Any advice for keeping (older) kids from fighting in lines?

[kathmzh]

I would ignore as much of the petty bickering as possible -- I think they all are looking for attention from you, Mom (lucky you) and if you don't give it to them, it may taper off. as long as they aren't shouting or harming anyone else, ignore. People in lines have seen worse, so don't worry about that. I also agree with the praise, from you, for good behavior. I would also attempt a little alone time (a swim, time in the arcade, a snack) with each so they have time with you without the sibling rivalry!
I'm sure they will pleasantly surprise you. Have a great trip!

 

[Tigger&Belle]

Wow, you've gotten all kinds of advice! I also agree that you should only threaten if it's a reasonable punishment and if you will then carry through on it. My husband and I will do one of these, "if you don't do this then you can't do the computer for a week" and the punishment is out of line with the infraction.

Well, I did one of those with my VERY stubborn 11yo last night. He needs new glasses, but is so picky that he can't find anything--wrong shape, too small, too shiny, wrong color, etc, etc. Last night I told him that I wasn't bringing him to WDW in 2 weeks without new glasses. Hmmm, I'd better allow plenty of time this weekend for shopping.

Your boys are old enough to come up with some of their own ideas on how to entertain themselves in lines, restaurants, etc. Along with some ideas that you've gotten you should be in good shape. Or you could just pretend that you don't know them in line.

T&B

 

[AJKMOM]

To "Huskies90"--Who wants to pay all that money to spend the day with three spoiled brats? Thats a better question. The problem is, too many people think a public place is OK for kids to "duke it out". We're not talking about 2-year-olds here. Kids that are 9, 11, and 12 should behave and get along.

 

[bobbiwoz]

Our 2 sons are grown now, but I remember... There were times that we left the parks, there were times that DH turned the car around and we didn't go where ever, and these were supposedly fun trips with tickets in hand. But you know, when we left the park or stayed at home, those days weren't as bad as staying would have been. Our sons knew we were serious about wanting some peace and better behavior.

I don't think that they weren't appreciative, but I do think that maybe these were things that we wanted more than they wanted at the time.

Don't think that all the other families are having a better time, or that you as parents are doing anything awful, or that all the other children there are better behaved. I don't see anything wrong with splitting up.

I hope you have a great time!

Bobbi

 

[huskies90]

To "Huskies90"--Who wants to pay all that money to spend the day with three spoiled brats? Thats a better question. The problem is, too many people think a public place is OK for kids to "duke it out". We're not talking about 2-year-olds here. Kids that are 9, 11, and 12 should behave and get along.

Well, I get the impression that these are good kids and they are "bickering" more than "duking it out." Yes, If there is physical harm to themselves or others than it is a different story. But most kids will do stuff just to annoy parents. I also agree with the spoil brat theory. If they don't deserve the trip, don't go. I don't get that impression here either.

 

[sanctus]

I also have 3 kids - 2 boys and a girl. A word of advice....

any guessing games like imaginary hide and seek where they have to guess what someone else has in their head, make them WRITE IT DOWN and hand it to you before the guessing starts. Otherwise the new fight it - I guessed it right and you changed it!! MOOOOOOOOOOOOM he's CHEATING!!!

Good luck

 

[JESW]

I didn't mean to but I laughed through your post - not AT you but WITH you! I only have two kids - DS10 & DD5. DS has Aspergers so that's a whole other combination. Our kids fight ALL the time. It gets to the point that DH doesn't want to do things but I keep planning them.

What works best for us is to split up. I know that it is not the best thing to do on a FAMILY vacation, but there are times we have to do it for our own sanity. Our kids have been to Disney so many times that they each have their favorites and they aren't always the same. Once they start picking on each other then we know we have to split up. We go by who wants to do what - not necessarily by gender (me with DD, DH with DS) The boys seem to run out of energy first so oftentimes they head back to the resort while DD and I are still going through the parks.

If you had the perfect answer you would be a billionaire and many other parents would owe their sanity to you. I hope that you do have a good vacation as I know the stress that comes from having everyone together. If the kids get to be too much, take them to world showcase in EPCOT, have your DH take them on the Mexico ride several times and you sit out and have a margarita or two - works for me!

Jill

 

[dolphindan1]

Well here is my 2 cents and since I am sooooo good at stirring up threads I will see what I can do here....I have 2 boys 4 and 8...and as they say boys will be boys...Sibilings are gonna fight and argue....Here is how we handle it....We give them one shot to straighten up....if not I will take them out of the line and mom and I will child swap....one will sit on the bench between them and the other will ride then we switch...There is to be no talking, no food no sodas nothing for that sitting....each are gauranteed a souvenier....if we have to sit 3 times they lose it....plus it is more punishment....We do spank our kids occasionally but it is rare....more with the youngest....So if it keeps happening I will immediately spank....not a love tap a spank....and no I do not wait till we are in private....its immediate and decisive and it works....BUT its always our last resort....but yours are a little too old for that.....My uncle always tells me that with boys you need 40 acres and a long leash....He is correct...You need to allow them to be boys....I have always heard that the arguing is there way of showing there love for each other and will allow them to be closer to each other when they are older....but its stressful on us....each parent is different and gonna do it there way and thats what you gotta figure out....So good luck....I also think if they are not appreciative of being at Disney then enjoy it with your spouse and not worry if they are having fun....Have fun for you cause you deserve it....you could threaten them with child care too....

