Anyone else have a negative family??

[LiLIrishChick63]

I'm having a real hard time with getting my family excited about my Disney Wedding.

all my mother keeps talking about is cost. "it's too much money! no one wants to come! no one will show up! it's too much to ask of people!" i've yet to hear a good thing about the wedding from her.

and then to top things off, she tells me that my sister, who is supposed to be my maid of honor, doesn't think that she will be able to go to the wedding. now, mind you, the wedding is in 2 years. so, apparently my sister can't save up any money until then. she says her and her family can't go. which is throwing me a huge loop because they're all supposed to be in the wedding. her as the maid of honor, her daughter as a bridesmaid, her son as the ring bearer, and her husband as a groomsman. that's almost half the wedding party, gone! plus, now she's angry with me because she couldn't come to see my dress over the weekend because she couldn't find a sitter. i don't really understand how that is my fault, but she's angry with me none the less.

so now i don't know what i'm supposed to do about this whole thing. my mother keeps giving me negative feedback about everything and my sister doesn't even want to go to my wedding. what am i supposed to do about a maid of honor?? i mean, i want someone who is happy about the wedding to have that title, but i don't really have a whole lot of friends, and my only "best friend" is about as excited for the wedding as my mother is.

it's seriously stressing me out. you'd think that me finally trying on my dress(and loving it!) AND going to see Pirates 2 over the weekend would cheer me up, but it hasn't.

anyone else have a similar experience?? how did you handle it?

 

[ItGirl753]

Sorry you're having such a hard time. We're not actually engaged yet, so I haven't told any of my family what we're thinking of. I've told a few friends and they've all thought it was great and was totally right for me. I still want to have a reception at home for extended family/friends.

I haven't told any of them, but I think I do not want to have a wedding party. I don't want to choose between people on my side, do not want BF's brother in it when he treats me like a jerk, and it would save them the expenses so they could put it toward travel. I don't know if you all will think that's silly.

So many people here have said that you have to do what will make you happy. You will remember that day more than anyone else. I think that totally makes sense! You have time to work it out, but what do you and your DF want? That's what counts. Good luck with your decision!

PS. Where are you in NY?

 

[Namsupak]

Sorry to hear that your family is so negative about it. I had a similar experience with my grandmother. We're in the very beginning of our planning stages and when I even mentioned to her that we want to have a WDW wedding she got angry with me. Asked me why would I want to do that. When I told her that it meant a lot to me and that you get a coordinator that takes care of almost everything she retorted with "well if you had it here that's what your mom, aunt, and me are for" So then I politely mentioned that everyone says they will help you and then when it's time to put party favors together or something like that suddenly everyone is busy. So I think now she's coming around to my side.

I'm still not looking forward to telling my aunt with 4 kids that I want them all to come down to WDW. But in the end everyone here on the DIS is right...it's a dream come true and the day really is about you and your DF. So try not to let anyone bring you down

 

[DisnyMama]

I feel really terrible for you that you are having to deal with this kind of situation. Back in 1988 when I married my ex-hubby I got nothing but greif and we were getting married inmy MIL's backyard. Family complained about the date we chose, the time, the food other family complained about the location, my sister complained about her dress, my ex's brothers called and said that they decided that they were going to wear there suits and not rent tuxedos and to top it all off a good friend of the family told me the night befor the wedding, right in front of my hubby to be that I could still get out of the wedding. All in all, after it was all said and done my biggest regret was that I didn't just blow them all off and do exactly what I wanted to do from the get go and not listen to any of them. So...my advice to you is that this is your wedding and you will regret not having the wedding you dream of. If is is a WDW wedding you want then have one whether they attend or not. You can always have something at home when you return.

 

[Laurafoster]

Wow im sorry your having such a hard time!

My family have been so supportive, Gary's family on the other hand could not have been more negative. His dads response to us telling thats where we want to get married was, "well that will be a divorce within 5 years then" and i dont want to go to a childish mickey mouse wedding! 8 of his family tried to convince us to have the wedding here then do a "vow renewal" at Disney so they wouldnt have to come. When we said no to that they tried to talk us into getting married at Disneyland PARIS!! Which is totally not the same.

