Anybody never getting married????

[hematite153]

Judemental no, you ask a question on a board and don't get the response you want and everyone is judgemental. Remember the old saying if you might not like the answer, don't ask the question!

The question the OP asked had nothing to do with your (or any one else's) judgements regarding her decision. She asked if anyone else had made similar choices. Clearly, you would make a different decision. However, justifying your critical statements by claiming that she asked for them abdicates responsibility for your own actions.

 

[Skywalker]

Judemental no, you ask a question on a board and don't get the response you want and everyone is judgemental.

Yes, but "judgmental" seems to be the name of the day for some when someone has a different opinion than they do. Don't you know that only "some" opinions are allowed? LOL.

 

[Poohbear123]

Been together for.....20 years! And no, there is NO legal document stating we are a couple. We have been together longer than ALL 3 Of HIS marriages! I was married once, did it because I was pregnant, and plan on not doing THAT ever again......getting married that is.

 

[dmslush]

SO and I have been together for 10 years with no immediate plans to get married. I have been married before, ended really horrible. He has never been married. We are quite happy together as a family.. so happy that in January he adopted dd14 from my previous marriage. I think most people who don't know us very well think we are married anyway, so it isn't really a big deal. I know when we did the adoption, I work in the court system with the attorney that I hired and the judge that signed the adoption, they were both surprised that SO and I weren't married, because they just assumed that we were.

 

[TDC Nala]

Most likely not... but I think you're looking for input from people who have a partner they are not married to, not those who aren't partnered up. I am not good at sharing and never will be.

If I were living with a partner, I'd probably want to marry them, even now..and I'm not young anymore. But it would be the drive-through wedding in Vegas. I am not someone who'd enjoy any sort of fussy ceremony.

You do realize you can draw up documents such as a will and a power of attorney to give your partner control over joint property and medical decisions... but if you ever want to get out of that sort of contract, get out fast.

I think society really pressures us into either marrying or at least living together. Like if you're not in some kind of relationship like that, there's something wrong with you.

I've found this to be quite true, but I believe that someone with my personality would not be a good candidate to live and share everything with another person. Maybe there is something wrong with that, but I don't particularly care.

 

[majortom]

Everything we own, we own together, both names are on EVERYTHING....home, cars, insurance policys, bank accounts, so if something happened to one of us, the other still has access to everything.

With some tax implications that are much different than if you are married.

/carmi

 

[majortom]

My sister and her significant other have been together 23 years, have been engaged for about 12 years, but just "haven't gotten around to getting married". They want to someday, but haven't had the chance.

They don't have children though and don't plan on it. If I remember correctly though, the house and cars are in both of their names.

Depending on where they live, they might be covered by common law marriage. In most states that recognize it, being engaged for 12 years coupled with the other things (shared house and cars) would probably meet the requirements.

/carmi

 

[majortom]

When you live together for years, have property, children, bank accounts, ect...you can not just up and leave, you would have to go through the same things a married couple that is getting divorced. So you can't say that is why people don't get married. People can have a commitment without getting married.

Actually, if you are not married, one person can empty all the accounts and walk away. If the other party decides to sell the house, both signatures are required, so so he or she would still be able to claim part of that money. Legally, there is nothing stopping that. If one is married, there are other laws that make that more difficult.

/carmi

 

[majortom]

you common law married, you have to go to courts, i've seen it done, you just can't walk away....

Actually, only 16 states have ever recognized common law marriage, and of those, 5 only recognize existing ones, but will no longer recognize new ones and New Hampshire only recognizes it for the purpose of inheritance.

Second, unlike actual marriage, common law marriage is a toss of the coin. If the person that is contesting it choses, points that would normally count against him or her in a divorce case count for them in this case ("I was not faithful.").

It is possible that one will win, but it is a risk.

Finally, it seems that you are arguing both sides of this issue. On one hand you say that you and your boyfriend have not married (and given that you live in NH, you are therefore not eligible for common law marriage except for inheritance), but then you turn around and say if we were to separate, you would argue common law marital status and force a divorce proceeding (which you would lose, based on your state law). By stating that you are not married, even in most states that recognize common law marriage, you would not meet the criteria (one of which is usually presenting yourselves as married).

/carmi

 

[majortom]

And as far as healtcare issues go, all one has to do is designate his or her SO as his or her healthcare surrogate. This is advice for EVERYONE: there are three documents you SHOULD have...a will, a living will and a designation of healthcare surrogate.

All of these documents are much easier to challenge if you are not legally married. I am not saying that anyone has to marry. That is purely up to each individual. What I am saying is that there are over 1400 benefits of being legally married, many of which cannot be obtained through other legal agreements. For example, married people can be covered on either person's corporate benefit plan with no tax implications. Domestic Partners incur tax liability. Add to that over 1399 others and one can understand that there are implications for those that do not wish to get married, that a few documents cannot solve.

/carmi

 

[majortom]

First, you can protect yourself legally through wills, beneficiaries, living wills and health care powers of attorney to have almost all the same benefits as married couples in the case of death or incapacitation.

Wrong. You can gain a small number of benefits, but many of the over 1400 benefits are simply not available to unmarried couples. For example, married people can transfer unlimited assets between themselves with no tax implications, something that no contract can duplicate.

Second, I also don't understand why someone would be in a long-term, committed relationship, especially if they consider themselves "engaged," and not get married. But I don't need to understand it, as long as it works for the couple. I believe people without the paper can be as committed as people with the paper. It's the committment, not the paper that is important.

You are right that the commitment is important, but as any gay couple that is unable to get married will tell you, there are many benefits that married people have that go well beyond the commitment and that are completely unavailable to them.

