Anyone else have a child who is an angel at school/daycare but not at home?

[lecach]

My DS is almost 21 months. At home he can get whiny and he's into everything he shouldnt be. We try to be firm with him when he starts whining and we don't give into every demand. But he can be a handful!

At daycare they told me yesterday that they wish every child was like him. He listens to instructions and is just a perfect angel. He will play with others but also plays independantly.

Is it possible that he just does better with authority figures? Or maybe they just have more distractions and less "things he can get into"? Or are we doing something wrong? Don't get me wrong - I am glad that he is so well behaved at daycare. Im just trying to figure out how to get him to be like that at home too .

Anyone else have a child that is better behaved at school/daycare than at home?

 

[la79al]

ALL children are better behaved at school/daycare than home. Home may be a safe area, where he can push limits and not be on his best behavior. Expect this to always be the case.

 

[a little bird]

LOL!! My daughter, who is 4 1/2, is great at school and with me, but turns into a whining, quivering, lump of jello whenever she is around my mother! It is both really upsetting to me, yet still slightly humorous. My mother does tend to baby her *way* more than I do, and I think my daughter takes advantage of my mom wanting to do everything for her, buying her toys whenever she asks, etc.
As a teacher, I can second the poster who said that kids are always better behaved at school. I would say this is true with very, very few exceptions. Kids will respond to the structure of the school day, all of the available distractions (lots of activities and other kids), and the fact that the teacher isn't trying to cook dinner, answer the door, and play Candy Land all at the same time like most of us moms are!
I wouldn't worry to much about this kind of behavior.

 

[mickeyfan2]

This is normal. Take it as a compliment that he is learning your lessons but chooses to push your buttons.

 

[labdogs42]

I know my DS naps like a champ at daycare -- lays down on his mat at 11:30 and sleeps for 2-2.5 hours. At home I can only get him to nap by driving him around in the car!! He's 18 months old.

 

[kaysmommie]

Both my little ones are worse with me than at school or at Grandma's house. I guees they feel more comfortable at home. DD 6 is and angel at school never even lost a sticker the whole year! DS 2 is terrible two in everyway but so wonderful at Grammy's house. Lately he has been driving me a little crazy to say the least. Everything bothers him and he gets very frustrated and he is such a little boy in every way. It's like having Bam Bam from the flinstones in the house. He tries to open all the cabinets with the locks on them and sometimes gets them open. I have to watch him every second. The other day I was ironing clothes and he sprayed the Kaboom all over everything . Also I don't know about your DS but mine loves to climb too. They are lucky they are so darn cute. If I had DS first he would have been the only child.

 

[lecach]

Thanks everyone! You've made me feel better. I thought maybe I was doing something wrong.

I have to say I am very proud of my DS - that his teachers "wish all the kids could be like him" really feels me with warm fuzzy feelings .

 

[Not so Dumbo]

Yes, we actually were starting to think that maybe there was something developmentally wrong with him. We thought he was showing some signs of Autism. I asked his teacher how he is in class and she said he's great. She's a special education teacher, so I guess she should know. (He's in spec. ed. because of speach problem.)

 

[KirstenB]

I think home is their "safe" place where they can have a meltdown, and know that mama and daddy will love them no matter what. DD1 used to always cry on our way out of town after I picked her up, and it was annoying, so I know what you mean.

 

[monorailsilver]

Yep count me in too.

The one I told to clean up the tinker toys 3 times & then had to tell her to clean up Balloon Lagoon at least 3 or 4 times & the only reason she cleaned that game up was becasue I got up & started to grab the toys to throw them away.

OY! And she is 5.

 

[AMaloy314]

LOL This is SOOOOO my life!!!

Sometimes, I sit and watch with awe through the preschool window. My DS's teacher merely has to ring a small hand bell and the kids all stop playing and begin picking up their toys. I, on the otherhand, have tried everything under the sun and STILL get whining and fighting when clean up times rolls around at home.

And who knew my child could actually sit patiently (WITH A NAPKIN IN HIS LAP!!) waiting while a snack was passed out?

I've taken to saying, "I know you can hear me tell you to ....." so he doesn't think he can get away with the 'I am too far away to hear what you say' routine. You'd think he'd know since he is only 5 feet away.

Although it is frustrating, I figure I must be doing something right if he knows what is appropriate behavior and does it in public, at least. And let's be honest....aren't we all a little better behaved in public? At home, we know we have unconditional love and safety. We don't have to be on all the time. There has to be some place where we can release frustrations, tensions, and just let our hair down. And the best place I can think of to do that is at home. Like with most other things, kids just take it to the extreme.

My advice is to enjoy it now. It won't be long and they will be teenagers and we won't have a clue what is going on it their minds. Right now, there is no hiding what they are thinking!!

 

[cinjam]

I have two (2 1/2 & 5 1/2) that are the same way. I get compliments from school, friends & family how well behaved they are. I always smile nicely and say thank you, but in the back of my mind I secretly think they are talking about someone else's child Lately, when we take them out to restaurants they also are very well behaved (a delightful surprise because I always think it will be a disaster...like the time DS2 threw not one, but TWO rolls at a boy at the table next to ours, he was only 18 months at the time, but, well, this is a story for another thread!)

