Anyone else have a freeloader in their family?

[BuzznBelle'smom]

suzanne. It's really a shame all around. I hope your MIL can find some hope and positiveness by doing the right thing.

As far as my "artiste" brother--we laugh about it because it's that or cry. Plus, it's not like my parents had a whole lot of $$, so he couldn't mooch in the style he would have liked to. At my mom's funeral, he acted stunned that we had actually-ahem! paid money for her to be in an assisted living facility for her last few months. He lives in Germany, so was out of the loop. he was so offended that we used part of "his" inheritance for our (bipolar, demented, legally blind) mother's care! What nerve we had!

Sorry, I just have to laugh. It's beyond pitiful.

 

[suzannen]

suzanne. It's really a shame all around. I hope your MIL can find some hope and positiveness by doing the right thing.

As far as my "artiste" brother--we laugh about it because it's that or cry. Plus, it's not like my parents had a whole lot of $$, so he couldn't mooch in the style he would have liked to. At my mom's funeral, he acted stunned that we had actually-ahem! paid money for her to be in an assisted living facility for her last few months. He lives in Germany, so was out of the loop. he was so offended that we used part of "his" inheritance for our (bipolar, demented, legally blind) mother's care! What nerve we had!
Sorry, I just have to laugh. It's beyond pitiful.

You really can't make this stuff up, can you?

 

[PrincessPAC]

These situations take two-the freeloader and parent who grumbles, but happily writes another check.

This is what I think as well, but I do understand why some parents do it. My father, for example, lost his mother to cancer when he was only 24. His dad left the family when he was little, but has somewhat reentered our lives. Believe it or not, my dad is a powerful, influential member of our community and has done extremely well for himself and his family (including me) with his business.

However -- my brother has found his weakness (a desire for strong parent-child relationship) and takes complete advantage of my dad!!!!

My parents told us that they would help take care of us as long as we were in school pursuing a degree (a very generous offer), so my brother has been in & out of college(s) for 7 years and still does not even have enough credits to be considered a sophomore. Yet, every time my dad says he's going to cut him off, my brother starts threatening to kill himself. I have my Master's in counseling & am aware of his behavior & (just like my dad), I fear that if my parents actually went through with cutting him off, my brother would actually go through with suicide - just to get back at my dad.

I have tried to get him in with the best counselors in the area (I'm in school counseling, not mental health counseling), but if a client does not want help, it is often difficult to give it to them. Medication also doesn't work with him. He has tried nearly everything, but the only results seem to be an addiction to xanax.

Fortunately, my dad can afford it, but my parents are devestated. My mom is embarrassed to talk about my brother with anyone but me, so I often feel upset & angry too. My mother says that when the phone rings & his number comes up on the caller id, she gets sick to her stomach. They do love him, but my parents claim that if it weren't for me & my children (& DH), they would lose their minds.

It's that sense of "entitlement" that controls my brother & others like him. He knows how his behavior affects people, but he really doesn't care. He wants to enjoy the "good life", but he doesn't want to work for it.

I could go on & on (& on & on) about my brother's behavior, but I won't waste anymore of your time. I deeply sympathize with anyone who has to deal with someone like this.

 

[suzannen]

Fortunately, my dad can afford it, but my parents are devestated. My mom is embarrassed to talk about my brother with anyone but me, so I often feel upset & angry too. My mother says that when the phone rings & his number comes up on the caller id, she gets sick to her stomach. They do love him, but my parents claim that if it weren't for me & my children (& DH), they would lose their minds.

It's that sense of "entitlement" that controls my brother & others like him. He knows how his behavior affects people, but he really doesn't care. He wants to enjoy the "good life", but he doesn't want to work for it.

Wow, PrincessPAC, these words could have been written by my MIL and my DH. She says she hates to hear the phone ringing because it might be him calling. It has affected her health in such a bad way. Unfortunately, I guess these stories aren't so unusual after all. Sorry for what this has done to your family.

 

[nana2tots]

Quite a few!!!!!

 

[momof3disneyholics]

Does this mean there is NO hope for my brother? He is 25, freeloading off mom and dad with no ambitions, no respect, no job, no savings, no education, NOTHING! Please someone share a story where they someday have an AHA! moment and turn their lives around!

Wow, he sounds just like my BIL. I always thought it was human nature to want to better yourself and move away from the "nest". I guess there are always exceptions...

 

[suzannen]

lilsweetpea,
It seems like we're still waiting to hear of more good results. Right now Toby'sFriend is the only one who had a positive turnaround story. Anyone else with a good story?

 

[minnieandme]

My half sister- She's lazy and doesn't want to work. She has a 7 year old DS, but wants to hang out and party all the time. She finally moved out of my Dad and Stepmother's house, my other sister put her up in an apt, but she didn't stick it out through the end of the lease. Now my other sister has to pay them money because the apt was in her name.

She calls herself getting a job one time, but when the day came she left the house and came back about an hour later because she couldn't find the place It was suppose to be some fast food place, but it just disappeared.

Now she's suppose to be working at a Ruby Tuesday. She was offered a job at Target for more money, but turned it down because it's Target
I just hope her DS doesn't turn into a bum because she's back home with mommy and daddy, and doesn't show any type of responsibility. I just wonder how long this job will last. My guess will be 2 months.

 

[barkley]

this is one of the reasons this little duckling packed up her nest and moved 2 states away from her 'immediate family'. got physicaly ill from mom complaining about sibling (mine) that she's supported pretty much forever (except when he's CHOSEN to work) to the exent he's now endangering her senior only living situation (and this sibling is close to 60 ). i honestly don't know what will happen when mom passes and he runs thru every cent in record time (tried to talk her into a trust with a monthly income-does'nt want to 'deal with it', 'hopes' we (me/other sibs) will help him if he needs it (all have allready told her no-way-we have our own children/responsibilities). mom won't understand what an impact it's had on her ability to maintain relationships with us/my kids

 

[kimluvswdw]

Yes, every member of my husbands side of the family. This is why wehave nothing to do with them. I even had to sic a lawyer on them to get rid of them.