Anyone dealing with an overweight child?

[anniet]

My niece is almost 8 years old and weighs around the mid 70's. When she was 4 (I think) the doctor told my sister that she was about 20 pounds overweight and sent them to a nutritionist. My sister called me on the phone sobbing, saying she felt like she had failed her daughter. She stopped gaining and grew into her weight and now she's not "fat" per se, but definitely looks stockier than she should, but she's a pretty active kid. I don't really care what she looks like, but I do care about her health now and in the future.

Anyhow, ever since the doctors visit my sister has put a tight reign on what she can and can't eat and when she can and can't eat it. Now that she's gotten a little older I'm afraid it's becoming a control issue and she uses food to attempt to see how much she can get away with eating. The other day we took her to a picnic (my sister wasn't there) and she asked for a second hot dog, which I let her have. I KNOW I should have said No, but since my sister is battling her all the time I wanted her to feel like it was no big deal. Needless to say, my sister flipped on me!

The other side of this is that my sister has treats in the house ALL THE TIME! I mean she gives her something after dinner every night-- it may be a low cal ice cream, but it's still an extra 120 calories or so every day (as kids we got it only on special occasions) and there are always snacks which my sister tries to keep low in calories, but they are all empty calories (rice cakes, and things like that) and I don't think they should be everyday things. She also feeds her a lot of pre-packaged foods with lots of preservatives and additives that I'm concerned about too.

I know I have to stay an arms length away because I'm the Aunt, not the mother, but my sister has gotten so strict with what my niece eats and when she eats it even though they are not always the best choices, that I see this going towards an emotional eating direction instead of a nutritional one.

How do I tell her to lighten up a little and if she's that worried about it to get rid of the junk?

Or should I just butt out?

 

[~Sparkly~Zoe]

I wonder if maybe she needs to revisit the nutritionist and really learn food?!?

SHe definitely isn't going about it the right way from what I have been taught int he last 9 mths.

If it were me I'd definitely have to open my mouth.

 

[tlgoblue]

I have a beautiful daughter, who is not overweight, but will be if we don't get a handle on things. DD wears a size14 jr. and is 11.5 yrs. I feel so bad for her. She is teased in school, even though she is not unusual in her size and proportion. There are 2 kinds of girls in her class: waifs and stocky. (Our little town is the best of the pork and biscuits and gravy midwest and has a 72% overweight rate! It is a tough place to eat well, but we are not going to let FAT WAYNE beat us!) None are fat, but some are tragically thin. Those who are thin are cruel. It is a battle.

DD has never been small. Always on the larger side of normal. Even when she was born, she had a very thick middle section, and to this day, that is her problem area. I had gestational diabetes when I was carrying her. The thick middle is a common effect of this, and I recently learned, despite statements to the contrary when she was born, that this could be a life long issue for her. (Kind of gets me POed, since I certainly think things would be different had I been made aware of this then, but maybe they didn't really know either.)

Another thing I do battle over is eating disorders. My mom was constantly on my sister about her weight and she is bulemic (recovering). I walk a fine line with this, since DD definately has an emotional attatchment to food as well as using it to quell boredom.

She is trying and the Dr. told her please don't diet, but cut out all the "extra 100+ calorie snacks, keep the crap out of the house and try drinking more h2o and sugar free drinks. He told her she can only gain 3 lbs between now and her next check-up.(aug 2004) So far, so good. Once our Y opens up, she'll spend more time there and activity will take on a greater roll.

Our childre are really suffering in this fast paced world of ours. Too many diversions that require little or no physical effort, and a refrigerator full of convenience foods because mom and dad are working too hard just to keep their heads above water. It is a very difficult balancing act and one our children will suffer for if we adults don't make their future our main priority. I'm going to go off here if I don't end it now.

