Any other Foster Parents out there?**VENT**

[Stephieann]

Well about 3 months ago we received a 2 month old child. The child has been in our home for the whole time. The visits with the family have not been all that constant. They would show up late, leave early or cancel all together. well today they had court and now they are getting unsupervised visits. WHAT THE .... does the judge think he is doing? Did they not tell them how his visits were... Oh yea mom was in the hospital for mental problems one time...and from what i understand there are domestic violence charges some where.... i have cried and cried and now with this i have lost my excitement for my cruise. (not that the child was going with us) just ... well i am sure most of you understand. well i guess i have said enough right now. I figured the child will be going home soon if all this goes well.... Please send lots for prayers for the child and dh and me,

 

[Stephieann]

Ok... i looked at my cruise countdown... helped me cheer up a little!!

 

[figment52]

My co-worker was a foster parent for seveal years and it would tear he up everytime the court decided something like this. While you understand giving the parents a chance to correct their mistakes, it just sometimes like the welfare of the child takes a back seat or is forgotten.

My heart goes out to foster parents and the kids whenever this kind of stuff happens.

Orayers and pixies dust heading your way.

 

[Nevergrow'nup]

I was a FP for 2 girls (my nieces) 4 and 13. What a disaster!! Mom pleaded neglect and they give her a "golden key!" She had to go to therapy (bare minimum visits) and the abusive father was supposed to go thru anger management classes!! Well, they did NOTHING but they had the girls back within 8 months. They are a "changed" family now, says the social worker. Within 1 month the older girl ended back in state custody but because I talked to everyone from the state senators down to the social workeer, she was unable to come back with me because I was not for reunification of the family!! Well, its been a year later, the older girl now lives with her paternal side of the family and the little one has spent this whole time living in a hotel room!! But the family unit is "wonderful!!"

Sorry to go off like that but I know being a FP isn't easy. God bless you for what you are doing. I couldn't go thru that but did it because they are family. The system is set up to help the parents and does not look out for the children's best interest or safety.

 

[barkley]

god bless you-i was a foster care supervisor and i can say that foster parents are such wonderful, wonderful people. anyone that can endure the heartache that fp's go through and still keep plugging along and providing a safe haven for these kids is to be admired.

hopefully someday the system will get re-worked such that it becomes driven by "the best interest of the child" vs. "family reunification". blood does'nt make a family-it's love, sweat and tears.

hugs to you!

 

[happybratpack]

I don't have any grand words of wisdom (as usual), but I just wanted to say that being a foster parent is a wonderful wonderful thing. I don't know how you do it, I certainly wouldn't be strong enough.

 

[Lyn5]

 

[fabumouse]

I am so sorry! A friend of mine is a foster parent and she has been through HE**. Same story - parents make visitation dates, never show up, histrionically complain about her in court (for instance, over whether a child should be wearing 2 layers of clothing in the winter or 3), one child she was going to adopt, and thenl an aunt who clearly had a history of drug abuse came out of the woodwork almost a year after the process began, insisting and eventually receiving custody. My friend loved this child like her own. I'm in awe of the work and attitude of foster parents, it's often a thankless job.

 

[Wish I lived in Fl]

That must feel awful to give him into the care of those who may not be competent to do it. Prayers said.

 

[lizardqueen]

DH and I became foster parents last year. We have DS, who is now almost 10 months (we got him at 6 weeks) and DD, who just turned 3 in April (they are bio siblings). While not going through the exact same situation as you, the caseworker has said that the bios are pushing for weekend visits -- now keep in mind that they have only had 1-2 hour supervised visits the entire time. They cannot provide stable housing (they have lived in 7 places since December) and are not compliant with their services. I am not real sure what the state or the judge is thinking. I am not afraid to say that we are really praying for TPR so that we can adopt these 2 along with another sibling that lives in a different foster home and the child that the mother is pregnant with now.

So I can feel your pain. If you would like to talk, feel free to PM me, it feels so good to be able to vent to people that are in similar situations. Which of course nobody around here that we know is.

 

[Good Ol Gal]

hugs to you Steph!!

 

[damo]

I honestly don't know how you do it. My heart would be breaking in a million pieces. You must be an incredibly strong person and the world needs a lot more people like you.

 

[Holly]

I fostered my *now adopted* daughter for years. It was heartbreaking. We would go to visits and bio-mom wouldn't show, or came drunk and would make a scene. The state just kept giving her chance after chance after chance. Finally, after the THIRD reunification attempt when my daughter was once again abused and neglected and abandoned with one of bio-mom's boyfriend's relatives, they terminated her rights and I was able to adopt her.

It's my understanding that child services country wide have become very strict about terminating parental rights if the bio-parents haven't made any effort to clean up their acts after one year of state custody of the child. This prevents children from languishing in the system for years until they are considered 'unadoptable' due to age.

 

[ZachnElli]

I am an adoptive mom and I totally bow to you foster parents! I don't know how you do it! I have all kinds of opinions about our foster care system, but I will keep them to myself!

 

[3AmigosMom]

Holly- I have to agree with you. As "messed up" as the system is, it is supposedly better than years past. States are starting to tighten up some when it comes to bio parents' compliance.
Steph- the only advise I could possibly give you to try to help is what my husband and I would try to do. We fought 3 1/2 years with getting our kids' bio parents rights terminated (finally adopted them 2 months ago-YEY!). Everytime there was a setback, we constantly told each other not to get wrapped up in all the court stuff and all the decisions that were "beyond our control". The only thing we focused on continually was taking care of the children and doing what was best for them that we did have control over. Sounds kinda dumb and simplistic, but I feel you just truly have to have faith that things will work out the way they are meant too.

 

[dawnedwards]

I am a foster parent and Social Worker in Ontario. I wish I could say things are better in Canada, but they are not.

We are currently fostering a 16 year old boy who has lived with us for almost 18 months. He will be coming with us in August on our first family trip to Disney, we are all so excited.

Every morning I leave him as he goes to school and I put on my 9-5 (yeah right) hat as an Intake worker investigating child abuse.

I will say hands down that my home job as a foster parents is a million times harder than my day job and I send my thanks to everyone out there who is or has been a foster parent.

Dawn

 

[ckckc2000]

Hang in there Steph!!!!

 

[Snoopymom]

Hugs!!!

I would keep a journal and/or a timeline with record of every caseworker visit and parent visit, missed visits, baby's appearance and behavior after visits, doctor's visits, court rulings, canceled court dates, everything and anything that comes up that has to do with the child and CPS.

You never know how long this can drag on for or how many caseworkers will come and go or for how long the bios will stay interested and what info will get lost in the shuffle, etc.

(If you are afraid the child might be in danger during the visits, you might ask if you can supervise the visits. I was actually asked to do this once. I refused and the visit never took place because the caseworker and the bio were too lazy to set up a time.)

Good luck!