 

[WDSearcher]

It's too late for this trip, but when I read your posts, you say you threaten, but nothing works. You should follow through with your threats every time, and maybe it will sink in that you mean business. If you say they can't swim, don't let them swim. Same with the money or taking away of other benefits. If they know you issue hollow threats, they won't care. Your kids are old enough to know how to behave in public, without something to "do" every minute.

Thank you! It sounds like it's the kids making the rules in the OP situation, and it needs to be the parents. If the kids aren't appreciative of being there, then leave them home or don't go.

Kids that age are certainly old enough to behave in public, but it sounds like they have no consequences to bad behavior and they totally know how to "work" their mom. The big change I would make is that when you tell a child they can't ride the ride, get out of line and sit with them while they wait for the rest of the family. And, honestly, if it were MY mom and we were misbehaving at that age? She'd not only sit with me to wait, she'd sit on a bench, holding my hand. When I'd tell her she doesn't have to hold my hand (because that's kind of embarrassing as a 12-year-old), she'd respond, "Well, you're behaving like a little child, so I'm treating you like one. Start acting your age and I'll treat you that way." Try that with the boys and you'll probably get pretty quick results.

You may have to miss a few rides yourself, but unfortunately that's a sacrifice of parenting!

 

[aec]

I talked to my kids about the tsunami. About the thousands of people that died, that many of the surviving children are orphans, that they don't have food, clothing, shelter, toys, never mind luxuries like TV, computers, video games, vacations, trips to WDW, etc. We talked about how fortunate we are and how thankful we should be to have each other, a nice place to live, all the food we need, etc. It really sunk in with them and snapped them out of the post holiday bickering. We have a big jar of spare change. Usually we roll it up and put in their bank accounts but they decided to give it all to tsunami relief instead.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

Well here is my 2 cents and since I am sooooo good at stirring up threads I will see what I can do here....

I have always heard that the arguing is there way of showing there love for each other and will allow them to be closer to each other when they are older....but its stressful on us....

I also think if they are not appreciative of being at Disney then enjoy it with your spouse and not worry if they are having fun....Have fun for you cause you deserve it....you could threaten them with child care too....

Yes, you are a troublemaker!

I have also told my kids that they are working through this arguing with their siblings and they are learning how to deal with people and problems and it will help them when they are older. My DH does not understand the bickering since he said that when growing up him and his brothers didn't argue and bicker. Maybe so, but one brother has pretty much cut himself off from the other two brothers as an adult so a lot of good the not arguing did as children (not that I REALLY believe they didn't argue growing up--my husband has selective memory loss...).

I agree that parents need to enjoy Disney, or anywhere else, for themselves, especially if the kids don't seem to appreciate the trip. I've learned in general that I need to "plant my own garden" and won't wait for my kids to make me happy.

I would schedule a sitter or do a kids club so the parents can have a few hours to themselves. At the very least, do what I suggested in an earlier thread and leave that for a consequence if the kids continue the bickering.

T&B

 

[Jennasis]

Ooh I gotta say, I have little patience for stuff like this. I would try the following:

1. Sort out who is riding with who before you get on line.

2. As the other posters suggested, have some games ready to play on line (20 questions, I Spy etc..)

3. Let it be known that ANY arguing or fighting on the line will result in being forced to miss out on the ride (this may mean YOU have to miss it too to wait with the offenders).

4. Let it also be known that 2 infractions will result in all parties involved (regardless of who started it) being forced to spend the remainder of the day in the room. Tough but enforceable.

You cannot give in to begging pleading and crying. An offense is an offense. be tough a few times and you won't have to be tough for long.

 

[glencoe]

I have two boys and now a little girl so I can feel some of your pain!!! I find 2 things work at amusement type park places.

1. Before you go, become the bank. Take their saved money and tell them they get a certain amount per day to spend and it can be changed depending on their behavior. Yes it is their money but if they don't want to listen to you and help you out they will get "a fine". That will give them a sign that this trip you mean business and also give them the warning that their behavior wont be tolerated.

2. If my son gets fresh and starts w/ his brother, I make him "sit out for a ride". Disney does that baby swap ride thing. Make them all wait the line, and the trouble maker stay on the side w/ the attendants till you and the others the ones that behaved ride is over and the trouble maker doesnt get their chance, leave the venue w/ them not going. Sometimes threatening activities (pool, game room) that will happen much later doesn't do it. Immediate punishment goes a long way. One ride, or even two rides missed while everyone else gets to go will make a huge impression and hopefully curtail the attitude for the day! Good luck!!!

 

[eeyore0062]

Buy them all Game Boys and allow them to take them with them in line. You won't hear a peep out of them... and in fact, they may complain that the line was too short to complete what they were doing.