At the end of the day Gary and I said to his family, its our wedding this is the way we want to do it. If you want to be there with us then great, if not thats your choice!

 

[mmickey5]

as a MOB (my DD Crista just got married in June) I can tell you families can be a blessing or a pain in the neck. I was lucky (and yes I really mean lucky) that my daughter wanted me to be a part of the planning with her. It was one of the best experiences of my life.
Back to the question- it is alot of money for people to travel to a wedding.
When Crista first told some of the fam they were not real supportive. They had alot of questions but they are well aware of our family's obsession so they knew it was going to happen!
During the planning she did everything she could to answer questions, keep everyone up to date on what was going on etc.
-Save the dates
-Newsletter with info about ressies, parks, resorts and restaurants
We always explained it to everyone in a way that didn't put pressure on them to make the trip- it was always their choice
In the end we ended up with 60 people instead of 50 that we always planned on! How crazy is that?
Also- EVERYONE was in complete agreement it was the best wedding they had ever been to and they all had so much fun making it a family vacation.
Try to talk to your sister- I'm sure she will come around when she realizes how serious you are and how much it means to you.
Good Luck-
Laurie

 

[Marty Moose]

You could always do what I did: put off the wedding for 6 years and have two kids first...then, when you announce that you are getting married most of your family will happily travel to the ends of the earth just to see that it really, finally happens!!!

But seriously, that really stinks and I'm sorry you have to go through this. I agree...it IS a lot of money, but you are giving them two years notice and as far as most guests are concerned if they don't want to come, they don't have to come! I mean, what? Are they going to get mad that you cheated them out of a free meal because you had your wedding too far away from home??

It's a bit trickier with family, but they're FAMILY! And what better place to celebrate with family than Disney??

I really think you should just keep going on with your plans and sooner or later most will jump on board! You still have a lot of time! Don't let them get you down so early in the game!!

Best of luck!

 

[yanners]

A "Do what YOU want" person here.

If a Disney Wedding is what you want then go for it. It may mean that you have no wedding party but so what? At the end of the day you and your husband will remember the day the most out of everyone so do what is memorable for the two of you. Don't make a decision based on anyone else or you will always live to regret it. Been there done that....

 

[meghanet]

My bf and I aren't "officially" engaged so we haven't told anyone our plans yet. We're just inviting his immediate family, my best friend, and his best friend. My family has been nothing but negative about my relationship (we have an age difference) and I decided that I didn't want anyone there who is not 100% happy for us. We don't know how is family is going to feel about the wedding being is Disney World, but we've talked about the possiblities and when it comes down to it no one could show up and we would still be ecstatic! I mean, bottom line is, when you come down to it you really just have each other and you're all the matters. In our opinion, if the family comes, great! We get to have a fun family vacation together centered around the happiest day of out lives! It doesn't get any better! But if they don't come great! We don't have to deal will all of them putting in their two cents, stressing us out (my future MIL is one of those people that just stresses you out by being near her), we will get to celebrate the most special day of our life in private and just enjoy the two of us being married! It doesn't get any better!

Just decide that no matter what happens this is going to be the most magical time of your life! Who cares about everyone else? Bottom line is, 30 years down the road are they even going to thinking about your wedding? No. Will you be thinking about? You bet you will! We haven't even announced our engagement yet and we are already this close to not inviting our family just because they stress us out .

You do what you want to do and if they come, great, they get to share in your happiness. But if they are not going to share in your happiness why do you want them there? There is enough negativity in this world without inviting it to your wedding.

 

[DIsNeYSweEtHrTs]

I don't know about anyone else, but I find it so wierd that when a couple is getting married, everyone else feels the need to put in their two-sense and make the wedding "their" way. I couldn't imagine telling a newly engaged couple when, where, and how to get married. It's THEIR wedding!!

Sorry - frustrated bride here...

