Anyone else feel "sad" when their adult children move out of their hometown?

[BC]

Before you flame me, be assured I am very pleased and proud of my daughter who is getting a promotion in her job. I realize she is a grown woman and I am in no way having any input in her decisions. However, this promotion requires her to move out of town (about 3 hrs away). I know this is a good thing for her, but I am still sort of down about her moving away. I guess I just always assumed we would all live in the same city. Guess that's what I get for assuming, huh? She is in a transition with housing while she waits to make this move, so she is staying with us right now, therefore, I see her every day and we really enjoy each other. I am getting ready to retire myself and thought as I grew older she would always be living in the same area. She is 29 and still single, so there is no son-in-law or grandchildren involved, but hopefully one day there will be. I told my husband I won't have grandchildren nearby and he just laughs at me and says things change and I am getting upset for no reason. Just wanted a few words of encouragement from you all that have gone through this. She is an only child & I feel like I did when she went away to college!!

 

[Danauk]

Although I am not in the same position as you I can sympathise. I was in your daughters position, an only child moving out of her home town. Both my parents live in the village they grew up in as do my mums brother and sister (my dad is also an only child.) When I graduated university I planned to live near my parents, however my fiance was a year above me and although tried to get a job near my parents (we both went to the university 30 minutes from my home town) he could not and ended up getting a job 90 minutes away (an hour away frim his parents.) So when we married the year I graduated I had to move away from where I had grown up. It was hard for me, especially knowing that I was the 1st person on either side of my parents family to move out of our village as far as our family tree would go back (and that was 400 years!!) But saying that I love it now. I talk to my parents every week and we arrange for visits as often as we can (my aunt and uncles come to visit too.) But as they have to drive 90 minutes to see me we tend to do over night and weekend visits which are really nice.
Hugs to you, I'm sure it will work out fine.

 

[BC]

How did your parents deal with your move at first? I guess I am more uneasy about this move than my daughter is. I have not let her know I am concerned, but I worry about her being alone in a strange town. She has never lived alone (lived with room mates before). She is very strong willed and says she will be fine. The job she is in prevents her from being very socialable with her co workers, so she will have to find another outlet to make friends. She does not know but one other girl that lives about 30 mins away. I guess the old saying that you never quit worrying about your children is ever so true!!

 

[Danauk]

My parents were Ok about it, but I guess as I moved away after not living at home for 4 years when I went uni they were used to me not being there (even though I was only 30 minutes away when I was at uni.) I did get married as I graduated though so I wasn't alone. I guess they knew that as I was sensible and they knew I had a nice home, a good job and lived in a nice area that I would be OK. After a while DH and I made an effort to make friends. We are both musicians and love the theatre so we got involved in community theatre and through that we how had a huge circle of friends of all ages who I love dearly.

My SIL was in a similar position to your daughter. When she graduated she moved 3 hours away, alone knowing no one, never even having a boyfriend (which I though amazingly brave and something I could not have done). 4 years later she is still there, still has a great job and is now married to a wonderful Australian man who she met through friends she made through work. When she moved my MIL didn't cope well. She was the baby of the family although she was very independant her mum didn't see that. But she phoned home lots, visited often and her mum relaxed after a while.

 

[Missy Mouse]

Before you flame me, be assured I am very pleased and proud of my daughter who is getting a promotion in her job. I realize she is a grown woman and I am in no way having any input in her decisions. However, this promotion requires her to move out of town (about 3 hrs away). I know this is a good thing for her, but I am still sort of down about her moving away. I guess I just always assumed we would all live in the same city. Guess that's what I get for assuming, huh? She is in a transition with housing while she waits to make this move, so she is staying with us right now, therefore, I see her every day and we really enjoy each other. I am getting ready to retire myself and thought as I grew older she would always be living in the same area. She is 29 and still single, so there is no son-in-law or grandchildren involved, but hopefully one day there will be. I told my husband I won't have grandchildren nearby and he just laughs at me and says things change and I am getting upset for no reason. Just wanted a few words of encouragement from you all that have gone through this. She is an only child & I feel like I did when she went away to college!!

I'm really sorry you even had to put the words "before you all flame me"...there should be no reason for anyone to give anything but support in your situation...I'm sad that people feel the disboards is getting to the point where they're afraid of the negative outpouring. It will be difficult at first, very difficult. Your baby will always be your baby, no matter how old she gets! Hang in there, 3 hours seems so far away but I'm sure there will be visits often. Your time will definitely become more sacred! We're here to listen any time you get lonely.

 

[Kitty 34]

to you. It's hard saying bye. Gosh I hated it when my 26 yr old DS moved from down the street to the next town and that's only 10 minutes away. I can imagine your pain.

Side note: I moved from my family's house here in Michigan all the way out to Colorado. I'm sure my Mom was upset but she was stoic about it. I did move back four years later (after unfortunetly a divorce) but I had a grandson for her. We've lived here in the same town ever since.

 

[BC]

Thanks so much for the kind understanding. It immediately made me feel better about my concerns. I sometimes think I am a worry wart and everyone would just roll their eyes at this and say, "Oh please, she's grown! Get over it!". I know time will help, but right now it is like I am about to experience somewhat of a death as life as I know it is about to end. I know that sounds dramatic, but it's the way I feel. I am so sad and bummed out. I feel like I have to spend every minute I can with her now. My husband suggested taking today to go shopping, but I would not go since I don't know how many more weekends she will be here. Thank goodness he is understanding! He is her Stepdad, but also really hates to see her go.