Third, you can't just up and leave. Most states have a common law marriage statute (but not all), so if you are together under the mandated conditions for the mandated amount of time, you are considered married, and the break-up process can be as complex as for people who took the vows. This is especially true when there are children involved, as there are issues of child support to consider.

Denae

Wrong again. Only 10 states recognize new common law marriages. In most of those states that do, presenting oneself as married is one of the prerequisites to claiming common law marriage. Therefore, claiming that one is not married, makes it difficult to gain common law marital status. While child support can be an issue, it does not engender any inheritance rights in many states.

Again, I do not argue that anyone should get married if they chose not to, just that they should understand the legal implications of their choice.

/carmi

 

[majortom]

There were 2 couples I knew that were together for 15+ years before finally getting married. Both marriages crumbled within 2 years and they divorced.

This is common because in many cases their relationship was troubled and that was part of the reason for the marriage in the first place. Another common problem for these kind of couples is that they often think that something should be different once they have married and then discover that there was really no difference.

/carmi

 

[majortom]

Hey whatever works for you. If something happened to DH I probably would not get married again but I live in a common law recognized state. If I didn't I would likely get married simply because of the aggravation involved.

Rhode Island: The requirements for a common-law marriage are: (1) serious intent to be married and (2) conduct that leads to a reasonable belief in the community that the man and woman are married.

That means if one repeatedly says that one is not married, and ones "spouse" claims he or she was had no intent to marry, one's first legal challenge would be proving that one was married. A case that will not be easy.

/carmi

 

[ashlynn_j_m]

For all you that said I would not have a say when it comes to medical....that didn't happen today, he was hurt at work, I was called, NOT his parents, when I arrived at the hospital, they went throught the paper work with ME not his parents, that were sitting right there, when it came to a signature on the paper work they asked for MY signature not his parents....and when he was being admitted they had ME fill out the paperwork and the DR spoke to me about everything...I had left the room for something and they needed someone to make a decision about something, his mom spoke up and said he doesn't live at home, you'll have to talk to his GF...

 

[hentob]

I know some people that are not married, live together and have children. I think some of it has to do with the $$$ they get from the government for being a "single" mom. Just don't report dad living there.

Scam.

I am NOT stating that anyone here on the DIS is doing this, but I do know that there are people that benefit from not being married if they have children...And they take full advantage of it.

WIC, FoodSatmps, ACCESS, etc. comes easier to "single" moms

I will repeat::::I am NOT stating that anyone here on the DIS is doing this!

 

[Ladyhawke10]

When you live together for years, have property, children, bank accounts, ect...you can not just up and leave, you would have to go through the same things a married couple that is getting divorced. So you can't say that is why people don't get married. People can have a commitment without getting married.

I know of people who lived together and had to go through court and divorce-like proceedings when they split up (this is with children). Even if you don't marry, you can end up "divorced" anyway

 

[Ladyhawke10]

I know some people that are not married, live together and have children. I think some of it has to do with the $$$ they get from the government for being a "single" mom. Just don't report dad living there.

Scam.

I am NOT stating that anyone here on the DIS is doing this, but I do know that there are people that benefit from not being married if they have children...And they take full advantage of it.

WIC, FoodSatmps, ACCESS, etc. comes easier to "single" moms

I will repeat::::I am NOT stating that anyone here on the DIS is doing this!

I realize you're not saying anything about anyone here, but I still worry that this view, while possible I guess, perpetuates negative stereotypes about single moms that are largely untrue. While I live in a high-income area that isn't representative of incomes across the country, the single moms I know are highly educated and often-times rather wealthy. They didn't marry for a whole slew of reasons...none that can be boiled into one specific type of "modus operandi."

 

[lizanne]

For all you that said I would not have a say when it comes to medical....that didn't happen today, he was hurt at work, I was called, NOT his parents, when I arrived at the hospital, they went throught the paper work with ME not his parents, that were sitting right there, when it came to a signature on the paper work they asked for MY signature not his parents....and when he was being admitted they had ME fill out the paperwork and the DR spoke to me about everything...I had left the room for something and they needed someone to make a decision about something, his mom spoke up and said he doesn't live at home, you'll have to talk to his GF...

I'm sorry your bf was hurt and hope that he'll be ok.

Just thinking out loud here. I understand work calling you and that the hospital staff would talk to you if they didn't know you weren't married. But I wonder what would have happened if his parents spoke up and said that they were next of kin and wanted to make the decisions. If your BF was unable to say you were to make the decisions, and his parents wanted that responsibility, what are your rights?

I'm curious because I know someone in a relationship and I don't think the parents would be so accommodating to the SO.

 

[hentob]

I realize you're not saying anything about anyone here, but I still worry that this view, while possible I guess, perpetuates negative stereotypes about single moms that are largely untrue. While I live in a high-income area that isn't representative of incomes across the country, the single moms I know are highly educated and often-times rather wealthy. They didn't marry for a whole slew of reasons...none that can be boiled into one specific type of "modus operandi."

I see what you are saying. I know three single moms that make a tremendous amount of money and have very prestigious positions in their line of work. But I am not talking about single moms. That is why I put "single" in quotes. I am talking about men and women that have children together, raise the children together, live together and never get married. There are benefits to that if you want to involve government assistance.

 

[mickeyfan2]

Everything we own, we own together, both names are on EVERYTHING....home, cars, insurance policys, bank accounts, so if something happened to one of us, the other still has access to everything.

Marriage does give each of you right you would not have otherwise. Ask any Gay/Lesbian and they will tell you the ~700 things that marriage supplies. What if your SO goes to the hospital and they deny you access, since you are NOT family? That paper would mean a great deal to you then. If you are so committed to each other, get the "paper" and all the perks it brings with it.