My future SIL is a bridesmaid in the wedding, and the second we told her where it was going to be she said, "Oh, well I can't afford that." The wedding isn't until December of '07...how much time do you need?? DH2B's mother also mentioned how it's too expensive. I was about to say, "You're invited, but that doesn't mean you have to come if that's how you feel." (which sounds horrible)
I just think that this is the most important day in her son's life and she can't just be happy for him that he's doing what he wants. I don't know. Grr...

I guess after all this rambling, my point is that you need to have the wedding that is going to make you and your fiance happy. It's YOUR day, 100%. If your family wants to support you in your decisions, that is awesome and wonderful. I hope everything works out for you, and you get to do what makes you two happy. Best of luck!

 

[littleladykaty]

Family is complicated...we always want them to supportive and great...but a lot of times they can be difficult and frustrating and downright hurtful. In the end, you have to do what you want...the only thing in life you have control of is how you live and the choices you make. If your family wants to be difficult and hateful...then you just have to forge ahead on your own and make up your mind to be happy no matter anyone elses attitude.

I spent a lot of time being depressed and totally angst ridden b/c my family is just full of conflicting personalities. A big bunch of Irish Catholics are bound to cause a bit of drama no matter what it is...My family was aghast b/c I'm getting married at a vineyard and not in the church and not having a full Catholic Mass...a Vineyard raised eyebrows b/c it's "so expensive"...(whatever we are paying for this ourselves) My mom and dad divorced years ago and don't speak, my mom's brothers refuse to come if my dad is there, my sister fights with everyone, my other sister spends every dime she gets on stupid things and doesn't know the concept of saving, my cousins are total alcoholics and get into loud drunken fights eveywhere they go... It's been a blast trying to plan let me tell you! In the end I told my uncles that I would love for them to be there, but my dad is NOT going to banned from the wedding b/c they don't like him. He's my DAD...my mom has promised to be the Southern Belle that she is and have impeccable manners in regards to my dad...I ended up buying my sister's Bridesmaids dress and shoes b/c I could afford to and I want her there...I told my other sister that if she wants to be in the wedding I'm thrilled but toxic behavior will NOT be welcome...my alcoholic cousins will be seated away from the bar and there is a rule in place w/ the bartenders that anyone visibly intoxicated will be cut off...(and they have the description of said cousins!)

basically, I'm doing what I want the way I want it. Those who are difficult are welcome to come but have been told that if they are going to be anything but cordial and congratulatory they will not be allowed in the doors...the alcoholics are on notice to behave or be cut off and I'm surrounding myself with those who are supportive and loving and will make my day one to remember. Most of all, at the end of the day I am married to my best friend. That is all that matters to me.

You have to embrace the love and ignore the rest...Toxic behavior in any form only sucks the life out of you. Tell your family that you don't want to hear one more word about how much things cost or their displeasure with your choice of location. If they don't come it's one less person you have to pay to feed! Yay extra Mickey t-shirts!!!

breathe and enjoy!

 

[hmgolden]

I'm also a "do what you want" person when it comes to this. But maybe you don't want to follow my example, as there are family members who still refuse to speak to me and DH after we went ahead with our Disney wedding.

In the end it came down to us having the day that we would be happy with. Most of the major naysayers were family members we were never very close to anyway. In the end, even a lot of the naysayers came, and found that they actually enjoyed themselves! We decided that no matter how or where we got married we weren't going to make everyone happy, so we opted to make us happy. Those that couldn't deal with it didn't come and we were able to better enjoy our time with those that did.

Good luck with your decision and the planning process. I know I sound rather cold and cavalier about it all now, but when I was going through it, it could be very painful at times.

 

[JDMasso]

I'm sorry to hear about your family's reaction. When we first announced our plans to be married at WDW, I received negative reactions as well. My mother and sister even took it upon themselves to give me suggestions of other places I could have my wedding in Miami (where we live). We have a lot of family up North, and the concern is that it's too far for them to travel, too expensive, and because the wedding is during Christmas week, no one will show up. You know what? This is our day, me and my DH2B, that's it. We love Disney and we've always dreamt about a wedding at Disney. So if my family from up North can't make it, oh well, I'll send them pictures. I'm marrying my DH not my family. The only people that need to be there are me, my DH, Mickey and Minnie, that's it.

