Any advice for keeping (older) kids from fighting in lines?

[minkydog]

How about this...they fight in line, they don't ride the ride. When you get to the entrance tell the cm "sorry they have to leave" and they'll direct them out. Have the kids escorted out (they're old enough to wait at the exit on their own) and go on the ride yourself.

Repeat with the next ride....I think they'll get the point soon enough.

Fighting in line is unacceptable and should not be tolerated, nor negotiated. There is no way I would reward fighting kids with more fun, more rides, and more of my attention. And if I had to do this more than twice, I would probably leave the park altogether.

I suggest that you have each child make a list of rides that they would like to have you ride with them on. Let them negotiate with each other, but you stay out of it. Obviously they are gaining some power by getting you involved with their fights. Let them figure it out as long as nobody is getting hurt. Refuse to even look at their lists until they can come to an agreement. Do not help--they are old enough to do this. (Cub Scouts do this all the time.)

About the money--set a budget for each kid, then let him spend his money as he wants to. I would never give a child $200 to spend at WDW! $10 a day is reasonable, because I think kids need to be able to buy themselves a Coke and an ice cream if they want to. Any money they save from day to day can be spent on souveniers of their choosing(no matter how ridiculous you think it is, stay out of it! when the money is gone, it's gone. Lesson learned.)

Chin up, mom. Don't be controlled by this fighting. Lay down the law now--it's not going to be easier when they are all teens(and capable of really hurting each other). I'm pretty sure they don't just fight at Disney World.

Cahty--mom to John, 18, Eleni, 11, and Christian,9
No fighting

 

[minnieluvzmickey]

marciemi--looks like we will be there around the same time. I'll look for the lady with the fighting kids....lol

If you need to you can borrow my wooden spoon....

 

[minkydog]

Maybe you need to try something totally "out there" to get their attention. Get bandanas in shades of girly pink for your boys, and everytime they every time they start to bicker you burst into song, loudly. My mother used to keep my brother and I in line in public by threatening to hold our hands and skip.

I totally forgot about this! Embarrassment as a method of discipline, THINK of the possibilities...It works best on pre-teens and adolescents.

My kids have never bickered, but they are very active and playful. It's like taking a bunch of golden retrievers everywhere you go. So when they would get out of hand, or start whining, I would start singing or high-kicking in the store (picture this--I weigh almost 200lb ) Or I would hug them tight and do the "happy dance" with them(crazy hopping from foot to foot--they would be mortified. A few times of that and all I had to say was "happy dance" to straighten them up.

Indeed, moms can have no shame

 

[dolphindan1]

Hey to the OP...see them 2 boys in the pic in my signature....they are 4 and 8 and they can fight....the youngest its hard to see in this pic is missing one of his top 2 teeth thanks to the oldest pushing him head first into the corner of a door that was 2 years ago....they still fight but the youngest is fighting back and has actually mad the oldest cry a couple times....we let it go for the most part cause they have to work it out...but when they start hurting each other then we get involved....I know the young one is gonna be a tuff SOB when he gets older....But on that note while at some event dont remember what some kid pushed my youngest one and I could hardly control my oldest from going after him....its funny how they act sometimes...they are great in lines and in public so I am lucky there....they still have moments when I have to call them down....but I know they love each other....My oldest will help him with anything but they will be boys and fight and will be brothers and fight more....Just an example that you are definately not alone....and I think anyone who says they have perfect kids is well just being parents cause we all think our kids are perfect....just cause you dont see other parents having problems doesnt mean they dont fight or act up....My wife still doesnt understand that....they have good moments and bad moments....its part of being well human...I have days even at Disney where I just want everyone out of my way and my family to leave me alone...I wanna ride SM my dang self no one else....LOL....it will get better they will be 18 before you know it....then you will want them back....thats what my mom keeps telling me....I am like yeah right....

