Anybody else have a DF that is NID

[PrincessBride07]

Ok, this is kinda a vent and a question at the same time.

Last night I was talking to DF about possibilities for a welcome party. His response to everything is, "whatever makes you happy". I told him that I don't want to plan a wedding that he would hate, because I want him to be happy too. Once again he responded with, "I am happy because I am marrying you". Now this makes me feel , but at the same time I am . For the most part, he doesn't care about the planning. He just wants to know where and when to show up. Should I be happy that he is letting me have everything my way (which makes me feel like a real Bridezilla), or frustrated at his lack of input?

Anybody else in the same situation?

 

[myprincessgirlisa]

guys are not about details, but us girls are...BIG TIME

When you think about it, DFTW is pretty girly to a guy

I think its great hes letting you have all this "fun"....enjoy it & i would involve him when its regarding $$$ or what he has to wear.

Honestly he does care, but its just not his "thing"....just like hunting/fishing is not really a girl thing, so you dont hear the girls sitting around planning the next hunting/fishing trip, but you would if it were a bunch of guys

I know ......men......selective hearing...

Im sure you will plan the perfect wedding for you 2 & he will be very impressed at all your efforts

good luck

 

[erinlovesmelvin]

Hhh

 

[JandJ]

My DH was not into it but he humored me. He wanted a small wedding, I wanted a Disney wedding, and so we chose the Intimate Wedding. Once we selected the location and date he pretty much left it up to me - I even chose the time by myself. I asked him the big stuff, or at least what I considered big stuff - the colors, his suit, the guest list (all 8 of them ). I kept him filled in on things but to him the biggest thing was "are we within the budget" and after everything (dress to flowers to brunch to honeymoon to announcements to everything) I came in a couple thousand under budget so he was happy

My BFF, for her first wedding the groom was way too involved and it drove her nuts. He was too opinionated which caused them to change reception locations twice and lose deposits. She said it was awful to have to check with him on every little thing like linen colors, china, bouquets, seat covers The marriage went south, but she is happily engaged now and planning another wedding and her fiance says it's all up to her - she sees the value in that after the first one! So maybe count your blessings . . .

 

[Glorydaz]

embrace the fact that he's letting you do it all with little input from him...I have this legal pad filled with all the details of the wedding day and the at home reception ...lists for this and that...my DF put at the top of the list - his to-do ..................

...........show up!

oh yes, and he helped me pick out the food - some of his favorites, some of mine. but seriously, he's not interested in the flowers or the favors or what I should wear on my feet! I absolutely love that he trusts me enough to put this all together and whenever I do get frazzled - there's a hug waiting for me..

 

[figmentfan814]

My DF is exactly like that too! I have to admit at first it kind of bothered me, but as time has gone on I realize that is really a blessing in disguise. When my matron of honor got married her future husband was so involved he came in at the last minute and insisted on changing everything. Two weeks before their wedding her reception was completely changed. To this day she tells me how disappointed she was that she didn't end up with things they way she had originally planned.

As the planning has progressed I have found certain things that I knew he would enjoy planning, so I have passed them along to him... these include things like securing our minister, picking out music, and of course when we get to that point picking the food.

 

[allisonswonderland]

That was Josh exactly - only he would say "this is your day." and I would get mad because it was our day - but he would say I have not been dreaming about this day being perfect since I was little - so whatever makes you happy - but that is just the way he is - but if you do not live with him now - be aware that he probably leaves lights on around the house - because mine does AAAAHHHH! = )

I wanted to include him and I wanted him to participate which he did some - and I suprised him with a grooms cake - which he loved. He was aware of everything - except the suprise cake-

 

[mermaidbride1108]

When we got engaged, we didnt really talk about the wedding until after Christmas, because it was November when we got engaged and the holidays were right around the corner. Now we are still settling on our date because honestly it took us forever to decide what kind of wedding we wanted - in philly with everything and a church, intimate in Disney, then Intimate in Disney to a reception at home, to a custom in Disney. Then we changed our Disney month so many times because of our bridal party and peak times in Disney. Now we are really close to making Sept 08 final. Through all this we have been researching, making our budget and saving money, and I being just too excited shopping for things, started to buy the little stuff - the guest book and little things like that.

Now back a few steps, when we were discussing what KIND of wedding we wanted (church, destination, big, small, etc.) I discussed what was important to him about the wedding. He said photography, open bar and our first dance song and he wanted a more relaxing honeymoon. Those were the top of his list. so for those things, I ask him his input. Now we haven't got to booking any major stuff, but when researching it I show him photographers because that's what he wants to decide on.

In return, he's letting me be cheesy and have a little mermaid theme. And whenever I find a really good deal on a wedding item and its super cheap, he said i can buy it since I'm saving us money. Otherwise he kinda just yes's me.

I do feel your pain though kinda. I was comparing budgets for a Disney versus an at home wedding - and he said to include the Coach, then freaked out that the budget was so high and I said duh I can bring it down 3,000 in two seconds, just drop the coach and he said dont do that - so that was frustrating

Ask him what's important to him about the wedding and be specific, he cant say you (even though that is too cute!) and then you know he had input on something he wanted. If he says nothing, then read the prior posts and count your blessings!