I guess the short answer to your question is do what you know is right for your neice. It is great to be "cool aunt" but not at her expense. As far as your sister going off on you, try not to be too hard on her. Remember, you aren't the only person who lets her have an occasional extra. It all adds up over time and I know it's frustrating for her to constanly feel like she has to monitor her daughters food intake, even from afar. We all want what's best for our families. You can be (I HATE this cliche) part of the solution or part of the problem. Do the right thing by your niece.

Keep the Faith!
Tracy

 

[catherine]

My biggest concern in all of this is how your sisters behaviour is going to impact your niece's eating habits as she gets older. IMHO your sister is opening the door really wide for lots of emotional eating problems, such as anorexia. I think the control issue is of major concern. It is important to not make eating such a big issue. I think that this is more important than what your sister is feeding your niece. I don't know what your relationship is like with your sister, but I would say don't butt out. Try and speak with your sister in a friendly non-confrontational way about your feelings any worries. Do this for your niece!!

 

[CrzyforPiglet]

Welcome to my childhood and look at me now!! My mom was overweight and very fearful the same would happen to me and my sister so she kept us on strict type diets - no sugary cereals, no snacks, etc. and then when I was 8 we moved towns and ended up with a convenience store within walking distance. Never really having had a lot of candy or junk food it became paradise and I spent all my allowance there. The weight just piled on and I really didn't know what to do about it. Since my mom just restricted our foods but didn't teach us how to eat and wasn't very active - I just began a spiral of overeating and inactivity which has led to a lifelong battle with weight. Now there are other issues - not just a convenience store but for me it really is what started it. By forbidding foods when I was finally able to get them I went overboard. I think b/c I was afraid I wouldn't be able to get them again which is silly but not when you're 8!!

If your sister really wants to help her daughter she needs to show her how to eat both good and bad foods so that she will have a healthy approach to eating for the rest of her life. She needs to teach her daughter to listen to her body and how to make smart choices. Maybe together they can go to a nutritionist to hear what they have to say so that they both understand and work out a plan that fits an 8 year old. Good luck!!

 

[married2grumpy]

This is a tough issue. My DD 6 started to become overweight around the age of 4. She has always been in the 75% in height and weight. She just seemed to have a big growth spurt (out not up) somewhere around that time. At her annual check up the doctor mentioned how big she had gotten. She suggested that we don't remove the occassional snack but instead limit her portion sizes at meal time. Kids do have small stomachs and should not be eating the same portion sizes as adults. My DD would eat a tuna sandwich and ask for another. I would only eat one myself.
My biggest problem is I would be sure to give her appropriate portions but when she was with my mother or MIL they would give her what she wants. This would then undo all the work we did all week long on having her understand the difference between eating because you are truly hungry or just eating because there is more food to eat. We don't say diet in our house and we also don't say the word "fat". I tell my DD that she needs to make healthy choices to keep her body strong. I am lucky she likes fruits and vegetables and will choose them over chips and cookies...sometimes. I am happy to say that she has joined gymnastics and LOVES it. She is so active now and has slimmed down significantly. She was never obese but at age 5 weighed 64 pounds. She just turned 6 and weighs 54 pounds. Food is no longer an issue. She is satisfied with 1 sandwich now. She doesn't expect dessert after every meal anymore. This change has happened because we all worked together to change her poor eating habits. I worry about her because I know what it is like to not like being in your own body. I always had poor self esteem and missed out on so much when I was younger because of this. I want her to grow up healthy, strong and active but most importantly to like herself no matter what size she is. I don't think she will become anorexic or have an eating disorder just because we taught her portion control. We were semi-strict with it but not overbearing. She eats sweets and fast food like all other 6 year olds. The only difference is she doesn't scoff it down and ask for seconds right away. She's slowed down and enjoys her food and leaves the table when she's done.

Try to support your sister in her efforts but if you think she is being overbearing then of course tell her. The worst thing you can do is go against her wishes by overfeeding your neice. It will just become an arguement between the 2 of you. Good luck!