 

[funhouse8]

Before I left for my trip I purchased a Handheld trivia game that was shaped like Mickey Mouse and gave you trivia questions to answer. I also purchased a Hand held GAmeboy type game that was shaped like Mickey. You recieved new videogames with each new ride you rode. My son seemed to enjoy this while the rest of the family tried to answer the trivia questions. I seen them being sold in the parks. Maybe your boys can take turns playing the gameboy type game. (Sorry I can't remember the name. ) If they misbehaved they lose their turn. Good luck and hopefully your lines will all be short lines. Enjoy your vacation! Gina

 

[I_Know_You2!]

Frankly, if my kids couldn't behave themselves they wouldn't be taking the trip. There is nothing worse than standing in line with unruly teens, who should know better.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

Frankly, if my kids couldn't behave themselves they wouldn't be taking the trip. There is nothing worse than standing in line with unruly teens, who should know better.

I hear ya, but sometimes we don't know they are going to misbehave (not the case here, hence the post) or sometimes the vacation is more for the adult than the child (nothing wrong with that of course).

Trust me, my 17yo DD will think before she talks next time because she KNOWS that I'm good to my word about leaving her home if she has a bad attitude.

I really do think that the OP should plan a vacation to WDW without the kids.

T&B

 

[dolphindan1]

Maybe there should be an adult only meet at Disney for a week....all adults at Disney....they have gay day, and pop and other stuff why not adults only....LOL....we all need I think

 

[lllovell]

Dan, I agree with some of your points about kids being kids. But when their behavior keeps you from enjoying a family vacation and probably is bothering the people around you, it is time to do something about it.

I don't think that anyone has said that the OP is a bad parent. I think she is a mother that wants to give her boys everything in this world like many people that are raising children now and then looks at them and wonders why they don't appreciate or not fight or what ever actions they do that are upsetting.

I have read through the replies here and OPer, you have a reason why not setting the rules and following through when they are broken won't work. You have reasons why just about every suggestion won't work. I don't think you are a bad parent at all, but I do perhaps think you are over indulgent. I think you do have to let children be children, but that you also have to teach them that there is a time and place for every type of behavior. You say they are great in school (and I dont doubt it a bit) and I bet it is because there is a set of rules there that they must follow, or they get into trouble. Children need rules and then they need follow through. The parents that you ask don't know what to tell you because parenting styles are very unique and they probably don't even know that Susie doesn't smack Jessi in the head when they are playing with dolls if Jessi takes the shoes Susie wants. But probably Susie DID smack at some point and she was taken from the situation until she learned that she has to use words and not hit. I bet you have had experiences with your children like that as well. So why not this?

It is NOT too much to ask them to get along in a public place. It is too much to expect it all day, especially as they get tired and hungry. Heck - I get grumpy at Disney if I am pooped or really wanting lunch and its hot and we are waiting, etc. You set the rules. You decide what you are going to deal with. Your comments back to people are almost as if you think YOU are not in charge here. If you aren't - regain control. Show them you mean it. Do it now. Talk about expected behavior and follow through.

I don't think we are doing kids any sort of favors in this "keep them entertained 24/7" world we are raising them in. Its time to turn off the game boys and movies and other forms of entertainment. Its time they learned to play outside again and to build forts and to realize that their siblings are not simply competition, but their closest allies in life. Yes, I do realize that every child is different, but I also realize that it is easy to sit back and make excuses rather than do the hard work of being the bad guy.

OP you are going to have a great time at Disney. I am so sure of it. You really want this to be special for your boys and that is fantastic. Expect great things of them. Show them how to do those great things (and correct them if they don't). I liked the praising positive actions suggestion as well. I am sure you will find something that will work. Ask THEM how to stop it. Let them feel like they have input and control.

Good luck.

