anyone delt with someone like this ??

[cyndibelle]

My husband and i are divorcing..our relationship as friends is staying strong...yes i am seeing someone else...( bad timing ) his wife which he is divorcing also is calling my soon to be ex every day..asking him all kinds of questions...texting me ...leaving me messages...has had someone come in my work just to check me out....i want her to realize i am not doing this to upset her..i know it does and i am sorry but i am just trying to stay away from her and hope she finds peace..anyways...anyone ?? any ideas ???

 

[phillybeth]

The only advice I can give you is to stop seeing your boyfriend until BOTH divorces are final.

Sorry for your troubles, but you had to know what you were getting into, having an affair with a married man while you were also still married.

 

[mytwotinks]

I have to agree with Phillybeth. It is kind of silly to be surprised that your dating situation isn't going smoothly when you are both married.

 

[cyndibelle]

we are both separated and we are just spending time together...no sex is involved !!!

 

[cyndibelle]

you are right..what should i expect...

 

[Mono~rail]

My husband and i are divorcing..our relationship as friends is staying strong...yes i am seeing someone else...( bad timing ) his wife which he is divorcing also is calling my soon to be ex every day..asking him all kinds of questions...texting me ...leaving me messages...has had someone come in my work just to check me out....i want her to realize i am not doing this to upset her..i know it does and i am sorry but i am just trying to stay away from her and hope she finds peace..anyways...anyone ?? any ideas ???

Yes, a very dear friend of mine that I graduated from nursing school with dealt with this. Her husband left her for another woman. They were having an affair long before he left my friend. My friend had a hard time dealing with the betrayal. She would talk to the other woman's husband frequently. They helped each other gather information to use against them in court. My friend somehow figured out their email and voice mail passwords, and she would listen to and read their messages to each other. It seemed to me like she was only torturing herself by doing that, but who was I to meddle. I just listened quietly while she vented.

As far as I know, she "eaves-dropped" on them for years. She stopped when she finally met the man she is now married to.

 

[Makdyn]

Sorry for your troubles, but you had to know what you were getting into, having an affair with a married man while you were also still married.

Unless she stated this in another thread. I don't think she was having an affair. To me it sounds like both couples were all ready seperated.

I have no advice sorry. just remember everything happens for a reason. It could take days, weeks, or years to realize why it happen or you may never know why it happen.

 

[luvmy2sams]

I've got to agree with the two previous posters. The divorces aren't final, and I can completely understand why your boyfriend's wife isn't thrilled about the situation. Sorry that you're having a rough time, but I can't imagine thinking things would be smooth sailing for your relationship when boyfriend's marriage (and yours) is still on the table.

 

[mrsltg]

you are right..what should i expect...

Unfortunately this is more than bad timing, it's poor taste. As long as you are both married it's just a bad idea.

Good luck!

 

[cyndibelle]

thank you all i didnt ask anyone to judge me... i am happy with who i am..i just asked if anyone else experienced something like this..no more responses are necessary..Thank you..

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I am going to go beyond...even when your divorces are final this woman may STILL bug you. Maybe even more...who knows what kind of person she is.
Have to ask in Dr. Laura style..."Is this what YOU want to live with?"

 

[dmslush]

I would be very careful, while you and your husband intend to keep a friendship intact, your friend and his wife obviously aren't ending their relationship as nicely. You are banking on getting pulled into divorce court and being in the middle of some big, nasty court proceedings.

 

[Mono~rail]

I am going to go beyond...even when your divorces are final this woman may STILL bug you. Maybe even more...who knows what kind of person she is.
Have to ask in Dr. Laura style..."Is this what YOU want to live with?"

This is a good point. My friend eaves dropped on her ex and his new wife (they got married the day after the divorces were final) for years. They even moved 8 hours away to get away from her. By that time, she had been eaves dropping on them for so long that she had enough insight into their personalities that she could figure out any passwords they created.

There is truth in the saying "H*E*double hockey sticks* hath no fury like that of a woman scorned."

 

[mytwotinks]

I am going to go beyond...even when your divorces are final this woman may STILL bug you. Maybe even more...who knows what kind of person she is.
Have to ask in Dr. Laura style..."Is this what YOU want to live with?"

I have to agree with this. You have set yourself up in this woman's eyes as "the other woman" whether or not you feel like it. She obviously is not as emotionally seperated from her marriage as you and your husband are. Do you really want to get into a situation where you are so obviously giving this woman a reason to blame you for the end of her marriage?

Sorry that you aren't liking the responses you are getting, but when you use the phrase "my boyfriend's wife" you have to kind of expect it.

EDIT: I just reread your post and you did not refer to him as your boyfriend. You actually called him "the man I am seeing" and then said his wife. Sorry, I didn't mean to misquote you.

 

[CathrynRose]

I have to agree with Phillybeth. It is kind of silly to be surprised that your dating situation isn't going smoothly when you are both married.

Not to be ignorant - but no kidding.

How can you expect something smoother, when youre married and he's married???

To be blunt - this is one of those "you made you own bed" situations, IMO.

Good luck to you - however it may go.

 

[Rafiki Rafiki Rafiki]

I have advice. Of course, I always have advice.

Do your best to stay clear of the he said/she said. It may be the only way your new relationship can survive. And while you still remain friendly with your soon-to-be ex, you must stay guarded when speaking to him. Don't give him any information about your boyfriend's soon-to-be ex. Even if she's acting crazy, he's not going to believe it coming from you.

I would also recommend that you ignore all messages from the wife. If anyone comes to visit you, don't give them anything but kindness.

There will be a substantial amount of heartache ahead for all of you, and if kids are involved, it could have long-running repercussions. Minimize your time with this guy you're dating, and give yourself a chance to be sure you like him FOR HIM, not just because he's NOT your husband. Sometimes when you're in such a relationship, you get so caught up in the fight to be together that you don't realize you're doing things to sabotage your future together.

And give yourself time before jumping into another marriage...because second marriages are even less likely to survive than first marriages, especially where kids are involved. Be sure it's what you want, and then work at it every day.

 

[Mono~rail]

thank you all i didnt ask anyone to judge me... i am happy with who i am..i just asked if anyone else experienced something like this..no more responses are necessary..Thank you..

You do know you posted this on the Disboards Community Board, right?

 

[UrsulasMyHero]

thank you all i didnt ask anyone to judge me... i am happy with who i am..i just asked if anyone else experienced something like this..no more responses are necessary..Thank you..

Unfortuately you opened yourself up for judgement when you posted the limited information that you gave here. People are quick to fill in the blanks and think the worst about people.

I am truly sorry that you are going thru this. It isn't easy. Having gone thru a divorce I know that can be messy, they can be very unbalanced and one sided. I hope that you are able to make a fresh start. I wish you only the best.

 

[cyndibelle]

You do know you posted this on the Disboards Community Board, right?

yea my mistake...

 

[Am_I_There_Yet]

I've been the woman who "checked out" the "other woman" and trust me, it wasn't fun on my part either. Like someone else mentioned, I tortured myself with it.

I never went so far as to see her in person - as a matter of fact, she's now married to my ex, and I still haven't seen her, and it's been five years! Oh, but I did just about everything I could, via the internet to appease my curiosity.

Now, I couldn't give a rat's rear about her. But, back then, I had no control over things. I didn't ask for things to end (well, technically, I did ask for the divorce) and my brain wasn't ready to let it go. It sounds like she's in the same boat and it's going to have to run its course.

You may not be having (or had) an affair, but the old saying comes to mind:

"Heaven has no rage like love to hatred turned / Nor hell a fury like a woman scorned."