 

[MossMan]

Don't stand in line with them. Simple as that.

There is no way you are going to magically change their behaviour - at least not in the short run. And if you start dropping punishment bombs on them for the slightest of infractions you are only going to drive both you and your kids nuts. This is a holiday, everyone is supposed to have fun.

So let them get in line without you. If it is a ride you want to go on as well, give them a 20 minute headstart then get in line yourself. Tell them to meet you at the exit. Invest in walkie talkies if you need some technological support. Just make sure you turn yours off when the kids are in line. Use it to check up on them and bark commands from afar.

(Variation: let 2 boys go through by themselves, you and hubby take one. If anyone whines or complains about their brothers, then they have to be the one who goes through with you.)

I bet you dollars to donuts that the kids don't fight nearly so much when they are not with their parents. And if they do start that maddening petty bickering, you won't be around so it won't drive you crazy.

 

[SnoWhiteRabbit]

I like the 3 names in hat - each kid has the day to ride with you.

I would also buy 2 more of those little Mickey games like you got on e-bay. It does seem like you may have an issue with them getting too much/being unappreciative, but 1 game to share is setting everyone up for disaster. You can work on the appreciation issue later

And I really like the idea of not waiting on line with them. Let them wait and either don't ride or if it's easy enough join up with them right before riding.
(When my kids have acted up in the car, I have pulled over and gotten out of the car myself. I would never threaten to leave them or make them get out of the car or try to scare them, but I will tell them that I can not listen to their screaming/crying/fighting while I'm driving and I will wait until they are ready before we can go....and I will wait right outside car, where they can still see me and know they are safe (they are younger), but I won't listen to the noise. This works very well. they do stop when they are ready and we continue on calmly. Maybe not waiting with them will be similar.)

Also, the best parenting books I've read are:

* Siblings without Rivalry - Adele Faber & Elaine Mazlish

* How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk - Faber & Mazlish

* Kids, Parents & Power Struggles - Mary Sheedy Kurcinka

* Raising Your Spirited Child - Mary Sheedy Kurcinka
(Check out the above book firts, then read the Spiritied Child one, if applicable)

* The Parent's Handbook: Systematic Training for Effective Parenting (STEP) -Don Dinkmeyer Sr., Gary D. McKay, Don Dinkmeyer Jr.
(There are also versions for parenting teens, paretning young children , etc. byt he same author)

These are all very positive approaches to discipline, that focus on good communication, consequences rather than punishments, etc., very, very positive, and realisitic.

You might not have much time to read before the trip -- maybe 1 for the plane ride, for starters.

Good luck!

 

[DizBelle]

For you - duct tape.
For me - birth control.

 

[SlightlyGoofy]

What worked for me, way back when, was to bring a roll of quarters and everytime the bad behavior started a quarter was removed. BTW, this was my for my husband, not the kids. Somehow trying to wend your way on vacation with two children and a hubby who was spouting 'rude' words kinda, sorta ruins the mood. Luckily my hearing has failed and I cannot hear much anymore.

I might suggest that you take at least one vacation without them and it might be good for you all. If you have a willing grandparent it would be an awesome thing IMHO.

Slightly Goofy, but not totally nuts, yet

 

[Mama2jasminANDcaitie]

When we waited in one particularly long line and were farther from the front ( i cant see doing this as you approach the attraction) of the line DH took one with him to walk around for a bit... while i waited in line with the other.. another time i bought them those ennormous candy suckers. told them that if they removed them from thier mouths theyd have to be trashed. worked WONDERS!

 

[lllovell]

Figuring out some things BEFORE you go, like the name in the hat thing for Mom to ride along sounds great to me.

However, set even more ground rules and FOLLOW THROUGH!!! Make them understand that even one of them acting up (for more than a minor infraction) gets you ALL out of line for that ride. One or two times in a day, and after that, you pack it in. (you set the number of times you are comfortable with BEFORE you enter the park and DONT THREATEN...calmly remind them after you have removed them from the line that they have X chances remaining - the choice is theirs). Also, if you are worried about losing out on your whole vacation, you are wrong. If you are firm and end up going back to the hotel on your first day (banning TV and other entertainment for X number of hours as well would be how I would play it - so they are not rewarded when you get back to the room) then they will behave the rest of the trip. Nothing is more horrible to a young pre-teen than boredom.

Be firm Mom. Not just at Disney. EVERYWHERE. Stop threatening and actually DO take away or leave or punish in ways you see fit. Do it NOW. Do it EVERYWHERE. Do it BEFORE you go and they will KNOW you are serious and will think twice (probably after you have snatched them out of line once).

I am sorry, but I think you have brought this on yourself. Your children are smart...smart enough to know how to play you and that you won't follow through. Sooooooo change your ways! You will get more enjoyment out of your time with your sons. (I have two boys 2 years apart btw - so I do understand the arguing and bickering) You will be able to go places and not have to spend the whole time fussing and keeping them apart. They will make you proud and not leave you feeling embarrassed. Children react based on OUR behavior. Show them that this has to end. Now.

Good luck