 

[dolphindan1]

I agree....I will not allow disuptive behavior in public....but I do allow them to be themselves from time to time at home until it gets to the point where there are gonna get hurt....If in public my oldest smacked my youngest I would expect him to smack him back....Would they get punished by acting that way in public but of course...I am not saying it should be tolerated but I think there is a time to let them work it out...I also agree about the gameboys and playstations...My son has a time limit on them and its always followed by a game of one on one in b-ball or some reading quietly in your room....SO no I wasnt trying to condone diruptive behavior but I also understand kids cannot be controlled all the time that is usually the one that will act up when mommy is not around.....and I dont think the games are the cause of this behavior I am sure there were un ruly kids in the 20's too..I also think the OPer should not let there childish antics spoil her good time.....sit them out make them go to the child care with the 4 and 5 year olds....something....I was always told that a little fear goes a long way but if them kids have nothing to fear from her they will continue doing what they do....I am not talking a slap across the face fear but fear that I might be left alone with a bunch of toddlers....but if she is not following thru on anything why should they act any better and she cannot expect them too....

 

[Tigger&Belle]

Sorry folks - I haven't been able to get on these boards the last couple days - kept getting "page unavailable" messages!

So I don't really think it's necessary to come up with favorite rides, etc. - I mean they'd come up with a way to make it unfair no matter what I did (yesterday we rode 15 rides, today we only rode 12) or whatever!

I was getting the same page "unavailable message". Frustrating, but I'm glad things are working again.

I have two responses that I ALWAYS give when my kids tell me that something isn't fair. I say "life isn't fair" (it really isn't so they need to realize that at a young age) and "if you want fair, go to the fairgrounds" (dorky, I know, and it doesn't work well a couple weeks in August during our county fair ).

Not only am I going to treat each of my child differently because they all have different wants and needs, but they each have different challenges and they have to learn to cope with these things thoughout their lives. Therefore, they can think that things aren't "fair", whatever fair is. Equal does not mean the same, afterall.

Have fun on your trip and make sure you post here after to let us all know how it went. Make sure you don't take these antics of theirs personally, which is very hard to do. Once they have children, if not before, they will realize what a great mom you are!

T&B

 

[LindsayDunn228]

Frankly, if my kids couldn't behave themselves they wouldn't be taking the trip. There is nothing worse than standing in line with unruly teens, who should know better.

Amen and amen!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[LindsayDunn228]

Maybe there should be an adult only meet at Disney for a week....all adults at Disney....they have gay day, and pop and other stuff why not adults only....LOL....we all need I think

You know, I think you are 100% correct! My husband and I have made this comment numerous times.

 

[grlpwrd]

I wouldn't go the pacifying route with tech toys or other rewards. In the long run they should know how to fight fairly and appropriately. They should behave because it's the right thing to do, not because they are going to be rewarded for it.

I wholeheartedly agree... if they can't behave then they shouldn't go.

GL!

 

[marciemi]

Well, just wanted to update everyone on how our trip went! Mostly due to the short lines, cool weather, and lack of crowds, it went much better than I was fearing. We really only waited in 3 lines - our first line at arrival on MLK day was Test Track - they were out of FP's and we really wanted to do it before Mission Space in case anyone felt bad afterwards so we waited - well over an hour. I think because we were well rested, excited about actually being at WDW, and DH was with us then, we had no problems. Ended up chatting with the family behind us the entire time (they had 4 girls to counter my 3 boys).

The next morning we did buy the Disney Trivia game, which was a real lifesaver and very portable (and only $15). We did MGM (early entry), AK, and MK (late EMH) that day so it was VERY busy and the boys were VERY tired by evening. We only waited in one long line that day, which was Peter Pan during evening EHM - about 30 minutes. But the boys had run ahead of us and gotten in line, then the CM stopped DH to give him one of the time cards. So they were about 10 people ahead of us. We told them to just stay there (so we didn't have to put up with them!). It also worked out well since we got a cute pic of them on the ride before we boarded.