I know, we all want our family's support and we want them to be as excited as we are, but sometimes, it just doesn’t happen that way. If your heart is set on Disney, then go for it: Pinkbounc

 

[Cinderella]

Definitely do what you want - it is your day, and it will spoil it for you if you do it their way. You've given them plenty of time to save up - so just tell them that that is where it's going to be, and if they want to come, they're welcome.

My family totally dictated and took over my first wedding, and I had a miserable time, even on the day. I didn't even know most of the guests!

This time, they are totally negative re the wedding - I don't know why, because the first time, I married a total loser, and they thought it was great - this time I'm marrying a great guy.

My mother was horrible to us when we got engaged. When I mention the wedding she says she doesn't know why we just don't carry on living together. She has put obstacles up to my every suggestion, and thinks it would be better if we got married abroad - and alone. The dress - I shouldn't be wearing a proper wedding dress, and I certainly shouldn't be having any bridesmaids!

To cap it all off, the venue is 45 minutes drive - she thinks it's too far. So, I decided to have an evening wedding, then everyone can stay over in the hotel - she says that she doesn't want to stay there - and it is too expensive for my brothers (none of them are poor by any stretch of imagination).

So, I know how you feel. But, just do it your way - don't let anyone ruin your big day. You really will regret it.

 

[disneybride2007]

I had this problem, in the beginning. I told my family, last year and no one was excited and actually, had doubts that we would do it. Here we are, less than a year away, the save the dates are out, officiant is booked, cosmetology/make-up is booked, steam service is booked, deposit for our Custom VR is paid and we only need to save another $5000 and we will be at goal for our high-end alloted budget . I brought everyone's dresses, including my gown, the shoes, crinoline's, hair and jewelry accessories and just booked our reservation at the BWI-Concierge for our 14 night 2nd honeymoon. It, also, helped to remind my mother that WE are paying for everything, with the exception of their food, souvenirs and rooms (we are, also, paying for 3 day park hoppers for those that RSVP and make their reservations by 02/2007).

NOW, they take me seriously. I have family members begging for an invitation and I have just declined 10 of them because we put a cap on how many people we would invite (basically, invited people wouldn't mind paying for).

*If they still don't come around, you can always do what I did and explain that all guests, except you and your dh2b, can be and will be replaced if they can't be happy for you.

 

[dsnyfan6/18]

Families are funny...

When we first started throwing around the idea about Disney, all I really cared about was our immediate family and really close friends. Everyone that we told was so excited for it.

Then after it was booked, my DH's Aunt and Uncle did nothing but complain about it. My response - if you don't like it, don't come. they complained that it was a long trip to make just for the weekend (but it was perfectly fine to go down their for super soap weekend) they complained for months, basically didn't talk to me. At the wedding, they had the best time, now they can't stop talking about it and keep calling us to tell them about pictures and how much fun the had. now people that couldn't come are looking at the pictures, and upset that they didn't come!

Bottom line, do what you want, you'll have a great time! maybe show your family pictures of other poeple's wedding. get them to buy into the idea!

 

[LiLIrishChick63]

Sorry you're having such a hard time. We're not actually engaged yet, so I haven't told any of my family what we're thinking of. I've told a few friends and they've all thought it was great and was totally right for me. I still want to have a reception at home for extended family/friends.

I haven't told any of them, but I think I do not want to have a wedding party. I don't want to choose between people on my side, do not want BF's brother in it when he treats me like a jerk, and it would save them the expenses so they could put it toward travel. I don't know if you all will think that's silly.

So many people here have said that you have to do what will make you happy. You will remember that day more than anyone else. I think that totally makes sense! You have time to work it out, but what do you and your DF want? That's what counts. Good luck with your decision!

PS. Where are you in NY?

thanks. i swear that it's going to look like the wedding in My Big Fat Greek Wedding.....his side will be filled and my side will have like, 2! lol.

i'm actually in Niagara! so not too far from you!