 

[marywdw]

I'm sort of in the same boat too.....I guess it's just a girl thing
In my case, this is my DF's second marriage (plus, he's QUITE at bit older than I am ) and he doesn't have any family to attend. Therefore, the wedding is pretty much for me! He isn't all too concerned about the wedding as much as he wants to get married!!!
As for the Disney, he knows I love it, so he is kind of letting me do whatever!
I think we're lucky!!!

 

[allisonswonderland]

I was going to add - consider yourself lucky when we were there for our PS last May (I apologize if this was any of you) this couple was there but the our floral mgr was running way late b/c this couple decided on their table settings and then changed their minds - well I should say the groom changed HIS mind - the bride did not say a word. The floral mgr even asked her and he would answer for her. Josh was shocked and thinking what is wrong with this guy flipping out about chargers and napkin rings....I mean seriously. So it could be worse - I used to work in a bridal shop and I always could tell the women who were in abusive relationships by the way the men acted - and I would say that was one and I hope that poor girl ran!!!

Many times in the bridal shop the guys would have to ok the dress and tell them how awful they looked. In fact I had a very good friend in high school who came in and was trying on dresses - she is beautiful and was the homecoming queen - and she was alone trying on and kept saying he does not like it when I wear this style, he says I look short or just negative things. When she walked out of there I was just sick - This guy was a major geekin high school and they got married and quickly after that he moved her to Idaho or Montanta - irt was not 6 monthes that she was back home. I was so glad that she was back! I do have a degree in psychology so I am not a nut - plus I know a lot of these people and ind out later when they get divorced - so needless to say be happy that he says whatever you want - I was frustrated too and mine does not turn off lights....but he loves me and would do anything for me and so what if I have to turn off the light for him!

 

[Maggimus]

I was going to add - consider yourself lucky when we were there for our PS last May (I apologize if this was any of you) this couple was there but the our floral mgr was running way late b/c this couple decided on their table settings and then changed their minds - well I should say the groom changed HIS mind - the bride did not say a word. The floral mgr even asked her and he would answer for her. Josh was shocked and thinking what is wrong with this guy flipping out about chargers and napkin rings....I mean seriously. So it could be worse - I used to work in a bridal shop and I always could tell the women who were in abusive relationships by the way the men acted - and I would say that was one and I hope that poor girl ran!!!

Many times in the bridal shop the guys would have to ok the dress and tell them how awful they looked. In fact I had a very good friend in high school who came in and was trying on dresses - she is beautiful and was the homecoming queen - and she was alone trying on and kept saying he does not like it when I wear this style, he says I look short or just negative things. When she walked out of there I was just sick - This guy was a major geekin high school and they got married and quickly after that he moved her to Idaho or Montanta - irt was not 6 monthes that she was back home. I was so glad that she was back! I do have a degree in psychology so I am not a nut - plus I know a lot of these people and ind out later when they get divorced - so needless to say be happy that he says whatever you want - I was frustrated too and mine does not turn off lights....but he loves me and would do anything for me and so what if I have to turn off the light for him!

Yikes Allison-- those type of men make me cringe. On a side note-- your DH leaves the lights on, mine constantly takes things out of their place. We have a slot for the bills and they are always in order of when they are due-- he will come in, open them up-- and then leave the room. You will see 2 envelopes, a statement, and a flyer-- then he goes in the next room and opens a package he got in the mail and there will be an envelope, paper statement, return label, plastic etc just sitting there. In all other aspects he is very tidy-- but i have this thing about keeping order... so im like constantly behind him picking up after him as he does different things. LOL-- good luck with those lights!

 

[aprincess72]

My DF is happy we are having a DFTW but has left all the planning up to me because he knows I love it and it's my kind of thing. I was a little frustrated at first but I found a great solution! I give him things he's in charge of! For instance I asked him to please take care of arrangements for the officiant. He did great and I think it made him feel involved. Also, I asked him about gift bags and he decided he would like to put the gift bags for his guys together himself. He is actually really enjoying doing that. He made a CD and got them a few other guy things.
Men really like it when you "need" them to do something!

 

[MickeyAnne]

Haha - My DF is definitely the same way. I make sure that I don't make any decisions without him but he really wouldn't care if I did. It definitely annoyed me for a while but now I have just decided that until his thought process goes beyond "I don't care, do what you think is good" it is MY WEDDING. hahahaha - I joke with him all the time now about how nice my wedding is going to be. He just laughs because he knows I would never do anything that he didn't approve of but its fun to joke with him.

He is very supportive of the wedding though. He has made all the big decisisions with me (photog, dj etc) it just the details that he is uninterested in really. I am beginning to appreciate the freedom really!

 

[DisneyFairy19]

My DF likes to know what I have planning.. I mean he doesnt ask me out of the blue but I let him know... Like my engagement party.. I ended up planning the whole thing with my parents... He helped with invitations, b/c I asked him too.. but I know that for weddings its very girly for us to put in our own input being that many of us have dreamt of this day for so long... Do what you love and I am sure he will love it b/c you put in all your time and effort