The next morning at MK (just me & the boys) we found a 45 minute wait at Jungle Cruise. We waited it out, with a bit of fighting. Alternated playing the trivia game, but sometimes someone would yell out answers when it wasn't their turn then everyone would end up upset. After a few times, told DS12 it was his last chance, and next time he was leaving the line and waiting for us. He was like "But I want to ride!" and I was like "Exactly". So they tolerated each other for the rest of the line.

Other than that, it simply wasn't as big of an issue as I'd expected. Probably because Disney was a big deal - unlike going skiing, or to a local amusement park. If we did it annually, I'm sure we'd end up with the issues I'd been worried about, but for one time, 3 days, they were fine! We talked about beforehand a couple big rides that people really cared about and I promised to ride with them on that ride (RNR for DS9, Splash for DS11), but the rest of the time we just went with who was nearby. Yes, probably once or twice someone pouted, but not for long!

We did play many of the games suggested - especially at the airport when our flight was delayed 2 hours because they couldn't find a stewardess. They enjoyed imaginary hide and seek, and we extended it to other places like WDW and other parks they know well. But for the most part we didn't hit too many lines at the parks and the kids were just too exhausted/busy running around from ride to ride to have time to fight!

Thanks again!

 

[Aspen]

Hi! I feel your pain! haha! I have 2 boys and they do argue quite a bit! It's actually kind of nice to know others have the same dilema!!
Something that worked for us (while we waited 3 hours to vote) was a game that I came up with that uses the alphabet. It may have already been suggested, but here it is anyway!
You start with the letter A and go all the way to Z. Each person tries to come up with a Disney character that starts with that letter. We also did animals that start with that letter. We all participated and we didn't take turns. We just thought up the animal or character and said it as we thought of them. When we could no longer think of any more we moved to the next letter. It was really fun! We even had a couple people in line doing it with us. You could do Disney movies, cartoon characters, food, countries, etc...
We play this in the car on our way to Disney too! It's a looooong drive and our backseat is small!
I almost forgot! We also take along Disney trivia cards! We take them to restaurants, in the car, etc.
Hope you have a good time!

 

[SB in KY]

I think you can play all the games in the world with them but sooner or later they willl wear thin and the fighting starts again....They are certainly old enough to understand the concept that some behaviors are acceptable and some are not...period, end of discussion. Arguing and fighting do NOT have to be acceptable (although up to now they certainly have been). Sit them down, explain the rules and the consequences for breaking the rules (i.e., we will NOT argue in line and we will not fight in line. No matter who starts it, no matter who's fault it is, ANYONE that argues, whines or hits will immediately leave the line and sit on a bench with mom (or dad) and wait while everyone else rides. Then no matter how long it takes they sit and wait, no snacks, no running around, just waiting. Anyone else that smarts off after you leave with 1 child gets sent to you also. Although you may not ride many rides the first day I think the message will get through. The no tolerance policy is the key...if you give chances and make exceptions nothing will change. Only when you are absolutely consistant will they realize you mean business and that arguing is not acceptable behavior.

But once they do your life will get a whole lot easier really fast (and since you do a lot of amusement parks time in line is inevitable....why spend it being harrassed and miserable?)

It will be worth a day of sitting on the bench to change a lot of negative behavior.... it won't take long and not only will they not be fighting all the time, they will think up things to keep themselves occupied in line without you having to be the social director. Right now when they get bored they all think it is your job to keep them entertained...when they are all responsible for their own behavior they will amaze you with all the socially acceptablee things they will devise.

 

[DisneyVillain]

Duct tape works for us.

 

[sters]

I know this wasn't your intent, but thanks for the laughs! I could just picture it, every gripe and shove! I have two boys, not three, close in age that constantly wrestle and fight and a little girl nipping at their heels. I'm sure you weren't asking for parenting advise, as so many here are freely giving, but tips. So, here's one... use FAstpass and avoid as much line-standing as possible! I also liked the idea of scheduling some extra pool time or some activity that would allow these boys of yours to burn off some steam!