Any advice? DD at Uni and not happy!

[wicket2005]

I have had no experience of this but I very much hope she settles in soon for both your sakes, fingers crossed. It is such a big step for everyone. My son starts York University a week on Saturday, I hope he doesn't get homesick because I would find it so upsetting. He will only be a hour's drive away though which is handy.

 

[kkymmy]

it was only a year ago i was in the same kind of situation....i can remember very vividly i was the first on my floor to move in, and i cried like no kid when my parents drove off....but then i got on sorting my room out and seeing who else lived on my floor as the day went on. We were kind of given the social bit on a plate cos we were catered so when we went to dinner we just sat with the people around us and made loads of friends that way.

I also found freshers week to be very scary and far too much for me, I was much happier once lectures started and I could make friends with people on my courses, seeing as freshers concentrated on friends you had from halls/accomodation. My closest friends are now my course friends as they will be the ones with me at every exam, every piece of coursework and every boring lecture. They are the people to whom I will pass notes commenting on the lecturers baldness/lecture style/general ridicule as lecturers tend to get, and they will be the people who write back with something equally as funny.

Things WILL get better. It is just such a big lifestyle change and it takes some people a long time...up to the end of the first year, to really get the hang of it. As parents, all I wanted was to know that my parents still cared, and that I was welcome home any time I wanted....although after the first few weeks I didn't want to go home anyway, cos I was having far too much fun!

It has to be said though that apart from freshers week, the weekends are the worst. That's when people go home (especially people from close by) and there's not usually an awful lot going on in uni, and it took me a long time to learn how to utilise weekends effectively on my own when my friends weren't around but also how to do different stuff with different people to keep all the friends I had made until I knew which ones I naturally gelled with, and which one's I didn't want to keep so close.

I hope that helps, and I really do hope that she settles down soon. Uni will be the best time of her life if she just goes with it....fulfils her role as a student and doesn't try too hard on the social side. If she just does the things she enjoys it will be far more rewarding and there will be far more pleasant memories than if she did things to try and make more friends, even if she didn't really want to go out.

 

[Merylj]

Thanks again for the kind words and thankyou kkymmy its great to get your perspective - I hoped you would reply.
DD phoned this afternoon and sounded better and I hope now things are on the up - she had spent last night with a girl from her course watching Desperate Housewives.
I hope I can stop weeping now - I haven`t been able to hold a conversation with anyone today for fear of breaking down

 

[CustardTart]

It sounds like things might be improving for your daughter - you must be v relieved! It's awful when one of your kids is unhappy and you feel powerless - doesn't matter how old they are! Fingers crossed that it was just a blip...

 

[Girlsontour]

I have the opposite problem in that my daughter never even phones me!! She went back on Saturday, after a year off, and she hasn't phoned me....she seems to settle in too well. I am sure that once your daughter "finds her feet" everything will be fine(and then you will be sat by the phone waiting for a call )

 

[kkymmy]

also it sounds really strange but the turning point will be when she starts doing her laundry, and buying her own food/necessities it will get much easier. Because of being catered last year I'm still only now getting the hang of food shopping for myself (although i have a taste far too expensive for the student life...I spent £22 in marks and spencer today, and for the same money I could have shopped for a week at asda...I've got about 4 days worth of dinners, and only pudding for two days....woops!)

laundry was a big turning point for me, because my clothes really became mine...i wore them, i washed them, i dried them, i folded them, i put them away and i wore them again....a really small thing, but a big indicator of independence (note the lack of ironing, although I am not alone, 73% of students never use an iron whilst at uni....and i intend it to remain that way!!)

I know this is possibly the last thing you want to hear but I never felt fully accepted until a couple of weeks before Xmas when I got involved in student theatre, i felt i was finally accepted for who I was, I felt safe and secure with the people around me, and as well as me being interested in other people, they were interested in ME. I know it sounds self centred but in the first few weeks of uni you spend so much time asking other people about what they are doing and where they are from, that if you are the more talkative in the group you realise nobody asks you because you're so busy asking them. Alternatively, a lot of students dont find their voice until later on in the year...sometimes a shame, but sometimes thats confidence building inside and waitin for the right moment to come out.

If your daughter wants to talk or anything, i'd be happy to lend an ear...everyone needs a helping hand when they are getting started.