Any alternatives for my 3 yo saying "shut up"?

[momofmikey]

My 3 yo DS now loves to tell everyone to "shut up." He picked it up from my older nephew. While I know he could be saying a lot worse, I'm really not thrilled with this. He's definitely doing it for attention, and I've tried telling him it's not nice, it hurts people's feelings, etc., but no breakthrough yet. I was thinking of giving him an alternative to say. The only one I can think of is "Please be quiet", but I think even that sounds fresh. Any suggestions/advise?

Ah... and who ever coined the phrase "terrible twos"? He's been three for 6 weeks, and it's worse than ever

Thanks!

 

[Cindy B]

We taught our kids to say "Please be quiet!". Sometimes they will shout that but they arent saying Shut Up

 

[always quiet]

What about 'shush'??

 

[CEDmom]

We also taught DD (now 4 1/2) to say "please be quiet" or "excuse me may I say something" if people were talking and she had something to say. We also had to 3 strikes policy in our family for words she picked up at daycare. "Booty" was a particular favorite of mine . Anyway, after the 3rd offense she'd be in her room for a while. Believe me after a few days of not being able to play she stopped. My problem not is that she'll correct people if they say a word we don't use in our house. So now I'm working on teaching her not to correct people, especially adults. It never ends.

 

[candykisses]

We use "please be quiet or "hush".

 

[HappyMommy2]

When I was a kid, "shut up" was on the short list of prohibited words and phrases in our house, right up there with the "f" word! My parents really hated to hear it. So we were taught to say "please stop saying that" or "please be quiet." Of course we said it in a not-so-nice way a lot of times, but at least it sounded a little better than "shut up."

I can sympathize with your "terrible threes"--my oldest son didn't go through the terrible twos at all, and DH and I congratulated ourselves on our great parenting till DS hit age three and became a bit of a terror! DS is four now and things are MUCH better but those first few months of age three were pretty trying!

 

[Disney Doll]

Why is a 3 year old allowed to be telling anyone to be quiet?????? They're three, for God's sakes.

If I ever told anyone to shut up as a three year old, I'd have been spending a heck of a lot of time in my room, wihtout TV, Nintendo, CD player or anything else that would make that a pleasant experience.

 

[Serena]

That was one thing I didn't like very much. I got angry quickly.
I told them do not say that to me, and sent them to their rooms.
I never ignored them, and usually would see them waiting if they wanted to say something to me. I usually would interrupt my conversation to see what they had to say.
I did teach them to say excuse me, or to leave me alone with company if it wasn't important. They never got the hang of leaving me alone. lol

 

[damo]

We were never allowed to say it either. I think you are right in that he needs to find a new phrase that he finds to be neat to use. If he thinks it sounds interesting he is more likely to replace the shut up. How about zip it please, hush please, shush please, etc. Maybe make up a little rhyme?

 

[disykat]

I agree with Disney Doll - no "replacement" necessary - a 3 year old shouldn't be encouraged to give orders.

If something is so loud it is hurting their ears, they should say "that's hurting my ears!"

The nephew should be told not to say that around your son.

 

[JESW]

I am also one who deosn't like to hear that word - and our kids are 5 & 9!

Good luck...3 was MUCH harder with both my kids than when they were 2.

Jill

 

[TinkBoo&ElliesMum]

We're big on using our words around here. DS was/is encouraged to speak his mind if something is bugging him, including noise. Shut up however is not allowed, it drives me nuts.

Some of the other things he's allowed to use:

"Can you please be quiet?"
"Excuse me, may I say something please"
"Please don't yell at me" - this is a big one around here, DH tends to get loud if he feels he's not being heard and both kids are very sensitive to yelling.

DD who's two resorts to a "shhhhh" with the finger to the mouth.

DS was an early talker, so I made sure that any phrases that I found questionable were knocked out quickly. But I've never been the type to not allow a child to ask for something, or speak up for themselves. Our kids are allowed to make requests of us, we may not agree with the request, but I have no problem with them making them.

