same here, no way would I let someone have my stuff just because they "wanted it".