 

[LiLIrishChick63]

I feel really terrible for you that you are having to deal with this kind of situation. Back in 1988 when I married my ex-hubby I got nothing but greif and we were getting married inmy MIL's backyard. Family complained about the date we chose, the time, the food other family complained about the location, my sister complained about her dress, my ex's brothers called and said that they decided that they were going to wear there suits and not rent tuxedos and to top it all off a good friend of the family told me the night befor the wedding, right in front of my hubby to be that I could still get out of the wedding. All in all, after it was all said and done my biggest regret was that I didn't just blow them all off and do exactly what I wanted to do from the get go and not listen to any of them. So...my advice to you is that this is your wedding and you will regret not having the wedding you dream of. If is is a WDW wedding you want then have one whether they attend or not. You can always have something at home when you return.

aww that's horrible. that's like "weddings gone bad" or something! lol. i keep trying to explain to them "this is my day...." but they don't seem to care. they still think it's all about them.

 

[LiLIrishChick63]

as a MOB (my DD Crista just got married in June) I can tell you families can be a blessing or a pain in the neck. I was lucky (and yes I really mean lucky) that my daughter wanted me to be a part of the planning with her. It was one of the best experiences of my life.
Back to the question- it is alot of money for people to travel to a wedding.
When Crista first told some of the fam they were not real supportive. They had alot of questions but they are well aware of our family's obsession so they knew it was going to happen!
During the planning she did everything she could to answer questions, keep everyone up to date on what was going on etc.
-Save the dates
-Newsletter with info about ressies, parks, resorts and restaurants
We always explained it to everyone in a way that didn't put pressure on them to make the trip- it was always their choice
In the end we ended up with 60 people instead of 50 that we always planned on! How crazy is that?
Also- EVERYONE was in complete agreement it was the best wedding they had ever been to and they all had so much fun making it a family vacation.
Try to talk to your sister- I'm sure she will come around when she realizes how serious you are and how much it means to you.
Good Luck-
Laurie

i know not EVERYONE is going to be able to come. i knew that right away. but of all people, my mother AND my sister....it just really got me upset. my mother was ALL FOR my sisters wedding when it happened! and i was the maid of honor in her wedding. but.....my sister does happen to be the favorite, i guess i shouldn't be so surprised that neither of them are happy about this.

 

[LiLIrishChick63]

My bf and I aren't "officially" engaged so we haven't told anyone our plans yet. We're just inviting his immediate family, my best friend, and his best friend. My family has been nothing but negative about my relationship (we have an age difference) and I decided that I didn't want anyone there who is not 100% happy for us. We don't know how is family is going to feel about the wedding being is Disney World, but we've talked about the possiblities and when it comes down to it no one could show up and we would still be ecstatic! I mean, bottom line is, when you come down to it you really just have each other and you're all the matters. In our opinion, if the family comes, great! We get to have a fun family vacation together centered around the happiest day of out lives! It doesn't get any better! But if they don't come great! We don't have to deal will all of them putting in their two cents, stressing us out (my future MIL is one of those people that just stresses you out by being near her), we will get to celebrate the most special day of our life in private and just enjoy the two of us being married! It doesn't get any better!

Just decide that no matter what happens this is going to be the most magical time of your life! Who cares about everyone else? Bottom line is, 30 years down the road are they even going to thinking about your wedding? No. Will you be thinking about? You bet you will! We haven't even announced our engagement yet and we are already this close to not inviting our family just because they stress us out .

You do what you want to do and if they come, great, they get to share in your happiness. But if they are not going to share in your happiness why do you want them there? There is enough negativity in this world without inviting it to your wedding.

it's already getting to the point of i'm going to tell my mother just to not show up. it just really upsets me because she was all for my sisters wedding. and, i don't expect her to pay for ANYTHING, but she paid for EVERYTHING at my sister's wedding, and now she's giving me a hard time about mine when i haven't even asked her for money.

my DF's family is super excited! they're all already planning on their "Family trip" for around that time. it would just be nice to have just my immediate family there.