Anyway, as PPs have said, our children know how to push our buttons! For me, I would rather they be this way (whiney to us and polite to others) than the other way around.

I have a co-worker whose brother has 6 kids; he runs a "tight ship" as she calls it, well behaved for the parents. But, take the kids somewhere without the parents and the kids act up. Like they sort-of tasted freedom.

edited for clarity

 

[PRINCESSMOMX3]

Wow this so reminds me of my younger brother. He is 20 years old now and a royal terror. He has been since he was old enough to walk. However, in school he was a perfect angel. The teachers raved about him for years. No joke he recieved the citizenship award 13 years straight. To this day they tell my little ones and nieces and nephews "I hope that you are like your Uncle Chris". My kids just look at me and say WHAT??? I have never seen another child who could spend everyday grounded and in trouble at home and get notes sent home about how polite and helpful he is almost everyday. And apparently he is not outgrowing this.........

 

[lg3]

I almost fell off my chair when reading your question, as that is exactly what my mother used to say about me. I absolutely loved school and was a "perfect angel" there. Home was another matter - much more difficult to please two busy parents who had a bunch of kids than it was to please the teacher. My dad definitely ran a tight ship at home. Maybe too tight. I am in my early 40's now, but remember it like it was yesterday. I don't think it's that unusual. I just suggest lots of TLC and the right kind of attention at home.

 

[Alex2kMommy]

We had our DSs in a wonderful Montessori school/daycare before I quit my job to be a SAHM when my older DS began kindergarten last year. I asked the director about this behavior when DS6 was maybe 2 or 3, and she said it was very typical, and that this is the way it MUST be. Kids in school have so much structure and behavioral expectations put on them, and they are doing their best. When they come home, they know they're in a safe place and can let loose with pent up feelings. I think additional factors are: structured school v. less structure at home, end of the day whinies (they're tired and hungry), and needing to push boundaries and learn limits.

We actually did start to mimic some of the behaviors of the school, like when DS had toys spread across every floor of every room, we bought a bathroom mat and told him he could play with one activity at a time, and it had to be played with on the mat. When he was done he had to put the activity away and roll up the mat. (That worked real well until DS2 came along and we stopped enforcing it... Now we need another mat and get started on that again!) We also have adopted some of the language used in the daycare and in DS6's kindergarten class; I think consistency in the terminology helps reinforce behavioral expectations at home and school. Ie. It's not OK to be snotty to DS2, just like it's not OK to be snotty to a classmate.

 

[mamato2princesses]

I always asked DD4's teacher how her day was, and she always said "fine". I got tired of hearing "fine", and wanted to know the truth. So I asked about time out or behavior problems. Well, you would have thought I had insulted my own child by the look on her teacher's face: "What? Time out? Olivia? Never. She's wonderful. Perfect!" I almost gagged !

At any rate, I'm glad she is well behaved at school. Awesome at school/Monster at home I have a very well-balanced child!!

 

[Lora]

I think the key words in your original post are "authority figure". You are also an authority figure. Your child will do what he/she can do and get away with. I'm not saying you're not a good mom or anything, so please understand that I'm not criticizing. You can expect good behavior if you follow through with consistent discipline. I'm also not saying my children are perfect, but I'm with them a LOT since we homeschool. I know that their behavior goes downhill when I get sloppy and inconsistent.

I also know that it is normal for them to be better for others than at home - so I'm not refuting that either. I'm just thinking of one particular episode of Dr. Phil where the child's behavior was extreme (even scary) while at home and fine with others. She just couldn't get that she was part to blame for his violent, rude behavior. I'm trying to tread lightly here, and hoping that you don't assume this is what I'm thinking of your situation.

 

[jeni1072]

I've always been told my 5 year old is the most incredibly happy, helpful, thoughtful, compassionate child ever. At home, she cries, screams, throws things, etc.

My 2 year old is pretty much the same everywhere- 2!

 

[Tnkrbelle565]

tee hee...this thread made my day. Another "I'm not the only one" moment. DD goes one step further. She is great for everyone BUT me. Great at school, great with her grandparents, great on "Daddy Day" (DH works Sun-Thurs so is home with her every Friday). I've summed this up to the fact that I have have her during every transition time. DH works 3rd shift so he is not home while I'm getting her ready in the morning and he naps before leaving for work in the evening so I'm alone to do her bedtime routine too. Overall she is still pretty good for me...it's just the whiny backtalk I can't stand! I also have to do her hair every day which is a complete battle. She has long curly hair (when wet- down to her little backside). I use de-tangler but it still tangles. The only way I get her hair done know is to turn it into a complete pretend time event. We have to sit at the Cinderella Vanity and use all the tools and pretend to put makeup on. She gets so into the game that she finally lets me put a brush to her head. Should be fun in Disney with no vanity. If anyone is at POP next week and hears a blood-curdling scream...I swear, I'm not killing her!

 

[hidmickey:myantidrug]

I was like that. Heck, I still am! I was never a bad kid at home but kids are more likely to be better behaved for 'strangers' (teachers, aids, etc.) than for their own parents. I'm in high school now and I'm still better behaved in class than I am at home. I think it's just nature. I don't have younger siblings or anything but I have really young cousins and everyone tells them when they act up 'is this how you would act in front of (insert teacher's name here) at school?'. It always works really well.