 

[Cruisin]

I understand your pain as my children as getting very close to that stage and I'm not sure that either of them will remain close to home.

I will miss them terribly and I would rather that they were in the same town as I am.

But, I also know that they have to live their own lives and make those decisions for themselves.

for you.

 

[Stitchfans]

no flaming coming from me. I more than understand how you feel. I would be feeling the same way. I am lucky my oldest DD was only a few towns away and just recently moved back and is 5 minutes away.

Nothing makes me happier than to have both DDs near by so we can go shopping together, go out to lunch, so on. I love when the three of us can do things like that together!

 

[BC]

Maybe I am just being normal after all. My family says I stay on a higher stress level than I should, but at least I know some of this is common amongst mothers, even if she is 29 and soon to be 30!!

 

[Chris2597]

When dd got married to a military officer and moved we missed her terribly. The day she left was the hardest day I can remember...but we stayed in close touch with the phone (thank goodness for Cingular to Cingular), instant message, computer pics, and frequent visits . She moved 15 hrs away... ..She has been married a little over 3 yrs.....She called last week to say they would be moving back with a couple of months....We are so pleased ....It was hard on all of us....but they are coming home.....

 

[va32h]

It's only natural to feel sad - my mother was sad when I moved across the country - and I was sad too, even though I was excited about moving to a new place.

I am 35, and my mother still worries about me - if we go on vacation, we have to call her before we leave so she can tell us to "be careful" and call again when we arrive so she knows we got there safely.

Three hours is not too bad, and when you retire you'll have lots of time to visit her, and let her show you around her new city.

Now I will say that it does surprise me when some parents say they are mad at their children for moving away. Sadness I understand, but not anger.

 

[SDFgirl]

You sound like my mom!

I moved back in to my parents' house right after college and lived there for several months while looking for a job. Well...I found one, 7 hours away. Mom didn't let on at the time, but she said she cried in the shower every morning for a month because we had had such a fun time together when I lived there. It was a really rough time for her.

Everything worked out though - I moved home (well, to a town only 45 minutes from my parents), got married, and my DH and I see my parents weekly. It's very nice.

I can certainly understand your feeling blue. Remember, though - 3 hours is NOT a terrible drive. It's an easy day trip! Maybe she'll move back someday...but if not, I'm sure you'll get to see each other a lot more than other moms and daughters. Hugs to you!

 

[BC]

My husband keeps telling me I am taking it for granted that she will never move back here, but there is just as good a chance that she will want to live here again! The only thing is ours is a smaller town than where she is going and there is less opportunity here. I guess I was so sheltered when I was at home that the thought of moving away would never have been an option. I would just give up the money to stay in my hometown.

 

[ElizaB39]

This is what I did just 20 short years ago:

Graduated from college
Got a job offer 1000 miles away in Memphis TN (I was living in Northern MN)
Bought a new car
Loaded it up with all my worldly possessions
Drove out of my parent's driveway
Headed South to Memphis
Stopped a few places on the way
Arrived a few days later and rented a hotel room for 3 days
Drove to the airport, parked my car for a week(containing all my worldly possessions), went to orientation in Atlanta for a week,
Flew back to Memphis, moved in with one of the other trainees,
Found an apt the next weekend, met a complete stranger (female) that would be my new roommate,
Moved in two weeks later.

My closest relative was in Chicago, about 12 hours away.

Wasn't I brave? I was 22.

I think she will be fine, she is 29, good job, close to home if she needs you.

BTW, my mom dealt with my leaving by recarpeting half the house!

 

[Caradana]

My mother was decently depressed, even when I moved to the "big city," which is what I honestly think she'd hoped that I would do when I was young - get a professional job and go to NYC. She was much happier a year later, when my sister moved in and became my roommate. It was easier for her to stomach her little girls living an hour away when we were living together and taking care of each other.

 

[krazyboutWDW]

I know exactly how you feel. Our oldest son (24) moved 5 1/2 hours away two weeks ago. It has been hard (some days harder than others). I just keep telling myself that this is a great opportunity for him. I also keeping telling myself that my mom and dad made it through me moving 1300 miles away to go to grad. school when I was 22. to you. PM me if you want. We can compare notes!!

 

[Froggyswife]

I know how you feel our adopted daughter's husband was transferred to Texas and my biological oldest daughter's husband was in the army and was based in Texas. He served his time in Iraq and is now out of the army. They moved back home (here) recently and I am so happy to have them back. I know they have their own lives to live and all that but I do miss them terribly when they move off. Especially really far away.

 

[ILUVMYBRIT]

My parents are going to be having a hard time of it soon as I will be moving to England.I am 35 but I know its going to be hard on them.

 

[BC]

and checked this thread and really appreciate all the response. I think if I knew for sure she was moving back one day, I could handle it better. It's not like she is going away to college and coming back next summer. I know I am looking way too far into the future trying to predict, but it is still hard just having thoughts of her never coming back here to live. One thing that is comforting is knowing she wants to do it. I told her I had been faced with situations in the job I have over my 33 years with my company that could have faced me with a decision to move and the thoughts of it were frightening to me. Fortunately, I was made other offers before it came to that, but I wanted her to know she did not have to move if she did not want to. I told her we could help her out if she really wanted to stay here. Her response was, "Believe me Mom, I want to do it." It will be about a $20,000 year increase for her and she is really excited. That in itself makes me feel better. That being said, it doesn't make me miss her any less!