 

[Melora]

Our 3 year old has picked up the word "Stupid" from my step son who is only here on Saturday. But he latched onto like glue and its so hard to get him to stop saying it. He says Stupid for everything... He is trying to get out of his car seat and when he cant get it unbuckled he says STUPID SEAT, if he trips on something he will turn around and yell at it YOU STUPID! (or even worse STUPID HEAD). Its so hard not laugh but its only funny if there is no one around..first time he says it public it wont be funny. It will be "WOW, is that kid a terror!"

I tell him we dont use that word and that its not nice but I still hear him say it when he gets frustrated.

As for Shut Up while I do agree that a 3 year should not be telling adults to stop talking, when you're little sometimes life gets overwhelming and they want everything around them to stop. Or in our case one of the older kids (usually 8 year old boys) are making so much noise that he wants to cut down on the volume it makes sense that its OK for him to say "Hush" or "Be quiet please".

I think the best way to do it is just keep correcting him and REALLY mean it when you say thats not OK.

I rarely had a terrible 2.. I always said it was the the terribles 3's!

 

[pnelson]

Well, when my son was 3, he picked up the phrase "**cker Bully".

He would call us that, yell it when he got mad, in stores, AT DISNEYWORLD. The first time he said it, I had a fit, and that set the tone. We would give him time outs, spankings, wash his mouth out with soap. One time he even said it with a mouth full of soap.

I love the people who say "Why is a 3 year old being allowed to say it". Obviously, these people have never dealt with an extremely strong willed child. We could have beat him and he still would have said it. Sometimes, three year olds do what they want and are "immune" to punishment at that age.

I always wish I could have gone back to the first time he said it and not over reacted to the extent that he realized what power that word had. It finally stopped when he was four and one morning he had said it and I wouldn't eat breakfast with him-Go figure. Now, at 10, he knows if he says bad words or is rude, he gets grounded and it's very effective.

But it's hard to punish a 3 year old in some ways. They don't care as much if you take away TV, video games, friends, toys. They can find an inanimate object and entertain themselves and their world still revolves around family.

I guess my advice is to not give that word as much power and not over react when he says it. I think if you act bored when he says it, it will take some of the fun away from saying it.

 

[Samandmom]

My 3yr has picked up the word fat. He says fat in almost everything he says. Sounds weird I know but he picked this up from my older nephew. I kept telling him that was not a nice word to say. Telling him that it's not a nice word did not work. So I was finally getting very frustrated so I told him that every time that he said the word fat I was going to take a toy away. He had a huge fit everytime I did. Then after a day of it, he caught himself saying the word and asked me if I was going to take a toy away and I said yes. So for the past 1 1/2 days he has not said it. Let's hope this is working. Good Luck I know exactly what you mean about the terrible 3's. (but that's a whole another post) I also have a 1yr old and I think she has decided to have the terrible 1's. LOL

 

[nativetxn]

Is he telling adults to shut up or his little friends? Just curious

 

[TigrLvsPooh]

I have a 2 year old and a 4 year old... they aren't allowed to say anything even close to shut up. I'm sure they have heard bad words and phrases before, especially my 4 year old at school, but they know better than to say that to me or my husband. We are fairly strict with them... just because I don't want them to start any bad habits now.

 

[disykat]

Originally posted by pnelson

I love the people who say "Why is a 3 year old being allowed to say it". Obviously, these people have never dealt with an extremely strong willed child. We could have beat him and he still would have said it. Sometimes, three year olds do what they want and are "immune" to punishment at that age.

I've certainly dealt with strong willed children. I still don't think it's appropriate to give them substitute words. That tells them that it's okay to order people to be quiet if you use different words. I don't think it's okay for a 3 year old to be ordering people to be quiet - doesn't mean I don't expect them to ever do it, just that I won't teach them that it's okay.

I don't have a problem with "can you please be quiet?". That is asking a favor not barking an order.

 

[momofmikey]

Thanks for your replies. nativetxn - he's saying it mainly to us now - it's only been for a couple days, so that may change though. For now, I'm teaching him to say "Excuse me" and then do a little dance and say "cha cha cha". Makes no sense, but I'm hoping that will be enough to distract him.

Thanks again!

 

[Jenn Lynn]

I have found that the best way to teach my DD new/better words/phrases/manners is to use them myself in every day conversation. She loves to imitate what we do and at this age they are just little sponges.

Maybe if he sees and hears you saying excuse me and doing the dance he will pick it up quickly.

Good Luck!